tagNonHumanSex in a Can

Sex in a Can


Miriam, whose friends usually called her Mimi, sighed while pushing her cart down the aisles of the grocery store. She could feel a headache starting to eek itself into the back of her skull from the buzzing of the fluorescent lights, and in the bottom of her stomach crouched that sick feeling which comes from realizing you've just spent way too much money on stuff which is only going to last you for another two weeks.

To combat this, she tried as hard as possible not to pay attention. There was a trick to it, though. While she was pushing the cart, she slumped forward and rested her arms on the cart's handle, steering it with her elbows. Her eyes remained unfocused and staring forward, paying attention to as little as possible while at the same time examining the signs on the aisles to see if she was near something she needed to pick up.

When she found something on her list, she would maneuver the cart closer to the shelves and, as much as she was able to, reach out and snag whatever she needed without slowing. Since she was moving at a little over a snail's pace, this wasn't very difficult, and allowed her to maintain a nice amount of distance between herself and the activity.

As she was coasting like this, she spied something tucked away at the bottom of the canned goods aisle which, frankly, didn't look like it belonged in the right place. It had a fairly plain label and a tab on top to open it with, and if it weren't for the actual words on the label she would have ignored it completely.


Blinking, she stopped the cart and bent down to see if that was actually what it said. She took a little thrill from the fact that she basically flashed the closed-circuit cameras when she did so, the short hem of her skirt riding up and revealing the tight curves of her ass, but she was more interested in the can.

"Sexual gratification guaranteed?" The slogan under the name was even more curious, and she turned the thing around in her hands to see if it was any more specific.

She found an ingredient list, printed in small, sideways lettering that was basically impossible to read. Unfortunately, it didn't tell her anything other than it was a synthetic product and contained a weird mix of chemicals, additives and dyes. The 'nutrition' information was equally unhelpful, telling her only that there were 500 calories in a can and that it contained no other vitamins or nutrients.

"Must be junk food." Mimi sighed and looked longingly down at the can. It had been a long time since she'd had anything between her legs but her own fingers, and while anything she could find in a can would obviously not be terribly satisfying, it did bring up longings she'd managed to mostly quell.

"Still..." The debate about whether to put it back or not was a hard one.

"I don't really need more junk food..."

"But I could use a pick-me-up."

Finally, sighing, she stuck it in the cart and went about the rest of her errands.

By the time she reached the register she'd completely forgotten about her impulse purchase, and blushed a deep red when the cashier swiped it. The girl, who couldn't have been more than twenty, giggled when she saw the label and popped it into one of the plastic bags.

"This is pretty new, but a lot of people have been saying it's great." The girl kept swiping items while she talked, her arms almost looking like they were completely separate from her mind. "Is it like... I don't know... pudding or something?"

"I wouldn't know." Mimi, getting a little less embarrassed, shrugged. "I've never seen it before."

"Well, you'll have to let me know how it is." The girl giggled again, for no apparent reason, and kept swiping. "Do you have a Club Card or Air Miles?"

"Both, thanks." Mimi, glad to be out of that particular conversation, gave the cashier a variety of plastic cards and let them be swiped as well.

"Thank-you for shopping with GroceMart, Miss Miriam. Have a nice day."

"You too."


Later that night, when the rest of the groceries were put away, and Mimi was alone in the dark in her pyjamas, she looked at the Sex in a Can again. She'd left it out on purpose, putting it on the counter so she wouldn't forget about it, but had debated ever since. It had been almost a week since she was last at the gym, and junk, or whatever, was probably not the best idea in the world.


Sighing, she walked through the dark kitchen to the cutlery drawer. She hadn't bothered turning on the lights, so the only illumination she had was the street light outside and the moon overhead. The street light bathed everything in a faintly orange glow, and it was plenty to see by in order to retrieve a spoon without cutting her fingers off.

With one last forlorn glance at a scale in the living room, Mimi popped the top of the can and went to discover what was in her mystery purchase.

"Oh, what the Hell?" Mimi's hopes were promptly dashed when there was, in fact, absolutely nothing in the can.

"Those bastards!" Grumbling to herself, she brought it over into the 'light' from the window to see if maybe there was just something small in the bottom. No luck.

"Fine!" With a curse, she threw the can at the counter and was rewarded with a metallic banging as it struck the ceramic tile. "I'll just got have a chocolate bar or something."

She couldn't help but feeling disappointed, though. She'd been really looking forward to something new, especially when it came highly rated by a stranger who had heard about it from different strangers, but no dice.

After tossing the spoon into the sink, she headed to her stash of chocolate bars in the attached living room. Her apartment was small, so she'd spent a lot of time trying to put them in a place where she would have to make the maximum effort to get at them, thereby (hopefully!) reducing the likelihood that she would eat them.

She almost made it to the stash when a strange sound came from the kitchen. It sounded, for all the world, like an empty can spinning on ceramic tile. Which was odd, because her Sex in a Can had stopped moving by the time she got around to disposing of the spoon.

"Don't tell me something else is wrong?" Sighing, Mimi pushed some stray hairs out of her face and headed back to the kitchen. Although she hadn't worked out in a while, the fact that she sometimes took care of herself still did come through. She had long, lean legs with the faintest hint of muscle while still maintaining a sensual, womanly shape.

Her ass, which she considered to be her best feature, was tight and pleasantly shaped, and she'd been told that it was just the right texture for groping. Her breasts, while not overly large, were still big for her size and usually well-emphasized by push-up bras and shirts with plentiful cleavage.

She normally wouldn't think about herself like that, except that she knew someone in the apartment complex next to hers had a telescope and liked to watch her, making her somewhat self-conscious about her image. Tonight she didn't really feel like having a voyeur looking in on her anger, so she pulled the drapes closed before going into the kitchen.

"So what is it?" A quick scan of the sink and appliances showed nothing wrong. "Is... geeze!"

The Sex in a Can, however, was going crazy. It was a spinning blur on the counter, making the noise she'd heard, and working on righting itself in the process.

"Is it supposed to do that?" She was about to go for the phone and call... someone, the police or maybe an exorcist, when the can stopped spinning and popped back into an upright position.

"What the...?"

Mimi took a few steps forward, then leaned over to see what was up. When her eyes were over the can she could, again, see nothing inside of it. Then, when she was about to look away, the can shook and what could only be described as a green... tentacle, or something popped out of the can.

"Woah shit!"

Its base was still rooted in the can, and it rose to a few inches before stopping and sort of... hovering there. It reminded her a little of a snake but, when she looked closer, a resemblance to something else entirely became clear. Mimi actually giggled a little bit, the very top of the thing was thicker than the rest of it, and it resembled... well, it resembled...

"It's a green cock." She couldn't stop laughing, although the whole circumstances were very weird. At her voice, the thing swiveled and seemed to... look at her. "Oh my... well, hello there." The tentacle bobbed a little in response to her greeting, then snaked forward almost tentatively.

Besides the questions of how that thing fit into the can, since it was as wide as the can and already about three feet long, there was also the question of exactly what it was doing.

What it was doing immediately was reaching out and touching her exposed midriff. Mimi laughed a little at the contact, though was surprised by how... well, almost nice it felt. The thing was a little warm, and there was a faint sheen of moisture on it that left the warmth lingering on her stomach when it pulled away.

Then it moved lower and touched the waist band of her pants. "What...?" Followed by it trying to slip inside the elastic. "Hey now!" Mimi laughed, while at the same time dancing backwards and playfully slapping at the tentacle. "Not on the first date." She couldn't decide whether this was amusing or frightening.

The tentacle wasn't amused, though, and its next attempt was faster, more insistent. It actually managed to slip what she thought of as its "head" inside her pants before she got away from it, making a little moue of disgust as she noticed it had gotten a bit of its slime on her clothing.

"Hey! I just watched these... umm..." Mimi stopped. When had she washed them? "... Recently." A lame finish, but she couldn't remember how long it had been.

While she was focused on the thing which was trying to get into her pants, she didn't notice that a smaller, thinner one without a head had poked a hole in the side of the can and also entered into the scene. She became more aware of it, though, when it lashed itself around her left arm and squeezed just enough to cause some pressure.

"Woah! Stop that!" Frowning, Mimi yanked backwards with her arm to try and dislodge it. To her surprise, it didn't budge... and neither did her arm. She actually felt her arm being dragged towards the can, completely contrary to all laws of physics, leverage and, frankly, common sense.

When it became clear that she wasn't going to be moving that arm any time soon, the first tentacle darted out again to try and get inside her pajama bottoms.

"Insistent little bugger." Her other hand was free, though, and she succeeded in fending it off, even if she couldn't escape it anymore.

This time, when another of the thin tentacles burst out of the other side of the can and went for her other arm, she was ready. It tried to lash itself around her bronzed upper arm, and she dodged out of the way, smiling in triumph. "Ha!" The one attached to her other arm gave a little jerk, though, and she cried out, twisting and grabbing the counter to try and maintain her balance.

The thin rope-like thing which had made the unsuccessful grab at her free arm was more successful this time, and Mimi felt herself lifted into the air just enough that her feet no longer touched the ground.

"Oh fuck..." Her legs kicked a little, trying to get purchase on the hardwood, but her bare toes met only air.

She had time, before the full severity of the situation struck her, to realize that the thinner tentacles were not like the bigger one. They were dry and felt a little like velvet against her arms. Immovable, constricting velvet, but velvet none-the-less. The other one had reminded her more of living flesh, and had of course been covered in that strange substance.

"Hey!" She shouted in protest as another two of the smaller ones grabbed the waist band of her pants and dragged them down, exposing her shaved pussy to the slightly chill air. "What the Hell do you think you're doing?" She tired to kick out at them, but the little ones moved out of the way and then darted out and succeeded in immobilizing her legs.

"Oh... I think I know where this is going." As she realized that her legs were now useless as well, a strange mixture of dread and anticipation came over her. On the one hand, this was exactly what the can had advertised. On the other hand...

"This is fucking weird."

The thick tentacle which she'd originally batted away rose up a little so she was face-to-green-cock with it, and she had a strange sense it was trying to communicate something. She didn't think that penises could look smug, but this one seemed to.

Of course, she didn't have much time to think about that before the tentacle moved downwards and slid across the smooth skin of her stomach. She shivered a little, unable to control the pleasure that she felt at its surprisingly human-like feel, and then gasped as she felt it slide along the outside of her pussy. It started off, strangely, by teasing her. It carefully avoided contact with her labia or clitoral hood, instead sliding in slow, sensual circles along her skin. It brought with it a warmth and a faint tingle of pleasure as it excited her flesh, bringing an intense heat to her pussy.

"Ohhhh... wow... you're good." She felt a little strange talking to this... whatever it was... but she couldn't help it. And it was good, as she felt her desire intensifying from a warm, strange feeling between her legs, to an insistent heat that brought moisture and need with it.

The thing wasn't ready yet, though. It slid along her inner thighs, causing her muscles to tremble in excitement, and then slid underneath her and between her ass cheeks. She shivered with delight as it parted her ass and rubbed against her, not penetrating, just bringing with it a rising need to be filled.

"Mmm... ya... do that." It seemed futile to be protesting at this point; any attempt at moving her arms brought a subtle, but firm enough, reminder that she wasn't going to be able to do that any time soon.

The tentacle curved itself while it massaged her ass, and she felt its slick shaft cover the aching mound of her pussy. She moaned outright when it did this, feeling her nether lips and clit excited by the warm, soft presence of the thing against her. The weirdness of the situation suddenly became lost in an almost animal need for some sort of release.

"Come on... come on.... Do it." She shivered, and the thing started to rub against her clit and ass in a slow rhythm, still not yet making any moves to penetrate her. It was as pleasurable as it was maddening, and she twisted her body with the building, un-fulfilled desire.

At some point, while the first tentacle maintained its frustratingly slow rubbing of her pussy, two more of the thin ones snaked out towards her. She managed to get a good look at them head on, and notice they had what looked like little... mouths, or something, on them before her camisole was hoisted up over her breasts. She gasped at the strangely intense feeling of cold air against her nipples and let her head fall back.

She had a moment to be amused at what she must look like, dangling a foot in the air with her shirt pulled up to the top of her chest and her pants around her ankles, right up until she felt two warm, insistent mouths on her nipples. "Ohhhh ya!"

This brought fresh waves of pleasure rippling through her body as the mouths started to suckle on her. She had half-expected them to be rough, but they were just as gentle as the first tentacle. They also had the un-human bonus of having no teeth, so all she felt was a warm, wet sucking on her nipples. While she normally preferred a bit more warming up to something like that, the desire that the thicker, wetter tentacle was filling her with was simply intensified by the feeling of her breasts being sucked on simultaneously.

"F... fuck! Fuck me!" Finally, she couldn't take it anymore, and her need burst out in a single, breathy shout. The neighbours could probably hear it, but they'd heard her during much louder sexual encounters before.

This seemed to be what the tentacle had been waiting for, because she felt the first tentacle withdraw. Then a firm, warm presence pressed up against her pussy lips. She had a small moment to wonder if she could accommodate something that was as thick as whatever this was, and then it finally penetrated her.

"God ya!" She moaned out loud again in pleasure as it filled her up and slid inside with the ease of an expert lover. It filled her all the way, only stopping when it bumped up tentatively against the end of her vaginal opening, and it brought with it the incredible feeling of being filled that she'd been missing all this time.

It stayed inside Mimi, motionless, for what seemed like forever. It was probably only a few moments, but she needed the release that this thing could bring, and she needed it now.

"Fuck me!"

And it complied, slowly at first, sliding out of her until its head almost popped free, then thrusting back in and filling her up again. It was big enough that she felt the tight knot of nerves that was her G-spot stimulated each time it slid past, causing her to shout breathlessly and wordlessly: "Ahh!"

She almost didn't notice when another of the smaller, mouth-like, tentacles came out and clamped itself onto her swollen clit. She did notice, though, when it started to suck and tease her very much like a pair of lips. The combined feel of being fucked by this thing, having it suck on her clit, and having it arouse her nipples caused her to shudder in sheer ecstasy, her body writhing and twisting with all of its limited mobility.

In fact, as the thing in her pussy increased its pace and began thrusting into her at a regular pace, she felt her first orgasm coming on strong. With all of the slow buildup to this moment, she was almost surprised when her climax arrived swiftly, taking her by surprise and wracking her body with convulsions of pleasure.

"Yaaaa!" The things pleasuring her didn't quit, though, instead they continued their ministrations, drawing out the orgasm until she felt like it lasted longer than any she'd had in her life.

Still they weren't done, though, as she slumped a little into the grip they had on her limbs. A lazy feeling of fulfillment surrounded her, but it became quickly replaced with rising pleasure as the thing in the can continued to fuck her.

"Hey, watch where you're going..." A small amount of concern penetrated the pleasure, though, as she saw another of the thick tentacles join its friend, but further back on her body. She knew there was already the slick lubricant of the first smeared all along her ass, but she had also been worried about whether it would fit in her pussy. She had long since stopped wondering where all these things were coming from.

The second large tentacle paid no attention to her warning, though, and instead pressed itself eagerly against the tight rosebud of her ass. Mimi moaned in pleasure as its warm bulk stimulated her, and felt herself relaxing and opening for it to enter.

"Be gentle..."

The thing complied, starting to work its tip in slow, lazy circles around the tight bud of her ass. She gasped with the feeling it brought, and felt herself slowly but surely relaxing even further and opening to its touch. When the tentacle finally entered her ass, pressing and opening her up, she sighed in desire.

While it didn't strictly feel pleasurable as it slid past her sphincter, it brought with it a kind of fullness that complimented perfectly with the rhythmic thrusting of the first tentacle. It went in fairly far, then started to thrust in and out of her ass as if it were fucking her there, too.

This new motion, along with all the rest, brought her quickly to her next climax. Easier this time, having already been primed by the previous pleasure, she actually screamed when it came. The tentacle in her ass popped out at the same time as her inner muscles convulsed and constricted around the one in her pussy, and the feeling of it coming out of her all in a rush was intense, building the climax into a powerful, all-consuming kind of wave.

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byHelenofTroy© 13 comments/ 140698 views/ 96 favorites

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