Sexual Magic

I have refrained from using the spell again, not only because our cats aren't kittens any more, and more than two cats might be a bit much, but also because I noticed some slight split personality issues in the days after the effect of the spell ended, and I fear that performing it too often might lead to some confusion about who and how many people I am.

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Donkey Delight

Another recipe marked for males only.

Ingredients: 30 grams of dry stems from Fadogia agrestis, 1 gram of purple foxglove, half a pint of donkey spunk, 10 dried leaves of Salvia divinorum, 10 raw oysters, 6 chicken eggs, one hardy and resistant stomach.

Boil the Fadogia, the foxglove and the salvia in half a pint of water for approximately fifteen minutes (it is advisable to open a window, but not too wide in case you feel the urge to fly). Take off the flame and leave it cooling for half an hour, then add the spunk, the oysters and the eggs, stir until it becomes one cohesive liquid. Gulp it down in twelve swigs, reciting the following line before each of them:

"Yah, ee ah, ne wa, ti da, dic ta, di da."

The taste and the consistency might prove to be a real challenge for your ability to keep it down. You might want to add a draught of water after the sixth swig at the latest otherwise your pronunciation becomes somewhat slimy and indistinct.

The effects:

Dawn has always been partial to oversized manly attributes, so the donkey association put this one next on our list. Indeed, after fifteen minutes of the intake, the impression that you had just sucked off the entire crew of an aircraft carrier subsides and you feel the reward in the form of an incredible growth. I reached roughly twice my normal length and girth, and I am not exactly small-changed by nature to begin with. Dawn was ecstatic about the result and wanted to try immediately, but I didn't feel like it. She tried all sorts of things to entice me, none of which had any effect.

Still, she is renowned for her ingenuity and eventually got me going after inserting a carrot into her minge, holding it under my nose thereafter, which got me worked up enough to fuck the shit out of her, first figuratively, then literally. The effect lasted only for four hours, two of which were spent trying to convince me, but Dawn claimed it was still worth her while.

The benefits:

Men modestly endowed by nature can fulfil desires their poor partners might have otherwise only dreamed of, or stealthily acquired elsewhere. Every four legged position is suitable and arousing. Your vocal range is enhanced with some rather intriguing animalistic extensions. You grin throughout the experience and up to five days after. Your partner will do that too.

The downsides and side-effects:

Obtaining some of the ingredients can be tricky. By a mere coincidence, we had discovered the correct way of acquiring the donkey seed on an earlier trip to Greece, where we had found several man engaged in that fine tradition in a small village. At the time we had assumed that those were village idiots rather, who mistook them for cows; with hindsight they were just initiates who followed a long tradition. The fact that the whole village was inhabited by men only seems to indicate though that this wasn't the only old Greek tradition they observed.

The stubbornness generated by the drink persists for several days. Your cock goes back to normal after four hours, unfortunately not your testes, so you need to sport wide attire for up to four days. I got a carrot fetish since that experience and get horny when people call me an ass. Your partner will have a rather unique gait for the following days and might ask you to do the donkey for the rest of your natural lives.

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Big Balloons

This recipe is for females only.

Ingredients: a cup of fresh cow milk from a cow whose calf has been born within the last three days, fresh dirt from a graveyard, dugout under a full moon at midnight -- the amount of the dirt required varies by the increase in size you want to achieve, three goat-tongues, a spoonful of very hot chilli powder, three tear drops of a crocodile, half a cup of elephant piss, a little bit of your own blood -- it needs to be very fresh, so better draw it only while performing the spell, the assistance of a man, preferably your lover.

Mix the dirt with the milk, so it becomes a thick mud. Then add the elephant piss and the crocodile tears. Undress. Apply the paste unto the area you want to modify. Decorate each of the mud-breasts with a cow tongue, and take the third one into your mouth, to cover your own tongue. Draw the blood (for example by pricking your finger with a needle), and use it to paint a small spot onto each of your mud-breasts, just where the nipple would be. Now you need the help of your lover: He has to give you three kisses, kissing the goat tongue rather than your own. Before each kiss you are to shout out:

"Boo -- Ah! Boo -- Ah! Boo -- Ah!"

And after each kiss you are to say the following spell:

"Katiratabaratiba Koribotarobitora. Kereterebereketerek."

Be careful that the goat tongue doesn't slip off your own tongue during this, and that your pronunciation is as clear as is possible under the circumstances. The effects of the spell last a whole night.

The effect:

Most men love breasts, and Keith is no exception there. More so, he is partial to the large variety, probably because they remind him of the pictures in those magazines he used to read as a young man, when he was still shy and lonely, daydreaming to those pictures of the joys that would await him once he managed to overcame his fear of even speaking to a woman. Since I am only equipped with average size breasts at best (though they are, both in mine and in Keith's opinion perfectly shaped and very desirable), my husband had been suggesting for me to try this spell for a long time. For months, I resisted this idea; I thought using magic to alter my body was under my dignity. Finally, though, I caved in and agreed to give this spell a try. As you can imagine, the assistant was the easiest ingredient to find. Even the thought of kissing a goat's tongue didn't put Keith off the excitement about the improvement on my body he was hoping for.

I let Keith decide exactly how much of the mud he wanted to use on me, and he wanted to use a lot. Drawing my own blood wasn't easy, I am a bit squeamish when it comes to that, but putting the goat tongue into my mouth was worse. We had bought the freshest tongues we could get, yet I kept imagining it had a somewhat putrid smell and foul taste. The things we do to do our loved ones a favour ...

After a few moments I started feeling a strange tickling in my breasts. Then they grew, pushing the mud off them, it fell to the ground, together with the goat tongues. I spit out the tongue from my mouth, glad to be rid of that. Keith examined my new breasts, and started fondling them maybe more than was necessary, but of course I had no objection to this. Under his hands, however they kept growing. Soon they had reached the desired size, but that didn't seem to deter them from growing some more, until they were as big as anything he ever found in any magazine. Hoping my breasts would have reached their full size now, Keith took one of my nipples into his mouth. I closed my eyes while he sucked on it, and when I opened them again, to my shock I couldn't see Keith any more: My breasts had reached the size of watermelons, and Keith's head was completely hidden behind them.

At this moment he also realized something was wrong, and stopped his attention to my nipples. Instead, he stepped away and watched first in amazement, then in shock, how my breasts kept growing, soon reaching the size of car tires, then of truck tires, and finally they were as big as a tractor's tire. As they kept growing, Keith fled to a corner of the room, but our bedroom isn't very big, so he was pushed into this corner by my breasts, while my own body, attached like just a small appendix to my growing boobs, was pushed into the other corner of the room. In his attempts to somehow stay in a place where he wouldn't be crushed to death, Keith ended up wriggling in between my breasts, his head looking out from somewhere in between them. Though he looked thoroughly scared, I could feel that this situation also aroused him. However, I don't think this was the kind of tit fuck he had had in mind.

We were lucky our bedroom was the size it was -- because had it been any smaller, both of us would be history. As it was, my breasts stopped growing just before they filled out the whole room. As we stared at each other in amazement and shock, I suddenly remembered -- the effects of the spell were supposed to last a whole night. We were stuck here for a while.

The benefits:

I don't think we had such a long conversation in years. Crushed into the wall by my own breasts' weight, I was much too uncomfortable to sleep. And while Keith was in a softer place, he was too scared they might resume growing, and didn't dare to go to sleep. Sex wasn't really possible either. So we talked all night, about our past, our ideas for the future, our dreams and hopes. I could tell Keith the things I always wanted to tell him -- and he didn't have a chance to get away.

Also, once the effect of the spell had worn off and my breasts had returned to their normal size, Keith seemed to appreciate them more than he ever had done. When I suggested we try the spell again with a much smaller amount of dirt (I had come to the conclusion that they hadn't meant to use as much mud as you wanted your breast size to increase, but maybe a percent of that amount), he vehemently refused to be of any assistance, and threatened to leave should he ever find that I was buying goat tongues or other suspicious ingredients. It became obvious soon, that he had lost his taste for big breasts: A few days later when I took out the garbage, I found a pile of magazines in there, which I knew he had been hiding under his bed -- he had thrown out all those that emphasized ladies with big chests. Whenever asked, Keith now eagerly points out that a handful is just the perfect size ...

The downsides and side-effects:

As you can imagine, growing breasts the size of a small room can't be comfortable. It wasn't as painful as some of you might imagine, and even my stretched skin managed to recover after a few days -- but until it did, taking off my bra was pure horror. Also, I couldn't get the taste of goat out of my mouth for at least a week.

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The wild boar

This recipe is marked for males and hermaphrodites only.

Ingredients: 3 fresh datura fruits, halved, 3 grams of ground boar fangs, 6 cloves of garlic, crushed, 1 pint of mead, 3 teaspoons of wild honey, 20 pig bristles (boar or domestic), 1 speech of a local politician (of the party you least fancy) written on edible paper, 1 pig's tail (boar or domestic).

Boil the datura fruits and boar fangs in the mead for approximately forty minutes, add the honey, the pig's tail and the garlic and let it simmer for another half hour. Strain thoroughly; the resulting drink should be less than a quarter pint of liquid.

Light a candle, read the politician's speech aloud before eating it (try not to puke), then burn the bristles one by one, reciting:

"Oink ti boink, yeeha loink, trip trap voing."

Down the drink in one sip, then place your head between your legs and ignore the feeling that you are going to die, it is most likely not true -- it will pass after approximately half an hour.

The effects:

I sensed that Dawn was getting more and more partial to wild rides, so the wild boar seemed like an interesting enough diversion to try out. After half an hour of rather disturbing hallucinations I felt the urge to leave our house, as it was unbearable to be trapped in our pig sty. Dawn had a hard time following me, as I galloped into the woods, apparently cheered on first by neighbours, then other locals who found my streaking on all fours endearing.

Dawn eventually caught up with me, when I wallowed in some muddy puddle deep inside the forest. I liked her scent, which apparently wasn't mutual (darn garlic) but since noticing my spectacular horniness, she overcame that olfactory nightmare and took her clothes off as well. Now it is time to mention that the choice of pig's tail does have an impact on the shape of your dick -- as we had chosen domestic I found myself ring-tailed so to speak, which apparently triggered some interesting sensations for Dawn, that even offset my constant need to call her "my little piggy" and "my little fuck sow".

We had rather muddy sex for about three hours, before I stopped bristling and whistling.

The benefits:

You feel very connected with nature and have the stamina of a wild boar. Since your dick might look a little like a corkscrew, the phrase screwing takes on an entirely new meaning for you.

The downsides and side-effects:

It is advisable to perform this outdoors, if you don't want to find yourself on the front page of your newspaper the next day. However, this might countermand the long lasting effect of feeling the urge to really wallow in filth and become a politician. If you succumb, try to resist opening your speeches with oinking, the opposition will be all over it. You might feel like a cannibal when eating pork chops, which is even more disconcerting, since it is a great feeling.

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Payback time

This recipe was marked for one person of each gender together.

Ingredients: The semen of three men, collected on their birthdays -- one on the 18th, one on the 38th, and one on the 58th, the vaginal fluids of two sisters, collected the same night, three daisies, seven spider eggs, a cup of orange juice, fifteen hairs from a white rabbit's tail, a drop of blood drawn out of the lower back of a virgin (male or female) by a cactus that said virgin sat down on by mistake.

Let the daisies soak in the orange juice for at least an hour, before adding the blood and the spider eggs (which you should crush first). Put it on the oven and let the juice boil for a minute before adding the rabbit hair. Separate into two different cups, and add the semen into the cup for the woman, the vaginal fluids into the cup for the man. Dip your fingers into the juice, and smear a bit of it on your forehead, on your lips, on your chest, on your genitals, and on your toes, reciting each time the following words:

"Mayasamakamasa. Kra kra kra."

After that, drink the rest, and try not to choke on the rabbit hair.

The effect:

Believe it or not, but the daisies were the most difficult of the ingredients to find, as we had decided to try this spell in the middle of winter. Some of the other ingredients on the other hand were fun to collect, and while I had an advantage over the old days, when the spell was written, by simply having the guys use condoms, and then keeping them, I will never know how Keith actually managed to collect the vaginal fluids in a small tube, without freaking out the two girls. Placing a very thorny cactus at a convenient location near the local swimming pool and waiting for the slippery ground to do its thing was quite amusing too ...

We hadn't been sure what exactly this spell would do, so we were quite curious about the results, after all it was the first spell that was for both of us. When we performed it, I did indeed almost choke on a rabbit hair. When I calmed down from my coughing fit and looked up, I looked -- at myself. For a moment I thought we had confused the potions, and I had once again become two people. But then I realized that I was only experiencing what I saw, I had stayed one person. Also, Keith was nowhere to be seen. And thirdly, I started feeling a strange itch in my groin, and a strong urge to scratch ... my balls? Yes, sure enough, I had not only a cock complete with ball sack dangling between my legs, but my whole body had grown bigger, more muscular, and definitely more hairy.

On closer look, Keith, standing opposite me, didn't look exactly as I did. He had become a woman, and a woman who on first look would be called similar to me, but something of his normal looks had remained. It was marginal, probably only someone who knew him and me as well as I or he did, would notice it, anyone else would think he was me and I was him. But for me, this was enough to not go into a complete identity crisis.

The benefits:

Honestly, who hasn't at some point of their life wished they could be of the other sex for just a few hours, just to learn how they experience sex. And as soon as this thought crossed my mind, I had my first chance to get an idea ... The word "sex" amplified and echoed through my brain, and I could feel an immediate reaction in my new-grown dick. It had awoken from its sleep. For a test, I let another word travel through my mind: "boobs". Not only did I feel the reaction once again, my trousers starting to feel too tight, but I suddenly realized that my eyes had been faster than my thoughts this time. They had removed their gaze from Keith's face as soon as I had made sure it was him, and had travelled down on their own accord, staying glued now to his -- or her, rather -- boobs.

I think we learned quite a bit that day, about how the other's body functions, and how the things we do to each other feel. Interestingly, for example, Keith has stopped treating my nipples like radio buttons ever since we performed that spell. And I can finally fully appreciate just why it is so bad when my teeth scrape his dick during a blow job.

The downsides and side-effects:

It took us quite a while, to work out how everything functions. We were both curious about what sex would feel like, but the logistics of what to put in where are complicated, when you suddenly find yourself in the opposite role of the one you are used to. And considering of how long it took to start, we were finished very quickly -- apparently I had to learn how to control certain things. Well, the spell lasted long enough to give it several tries. Actually, it lasted long enough for each of us to have to go to the other's work the next day. This brought about not only confusion at the workplace, but also my discovery of just how good looking the secretary at Keith's workplace is, and to him finding out that several of my male colleagues enjoy flirting with me at any opportunity.

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The most beautiful

This recipe was marked for women only.

Ingredients: fifteen warts of a female toad, the bigger and uglier the toad, the better, three feathers of a young swan, half a cup of the slime from seven slugs, a nose-hair of a star-nose mole, three drops of saliva from a gorilla, five crocodile tears, one cactus spike, three dust bunnies, soaked in water overnight.

Crush the warts into a thick paste, and then add the gorilla's saliva and the crocodile tears. Warm all this in a spoon over the flame of a candle until it starts bubbling, and mix it into the slug slime. Cut the feathers and the nose hair into small pieces, and add this to the mixture. Now stir it seven times clockwise and thirteen times counter clockwise, using the cactus spine to stir. Add the soaked dust bunnies, put the whole mixture onto a low flame, and stir once again, this time going once clockwise and twice counter clockwise repeatedly, until the mixture turns into a kind of thick stew. When drinking the potion, be careful not to throw up, as the result tastes rather like the socks of a marathon runner might taste. After you have finished the potion, recite three times the following words: