Shade's Destiny Ch. 03

"I hate having to sneak around with you like this Destiny. I hate you being with Shade too. She doesn't give a shit about you." Oh my god! She looked at me, her red-rimmed eyes blazing. "I ... I've thought about leaving, no, divorcing Matt and being ... us, together, a couple." She pulled me to her, her kiss filled with emotion and passion. I honest to god couldn't believe what I'd heard! That was crazy talk. We were creeping toward late October. There was still a long ways to go in my year. This was all too new, way too soon. And I loved her for saying it. It put us both at risk to do so. We made love one more sweet, soft, erotic, passionate time. As we panted in the afterglow I gasped out how silly and how wonderful she was. Her arms held me fiercely, tightly close. It was completely idiotic and I wondered how (if?) we could make it happen.

It was too risky to have her drop me off at the condo. I insisted on taking a cab. I was absolutely exhausted on the ride. Kim's stony glare greeted me when I walked into the condo. I wasn't up for a confrontation or interrogation; I headed to the bedroom, stripped off the costume, and headed to the shower. I soaked in the intentionally blistering heat, letting it soothe my weary self. I actually sat on the tile floor and wondered what Kim's gaze meant. Did she know? Suspect?

The bigger question I'd yet to address: Have I really become what Shade told me I was? Did my anticipation of her being out of town, being with Stacy, being with Libby, give away more of who I was becoming? Had become? Could it be that Boss's Day, giving Shade what her employees screamed for, was the nail in my 'straight' coffin? There was no getting around the fact that her birthday celebration was something the old me would never have done, let alone think possible. Not only had I, but I liked it. Okay, yes, I loved it. Did the doing mean I was? It felt odd even asking. I read an article some time ago about alcoholism. Devotees of A.A. are wont to say, "If you have to ask if are, you are." That phrase had been running through my mind a lot.

"I'm gay." "I'm a lesbian." "Shade, your Destiny is a lesbian." "Destiny, are you gay?" "I'd like you to meet (insert name) my lover." Well, I didn't throw up. I stuttered on the "Destiny, are you gay?" question. Saying, "I'm slut, Boss's lesbian in training?" Old hat, sorta. Good god; I thought about my Libby and tomorrow. Just saying her name brought me to flood stage. On the floor, in the shower, as exhausted as I was, I needed two blistering orgasms to put the fire out. "I'm a lesbian." That didn't hurt one little bit. But I did cry. A lot. I fell asleep, the pillow case soaked with my tears.

I woke up Friday to a warm body next to mine, an arm curled around my tummy. I smiled. It was nice to feel Shade's slender form next to mine, especially after the vivid dreams I'd had. Wait!! No, Shade's out of town! Kim?

I felt the shift as she moved, then her warm breath in my ear. "Morning slut. I waited until I figured you were asleep then slipped in beside you." She kissed my neck as her hand moved to my breast. "I see you walk around every day. You don't mind being naked anymore." That was true. "You're so beautiful. Your body is so full, curvy. You're a woman. I feel like a little girl compared to you." This is nuts! "My sister's always had all the fun. I get a scrap thrown my way now and then. You only have eyes for Shade." Her hand teased a nipple as she whispered. "I told you she loves you. She does! Has she told you yet?" I wanted to throw up. "No, of course she hasn't. And you don't dare tell her first, right?" She had slipped her hand between my legs, which were clamped tighter than anything Fort Knox could dream of. "You don't want me slut? I loved when both of you took me that night!"

I bolted from the bed. "Listen, this can't happen! I don't know if I love your sister. But she wouldn't be happy to know you want to share me with her and you know it!! That's the only reason you're here, Kim. Shade being out of town gave you the chance to do ... this!" I gestured wildly with my arms. "Go get my clothes. I'll wait till you bring them before taking my shower. I'll take a cab to work." After that last I stood with my arms folded and glared.

Shock and surprise had registered on Kim's face and eyes as I said what I had. Her jaw set in anger, she slid from the bed, crossed to the door and returned a minute later with my 'ensemble' for the day. When she'd thrown them on the floor she turned to leave. I grabbed her arm, spun her around, and hissed, "You want to risk your relationship with your sister?" Her eyes widened. "Well do you? You keep your mouth shut and so will I." Oh yeah, it was a game breaker! I could see it in her eyes. Without saying much I'd spoken volumes.

"Mexican standoff huh? Okay slut. Deal." She just couldn't resist one last try. "Now that we've agreed on the treaty you want a taste of my peace pipe?" Okay, the wording of the question was clever. But I slapped her, hard, across the face. Bad enough I was beholden to one sister. I would not be to the other! Shock, anger, surprise, and hatred -- they all were clearly visible.

"I'm not a piece of property to be bartered or sold. I made a mistake; I'm paying the price. Do you have any idea what it's like to be me? To get turned, humiliated, toyed with, forced to service my co-workers?" My voice rose to a low scream as I went on. "I'm here, a hostage, with my extortionist and her baby sister!" I spat out the last two words with as much venom and contempt I could muster. Her eyes widened then went to slits with anger. "You tell me Shade loves me? Let her tell me if she can! She's done what she set out to do." I said the words before I could take them back. "I'm a lesbian." My hand flew to my mouth; Kim's eyes widened in surprise. My legs gave way; I slumped, hard, to the floor.

We stared at each other, both shocked to hear the words I'd just uttered. I felt my eyes fill. "Here's the tough part I have to deal with, Kim." I shook my head, partly at what I just said and partly for what flitted through my mind and I knew I had to say. "Can I love someone who's put me through hell? Be in love with? Oh shit, I don't even know how to say it!! 'I love you Shade?' I don't know if I can say that and mean it." I shook my head. But there was a place inside me ... it felt ... could it be? Could it feel right to say that? I'd said it out loud. 'I'm a lesbian.' Could I say it to Shade, to others?

I thought of Monday; how easy and right it felt. I thought of yesterday with Stacy. God she's so fabulous. I couldn't imagine not being with her. And later today with my Libby? Yeah, my BFF, my Libby, my gay Libby. My gay Libby and her gay Destiny? Oh what a twisted web we weave ... but who am I deceiving? Am I kidding myself? 'Hi, I'm Destiny. It's a pleasure to meet you. This is my girlfriend Stacy/Shade/Libby.' Oh my god!! What a mess.

I was so deep in my own thoughts I hadn't registered Kim moving just in front of me on her knees. She leaned up, kissed me, and said, "I won't say anything. You do what you need to. Figure it out. I won't say anything. Shade needs to figure out how to do what she wants to on her own." Wants to? "You, obviously, have your own stuff to deal with." She kissed me again; it lingered ... I let it. It was nice actually. "Do you want a ride home?"

Libby!! "I think I'll be late; there are bookkeeping things to tend to as the month inches toward a close." I smiled. "I'm sure I'll be home for dinner if you'll be here." She shrugged. "If not, I'll figure it out." With a sigh, she stood, offered her hand. Taking it, I stood and headed to the shower. I slumped against the wall. Drama! My god, my life was full of it. I ended my marriage ... no, no ... no! Stacy? Libby? Shade? It certainly wasn't a carnival game! Four hearts, three women, each meant something to me. How had I gone from Kokomo to this? His alcohol-fueled burst of rage? My decision to leave? That me was certain that I'd been right about what I'd done.

I dressed; I was ravenously hungry after missing dinner. I asked Kim to stop on the way to work; I got coffee and a bagel with cream cheese at a Dunkin Donuts. We kissed goodbye in the garage; I smiled. You already know how the day went.

At lunch with Stacy, I had to fend off questions about what we'd talked of yesterday. "Stacy, you know how I feel about you. You have a great guy and two kids." I shook my head. "Please don't do something impetuous here. There's too much at stake." It came in a flash! "Besides, you may want to wait until he makes partner; the alimony and child support count, regardless of ..." I shrugged at the obvious finish to the sentence.

She surprised me with her response. "Is that it? It is about money?"

I shrank at the anger in her voice. "Please tell me you're not serious!! You have to know that's not what I meant!"

My beautiful grey eyes flashed as she spat, "What I know is what I heard you say."

My eyes teared. I shook my head in frustration. "Stacy, she's won. I'm a lesbian." It was her turn to gasp. My smile, such as it was, must have been goofy. I shrugged. "I need to figure out how to live my life as someone I never knew I could be." I could hardly believe I'd said the words to a woman I thought of as my best friend. "Can you give me a little breathing room to get myself figured out? You need some time to figure out your own stuff before ... whatever you decide to do." My god I wanted to lean across the table and kiss her!! Desperately needed her arms around me, to feel that sweet body pressed to mine, each of our pieces parts together, needing, wanting!

Shrug. I'm a lesbian. And I'll prove it again later with my Libby. My fabulous Libby!! God I couldn't wait. Destiny, you really are a slut. No I'm just messed up; way beyond messed up. Stacy is sitting across from me and I am thinking about Libby. Stacy, who wanted to leave her family and be with me. Me? Me!! Really? Are you nuts honey?

We walked back to the office; the rest of the afternoon was a blur. You've already been told it was busy. And it was more than work-related busy. It took some doing to make myself presentable before I left so meet Libby. As I always did, I took a cab, then another, walked a block or two, ducking in and out of buildings, and another cab to where we would meet. I fell into her arms when the door closed behind me. She hated my outfits but understood. She was her usual elegant self. I marveled that she, knowing how we'd connected, still wanted to be with me. But the doubts continued to be swept away by our passion. She was endlessly intrigued by me, seemed intent on finding out everything I knew and what I might not have experienced.

The first lovemaking was extravagant, erotic, intensely intimate and wildly passionate. Oh my god!! She let me lead this time; watching her as she screamed into the starburst of pleasure was beyond fabulous. She cried out, bucked off the mattress, ground her sex to my face, her legs behind my neck. I'm a lesbian. My face, captured in her locked legs, buried in her pussy. Whatever she'd done to keep fit paid off. It was all I could do to keep up. I was the one giving; she wore me out with the fury of her receiving. Any other questions?

Libby's taking spun me into and through a whirlwind of pleasure. I'm not saying there weren't times like these with him. God help me, the times I'd felt like I did with my Libby, that Friday? If I am a lesbian ... oh lord, she wants more of me.

Libby scared me with her whispers in my ear the last time we loved each other that Friday. Talk of things I didn't know of or want to experience. Pain? Dominance? I knew what the words meant but not in the context of one loving another. Restraint? I was familiar with it in the realm of my experiences. Something in her tone was chilling, unsettling. I let it go ... but it lingered after we'd kissed and said our tearful goodbyes.

Kim wasn't home when I got there. I showered and put on Shade's robe. Alone? Why not? Hungry, I rummaged through leftovers and found enough to satisfy me. I poured wine and sat on the couch, the television on but not enough to capture my attention. You can probably guess how my mind twisted and turned all night. It wasn't much fun; that I can tell you. Every time I said 'I'm a lesbian' it sounded more right and, to use the wine analogy, went down easier. Sorry!

The October Saturday was brisk, windy, sunny and gorgeous. I crossed under the tunnel and walked near the beach in a hoodie and shades. Hysterical! Spell check doesn't know what a hoodie is? Ah well, it was a grand day regardless. The beaches may be closed but it didn't deter the skaters, bikers, lovers, and me from taking in the sights.

Wondering how I'm dressed? Good thinkin'! As the months passed some things changed, my wardrobe among them. To clarify, my non-work wardrobe changed. I didn't doubt that there were things that Shade hadn't spoken of or shared with me, let alone have me attend with her. But, as she'd been my (nearly) constant companion for so long I never really gave much thought to what I'd 'been missing.'

Saturday night? Kim was gone. Alone, you can probably guess where my thoughts ran. Yes I had a key. That dress? Uh huh. Stacy hold me she had plans. I could call Libby; I hesitated for some reason. I settled for ordering a pizza.

In Shade's robe, I paid, sat on the couch and enjoyed every decadent, hip swelling bite. Having gorged on pizza and over done the wine I reached for a pillow on the couch as I watched something meaningless on the television. Soft lips on mine woke me. Through the liquor and sleep induced fog I blinked several times. Shade? Really?

"I missed you. I was bored so I left. They had all the numbers they needed. Tomorrow was bullshit. I hurried home to be with you ... Destiny." She said it softly. I felt myself about to cry; her mouth, insistent and soft, spoke to why she'd left. Having moved to the bedroom, still dressed, she closed the drapes. The robe gone, I lay in bed waiting for her. The smile curled on her face as she turned to me. The strip tease was slow, seductive and I found my mouth dry, my arms extended, and my pussy seeping. She slithered in to wrap her slender self with and into me. What little light was in the room would have captured us as lovers loving. Joyous, intimate, knowing, passionate, giving, taking, everything lovers do as each love as one. Shade, your Destiny loves you! That was my last thought Saturday night before sleep crept in to take hold of us.

Sunday began much as Friday; this time, it was Shade spooning me, her arm around my waist. I smiled, remembering the wonderful surprise and the romantic night that followed. I lay quietly as I felt her warm breath on my back. It was something of a surprise to hear her ask softly, "Are you awake Destiny?"

What had changed, I wondered. I nodded, saying, "Yup, I was listening to you breathe as you slept."

Her body shook, laughter in her voice as she whispered, "I've been awake for more than an hour. I didn't want to rouse you. You were so soundly asleep. But now," she said as she pulled me to my back, "I can do what I've been thinking about," and kissed my nose, "while I've waited for you." She'd pushed herself up as she spoke, climbed on top of me, and nudged my legs apart with hers. Oh? I brought her face to mine, lifted my feet, opened myself to her, and kissed her.

She wasted no time; she must have been thinking of this. I'll let your minds take care of the rest of the mental image. When we loved like this, the difference in height meant one part of us moved together; her breasts, small and gorgeous, never really 'fit' with mine. Thankfully! Easier when I was on top to bend and love them, it was a struggle for her to do the same. It won't come as a surprise we'd long ago figured that out. The pillows under my head and upper back also made it easier for me to reach her beauties.

Besides, the height difference didn't matter for, um, very long! Wink!

After, as she lay astride me (at my insistence), I told her I wanted to know the hows and whys of her decision to come home early. She whined; I spanked her ass lightly. Startled for a moment, she snickered, and said, "Well now, someone has a lot of nerve!"

I flipped her (easily) to her back, her eyes wide with surprise, and said, "That someone wants to fuck you." Her eyes got impossibly bigger; she stared at me open mouthed.

"Really?" Her voice registered shock that was off the chart. Most only go to ten. This one went to eleven. (There ya go Spinal Tap fans!)

"Yeah. No reason the gander shouldn't get a taste, even if the gander wears the goose's collar" I don't know if it was my silly humor, the fabulous pheromones, or what, but she slid out from under me, went to her closet (yes, I had to close my eyes) and came back with the harness. She had to put it on me. I had no clue; I'd only been the receiver. She got a little pissy when I insisted she get the plastic invader ready for my plundering. But she put on a show as she bobbed, noisily, her eyes on mine the whole time. It was goddamn hot! I actually picked her up and threw her on her back (no, I have no idea how) and crawled between her legs.

I growled, "Put your hands on your taker and guide it to your cunt." Her eyes were a mixture of confusion and raw lust as she heard my words, saw my eyes, and did what I, her slut, commanded. Never in my days on this spinning planet had I ever done anything like this. I was filled with adrenaline, wild with passion, and desperate to pleasure her. I whispered some combination of those words as I moved my hips forward; she lifted to meet me, her eyes impossibly wide yet again, already panting in anticipation and need. She surprised both of us when she screamed, bucked, and clawed my back as it took her over. I held myself deep inside her, withdrawing inch by tantalizing inch. She begged me not to and cried out in ecstasy when I thrust back hard and deep. She rode it out, I dragged it out. Her eyes were glazed and unfocused; she was speaking in her native tongue. I watched her in awe. Her body moved as if I wasn't there, she was hearing and feeling things I couldn't see or feel.

I quickened the pace; she immediately screeched as another took hold. Her legs wrapped around me, I kissed her. The moan, deep in her throat, was raw and low. I bit her lip, she eeked in surprise. She reached for my breasts. I took her hands in one of mine and held them over her head. I heard the growl of anger, kissed her again, and sped up the pace of my taking. She moaned yet again, her body surrendering to my advances. When I took her hard nipple in my fingers and tweaked it, she flew into yet another.

The advantage of being on top and weighing more than she did were what kept me astride her and she bucked, writhed and jerked with abandon in the wanton display of her pleasure. I never tried, never thought, never let my pleasure even enter my head. I was so engrossed in what Shade was giving me I only wanted to draw out whatever she had left to give.

I breathed in her ear as she lay, panting, after the last of it had left, "Don't move these;" my hand tightened around hers. She was incapable of anything other than the slightest nod. I smiled and whispered, "Thank you lover." I felt the smile. I was going to try to see if she had one more left in her. I didn't want her to be in pain; I didn't know if she still had enough natural moisture to continue. I would pay close attention. Yes, we'd been intimate dozens of times in our months together but, most assuredly, not like this! I lifted both hands to hers, fingers laced together, held high over her head. I dragged my nails softly from her fingers to her palms, down the inside of her forearms, past her elbows, the soft skin of her triceps, lapped at her armpit as nails scraped the other, kissed her neck and throat as nails skimmed her goose pimpled flesh, both from my nails and the cooling dew. All this as I fucked her at a slow but steadily increasing pace.