Shame Ch. 03

Hmm...Some of y'all are cold blooded like Rick James. It's cool. Sometimes story's will not always be happy that's life. Sometimes they are train wrecks we, as readers, can't look away from. I remember reading a story where I didn't morally agree with the character's actions. At times I hated her, but I never forgot that story. Not to say that this is some great work, I don't think I'm near that. I am just saying, to me, if something I created can incite so much emotion from someone...I take it as a compliment ; ). Its fiction and this is Literotica sometimes things get dirty. This could be a cautionary tale or just the side of the other woman whatever it is. It is what it is. As always I hope you enjoy, Feedback is always appreciated, thanks guys :D

~Lana~

*****

At least, I could say I gave it a try. At least, I didn't go running to him. I changed my routine, I went to work out in the morning. I didn' t see Ignacio in the flesh for a whole week and a half. In my mind, I was spinning out of control. I could pacify myself and say things that I did were mere coincidence. Like my stopping by Pappasitos after work. My position at the bar facing the door, so what if I looked up every time someone walked in. Did that mean I was searching?

The next day I stopped by the gym because I left my bag in the locker that morning. Did I do it on purpose, could I have waited? I mean it is against the rules to leave things. I need it...the bag is what I need. I walked in and had my card scanned. My eyes met his immediately. I felt him follow me until I was out of sight. Even so, I was true to my word, I didn't say a thing to him. I was hoping that just seeing his face outside my dreams would be enough.

My heart sped up when I left. I practically ran to my car. I drove away looking in my rear view. I saw him at the door. He had come after me. What was I playing at?

It took everything I had not to turn around. I felt weak, like I had no self-control. I didn't want to say my dreams and thoughts were driving me to search for him. That my perfect setup wasn't enough for me. That I craved what I had gotten in the restroom, almost a month ago. I wanted to cry and shake all over. My throat felt dry like I was in danger of having a panic attack thinking of the situation. Earlier, that day I locked my office and brought myself to a climax to relieve the pressure I was feeling. That is why I went to the gym and Pappasito's. What had he done to me against that wall? It was like a seed had been planted that night, it was spreading over me like weeds.

On the outside, it seemed great, James and I were getting along ok. I could see that if I wanted, we could live together; fit our lives in his home. He stood behind me in the mirror as I got ready to go to his firm's Christmas party.

I put in sapphires to offset the beaded indigo strapless cocktail dress I had on. I paired it with thick black stockings because it was freezing outside. It didn't take away from the look my curves showed outrageous but a touch of class. Simple black suede round toe pumps was enough to complete the outfit. They dress was doing it on its own. My hair was swept up a couple of strains loose for effect. As I bent over to apply eyeliner, I felt James press against me.

"You look beautiful T. I will be this luckiest man at the party. I can't wait to show you off." He bent down to kiss my neck, and I smiled a genuine smile." He wore a black tuxedo and bow tie. It was classic and tailored to fit his tall frame. I turned to help clasp his sleek Movado watch. It was simple and elegant. We looked like we belonged on the cover of Essence.

"Thanks baby, but if you keep up, we won't make it and I won't be able to show off this dress." I gave him a peck on the lips before I applied lipstick. It was the first time I would be meeting most of the people James worked with.

I had been to a few dinners, and a cook out. Those were mainly with his boss and another partner he was close with. A lot of other things clashed with my job. This year I was the manager of HR. I could choose the date of my company party. I could make both this year. Everything was falling into place.

We made our way downtown. The shops and offices twinkled from the glitter and tinsel in their Christmas décor As cold as it was, I saw party girls huddled in club lines with their skimpy dresses. I had to laugh, not that long ago it would have been me. James's office always did it up, I was glad I would get to enjoy. They rented out this old club on Main St. called Isis. I remembered going a couple of years ago. We walked through the curtains as we entered the main area. I need never seen the place as well lit as it was. It was built inside an old theater. Fabrics lined the walls. The stair case that went up to the balcony looked like a prop from Shakespeare. The edges of every balcony and molding were lined with soft lights. It felt magical. There were tables around the edge while the floor was left empty for dancing. There were also tables on the balcony level.

We mingled. I shook a lot of hands. I ignored a lot of stares to my cleavage. I can't count the number of times I heard what a nice handsome couple we were. There was open-bar, but I was only sipping champagne. These were people James worked with. I couldn't walk around like a lush. We danced to a couple of songs, kind of showing out. James brought me my second flute of champagne, then excused himself to go talk to one of the partners. I was happy to collapse at a table by myself and cool off. I felt like I had been on my feet for hours.

That's when I felt it. I probably had felt it all night but didn't want to admit it. I started to breathe fast, there was no way this was happening. No way, my dreams and nightmares would come true this night. I felt on fire again. I slowly raised my eyes to the balcony. There he was looking like he was thirsty, and I was ice-cold water. I swallowed. My throat was dry again. I searched for a server to bring me another champagne. It took me a minute to adjust from his burning gaze. I almost covered myself; He was looking at me like I had no clothes on.

Someone touched his shoulder. He pulled his gaze from mine. I followed it, and that is when I saw her. She was beautiful. Her skin was honey brown it almost looked like it glowed. She was wearing a red strapless dress I could tell it was long from where I was. Classy. Her sandy brown hair was down to her shoulders it looked thick and beautiful. She looked down to see who her husband was looking at. Her hazel eyes were sharp. They found me, then went to my side. She smiled and waved. I was a little taken aback until I saw James had joined me. He waved back, and I hurried to smile.

"Baby how do you know them?" I had to ask. It can't get any worse than the guy I cheated with worked with James. Was fate this twisted? Didn't life have enough drama?

"The Mancini's? Carlo Mancini is Executive VP of Center Point here in the city. My firm just took them on as a client. He came by the office with his wife, Patricia, to sign a document on their way somewhere. She is fine isn't she? James joked, I did a light laugh. I felt a little twinge jealously; she was beautiful. I couldn't tell which man the jealously was for...

James took my face for confusion. He commented on what he thought I was thinking.

"Yea, everybody was a little shocked too. It looks like Mr. Mancini has a taste for chocolate. I can't be mad at him for that t. Nothing on you baby, I saw all the hungry looks you got all night."

I was half paying attention at this point.

He had a "thing" for chocolate. I hadn't even noticed her actual race until James said it. I couldn't tell you, if it made me feel better or worse. A chocolate chip for him to enjoy, so it went beyond a case of jungle fever. On the other hand, did he just have a fetish for the contrast in color of skin against skin?

They were making their way down the steps. His eyes barely left mine. I was beginning to feel light headed, maybe I had too much to drink. They were making their way to us. I felt like I was sweating, I began trying to wipe my palms on my dress. Could his wife not see how he was looking at me? If James did that I would be all over him. James.

I turned quick, and sighed. He wasn't paying attention. An associate had grabbed his attention momentarily. Good. They were a few steps away, I grabbed James's arm for support. I felt like my knees were going to give. What do I say? Did I know him or should I act like I don't? I took Jame's drink from him and took a sip. The dark liquor burned my throat. It helped. I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. They were right in front of us now.

"Someone is thirsty," the first words Ignacio said looking at my lips then my eyes. Was he talking about him or me?

"Ah, yes my throat was a little dry." I cleared it and looked up at James handing him his cup. He looked at me, his eyes had question in them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mancini this is my girlfriend Torrie, Torrie this is Mr. Mancini and his lovely wife. I was just telling her how you guys are new clients." We shook hands, and I hoped my palms weren't as sweaty as I imagined.

"Nice to meet you Torrie, I love your dress girl. Hot!" she smiled genuinely. Why couldn't she have been a bitch?

"Torrie," He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Very nice to meet you. I would have been worried about my wife being swept up by this guy, if he didn't have such a beautiful woman on his arm. I think we have seen each other before?"

My hand burned where his lips touched, then all the way up and around my body. I couldn't really concentrate on what he said.

"Torrie?" James laughed "Maybe she had too much of my drink."

"Oh, oh I am sorry. Yes, we go to the same gym, and thank you." I had to get a grip fast.

"Small world, I go there too occasionally, but really early before Carlo leaves to go to work. Not as much as I should, I'll admit." Patricia touched her hand to her chest like a southern belle. She didn't look like she needed to go to the gym at all. While I had to work to stay in shape, she looked like she was naturally slimmer. She was taller than me too, with her heels, she was about an inch taller Ignacio. Her dress had a long split on the side. Her smooth leg peaked through. I was envious.

"It doesn't look like you need to go at all, you look great." I was being truthfully. It was the least I could do. I felt like I was dripping sweat, but as I looked at my arms, they were dry. I could not be in this circle with him, his wife, and James too. She had a face now; she wasn't just an empty title that I only knew as the ring on his finger. I couldn't handle that right after I admitted I wanted him.

"Can you guys excuse me? I think I will get some air." I let go of James.

"Do you need me to come with you?" James asked me. I could have said yes.

"No. Baby enjoy your party. I will be right back." As I turned to leave, I could feel the eyes on me. I looked back and saw him staring. His eyes told me I would not be alone for long.

I asked a server for another exit besides the front. He told me about a back door that lead to a small alley. I went outside glad it was the side of the building secluded so not just anyone could walk through. I was grateful there was no faint urine smell, but it was still dirty. I wanted to lean against the wall, but I was scared to ruin my dress. I was a ball of emotion. The sky was clear. I wrapped my arms around myself to help with the cold. At least, there was no wind back here.

I watched my breath leave me, as a child at school we would pretend, we were smoking. I would pretend I was some worldly woman leaning against a lamp post on the street. Right now my drama was not pretend. It was coming to meet me face to face. The back door opened, he stepped out.

Good looking, was not enough of a description. He was wearing a black tux as well but his was trimmed in silk, and he had on a neck tie. The light would catch the lapels, giving the classic something extra. I noticed his cuff links twinkling like the tinsel decorations, as he flipped his lush hair out his face. McDreamy had nothing on him. The tuxedo was tailored to fit his muscled body, which turned me on more because I knew how it looked without clothes. He was the sexy beast I wanted to ravish me. His look was so intense I wondered if he was human. His pull on me so strong, I wondered if he was some incubus who had possessed me. Even now it felt as if he had a string connected to my center, and he was twirling it around his finger; spooling me closer like thread.

I knew he was going to follow me, I guess that was our thing. If I had any sanity, I would have walked back in. This is not like last time, our partners were right inside. If anything happened like last time my clothes would not be the same. My hair would be tousled, there would be questions. This is taking it to another level, if I can do this after meeting her, with James inside, where are my limits?

Ignacio was on me, our kisses so rough our teeth scraped. I bit his lip. They were smooth as they were when he kissed my hand. His arms were on my bare shoulders like he couldn't wait for skin to skin contact. He bent to kiss my shoulder then bit it, I cried out.

This can't be happening again. I felt his hands on my dress and my stockings. I heard a rip and felt the cooler air hit my thigh. He was pushing against me. His dick pressed against my leg. That wall I was too good to touch moments ago? My back was now firmly pressed against it. His mouth was on my chest, his hands violently pulling at the top. I was wrapped up too tight. I could feel some of the beads tearing from the fabric.

He abandoned that task and hiked up the bottom of my dress. I could feel his freezing cold fingers brushing against my skin; it was sending chills up my spine. In a minute, I would be fucked in an alley. He wrapped my legs around his waist as he unzipped his pants. He ripped a hole in my stocking at the seam between my legs. I felt the air hit my center. It was so cold I thought my juices would freeze. I looked down to see the head of his cock at my entrance. I threw my head back so hard it hit the brick wall. I yelped in pain. He finally stopped, looking at my face again.

"Ignacio please," My head was spinning from the wall and alcohol. When he didn't continue I made another plea."Please, don't make me do this here."

"Am I making you? You look as hungry as I do"

"If we co-continue, I won't be able to look at my s-self." My teeth were chattering. It was so cold, while the rest of my body was warm from body heat, my fingers wrapped around his back were starting to go numb.

"I –I need you. I'm losing my m-mind...You won't see me." He pressed his face into my chest to warm his lips. "You avoid me at the gym. I have no way to contact you."

I was filled with anger and lust. He wants me so bad he just takes it... I looked into his brown eyes. He truly was an animal. A lion and I was a lamb.

"Is th-this what you think of me?" I couldn't say anything else. I leaned against the wall and relaxed my body. If he continued, I wouldn't stop him. A single tear left my right eye. I quickly moved my hand to wipe it. My finger felt like an icicle on my face. I turned my head away from him looking back up at the sky.

He sat me down and brought my hands up to his mouth by my wrist. He touched his lips to my fingers and blew on them. It stung slightly at first, then my hands warmed up. He put them on his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I pressed my face against my hands.

"I will never take you like this again, unless you ask me to...," I raised my head and looked in his eyes. They looked sincere. His face changed again. It went darker, and the lust returned. "Unless you beg me to."

I shivered. Even with all that, I still responded to his aggressiveness.

"Admit it to me, out loud, that you want me. It's all over your face but I want the words. I need them to know I'm not out here going crazy by myself." He looked angry and desperate. "Torrie." It was a command.

"Yes, I want you. Yes, I have been losing my mind." I felt like I had been holding my breath.

"Then I will see you? You want this too, don't you?"

"Yes. I tired but..."

"It's too much to control Torrie. I am slipping. The more I try the worst it gets. I am not a man who does not get what he wants. These weeks of denying myself have felt like the most unnatural thing in my life. I haven't wanted anyone so bad since Patricia. I feel weak. I never thought another woman could have me like this. I never wanted another woman until you..."

"I feel like I have lost all my will power to you...I need to get back to James." I looked down at my dress, under the club lighting nothing would be noticeable. The rip in my stockings, the one that could be seen, was not as bad as I thought.

"Meet me at Hotel Derek again Monday night, Please."

"That's the day before Christmas Eve."

"I know, neither of us will be available after that..."

"Ill be there at 7:30."

I left him in the ally. That time I walked instead of ran. I guess it was no reason to run anymore. I slipped into the bathroom to touch up. My hair looked like it had naturally fallen from the evening wearing on. I touched the back of my head and winced. It felt a little tender. I wasn't sure how much time had pasted, but James didn't seem to be worried about my absence. I looked for Ignacio's wife she was back up stairs sitting talking to some other woman. I walked up to James and told him I had a headache, which was true. He had to talk to a few more people, and then we would leave.

"What happened to your leg?"

"I brushed up against a loose nail on the bar."

"Are you ok? Do I need to go talk to someone?"

"No, James. Don't be silly these are just tights."

He eyed me. "You needed to lay off the alcohol; I work with these people you know."

"Damn, I'm not drunk James. I'm clumsy." I was a little irked, but I was in no position to argue. He could say what he wanted.

I sat at a back table until he was ready. I was basically hiding; I didn't want to see Ignacio again. I kept my head down while we walked out. Something had changed in that alley; I couldn't tell how I felt. Something broke in me. My body was no longer completely mine to control. I said he could have it.

Back home, I pushed James away when he tried to make love, I was mentally exhausted. I will just tell myself that was the reason. I curled up into a ball on my side. I let him spoon me until I could tell he was asleep. I then inched away...

I was wide awake thinking of what just happened. It was insane. I just learned Ignacio's last name. No, it wasn't the first time I had fucked a man before knowing his last name. Except I was thirty now not some 22-year-old. I hardly knew him at all. It was pure physical attraction, but something else. I looked at James. He looked so peaceful. I didn't deserve him, but I wasn't ready to let go of my "perfect life. In a couple of months, this thing would be over with Ignacio. I would get off the roller coaster sick of it. James was my rock, calm and steady.

*****

Monday night came faster than I thought. I was a nervous wreck. My office shut down early for the day. It wouldn't reopen until the next year, due to how the holidays fell during the week. I felt a little better because I got to keep Jen on. I convinced them with the new fiscal year coming up in February. It wouldn't be enough to familiarize someone else with everything. Besides that, I was on edge. Was I really going to do this? Chance meetings and coincidences are one thing. This was actually planning to be unfaithful. I had even met his wife...she seemed nice. I guess none of my limits mattered now.