Sharing My Love Ch. 02

David reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "First off, you are an angel Kayla. My mom's a nurse too. I know a little bit about what you do, what you go through, how much of yourself that you put into your job. I also know that you are an intelligent, sweet and giving lady."

His speech wasn't finished, "Second, you aren't a slut. You have a sensual mind. It replays passionate memories and images in your head. Of course they arouse you, they'd arouse anyone. I wasn't even there but hearing you talk about your memories turned me on. It isn't odd to me that you see something desirable in most men. I see unique beauty in every woman."

"Believe me Kayla. People that aren't fortunate enough to have experienced the kind of passionate relationships that you had in college yearn for something like that. The yearning goes much deeper for you because you know firsthand what you're missing."

"You couldn't find a meaningful relationship to replace your loss. It has to be difficult to have a body like yours and no one special to appreciate it. So you took pleasure where you could. When you thought you and Greg could have a meaningful relationship, you dropped everyone else."

"He saw your need and took advantage. He came on to you when he had no right to do so. Kayla, it isn't your fault that he left Brenda."

"He didn't even have the sense to treat you the way that you deserve. Yet you remained faithful to him. If you have to label someone as a slut, it should be him!"

I had told David every sordid detail of my life. Instead of condemning me, he defended me. I didn't know what to say.

David frowned at me and his grip on my hand tightened. "I'd never lay hands on a woman. But Kayla I assure you, if you go back to Greg, I'm going to pay Ginger half a million dollars to kick your ass."

He's serious, his threat is a promise. I'm pretty sure he has the money and Greg's sister is a beautician. She still lives at home with their parents because she's trying to save money to open her own beauty salon. Ginger loves me but I bet she'd beat my ass for that money.

"Uh, David, Brenda is pregnant with his child, remember? Greg's not going to try to get me back."

As if on cue, my phone starts to ring. I dig it out of my pocket. It's Greg. Instead of answering it, I place my phone on the table.

"Kayla, he's wanted you for most of his life. He's not going to give you up. Brenda's chased after him for years. It boosts his ego and now she's having his baby. He isn't going to give her up either. He's not man enough to choose between the two of you. "

"I believe that what happens in an adult relationship is no one else's business. I usually would keep my opinions to myself. I certainly wouldn't dream of trying to boss around a grown woman in love. But, your relationship with Greg is over, period. You know he can't make you happy. But if you remove yourself from the picture, Brenda and their child can have a chance at happiness."

David is right and I know it. My stupid phone started to ring again. I don't even look at it.

"Slide it to me Kayla, the next time he calls you tonight will be his last time."

It starts ringing a third time as I slide it to David. He picks it up and answers it. I can tell by the tone of his voice that it isn't Greg. He assures the caller that I am doing ok and tells them that I don't need more company right now. He says that I'm a strong woman and would be just fine.

David stands up. "That was your brother. He said he loves you and wants you to call him if you need anything."

I stand up too and David walks around the table and pulls me close for a hug. I don't want him to leave. But I'm not going to ask him to stay. He's right, I am a strong woman.

He gives me one more reassuring pat on my back then stands back a step. "Now tell me, where do you keep your blankets and a spare pillow?"

He is staying! I hurry off to my linen closet and gather sheets, a blanket and two pillows. I meet him in my living room and proceed towards my couch to make a bed for him.

He takes my armload from me and places it on my oversized recliner.

"David you're sleeping in my chair?"

"Yes, and so are you. Give it a chance. If you feel uncomfortable, you can get up and go to bed. Now, go slip into something comfortable so I can hold you like I came here to do."

"You know I'll be ok. You don't have to stay."

"Yes, I know you'll be fine. I'm staying because I want to. Besides, tipsy Kayla knows going back to Greg is a terrible idea. But sober Kayla may not remember that in the morning. She needs someone who cares about her to be here to remind her."

I'm smart so I don't waste my breath arguing with him. I let him know that the bathroom down the hallway is fully stocked with toiletries for guests. I head to my own room to prepare for bed. I strip, quickly wash up and brush my teeth. I don a tank top, panties, and pajama pants, no bra. I can't sleep in a bra. I remove the elastic band holding my hair in a ponytail and allow my curls to spring free.

David had settled in on the recliner. It is fully extended, nearly flat. His eyes drop briefly to my jiggling breasts as I approach, but he recovers quickly. He flips back a corner of the blanket for me and I see that he's still wearing his jeans and t-shirt.

The recliner is wide enough to fit two people lying side by side more comfortably than my sofa would. I turn off the lamp then slide under the blanket and into his arms. He lies on his back and drags me partially on top of him. He makes a half growl, half sigh sound of contentment.

I'm aroused but being in his arms also makes me feel safe and cared for. I close my eyes, position my ear above his steady heartbeat, and will myself to relax. David gently brushes my hair away from my face and kisses my forehead. "Sweet dreams angel," he says.

I wake up the next morning to the enticing aroma of coffee and cinnamon rolls. I follow my nose to the kitchen. The dishes from last night were nowhere in sight. David turns from the stove and smiles. "Good morning. Breakfast will be ready in about five minutes. How are you feeling?"

"Good morning David. I feel better. You cleaned up from last night and made me breakfast too! I can't believe you did all of this. You're gonna spoil me rotten!"

He shrugs. "You're always taking care of other people. It's only fair that you allow someone to take care of you for a change."

His kindness touches my heart. He's a sweet man that is just helping a friend. I am ashamed of myself for wanting more than his friendship. You would think heartbreak would be enough to distract me from thinking about sex. But my wicked mind insisted that he should have stayed on the recliner and fed me something far better than anything stored in my kitchen. Disgusted with myself, I go to my bathroom to clear my thoughts.

When I returned to the kitchen, I sat at the table. Just like last night, he brings my plate to me. He really is a remarkable man. Like so many others, I now have a tale about how he went out of his way to help me.

"How do you like your coffee angel?"

He prepares a cup according to my specifications and brings it to me. He had baked some of those canned Pillsbury Dough cinnamon rolls and had fried strips of bacon to crisp-but -not-burnt perfection. It was one of my favorite breakfast combinations. But it tastes even better than usual because he had prepared it for me.

I know better than most that you can't just fuck pain away. But I can't help wishing David would give it a try. An image of him using his arm to knock everything off the table appears before my eyes. I can see him yanking down my panties and pjs before tossing me onto the table, unzipping his jeans and ramming his way inside of me.

I blink rapidly to clear my vision. The image vanishes and a new scene takes its place. I'm sitting on my kitchen chair, completely nude. David is seated on the floor in front of me, shirtless. I wind my fingers in his hair and tug on fistfuls of dreads, drawing his open mouth closer to my clit.

My cell phone rings on the table causing me to jump and my fantasy disappears. I look at the screen. It's my mom. I take a deep breath then answer the phone. "Good morning Mommy," I say so that David knows I don't need rescuing. He leaves the room to give me privacy.

Karl had told our parents about Greg. Mom was calling to make sure that I was ok. She mentions David and I tell her he had been a big help last night. I don't tell her that he had stayed the night and was still here. She tells me to try to eat and take care of myself. I describe my breakfast without mentioning my handsome chef. She has me promise to call her tomorrow after work.

I hang up and go searching for David. He's in my living room. He had removed the linens from my recliner and neatly folded everything. He holds his arms out to me. "Give me some love angel," he says.

I go to him and hug him, squeezing as hard as I can. He can have all the love he wants from me. The shock from yesterday is fading and there is no alcohol in my system to dull my senses. I can barely breathe for the ache of wanting him. I hold him while my body burns with need.

He places a quick kiss on the top of my head and steps back. I flee to my bedroom. I take off my clothes and step into the shower. As I stand under the spray, lathering my body, I try to recall if I had closed my bedroom door.

What if I had left it open and David comes looking for me? I imagine him standing in my doorway watching me. My shower stall is clear. He can see me soaping my nipples with one hand while the other washes between my thighs. My eyes close and my hand movements quicken.

The lather from my shower gel would impede his view of my body. He would decide to rinse me off. One of my hands reaches for my shower head and removes it from the wall. I adjust the settings to a pulsating massage.

Pretending David is the one guiding it, I allow the water to pound against my breasts, spraying them clean. I part my legs as I slowly aim the water lower. I moan his name as I climax the moment the water blasts against my swollen clit. David is a nice guy, but he would be tough on my pussy. The stimulation is nearly too much to bear, but I keep the spray focused on my clit. Spasm after spasm rolls through my body.

When my body becomes so sensitive that the pleasure gravitates towards pain, I still hold it there. I'm not sure how many orgasms I have. I continue until I absolutely can't bear another second without passing out. It frightens me how much pleasure my body can take. I wash and condition my hair, giving my body some time to recover.

I put on gray jeans, a black shirt, and lip gloss. I blot the water from my hair, apply a small amount of moisturizer, and leave it to air dry. Excessive heat turns my curls dry and frizzy. Feeling more composed, I rejoin David.

He had showered and washed his hair too. A towel lays over his broad shoulders to keep his damp dreads from wetting his shirt. I can't stop myself from reaching up and touching a loc.

"Your hair is beautiful, David"

He plucks one of my curls, gently pulling it straight then watching it bounce back when he releases it. "So is yours Kayla."

He sighs. "I don't want to go home. But tomorrow is a work day. You shouldn't have to get up extra early in the morning to drop me off at my place and risk getting to work late. You could take me home now so that I can get some clothes. I'll drive back here in my car. Or better yet, pack your scrubs and come stay with me tonight."

"David, I'm fine now, thanks to you. I'm sure you have things to do. I've taken up your entire weekend. I'll drive you home."

We chat as I drive. When I pull up to his house he says, "Walk me to the door."

I laugh, "Then you'll want to walk me to my car. This could go on for hours!"

He laughes too. "Yes. Now come on."

He's smiling but I know he's serious. I get out and walk him inside. I can't understand why he is so reluctant to let me go.

"David, what's going on? We usually run into one another maybe once a month. But now you can't stand to let me out of your sight."

"Please don't take this the wrong way Kayla. You have always been nice to me. But, I felt that you have a wall up. You guard yourself around people. After you told me your secret, things changed. You're open and relaxed around me now. I feel like I know you better than anyone else. That's a privilege I don't take lightly. But I have a feeling that this is temporary. The next time I see you, the wall will be back."

I can see his point. Telling him about my past and my struggle with my sexuality had lifted a tremendous weight from my shoulders. It's a secret barrier that still stands between me and the rest of my friends and family.

"David, I've been trying to figure out how to keep myself from burdening you with my problems. After last night, I feel closer to you than I am to my best friend. I know you are busy and you don't need me leaning on you like everyone else."

He takes my hand. "Closer than your best friend, I like that angel. You are not like everyone else to me. And you couldn't be a burden if you tried. I'm here for you 24/7. When I told you in the bar parking lot that I've got you Kayla, I meant it. You're not alone anymore."

Like an idiot, I start to cry. He pulls me onto his lap and just holds me. I burrow my face between his neck and shoulder and weep. He gently rocks like he's holding a baby and strokes my hair.

Eventually I run out of tears and realize how tightly I am squeezing his neck. I take a deep breath and relax my grip. My movements cause my breasts to slide against his chest. It's probably wishful thinking but I think I felt him stir against my hip. I don't trust myself to behave. Fearing that I'd do something foolish, I scoot out of his lap. I sit beside him and turn sideways to face him.

"Do you think I should go to counseling or join a support group or something?"

"Do you have problems at work like thinking about sex when you should be concentrating on a patient? Do you have urges to have sex with your coworkers?"

"No. When I'm at work, I'm focused on my job. There's too much to do for me to sit around daydreaming. I barely have time for a restroom break. And to me, there's nothing romantic about hospitals. I know it's silly, but I see my coworkers as fellow soldiers in a battle against disease and suffering, not as potential sexual partners."

"That isn't silly angel. When you are in a relationship, do you have urges to sleep with other men and do you have a hard time resisting them?"

"No. Well, I'm not really sure. My relationships have been few and short-lived. When I'm with someone special, he's the only man I want. But I want him excessively, constantly, obsessively. I can't get enough. I mean, I can go to work or hang out with my friends or family. But I want to spend every possible moment in his arms loving him and being loved. If I begin to feel rejected or neglected by my man, that's when the urges start. But I know that the brief pleasure casual sex may give me is nothing compared to the pain that it will cause him. So I don't cheat."

"Kayla, I'm no expert. You need to do whatever you feel is best. But you sound normal to me. You don't glorify casual sex. You desire a meaningful relationship. You just haven't found the right person yet. That sounds like half the people I know. Kayla, you deserve love. You deserve happiness. Try not to be so hard on yourself."

I sigh. Everything is so confusing. My heart feels that David was the right man for me. But my mind knows that I'm not the right woman for him. He deserves better.

"How will I know when the right guy comes along? What if I want more of him than he gives me and my urges ruin it?"

"If he's the right one for you, it's not going to destroy your relationship. You'll come up with a solution together. You will love him enough to find a way to be satisfied with what he can give you. Or he'll love you enough to be able to share you."

I was stunned. I must look like I think I misheard him because he says, "Yes sharing, as in wife sharing. People do things for various reasons. But sharing can be about a man that loves his woman enough to provide her with as much pleasure as she can handle."

"You sound like you know about it," I say.

"A little bit."

"Have you, done that? Have you ever shared a girlfriend with other men?"

"No. I helped a friend help his friend please his wife. It was all about her. You could tell they're in love."

I am shocked and intrigued. I want to ask tons of questions. But I sense that he isn't going to give me any juicy details.

"That's why communication is so important. A man can't provide well for you unless he knows your needs Kayla. Who knows? Your man may do something similar for you. Or he may just get you pregnant a few times, that helps too."

"David, what? Pregnancy? How would that help?"

"When you're young and full of hormones, you think big breasts and round hips like yours are made for pleasure. But when the right man comes along and knocks you up, you realize those hips were made for birthing babies and those breasts are made for feeding them. A few babies and you'll be cured!" His expression and voice mimic a stern old man. I try to look offended but ruin it by laughing.

"David you are crazy!"

"Yes, but I make you laugh. I bet you wish you had packed your pjs and some scrubs now."

I shake my head. "Nope, I'm scared to spend the night. You might decide to cure me yourself!"

He laughs, "You better be scared. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't want to cure you?"

His expression became serious again. "Kayla, why was the man that you met here out of your reach? Is he married?"

His question caught me off guard. I tried to keep my tone light as I answered, "No, he's single. But he thinks of me as just a friend."

"How do you know? Have you asked him how he feels about you? He could just be waiting on a sign from you that you're interested. I know you are hurting and need time to heal. But when you are ready, trust your instincts and talk to him. When you were in college, your instincts led you to wonderful lovers."

"That was back then. Lately, instinct hasn't served me well."

"Greg had nothing to do with your instincts. You evaded him for years. You ended up with him because you didn't feel like you deserved the man you wanted. I'm not saying that I don't believe that you fell in love with Greg. I know you did. But he wasn't worthy of your love. Give your mystery man a chance. He has to be an improvement over Greg. You deserve happiness angel. Reach for it okay?"

"Gee David, you are really taking this closer than friends thing seriously. You're even planning my future and trying to influence my choices. But it seems one-sided to me. When do we start planning your life?"

"I do take it very seriously. But do you think I would be planning your future if I didn't already have mine figured out? Mine is already in order. After we get yours together, we can exchange notes and congratulate each other. I'll tell you all about mine and get your input and advice. But let's take care of yours first."

I am relieved to know that he plans to eventually share details about his love life with me, since he knows more than anyone else about mine. I worry that I won't like what I hear though. It sounds like he already has a special woman in his life.

Before I left, I allowed him to believe that he convinced me to ask my mystery man how he felt about me. I know I'm not going to ask though. I won't force David to knowingly break my heart.