Siblings with Benefits Ch. 36

"You deserve better," I told him.

"Don't be ridiculous," Tommy replied, "I love you. I'll never give up on you."

The shame of it was that I had not just wanted Tommy to take the ring back over the drugs. Since I had become engaged, Mark would not have sex with me. I'd spent a week with him not too long before Tommy proposed, but had not been with him since.

I longed for my brother's embrace!

This, by far, was the longest we had ever gone, and I needed him badly. I had done my best to behave and not seduce him out of respect for Tommy, but lately, Mark had been all I could think about. Until I picked up my habit again that is. As I thought about Mark, I felt another wave of remorse pass through me. My brother was on the brink of making or breaking his career. The last thing he needed was to worry about his disgrace of a sister.

Two months ago, taking advantage of a loophole in Rhode Island law that allowed a case to be prosecuted by an attorney from the private sector, Mark conned the AG's office into giving him a case involving a reputed mob hit man. Vincent Dimuccio had been tried twice, and both times, the case was thrown out of court, due to witnesses changing their stories. This was round three, and the AG's office was ready to drop it. But it was an election year, and they needed to try to save face.

Mark strolled in and told them to let him have it. What did they have to lose? After a lot of negotiation, Mark took lead on the case, and he somehow pulled new witnesses out of thin air. The trial had been getting a lot of attention and my brother a lot of press. But lately, things had been going sour. Once again, people were shying away from their testimonies. Mark had received several death threats. The last time I saw Mark was last week, and he looked completely exhausted. Jim Howard had promised Mark junior partner at the age of thirty if he could pull this off. But if he lost, he would gain the reputation of being a loose cannon who couldn't back up his claim of being the best attorney in the state.

I felt my eyes filling yet again as I remembered the last time I saw Mark. He was not only tired, but completely frustrated, as well. Up until a few weeks into the case, he'd had a live-in "pet," as he referred to them. This one, a twenty-year-old journalism major named Kelly, had been with him for three months. My brother claimed she was the best he'd ever had. Unfortunately, Mark was forced to move her out due to the scrutiny of the press and the threats he was receiving. He complained that he hadn't gotten laid in three weeks, and that he'd barely slept in the same time frame.

And I was sitting there feeling guilty as hell, because two nights before I had come to see him, I had stayed at Jake's house after doing an entire eight ball. Tommy promised not to say anything to Mark. I felt terrible as my brother commented on how proud he was of me. Once Mark grumbled about needing sex, however, I forgot all about my relapse. I slid over to him on the couch and kissed him long and hard. Mark initially gave in, kissing me back just as hard and shoving his tongue into my eager mouth. I had his jeans unzipped and his hands were on their way under my shirt when he quickly pulled away and told me that we couldn't.

I started crying. "I need you. I miss you. Not just the sex, but you holding me, and being in your bed."

Mark looked as upset as I was, but he held fast. "It's not right. You and Tommy are getting married, and our rule is if one of us is involved, then there wouldn't be anything between us."

He did let me lie back against his chest, his arms around my waist, in the corner of the couch, and we fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up first. I felt myself yearning to feel my brother's embrace every night, to be with him and not Tommy. I knew it could never be, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. That is, until I went out the next night and got falling down drunk. Upon coming home, I tried yet again to give Tommy his ring back.

I sighed as lighting another cigarette, I sat back on the bench and stared off into space, trying to let my mind drift and calm down. I closed my eyes, and suddenly opened them again as something dawned on me.

As Mark had put it in his message, I had fallen again.

The difference this time, however, was that with crystal clarity, I realized that I did not want to get back up.

As a matter of fact, it occurred to me that I had never wanted to get back up, at least not for me. I always tried to stay clean for the people who cared for me. When I was sober, they were happy. Yet while they were happy, I was miserable. If left to my own devices, I would simply keep using, keep numbing the pain. On the heels of that thought came another -- each time I did straighten out, it caused more pain when I failed. In fact, by continuing to try, I was really hurting everyone around me more. Getting their hopes up, making them think that maybe this time, Megan would really be okay.

I began to nod my head, agreeing with this new found clarity that I had stumbled upon I was completely miserable right now. I was living a lie with a man who loved me who I was not in love with. The man that I kept refusing to fully acknowledge that I was in love with was the one man I could never be with. My father had all but disowned me. I had broken my mother's heart more times than I could count, and it was only a matter of time before she found out that her loser of a daughter was fucked up again.

In the past, their hurt had forced me to try to do better, but now I knew I had been wrong. The right thing to do would be to stop trying and get it over with. Sure, I would cause one more round of pain, but it would be the last one.

One deep cut, rather than a thousand small ones.

Matter of fact, I could make it so there was no pain at all. Mark, Tommy, and Mom all claimed they would never give up on me. But what if I could make them?

I felt a pang of sadness as I knew there was nothing I could possibly do to Mom that could make her hate me. I also would not have the heart to even try to hurt the woman who had saved my life. Well, maybe not saved it, but prolonged it and gave me as many good years as she could before my inherent weakness and darkness caught up with me. No, sad to say, Mom would have to deal with one more blow to her heart, courtesy of her unworthy daughter.

Moving on, Tommy had claimed he would never quit on me, but I had no doubt I could come up with something. No sooner had that thought passed through my mind, then it struck me that it wouldn't be that hard at all. The way to do it had been put right in front of me.

I lit yet another cigarette and began rocking back and forth as a sick form of excitement at my potential freedom built up within me.

That would just leave Mark. My excitement started to fade. How could I possibly turn my brother against me? Over the last ten years, I had put Mark through hell and almost gotten him killed defending me at the Wolves' Den. Leaning back, I closed my eyes and again let my fevered mind drift, hoping to again catch a glimpse of what I should do.

I was not disappointed. Mark and I were both broken and, for the most part, in the same way. The one glaring difference, was that I was weak and self-destructive, letting my sorrow lead me to a life of addiction and humiliation. Mark, on the other hand, was purely destructive. My brother harbored a level of rage that was as unnatural as it was unhealthy. Even with the voice out of the picture, my brother was capable of extremely erratic behavior.

Yes, the time was now. Mark was battling insomnia, fighting for his career in a case he was expected to lose, and worried about his sister, who he now knew had failed again. I could do it. I could push him so far that he would snap tell me he was sick of me, that I was a disgrace. I would continue to egg him on. Hell, I could even get him to fuck me nice and hard first!

After all, I thought, as a slow smile spread across my face, it's not like after tonight I would be engaged anymore. I laughed out loud at that last thought. I would take my beautiful little brother for one last wild ride, before he finally cut me loose like the anchor I was.

For once in my selfish life I was going to do everyone else a favor, and make so they would never have to worry about me again.

Flicking the cigarette away from me, I grabbed the phone from my purse and dialed Jake's number.

"Hey Jake, its Megan. Still want that watch?"

I felt better than I had in weeks.

***** I stood in the shower, letting the hot water beat down on my back and enjoying the warm, steamy air. The shower was huge and, looking down, I saw that black marble bathtub was two-thirds full. Shutting the shower off, I turned the faucets on full blast to add some cold water before sitting down and stretching my legs. I lay back in the warm soapy water, put my feet up on the edge of the tub, and slid down as far as I could. I sighed contentedly, I would miss this tub.

I closed my eyes and smiled. I was within hours of breaking Tommy's heart once and for all, and I felt amazingly relaxed. It was the best thing for him. Tommy would be free to find a nice girl who would appreciate him and treat him the way he deserved.

Then again, my state of relaxation might have a little to do with the pint of Captain Morgan I had been steadily sipping for the last hour. I reached over the edge of the tub, picked up the bottle, and drank the last few swallows. I sighed again as the liquor blazed a warm, happy trail through my body.

Considering how upset I was when it started, today had been a pretty good day. I traded the watch for a gram bag at Jake's, and, after doing a couple of lines, I decided that I was feeling so good that I wanted to feel real good!

I went back to the bedroom where Amber was still sleeping, and, after stripping off my clothes, I woke her up with my tongue on her right nipple and my fingers sliding into her deliciously tight, young pussy. Amber moaned as my thumb found her clit, then, a moment later, I swung my leg over her head, putting us into a perfect sixty-nine, and we were both moaning. Amber had very little experience, and I made her cum twice before she managed to send me over the edge with her unskilled, but oh, so eager tongue.

Afterwards, I removed the small mirror from my purse and shared the rest of the coke with her. I was going to get dressed when Amber giggled. "I want to play some more," she said.

Well, I couldn't resist her pretty little pout, so we spent another hour, licking, fingering, sucking and teasing each other's pussies. Amber released the cutest little squeal when she came. I also loved the shocked look on her face when the last time I came, I threw my head back and practically howled, as between her fingers and the coke, I went off like a rocket.

After dressing and leaving Jake's, I saw that Mark had called, so I called him back. I could hear the relief in his voice change to concern as I giggled into the phone at practically everything he said. At the end of the call I agreed to meet him for coffee at the shop across from his firm, then went back home.

Tommy was there as I knew he would be, he had called out of work, not wanting to miss me when I came home. The first thing he did was try to tell me things would be okay.

I laughed, "Of course they will!" Much sooner than he thought.

He shook his head and pretty much left me alone as I flitted about the house, wired for sound. After I came down some, he tried to talk to me again. "Maybe you should go talk to your sponsor."

"Tommy, I'm fine. It was just a slip up." Then, remembering my plan, I asked, "Where's Brendan?" Brendan was a friend of Tommy's who was recently separated from his wife and was staying with us for awhile.

"He's at work. He gets home around eight." He went on to say something about not being disappointed in me, but I was no longer paying attention.

All I needed to know was that Brendan would be around later.

After all, he was the way I was going to get Tommy get rid of me.

I took a nap, and was admittedly a little disappointed that Tommy didn't want to come fool around with me. Then again, he didn't know that he only had maybe one more go around with my pretty little pussy before I left.

I got up, showered, and went to see Mark. On the way, I stopped at a pub and did a couple of quick shots. Then I met Mark at the coffee shop.

I felt the first sting of guilt that I had all day when I saw the look on my brother's face after he hugged me. I kissed him so that he would be sure to smell the booze on my breath. We sat at a corner table and drank coffee. I noticed how worn down Mark looked. His eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark circles beneath them. While Mark awkwardly tried to keep the conversation away from my latest fall from grace, I noticed that his hand was shaking, and he was chain smoking. Back in the day, all my brother would have needed was a night in his big sister's bed to make everything okay.

Part of me wanted to offer, but in addition to knowing Mark would say no, I didn't want him to remember me for anything good right now.

Finally,he sighed and asked, "So what happened?"

Smiling, I answered, "I'm happier this way."

"You want me to take you to a meeting?" he asked.

"You didn't hear me did you?" I asked.

"Mom was asking about you today."

My twinge of regret quickly turned into a flash of anger. Mark had tossed that out there on purpose. "Stop trying to make me feel bad."

"Keep your damn voice down." He whispered looking around the shop.

But I just got louder. "Are you ashamed of me?"

Mark shook his head, and rather than argue, simply put his head down.

I almost forgot myself for a moment and caught my hand reaching for his across the table. I stopped and, after a few minutes of awkward silence, changed the subject. "I saw this morning's paper. How's the case going?"

With a groan, he confessed, "Well, I'm talking tough, but the damn thing's falling apart. Dimuccio's ex is my ace-in-the-hole, but now she's hedging. I can force her to testify, but it's not looking good. Everyone's afraid of Dimuccio and his connections."

I joked, "My little brother's not afraid of anyone."

He quickly replied, "I've received over a dozen death threats. I'm carrying a .25 caliber Beretta in an ankle holster right now."

I wasn't laughing then. I felt my resolve waver as I realized how deep the shit my brother had gotten himself into really was. That feeling didn't last long, though.

"Don't worry about me," he said. "All that matters is you right now."

In a nutshell, this was exactly what I was trying to free my brother of, the constant burden of his sister.

Mark's phone rang for the tenth time since we had been sitting. He rolled his eyes and answered it. Within a minute, he was all but yelling at whoever was on the other end. "If you don't come through, I will bring you down with me!"His eyes were bulging dangerously, and when he hung up, he put his head in his hands and rubbed at his red rimmed eyes.

I nodded to myself. My brother would be ripe for the taking tomorrow.

"Well," I said, "I have to get going. I don't want to get Tommy worried again. I'll call you tomorrow night."

Mark nodded. "There's no court tomorrow. I asked for a continuance so I could hunt down another potential witness that's been calling me."

Hearing that Mark would be at his office tomorrow gave me an idea. This would end up being easier than I thought. I gave Mark a kiss on the cheek, and somehow held onto my aura of not caring, even as my brother hugged me to him and whispered in my ear, "Please take care of yourself. I need you."

But Mark only thought he needed me. He would soon see how much better off he was without me.

I sat up with a start as I heard a bang. I had dozed off and had dropped the empty liquor bottle onto the floor. Getting up out of the tub, I dried off and slipped on a black thong and the short red robe wandered out into the living room where Tommy and Brendan were watching the Sox game.

I smiled as I walked slowly past Brendan His eyes locked onto my long, shapely legs. I stopped in front of him and, turning to face Tommy, I asked him if he wanted anything. Brendan was sitting on the couch opposite Tommy. Since I was standing between them, I had no doubt that Brendan was looking directly at me.

The reason I knew that was because since he had come to stay with us, all Brendan did was stare at me. He never flirted, or said or did anything inappropriate. But they were more than casual glances. Last week, I was lying on the couch in shorts and a tight tank top, and Brendan had been sitting across from me. I dozed off, and when I woke, I caught him staring. The look in his eyes was pure lust. I remembered thinking that if I gave him a chance, he would probably take it.

Tommy said he was all set but noticed that he also looked my legs up and down, but then gave me an odd look. I sat down next to him, crossed my legs, and gave Brendan a great view of my creamy upper thigh.

For the next hour, I sat there, feigning interest in the game. All the while, I shifted my position on the couch and fidgeted to keep catching Brendan's attention. At one point, the phone rang, and when Tommy got up to answer it, I sat back on the couch, put my feet up on the cushion, and I casually let my legs open.

Brendan's eyes bulged. He stared at the thin strip of my black thong. I cleared my throat, and when his eyes immediately looked up, I winked at him. He blushed furiously, and, as soon as Tommy returned, he disappeared to the bathroom. When he sat next to me Tommy remarked that I should really be wearing more. I laughed and kissing him told him jealousy was an ugly emotion.

Brendan came back, and I began making a show of hanging all over Tommy, even sliding up and sitting in his lap, my long legs dangling over his. My robe hiked up near my hips. Tommy was getting aggravated. Finally announced he was going to bed. I told him I wanted to stay up to finish the game, but leaning over Tommy told me to just come to bed. I playfully flicked my tongue across his ear and whispering 'yes sir!' hopped up and followed him into the bedroom. I let Tommy get a few feet in front of me, then, glancing over my shoulder and seeing Brendan looking, I flipped my robe up, giving him a glimpse of my ass.

Tommy entered the bedroom and I told him I would be right in. I went into the bathroom and reached up on top of the medicine cabinet and grabbed the small packet of coke I had put up there a couple of days ago, Taking a razor blade from under the sink, I cut the coke on the edge of the sink and did three lines in rapid succession. I shook my head at the rush, then smiled at my reflection in the mirror before going to say goodbye to Tommy.

When I entered the room, Tommy was lying on his back under the covers, his eyes closed. Stripping off the robe and thong, I lifted the covers to crawl in. He was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms, a clear signal that he did not want to play. But I knew I could change his mind. Sliding in next to him, I leaned over and began tonguing his nipple.

He groaned, "Not tonight. Go to sleep."

Ignoring him, I swirled my tongue around faster and, sliding my hand down his stomach, I grabbed his semi-hard cock through his pants. I started sliding my tongue down his chest, heading for his stomach.

Tommy grabbed my wrist and, pulling my hand from his cock, he growled, "Enough. I don't want to play."

Looking up at him, I let in some of my emotions from earlier. I put out my lip and felt my eyes well up with the crocodile tears that had served me so well over the years. I choked out, " I knew it. You're ashamed of me. You don't want to be with me." With that, I rolled over onto my side and waited, stifling a giggle.