Side By Side

(c) 2009 Karen Kraft
All Rights Reserved

The twins, Jane and June, were close. Very close. They had been since birth, or more accurately, since conception. Neither had any secrets she kept from the other, and they shared everything. Jane and June were symmetric dicephalic parapagus conjoined twins. Two otherwise normal lives were being led with surprising ease considering the fact that, but for each having her own head, they shared one body. Necessity required a great deal of cooperation between them and their occasional arguments were few and mostly trivial. Two people sharing the same body may have seemed strange to others, but to Jane and June, it was not that big a deal.

They shared the same friends, although some people tended to relate to Jane more than June while others felt the opposite way. Theirs was a top-down relationship. Having two heads, two minds, two preferences for food, music, art, movies, etc., posed little more of a problem for Jane and June than it would for any other twins sharing nothing more than a car and a bedroom. From the neck down, their individualities merged. Below the neck, they had but one body – they were one "person".

Jane loved to drink large quantities of beer while June preferred nothing more than an occasional glass of wine with dinner. The problem was that whenever Jane would drink too much or take a lot of recreational drugs, both of them suffered the resulting physical consequences as those substances coursed through the shared portions of their circulatory systems. This was resolved by a moderation agreement similar to the one the twins reached when June's overeating had resulted in both the girls gaining too much weight.

At 22, Jane and June received their respective bachelors degrees in American history and American literature. Although they had had numerous conversations on the topic, it was only after they finished college that they finally agreed that teaching would be their joint life vocations. Just as people with speech impediments often work very hard to overcome that challenge, to the point where they become radio and television personalities, the twins instinctively knew that their bizarre appearance, if allowed to control their lives, would isolate them from the rest of the world. Being outgoing and brave, they determined that teaching high school would nip in the bud any thoughts of hiding from public view. Unlike adults who might look away or avoid the spectacle they presented, high school students, they knew, would dive right in with interest, excitement, and enthusiastic questions.

The twins taught at one of Los Angeles Unified School District's (LAUSD) larger high schools. Jane and June did not consider themselves "disabled", and expected no special treatment not enjoyed by the other teachers. The only exception the personnel department at the public school district had to make involved the full-time-employee status of the twins. If every teacher had to teach a certain number of courses, as a practical necessity the twins would be working more than forty hours per week. Since Jane and June refused to be classified as part time employees, it was eventually resolved that each would receive a full-time pay check although each only taught half of the time while auditing the other's classes the other half.

This solution did not come easily, however. Their case went all the way up to the State Superintendent of Public Instruction, who was still undecided on the matter when the Governor called to advise her that the teacher's union, having learned that they would be paid two full-time union dues, endorsed the special accommodation.

A moderate Republican, Jane voted for John McCain in the 2008 presidential election while June voted for- and actively campaigned for- Barak Obama. Jane was a good sport about it and didn't complain when June insisted that they wear the official Obama tee shirt while ringing door bells and passing out Obama campaign literature. On election day, the twins served as "poll sitters" on behalf of their respective political parties. Their only argument was held in private when June announced that she found McCain's vice-presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, sexually attractive but unqualified. That announcement disgusted Jane although she was a right-to-life advocate and strong supporter of the McCain/Palin ticket. Jane was strongly "pro-life," while June was ardently "pro-choice". Although the twins were blessed with above-average intellectual and social skills, they did not begin dating, or even take their drivers license exams, until they were eighteen years old.

In a perfect world, Jane and June would have liked the same boys or, at very least, similar boys. Unfortunately, this was not the case. June was bisexual and liked to date other girls as well. She didn't protest when her sister would make out with guys, and she enjoyed the sensations she felt during petting. Jane, on the other hand, was disapproving and more than a little repulsed when June began to date girls. This was never more the case when June hooked up with a butch woman with dozens of piercings and very little non-tattooed skin anywhere on her body. When good oral sex was performed on them, both of the girls would reach a climax, although not necessarily at the same time. When an orgasm was brought on by the other girl's date, particularly if she were the second to achieve climax, laughter and good-heartedness subdued what might have been an awkward situation. June began taking birth control pills on her sister's behalf and insisted that Jane practice safe sex. The two had a history of negotiation and compromise not only because the alternative would be tedious and unrelenting, but also because it was in their natures, their characters, to be accommodating to others.

The situation was harder on the boys and girls who dated the twins, since privacy during sex was the norm in their community, and this was unavailable when dating the twins. Jane or June had a keen eye for suitors who were mere thrill-seekers and "freak show" enthusiasts. Such people were quickly identified and excluded. The twins uniformly agreed on which dates to dump for that reason, although Jane was more critical of others than was June.

It took a while for their physical situation at work to be ignored. At first, many of the faculty and administration were solicitous with respect to Jane and June, sometimes to the point of being patronizing. But after a couple of years, the novelty wore off, once everyone's questions had been answered and all confusions were put to rest. At the beginning of the third school year, the director of the girl's athletics program, Nikki, openly bisexual, managed to arrange a surprise birthday party for June. Sensing neither betrayal of her sister nor jealousy that the party was not for "them" but for "her", Jane went along and kept June totally in the dark about the party. Nikki had had to text Jane, since that was the only practical way one could communicate privately with either twin. When the other teachers, administrators, and staff jumped out from behind desks and tables, June was delighted and completely surprised.

The twins' sense of individuality, stridently fought for during their adolescence, reached it zenith later that summer when Nikki organized a summer cruise of the Caribbean for several dozen gay and lesbian teachers. Jane and June were accustomed to paying for two movie theater tickets, two concert tickets, and so on, but neither objected when the cruise company graciously allowed them to cruise on a single ticket. The cruise was a learning experience for Jane. Her sense of what she liked to call "family values" had to be moderated that summer and, by the time the trip was over, Jane had reconsidered her outlook on the subject. On the cruise ship and while in various ports, Nikki and June had made love as often as they could, while Jane similarly entertained a small number of other cruise guests, one cabin attendant, and a local translator / itinerant tour guide boy she had picked up at the Havana port of call. By the end of the cruise, Jane had come to accept Nikki's infatuation with June and found their growing relationship romantic. June had always been the more shy of the two, so Jane was thrilled that her sister had developed a sincere and meaningful love life.

That following school year, one of June's brightest students had requested an Individualized Educational Program (IEP) through the counseling office at their high school. The boy had documentation confirming that he suffered from attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) but the school district had initially refused to grant the requested IEP. The boy's parents had hired a well known attorney, Nathan who, among other things, represented students with disabilities. As part of the legal process, Nathan had interviewed all of the boy's teachers, including June. Jane had expressed no opinion on the boy's legal situation, believing that it wasn't any of her business. But for obvious reasons, she was well aware of the boy's situation and was privy to all of the legal processes.

After the school district and the boy had reached an agreement, Nathan invited the twins for a cup of coffee. His interest was more than professional and his invitation was more than a courtesy. Nathan had been smitten the first time he saw Jane. Jane had suspected that was the case when he would question June during the interviews but had kept his visual interaction focused on Jane. Although it was common for Jane to flirt with any man who showed interest, she felt something special when Nathan talked to her. June could sense this in her sister and when she finally decided to broach the subject, she gave Jane an enthusiastic thumbs-up.

One would have thought that Jane, June, Nikki, and Nathan's first double date would have been awkward and embarrassing, but it wasn't. More than anything, it was fun. At the end of the evening, Nikki kissed June goodnight while Nathan kissed Jane. Although it was late and both were tired, the sisters stayed up all night laughing, joking, and discussing how wonderful the evening had been.

For his part, Nathan had no mental reservations about Jane and him making love with June observing. The situation neither disturbed nor excited him. Indeed, he didn't mind the idea that Nikki might even be in attendance. Nevertheless, weeks went by and Nathan and Jane hadn't gone beyond mild petting.

Jane was frustrated by the situation and asked her sister what her take on Nathan's hesitation. June opined that, like all other such issues that had presented themselves over the years, the best idea was to get it all into the open to talk it out and see how Nathan's problems, if any, might be resolved. It turned out that Nathan was being overly sensitive and respectful of June. Once June explained that she had no problem with him dating Jane and spending the night with them, the matter was set on the right course toward a happy solution.

Common sense had suggested that the two couples ought not try to have sex at the same time. While Jane and June were accustomed to the oddity of sex with her sister reading, sleeping, or watching TV, the twins figured any expectation that Nikki and Nathan might share such openness was dismissed, at least for the time being.

The solution was that , during the week, June and Nikki would date, while on the weekends, Jane and Nathan would date. After a month or two, Jane, June, and Nathan had quit pretending the non-engaging sister was not present during sex, but proactively discussed sexual their proclivities, kinks, and comfort levels. Jane preferred vanilla sex while June was more open to bondage play and other kinky activities. Nikki and June had ventured down that path often, and Jane had come to accept bondage play and allowed their body to participate, as a practical consideration.

Jane and June's house was in the Calabasas community of Los Angeles' West San Fernando Valley. Nikki rented a condominium in Culver City, about an hour away. Nathan's mother had died during childbirth, and the year before he met Jane and June, during the month of his 25th birthday, his father died in an automobile accident, leaving Nathan a modest but comfortable house in Santa Monica.

Jane and June had a standing half-day physical therapy session at a facility near their Calabasas home every Wednesday afternoon. Under their special employment contract with LAUSD, the half-day appointments were not counted against the twins' forty-hour work week. Nikki and Nathan were members of a prestigious heath club in Santa Monica and, from time to time, one might see the other working out and issue a polite wave of acknowledgment. Besides enjoying the Club's exercise equipment, outdoor pools and spas, both Nikki and Nathan had taken up the sport of squash.

The Club featured a friendly squash tournament several times each year and, as luck would have it, since both Nikki and Nathan were in the same class or level of play, they competed against each other in one of the tournaments. After an exhausting finish, both had retired to the outdoor spa to soothe their tired muscles. Sitting in the bubbles and foam of the spa, they discussed the fact that the two couples had not gone out on a date together. Nathan confessed that he had discussed the unusual situation with Jane and June, although he was apprehensive that Nikki might react poorly to his discussing the matter with her girlfriend. Not troubled by that at all, Nikki was open to the idea of a double date and each agreed to propose the idea to his and her respective significant other.

The following Friday both couples enjoyed a fancy dinner and a leisurely stroll on Universal Studios City Walk, tolerating the attention Jane and June had attracted from the many tourists visiting City Walk that evening. Although in the past Jane and June had detested strangers taking pictures of them as they made their way through their daily lives, the comfort and companionship of the double date made them relax into the situation and stoically brave their way along. Both Nikki and Nathan were protective of the twins at first, but backed off when they saw that the girls were not upset by the tourists. Later that night, at Nathan's home, the two couples made love. All four of them were surprised by the passion each of them enjoyed.

As the months went by, what at first had been very respectful and toned-down versions of their sex play had developed into ever-increasing levels of passion and athletics. Each had come to accept whatever games the others wished to play. The one line never to be crossed, of course, would involve Nikki and Nathan paying any erotic attention to the other. Other than that, things were relaxed in the bedroom and carefully choreographed to avoid unnecessary touching or interaction between Nikki and Nathan. Everyone was into erotic experimentation with his or her partner but nobody was the least bit interested in group sexper sealthough, to an outsider, it would look like that was essentially what was going on. From a romantic standpoint, nothing could be farther from the truth – both Nikki and Nathan were deeply in love, but not with each other.

The following Independence Day, the four were walking along the crowded and noisy Venice Beach Boardwalk, Jane holding Nathan's hand, June holding Nikki's. Under what he thought was the cover of the clamor of the Boardwalk crowd, Nathan discreetly leaned in toward Jane and proposed marriage. Jane and June stopped walking and looked at each other and then at Nathan. Startled by the sudden halt, Nikki asked what was going on. When Jane shouted "Hell, yeah!" Nikki figured it out.

After a weekend of ecstatic celebration, Nathan picked up the twins at their home and took them to Santa Monica Courthouse to get the marriage license. Although they had all of their blood test papers and other documents in order, the Clerk refused to issue the license. On the spur of an uninspired moment, Nathan had chosen Santa Monica Courthouse because he knew many of the clerks and judges who worked there. It was his misfortune that this particular clerk was one with whom he had spent a wild weekend but had never called again.

"You can't marry two people, Nate!" the Clerk barked in the most annoying manner she could muster. "Counselor, you know better than that."

"I'm not marrying two people, Bonnie; I'm only marrying this one," Nathan protested, gesturing with his thumb toward Jane's head. "You're not still pissed at me, are you?"

"I see two people standing there, besides yourself, and I see only one body between them. You think you can marry the body and only one of the heads?"

"Well, yeah! That's the whole point! June here is just along for the ride." The minute those words left Nathan's mouth he regretted it.

"Look. It's not like there are Siamese twins here. That would be different. You know, two girls joined at the hip or something. I think that has been done before, but what you are trying to do just won't work. What if the other one has a headache, right?" Then under her breath, "I'm very impressed what you left me for, Nate; very impressed indeed." Bonnie was intentionally talking to Nathan as though the twins weren't present.

"It's 'who,' Bonnie, not 'what,' and I don't see the difference," Nathan continued. "How would the girls being joined at the hip make any difference?"

"I'm only a clerk here, Nate; take it up with the judge. Whatever he decides is just fine with me. I'm just not going to put my ass on the line over this – especially after the last election and ... and especially for you!" With that, Bonnie slammed her window shut and displayed her at-lunch sign.

Nathan's first thought was to shop around a few other courthouses to find a more sympathetic clerk. But he knew that, before the three of them could retrieve the car in the parking lot, Bonnie would have contacted all the other clerks she knew. No secret was ever safe from her ensnarling network of gossip-clerks.

That night, the four of them had the first of what would eventually become many "family" meetings. Nikki and June had actually discussed marriage, but Proposition 8 in the preceding November's election (opposed by June and supported by Jane) had forbade same-sex marriage. "That means even June and I can't even marry each other," Jane snarked, somewhat inappropriately under the circumstances.

"That's not funny," the other three said, more or less in unison.

"Why does anybody have to marry anybody here?" Nikki asked of no one in particular.

"Because we are in love and that's what people who are in love do, Nikki," Nathan said, almost in a shout.

"Hey, 'Nate,'" Nikki replied, showing both hurt and alarm at Nathan's tone. "It's not my goddamn fault! It wasn't my idea to ask permission from your dumped girlfriend."

The four sat quietly for a few minutes. Then Jane's eyes began to tear. June shot her a disparaging look, almost giving herself whiplash in the process. "You can cut that shit out right now!" Jane cleared quickly, realizing her self-pity was not pushing the problem any closer to a practical solution.

"We could all just live together, right?" Nikki added, more to break the silence than anything else. Nobody responded to her.

"Alright then," Nathan exclaimed, hoping his tone of voice imparted more confidence than he really had. "It's one man and one woman here in California. They seem to be considering Jane here to be two people, at least so far. We don't want to cause a big scandal that would aggravate our respective careers, right?"

Again, there was only silence. Jane took a hard, cold look at Nathan. "Oh, yeah! Right! Our careers!" Jane was starting to cloud over once again.