tagHumor & SatireSize Is A Bonus

Size Is A Bonus

byaesthetic_succubus©

In this day and age of political correctness nobody has anything wrong with them. There are names for everything that euphemize and conceal the imperfections of humanity. Everybody has something that cannot be helped or fixed without extensive cosmetic surgery and long term therapy. But in our society where everything must be non-offensive and PC we chose to pretend that everybody is completely equal and perfect as they are. This has caused a rash of feel good catch phrases such as, "Size doesn't matter."

Now let me first start with a disclaimer. I wish to make it completely clear that the "Size doesn't matter." claim is not 100 percent false. A large member and clumsy hands and lips does not an adequate lover make. Technique is 95 percent of the entire experience. A man well versed in foreplay and rhythm will always rate higher in the sack than a well-endowed Neanderthal.

However the sad truth is the other five percent is based on the actual factual size of you Penis. Why do you think the men in porno movies all have tent poles that you could put a troop of boy scouts under? A large thick appendage has an immediate and undisputable advantage over a less grandiose love rod. And the reason for this is simple, the more surface area that can be stroked from within, the better. I know there are women out there assuring the men that what I'm saying is asinine, and I'm sure I'm being targeted for assassination as we speak, but I shall bravely say what most women avoid: Size Is A Bonus. As I said, it isn't everything and certainly not a necessity, but the day a woman is fortunate enough to come across a man who is a sex God in bed and gives John Holmes a run for his money, well, let me just say that thump you heard was the sound of panties hitting the floor across the world.

Now, before all the men reading this who are wondering about your very own willy retreat into the dark land of Penis Insecurity consider this, the definition of bonus.

Bonus n. (bow-nus) An added reward in addition to rewards already given.

Being attuned to your partners sexual wants and needs far exceeds being well hung. A man who is churlish and rough and insensitive in bed will not be invited back no matter how meaty his sausage is. Remember, the phrase, "It's not the size of your ship, it's the motion of the ocean."? Try and remember that. Besides, what good is having a 44 ft. Yacht if you're a mediocre sailor?

As for you men who were blessed with the gift of a substantial missile, don't slack off. Just because you can make our eyes pop and jaws drop at first glace doesn't mean were going to give you a second look if your bedside manner is ineffective. Keep vigilant in bed, listen to your partner. Don't assume you'll get by on the merit of your member's size alone. Don't get cocky, in other words.

As much as they hate to admit it, women think about your size and we do compare you to other men. However, the comparisons are not always uncomplimentary, and women will praise you to other women if you were a gracious and satiating lover. So remember the new axiom of erectile magnitude: Size Is A Bonus! And keep your heads up, guys!

Report Story

byaesthetic_succubus© 1 comments/ 30493 views/ 1 favorites

Share the love

Tags For This Story

Report a Bug

1 Pages:1

Please Rate This Submission:

Please Rate This Submission:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Please wait
Recent
Comments
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

There are no recent comments (1 older comments) - Click here to add a comment to this story or Show more comments or Read All User Comments (1)

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel