Sleep With Me

Neil was not enjoying a very uncomfortable meal. Alex didn't seem to notice but that might be because he didn't want to. Alex's mother noticed; she was the cause of it. Every time Neil glanced at her she was watching him. She didn't actually glare at him but she was cold and Neil wanted to shout 'What!!!!'

There was only one reason he was here at all. He loved Alex, plain and simple. He loved him enough to sit through this torture.

Pushing his food around on the plate Neil tried not to lift his face from it.

"Alright; what the hell's going on?"

Neil jumped and looked up. Alex had put his knife and fork down and was glaring between Neil and his mother.

"What do you mean?" Mrs Cutler asked.

"You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. Don't tell me there's nothing going on."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you want to tell me, Neil?" Neil glanced at Mrs Cutler but she turned her face away. He shook his head. Alex tutted, carefully folded his napkin and laid it on the table next to his plate. "Well, this is what I think's going on. I don't want to think it but it seems I have no choice. Neil, when you told me my mother hated you I laughed. I told you that you're in idiot and imagining things. Now, I think you were right. So, Mother, are you going to explain?"

"I don't hate you, Neil, of course I don't hate you. How could I hate you when you make my son so happy?"

"Bullshit. Look, I'm going to leave the room now and when I come back I want this sorted so I can finish my meal in peace."

Both of them watched him walk out of the room and close the door. There was silence.

"So... um... What, what have I done?"

For a moment Mrs Cutler glared at him, then she sighed and shook her head. "You haven't done anything, Neil. I don't have anything against you, I swear; and I am grateful you're making Alex so happy. He's not had an easy time of it these last few years; neither have I."

"So what...?"

"Has Alex told you?"

"Told me what?"

"That he's ill."

"What? No. I... What's wrong with him?" A hand wrapped itself around Neil's heart, at the look on Mrs Cutler's face, and squeezed hard.

"He has a rare form of narcolepsy. Do you know what that is?"

"Um... not really. It's when you keep falling asleep isn't it?"

"Kind of. I told you it was a rare form. He has... attacks. Sometime they come every week, sometimes not for years. When his father died it was bad, really bad. I thought I was going to lose him."

"L...lose him? Is it that bad? Why didn't he tell me?"

"It's not usually that bad. Usually, he just gets disoriented, detached. He goes to bed, falls asleep and wakes up a few hours later absolutely fine."

"But...?"

"Occasionally, he has really bad attacks. He falls asleep so deeply I can't wake him and it happens fast. I have to make sure he eats before he sleeps because sometimes his blood sugar plummets and he could go into a hypoglycaemic coma. It hasn't happened yet because I make sure he carries sugar pills. If he feels an attack coming on he takes one. The only time he forgets is if it's the sudden onset one. If he's at home I do it for him. If he's outside he has a bracelet that tells people what's wrong and asks them to call an ambulance. Once he gets to the hospital they give him glucose and he's usually absolute fine in a couple of hours."

"Usually?"

"About a week after his father died he had a bad attack, a really bad attack and he was asleep for days. They had to put him on a breathing machine because he was so deeply asleep he couldn't breathe for himself. After a couple of days he just woke up and he was fine. It's the way it is. As soon as he wakes up he's completely over it. On that occasion he was out of hospital and back to normal the next day.

"It's scary, Neil. He hasn't had a bad attack for almost a year but we've had gaps of a year or more before. Sooner or later it's going to happen again and it's scary. It's really hard to cope with."

"And you think that, as soon as he has an attack, I'll get scared and run."

"It's happened before."

"Not with me it hasn't."

"I don't think you understand."

"No, it's you who doesn't understand. I love Alex. I don't love him because he's fit and well but because he's sweet and lovely. I don't care what happens in the future and if he's sick I'll take care of him. You'd better get used to it Mrs Cutler; I'm not going anywhere." He was getting angry but Mrs Cutler nodded her head and reached out to lay her hand over his.

"I believe you, Neil," she said.

When Alex came back they were chatting amicably... about him.

"So... is it sorted? Have you fought it out?"

"No fighting required," Mrs Cutler said lightly. Neil just stared. It made Alex feel uncomfortable.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Alex turned blazing eyes on his mother. "Why did you?"

"He needed to know, Alex."

"Is that what it was all about? What, did you think Neil was going to leave like Jake did? Were you angry with him because you thought he'd run away as soon as things got hard? Neil's not Jake, Mum. I thought you'd have seen that."

"I have," she said softly.

"Neil loves me," Alex said even more softly. "He's not going to run away. I haven't had an attack for a year. Maybe it's gone: maybe not, but Neil's not going to run away from it... are you?" he asked less certainly.

Neil shook his head with a flash of anger. "What do you think? I though you knew me better than that."

"I did. I do."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I..." he shrugged. "I don't know. I meant to but... I was waiting for the right time and there never was one."

Neil nodded and relaxed. "Can we eat our dinner now?" Alex grinned and they did.

With things between Neil and Mrs Cutler vastly improved Neil started to relax and enjoy being at their house more and more. They didn't spend any time at Neil's house because his father, whilst being generally okay with their relationship, was uncomfortable seeing them together, and his mother left the room whenever he and Alex were in it.

Neil was very embarrassed by this but what could he do? Alex said he understood and Neil truly believed that he did but it was still not an ideal situation. He found himself wondering what would happen with his parents if he and Alex got married at some point: then got shocked that he'd been thinking about marriage at all. He'd never in a million years thought he'd ever think of marrying anyone... but Alex wasn't just anyone and he knew full well he'd never find another like him - ever.

They were at Alex's house watching a movie. Mrs Cutler had ordered pizza and all three of them were sitting, tucked up on the sofa, waiting for the meal. Neil wasn't enjoying the film and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to enjoy the pizza; he was way too nervous. He'd decided that tonight was the night he was going to discuss, with Alex, something that had been on his mind for way too long. He had a little box in his pocket with two rings and he was mulling over what would be the best way of approaching the subject.

He had no intention of going down on one knee and proposing. He thought it might be better to broach the subject more carefully and, if Alex was open to the idea, he could either be formal or just suggest they wear commitment rings for a while until they'd really talked about taking the next step.

The rings were identical; simple silver bands twisted into never-ending Celtic knots. He'd had them engraved on the inside with the words 'together forever' and they were burning a hole in his pocket. He was jumpy and on edge, praying for Mrs Cutler to leave so he could get it over with.

"What's wrong with you?" Alex asked.

"What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with me."

"You're more antsy than an anthill."

"It's nothing, honest. I'm fine."

Alex gave him a look that said 'wait until I get you on your own' then put his arms around him, pulling him back against his chest to rest his cheek on the top of his head.

Neil was wrestling with his nerves to the point that he felt sick, when Alex got up. He wouldn't have though anything of it if it hadn't been for the fact that he got up as if Neil wasn't in his arms and leaning on him; which very nearly resulted in dumping him on the floor.

"Hey, watch it. I'm here you know and I break easily." Alex ignored him and headed for the door.

"Is everything alright, Alex?" Mrs Cutler asked, looking up. Alex ignored her too. "Alex?"

Alex didn't so much as glance over his shoulder as he walked out of the door. "Stay here," Mrs Cutler said anxiously to Neil, and followed. Of course, Neil didn't stay there but followed her instantly. Alex was heading up the stairs. "Alex, where you are you going?"

"Bed," he mumbled, his voice strange and distant, as if he was talking to himself and not someone else.

"Aren't you going to have some pizza first?"

"Bed," he repeated, not pausing.

"There are some glucose tablets in the drawer in kitchen." Mrs Cutler hissed, following Alex up the stairs. "Get them as fast as you can."

Neil ran.

When he got to the bedroom Alex was sitting on the bed trying to lie down, but Mrs Cutler wasn't letting him. She was struggling to keep him upright.

"Just a few minutes, baby. You need to eat. You haven't eaten today and you really, really need to get something in you before you go to sleep."

Without thinking, Neil leaped onto the bed, kneeling behind Alex so he could prop him upright. Mrs Cutler smiled up at him gratefully. Neil handed her the tube of glucose tablets and she quickly opened them.

She held one out to Alex. "Eat this, Alex; quickly."

Alex looked at the sugar sweet as if he had no idea what it was or what he was supposed to do with it.

"Eat it, Alex," his mother said pressing it against his lips. He moaned softly and turned his head away, trying to pull out of Neil's arms to lie down. "Please, Alex." He turned his head the other way.

"Give it to me," Neil said softly. Surprised, Mrs Cutler complied. Gently he drew Alex's head back onto his shoulder. Alex looked up and smiled.

"Will you eat this sweet thing for me, Alex?" Alex frowned thoughtfully, his eyes looking at Neil but seeing something else; then smiled. Without waiting for an answer Neil touched the lozenge to Alex's lips, which had parted with the smile. The tip of Alex's tongue touched the sweet and he opened his mouth wide enough for the glucose tablet to slip between his teeth.

"You haven't got time to suck it, baby," Mrs Cutler said. "You need to chew."

Alex stared past Neil, periodically sucking at the sweet. "Chew the sweet, babe. Chew it for me." Again Alex's brow furrowed into a confused frown. He looked as if he was going to say something but in the end he bit down on the lozenge and shattered it.

"Neil, honey." He looked up in surprise at Mrs Cutler's soft words. "See if you can get him to take another and we can let him sleep. He'll be okay then."

Neil nodded and reached out for the sweet. Mrs Cutler paused before she dropped it into his palm. "You should know; he doesn't know you."

"What?"

"Right now, he has no idea who you are, or me. He knows you're there but..."

"Of course he knows me; he..." Neil looked down into the beautiful face that was blinking vacantly at him. The realisation hit him hard. "Oh shit," he said quietly as he gently brushed the long dark hair from his lover's face. Alex started past him and sighed, his eyes closing. "No, babe," he said, cupping Alex's cheek and stroking his lips with his thumb. "Not yet. You need to eat one more." Alex opened his mouth to the caress and Neil slipped in the glucose pill. "Chew," he directed and Alex complied.

"Okay," Mrs Cutler said, "you can let him lie down now."

Neil carefully laid Alex down on the pillow while Mrs Cutler lifted his legs onto the bed. Neil climbed down as Mrs Cutler tenderly tucked the duvet around her son. He was already half asleep. With a sigh he turned over on his side and curled up, sinking fully into sleep.

Mrs Cutler stroked his hair then got to her feet. "Thank you," she said to Neil who was standing, immobile, staring down at Alex. "We should go downstairs and let him sleep."

"Will he be alright?"

"He'll be fine. I'll wake him in an hour and if he wakes easily and recognises me I'll just let him be."

"Do you think he will? That looked pretty bad."

"It wasn't good and it's frustrating that it's happened after all this time but he'll be fine. When he wakes up he'll be completely back to normal. He always is; even after the really bad ones. We're exhausted and on edge; he's bright and cheerful, until he realises what happened, then he's annoyed but still bright and bouncy – just like he always is."

She sounded so sad and tired that, without thinking, Neil put his arm around her shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled.

The pizza arrived and they ate. They didn't talk much; their hearts weren't in it.

"Can I go to wake Alex," Neil asked when the hour was up. Mrs Cutler looked uncomfortable.

"I don't know. You don't know what to look for. I..."

"I know what to look for. If he wakes easily and knows who I am then everything is okay. If he doesn't, I'll call you." She still looked uncomfortable. "You're going to have hand over the reins at some point," he reminded her gently.

She looked tense for a moment then she relaxed and smiled. "I know," she said and nodded. As he walked past her she laid a hand on his arm. "Thank you, Neil," she said and he smiled.

Alex was sound asleep exactly as they'd left him. Neil crouched at the side of the bed, bringing his face level with Alex's. He was so peaceful; it seemed such a shame to wake him. Neil shook his head. What the hell was he thinking?

"Alex," he called softly. "Alex, wake up." Alex stirred a little and moaned sleepily. Neil felt weak with relief. He hadn't realised how tense and scared he had been. "Wake up," he repeated, more loudly. Alex stirred more and mumbled something. "Hey you; sleeping beauty, you need to wake up now." A small smile crept over Alex's lips and then he froze, half on his side with his head thrown back. For a moment Neil felt the fluttering of panic, until understanding crawled through his mind.

Smiling, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Alex's. Alex kissed him back, then yawned widely. "Hey, this is what I get for being Prince Charming? There's nothing in the storybooks that says when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty she tried to eat him."

Alex smiled and opened his eyes. They were sleepy but clear and focussed. "True, but you're no Prince Charming and I sure as hell ain't Sleeping Beauty."

"Oh, I don't know about that."

Neil kissed him again but this time his response was lukewarm. "Tired," he mumbled, curling up again, snuggling his face into Neil's hand.

"Well... I guess it would be okay if you went back to sleep but when you wake up I'm expecting a proper kiss."

"Your wish is my command," Alex said with a smile, then he was fast asleep again.

Neil was smiling when he went back down the stairs. Mrs Cutler looked up anxiously. "Was he alright? Did he know you?"

"I sure hope so. I'd hate to think he'd seduce anyone else like that." She raised her eyebrows. "He tricked me into kissing him." Her eyes widened further. "Sorry, I'm teasing but yeah, he's fine. He licked his lips and smiled. They ate more pizza. Another hour passed.

"I think it's my turn now," Mrs Cutler said.

"Do you need to wake him again?"

"Every hour, but it's just to make sure he can wake up. I don't have to talk to him this time. He won't remember."

"Okay."

Mrs Cutler didn't crouch down as Neil had. She sat on the bed and stroked Alex's hair gently. "Wake up, baby. Show me your pretty eyes and I'll let you get back to sleep. Come on sweetheart."

Alex didn't stir and, apart from some listless stirring and the occasional flash of his eyes, he remained fast asleep despite everything she tried over the following ten minutes. "Oh baby," she said sadly as she stroked his face. He sighed softly but that was all.

Pulling her phone out of her pocket she pressed a number on speed dial, praying it would be answered. It was.

"Dr Hunter," she said in relief. "It's Caren Cutler. I don't know if you remember me."

"Remember you? Of course I remember you; how could I forget? How is my favourite patient?"

"Not too great. He's in an attack; a bad one. He checked out completely and I had the devil of a job to get some glucose into him. He woke fine after the first hour and he was lucid and aware but this time I can't get him awake."

"Is he responsive at all?"

"Yes, he's stirring but he won't actually wake."

"Give him another hour. It might just be that he's fallen deep in. How long has it been since he had his last attack?"

"A year."

"Really? Has it been that long? I think it's understandable then. Try not to worry. Give it another hour and if he still won't rouse give me a ring back."

"Thank you so much."

With a sigh she disconnected the call and looked down sadly at Alex. "I'm so sorry you're going through this again. I know you thought it was over. But you'll be okay; and you have Neil now."

"Is everything okay?"

She looked up and smiled at Neil. "He'll be okay. I gave the doctor a ring and he said that as it's been such a long time he's probably gone in deep but he should be okay in an hour or so."

"Should be okay?"

"Let's just leave it another hour and see how it goes."

"But..."

"It's the way it goes, Neil. This is what I was talking about. If you're going to stay with Alex you're going to have to get used to it."

"If? There's no 'if'. Unless Alex decides he's had enough of me I intend to be with him forever." neil blushed and put his hand in his pocket fingering the box. On impulse he took it out and offered it to Caren. Uncertainly she took it and opened it. "I was going to talk to him tonight. Maybe I should wait a while."

"Are you sure? Are you really sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything."

"It's a hell of a step, and you're both so young."

"We've been together for over a year and I know I'm never going to want anyone else. If he feels the same what's the point of hanging around. I'm twenty five and I've got a good job and Alex will qualify in September. We've already talked about looking for a flat. What better time?"

Caren smiled gently at him and handed the box back. "You don't need to convince me. The fact that you're still here tonight convinces me well enough."

Briefly they hugged then they went down to watch the end of the film.

The third time they tried to wake Alex he was even more deeply asleep and didn't even stir. Caren rang the doctor who told her to take him straight to the hospital and he'd meet them there. Both Caren and Neil were frightened, but Caren reassured them both that this wasn't the first time and he was always okay in the end.

Caren called an ambulance to take them to the hospital. It was the only way they could reasonably get Alex there. Neil followed in the car. Alex half woke when the paramedics strapped him to the stretcher but then slid back in immediately. He woke again when they arrived at the hospital but he simply looked around in a complete daze then fell asleep again.

Dr Hunter met them inside and immediately had Alex taken to a private room in the part of the hospital he used as his own clinic. Once there he gave Alex a thorough examination then turned to Caren and Neil.

"I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting you before," he said to Neil, holding out his hand.

Neil smiled. "I'm Alex's boyfriend."

"You're here; that's wonderful. If I remember, the last time I saw Alex he was going through a rather difficult breakup."

"Yes," Caren growled. "Asshole. Neil is exactly what Alex needed. He's been so happy."