So You Want to Try a Swing Club

We're not sure there is such a thing as a guide to swinging. If you do it, you really just learn as you go. This is not researched to any great extent. It is based on what we have found from personal experience and there is so much more to not only consider, but to discover. This is primarily about swing clubs and although there is mention of singles, it is really geared to couples. Really though, the rules, if you want to call them that, are similar. This is written only to see if you're interested and, if so, the rest of what you need to know is available on-line or through personal discovery. Our hope is you will find it informative.

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Okay, so you want to try the swinging lifestyle-now what? Please keep in mind everything written here is based on personal observation and experience by going to clubs. Swinging is not like an over-sized t-shirt where "one size fits all." What works for one person or couple will not necessarily work for another person or couple. In fact, it shouldn't. If it did, there wouldn't be the diversity the various clubs offer. So, take from this what you will and remember it's written in general terms and is not meant to be an exhaustive treatise on the subject by any means. That, if you elect to engage in this activity, you can write later.

However, before beginning, let us share our thoughts on one thing. Swinging is often referred to as a "lifestyle." Some even refer to it as an "alternative lifestyle." We completely discount the latter because of the "alternate" and essentially reject the former by way of definition. The most common definition of a lifestyle is a way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group. By this, definition, it would seem to be the main focus of one's life. Our preference is to think of it as only a part of our life together, but certainly not the focus of it. Still, experience indicates for some it the focal point and we guess is truly a lifestyle for those persons. That however connotes to us something more than it should ever be. For us, swinging is more accurately defined as a form of recreational social and sexual behavior between consenting adults-but nothing more. We're not sure if there is a consensus regarding this except to us it does mean one thing; it is not going to interfere with our personal relationship and if it appeared at anytime it would, the so-called lifestyle for us is over. Our relationship together is more important to us than any interlude with another person or couple.

The last statement is a personal one by and between us and not wholly the theme of this writing, although the thought pervades the article anyway. Our real goal is not to make people so much aware of swing clubs, which we take as a given, but to let others know what goes on so an opinion of giving one a try can be formed by the reader.

Before making the decision to go to a swing club, while there are many considerations we can't begin to cover here, it's important to know at least three concepts. There is soft, open and closed swinging and each is distinct and as a couple in particular, important to know which one is best suited for you. Soft-swinging is essentially one that encompasses, or can, everything sexual but stops short of actual sexual intercourse with other partners. Closed swinging is sexual interaction among couples using separate rooms and open swinging refers to two or more couples participating in sexual acts in the same room. The latter two obviously do not exclude the joining of single person, generally a male, in the activities whereas the first implies it does but wouldn't necessarily preclude a single person being involved.

The differences would seem to be self-evident. Soft-swinging may satisfy the voyeuristic and/or exhibitionist tendencies of a couple and certainly cuts down the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Closed swinging obviously provides the most privacy and open swinging the least privacy. Now from here you can get into sub-categories such as watersports, BDSM, etc. Of course, you have to find a club to go to but we're leaving that part up to the reader.

At the same time, just a brief overview of clubs is important. Generally clubs come in two types. There are those defined as on-premises and there are off -premises clubs. The latter is typically a party in a private home or hotel while the former is simply a club with private and public areas for engaging in a brief sexual interlude with others. In this writing, we're dealing only with the on-premises club because that's been the extent of our experience to date. It, in our opinion, offers a night club or bar atmosphere for meeting like minded persons and more than that, it seems to provide the safest environment to indulge in your sexual fantasies and beyond.

What types of people will you find at a club? It may depend on the club as some do cater to persons seeking a specific type of activity. Generally though, swingers come from all walks of life, races, and socio-economic backgrounds. There are those that feel people going to clubs are interested in exploring their sexual fantasies and that may very well be true. We have heard it said swingers are more honest with themselves and others and tend to have better communication skills with their partners than most couples. While communication between partners is essential, to boldly state it is better between a swinging couple than a non-swinging couple would seem to us to be bullshit. What kinds of people won't you find? Although there are always those singles and couples that describe themselves as looking for other people they can have a relationship outside of the swing club, we haven't met those people as yet. It seems to be more of a one night stand and then people move on. In the grand scheme of things, this may not be a bad thing. If it's more recreational, it becomes or is, devoid of deep emotional attachment, so it makes sense. This does not however mean it can't happen-we just haven't as yet found it to be the case.

When looking for a club, do some research. You can use the Internet as a good starting point or you get magazines that cater to the so-called "lifestyle." One thing it would appear most clubs have in common is the requirement you must contact the management first before going. When you do finally arrive, you most likely will be given a tour. If you're thinking, or especially hoping, you're going to see naked people running around engaged in sex acts, you'll be somewhat disappointed-at least at first. This should not be taken as a blanket statement you won't, because at some point you no doubt will persons in public areas. As an aside, a few days before this will be actually posted to Literotica, one of us was engaged in a limited threesome on a sofa in main area and plenty of people stood around watching two women and a man engage in oral sex.

Most clubs belong to NASCA. NASCA describes itself as an association of clubs, events, services and others related to the swinger/lifestyle community. Incidentally, if you really don't know how to find a club, this is one place to look. Clubs affiliated with NASCA are generally EOLO-Equal Opportunity Lifestyle Organizations. Please understand this does not mean what one would probably first believe. It seems almost all clubs have rules prohibiting male to male contact. Female contact with another female seems rarely discouraged. It sounds like an equal protection violation of the 14th Amendment doesn't it! That last comment is tongue in cheek because the 14th Amendment obviously apply so don't go out and file a lawsuit if you're male and you get thrown out of a club for having, or trying to have, contact with another male. EOLO really is a way of letting members or potential members the club is open to all races and nationalities. Going back to the male to contact being prohibited and female to female almost encouraged, that is not always case. There are some clubs that cater to same sex, either gender, or open up a particular night for it. The important message here is to read the rules of the club you wish to attend.

These are the rules of one of the clubs we belong to and they're fairly typical:

Rules

1. No means no. Do not touch anyone without permission at any time.

2. No drugs, illicit, over the counter, or prescription are allowed in the club.

3. No cameras, videotaping or recording of any kind is permitted at the club.

4.Please practice safe sex and bring your own condoms.

5. BYOB means bring your own booze. We do not sell or accept responsibility for any alcohol. Do not trade or sell alcohol to anyone.

6. No fighting or loud arguments will be tolerated. If you have an issue with someone, please let the staff know.

7. Being drunk is very unattractive. Please do not abuse alcohol.

8. No sexual contact between males at any time.

9. We cannot be responsible for lost articles. Please leave valuables at home.

10. No weapons of any kind are permitted on the premises.

11. No prostitution. Any exchange of money or valuables for sex or sexual favors is prostitution and will not be tolerated.

Dress Code

*Members are expected to dress properly, follow the rule of thumb, dress to impress!

*No gang or biker colors allowed.

*No 'do' rags, skull caps, or hats are to be worn inside the building. (Designer hats may be accepted, final say in what is appropriate will rest solely on the staff.)

*No clothing that is torn, ripped or soiled.

Gentleman's Code of Conduct

*Our gentlemen are not to wear undershirts, tank tops, or "wife beaters".

*All gentlemen are required to ask permission or be invited before joining anyone at a table or couch.

*At no time should a gentleman expose his genitals to a lady without her consent or request, in any public area of the club.

*Gentlemen may not loiter upstairs in the common or private room area. Gentlemen are NOT to follow a couple upstairs, unless specifically invited.

*During activity between other guests, a gentleman is not to get within 10ft of the activity. Nor shall a gentleman enter or attempt to enter any party area without permission of the occupants.

Single Male Policy

*All new single males must take a tour and a short interview on Friday nights between 8pm and 10pm to be considered for membership. No NEW single males will be allowed entry on Saturday nights.

*Single males are not to be on the top floor (private rooms) on Saturday evenings without being invited and accompanied at all times by a female.

*We will be limiting our attendance by single males on Saturday nights. Entrance to 6 single males for our first 30 couples, once that number is met, we will enlist a ratio of 1 single male to every 5 couples. It would be advisable for single males to call before coming out.

*Friday nights will be open to single men, without limitation, at this time.

Are the rules enforced? For the most part, we would have to agree they are. Some clubs have stricter dress codes and now, with the advent of cell phones that can be used as a camera, those have become another prohibition and, although not listed as yet on the website for the club, the rules will no doubt change to include it. The real questions is once three or people enter a room, are the rules enforced? It is believed by the "No means no" policy they are but it takes some self-policing here. Cameras, whether cell phone or otherwise, is another issue and not believed enforced in private rooms, just public areas.

If you intend to go, plan on purchasing a membership. The cost can range from $50.00 per year to much more. There is also a door donation. For example, at the club with the rules listed above, the door donation is $35.00 per couple for entry on Saturday, less on Friday and for single males, about $10.00 each night than a couple. For single females, we're guessing because there are fewer attending, many times the membership fee is waived and the door donation is either free or nominal.

This is really just an overview of swing clubs. Swinging is about sex-most of the time. There folks that frequent clubs that never do anything but walk around and watch. Some married couples only do things with each other. They may do so publicly and sometimes privately. If you're looking to build lasting relationships, be advised as above people tend to move on and perhaps that's as it should be. Emotional bonds should be between the couple, not the couple, or one member of the couple, and someone else. That, in our opinion, would be a mistake and put the primary relationship at risk.

The fact is, it's not for everyone and the absence of engaging in swinging in a couple's life is more than likely the norm. Each situation is different and a couple should never jump in until they're ready. If a couple is having problems, swinging is not going to help. If anything, it would seem to do the opposite. If a couple has a close relationship built on honesty and communication, and swinging is something both want to do, then give it a try. There are those that will say it will strengthen your relationship. That is a principle we're not sure about but worthy of discussion another time. Our quick thought though, your relationship better be already strong before engaging in this activity. Swinging can certainly open doors in the marital bedroom we believe.

If the relationship you're in is strong and you're looking for diversity, give it a try. There is no rule that by attending a club you have to participate in sexual play with other people. Sometimes it really is just fun to watch.

One final thought: Real life is different than stories on Literotica. On Literotica, almost every story is about unprotected sex with unrelated people. That, we guess, is the essence of an erotic or porn story and "hot cum" smacking the top of a condom just isn't as good somehow then when it is flooding the back of a woman's throat. The decision to practice safe sex is up to the reader, not up to us for the reader. Make responsible, informed decisions but-it's your life!

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We hope you found this informative and it leads you to explore the concept further, whether or not you actually act upon it or not. If you do, be smart and by all means, be safe! As always, our thanks to you!