Sophia Pt. 02

I was even getting close to making a pass at him, and that would have thrown him into a complete panic. Good thing I didn't.

Don seemed to have a good body. In fact, he had a body just slightly less than model quality; it was a lot better than most women are ever likely to bed. Damn his ex-wife.

And if I ever get into a permanent relationship with Don, how would I know that he just didn't settle for me rather than want me over all others? It's not like he has dated any other women that he could compare me to.

Talking to my three friends, I explained my thoughts. "When I first met Don, I thought he was a rusty knight, and that he was just in need of a little bit of polishing. Then I got to know him better and I thought, screw the polishing. I really like Don and I adore his daughters, but his ego and sexual confidence have to be zero. He is Saint Don and I'm the scarlet woman. What do I do? I'm looking for advice here."

Kathy had taken out her contacts and put on her glasses. She was now in professor mode; she almost had her doctorate in psychology, which I was helping to paying for. She spoke and we paid attention. "The only thing we can change is Don and his self confidence – we can't change Maria's background. Let's see what we can do about Don."

"I always like to start with small things and work from there. Frequently when you start with the small parts of a problem, you change the situation and make the hard parts of the problem easier to deal with."

"Let's start first with Don's appearance. He seems to be very fit; he is not chiseled, but still very fit. We want to give him a boost to his ego, so let's start him on an exercise program to really get him in shape. Seeing himself chiseled in the mirror would help with that, and reactions from women when he gets chiseled should help as well. Maria, I think it is time we saw those infamous photos."

Kathy wasn't showing her sex maniac side, she was showing her professional side. I got the pictures.

Freddie made some suggestive comments, but Kathy and Vanessa stayed cool.

Vanessa asked, "How did he get the scars on his back?"

Freddie answered, "Didn't you read that? About five years ago some psycho teenage boy was chasing his girlfriend with a garden rake. Don stepped in the way to shield the girl and got hit in the back."

Just like Don, the idiot, to forget his armor.

Vanessa replied, "Oh, wow, I missed that. Let's be frank. He has some wonderful definition of his leg muscles, butt, back and arms but his torso is a sleeper. I know he is very strong, but the definition of his chest and abs is terrible. With the right exercises we can probably change that. I doubt he has ever had a personal trainer, so let's start with getting one for him and since I already work as a trainer in my own gym, I'm confident I can handle the job and shape him up. We will probably have to cut some of the carbs from his diet too. As for his hair, there has got to be something that we can do with it. Anything would look better than what he has now, even a military brush cut." We all nodded our heads in agreement.

Kathy spoke again. "I'm not talking about sex here, but what other things is a stud or suave gentleman supposed to know? I'm not talking about romantic behavior. I'm talking about skills or attributes."

Well, we discussed Kathy's question at length and came up with a list. Item one was to be a good dancer. We knew from interviews with his sisters and ex-wife that Don had wanted to take lessons with Barbara, but she had always refused, so we assumed that Don wasn't a good dancer. It would fall to me to teach him.

Item two, be able to fix a car. We all laughed about that one. Don could probably fix a 747.

Item three, be able to cook a good meal. Well, we could safely skip that.

Item four, be able to lift heavy objects. Vanessa mentioned how he had casually picked up a 300 pound snow blower, so we figured we could skip that one, too.

Item five, be willing to defend himself or others. I told them how a tenant of Don's is giving him self defense lessons in exchange for using Don's basement home gym, so that took care of Item 5.

Item six, not be a bully. Don being a bully? Nah.

Item seven, be handy with tools. Well, skip that one too.

Item eight, have a good income. So far as we knew he makes around eighty thousand a year, and that seems plenty good.

Item nine, be financially secure. Don has over two million in assets, that should be secure enough.

Item ten, be intelligent. He's got a college degree and knows how to boil water, so he passes again.

Item eleven, be a both a good listener and a good talker. This one sparked an argument between Kathy, Freddie and me. Freddie and I thought Don was a good communicator and Kathy brushed us off. "Nope, if Don were a really good listener he wouldn't have been so easily deceived by his ex-wife, and he would suspect how you really feel about him, too, Maria. Personally, I think this will always be a weakness of his. It is not so much that Don misunderstands what people are saying, he doesn't seem to have any understanding of what is unsaid in a conversation, particularly when having a conversation with a woman. Now, this shouldn't be a deal breaker for Don, but I think we need to work with him to make him more observant. Now when it comes to educating Don in communication and romance, I think what we all should do is take Don on practice dates."

Freddie yelled, "Yeah, I'm ready to practice on Don."

Kathy looked at Freddie crossly. "This is a little off topic, but I mean romantic practice, not sex practice; romantic evenings, stopping at polite kisses and going no further. During those evenings he should engage other people in conversation so that afterwards whichever one of us was with him will be able to discuss the conversation with him to see what he understood and what he missed. In that way we will be able to, as it were, kill two birds with one stone. All of us have small and large events that it will be nice to have a date for. I propose that we take Don to some of these events to "give him some polish", as Maria mentioned. When we feel Don is ready, we get him some real dates where someone might be sexually interested in Don."

"Hey, I'm not sure I like that."

"Maria, Don needs to get his sexual confidence up. I don't think that is going to happen with any of us in this room. I'm not saying that he is going to actually have sex with anyone. All I'm saying is that we're just going to make it more likely to happen. That's all. As for sexual instruction, I've got some books I can give Don at the appropriate time."

We resumed talking about the list.

Item twelve, be kind. It was very possible that Don was too kind.

Item thirteen, be able to ride a horse. Kathy thought that one was pretty silly, but the rest of us overrode her. What good is a cowboy or knight without a horse? I would be Don's instructor.

Item fourteen, know how to dress well. Don wasn't exactly a bad dresser, but he wasn't good either. Vanessa and I would handle that one together.

Vanessa spoke up. "I want to be sure, why are we doing all this? I think I know why, but I want to know for sure."

Kathy spoke up again. "I hope I speak for all of us. First, we like Don and he has been screwed over. Second, we like Megan and Robin. Third, we like Maria, who definitely has an interest in Don. Fourth, and most importantly, this investigative report was a complete and immoral invasion of Don's private life. We are complicit in this act by reading the report and not raising objections. We are also now aware of Don's potential difficulty with romantic relationships. We have a moral responsibility to help Don if he will accept it. And fifth, I think it will be a lot fun, just like something from My Fair Lady, except with a guy." During the last sentence Kathy ripped off her glasses and put a big grin on her face.

We all laughed as she stood up. "I declare the formation of the Polishing Don Association. For president, I nominate Maria. Head of the physical education department will be Vanessa. Comic relief will be Freddie." Freddie stuck her tongue out at Kathy, and Kathy grinned back. "And I will be head of the planning department. I also propose that at a future time we might want to bring in Megan and Robin as junior members. All in favor say aye." We had been sitting at my dining room table discussing things and I had a vegetable party tray in the center and, you guessed it, instead of saying aye we threw vegetables at Kathy. But what the hey, it meant the same thing.

Kathy caught some of the vegetables thrown at her and said, "I also propose that we have Don cater all future meetings of the P.D.A since Maria's cooking sucks." Everyone else said "aye", but I said "Hey!" Let them chop up their own carrot sticks from now on.

I didn't know how far I would agree to follow Kathy's plan. Some of it made sense. But I really didn't like the thought of Don going on real dates. He was a gem, ripe for the plucking. He has too much kindness and integrity, and he has an old world sense of honor. Some woman was likely to get him into bed and he would then feel compelled to marry her. I wonder if that was how Barbara did it? Polish his armor, lubricate his joints a bit and, damn it, I wanted him! Then my heart gave a lurch and, with a sickening sense of despair, I realized that he would never feel that way for me if he were to ever find out what I was really like and what I had done before we met. Oh, god, what was I going to do?

It was unanimously decided that the PDA was not going to be a kept a secret from Don. We would even tell him about the report. Kathy was confident that, knowing his personality, she could present it in such a way as to mollify Don's potential anger. Morally we had no right to work behind Don's back, even if it would be to his benefit. However, we also didn't feel it necessary or beneficial to tell him everything. For example, the way that Kathy had proposed working on his communications skills would probably work better if he didn't know about it.

We decided to wait for Thanksgiving weekend to spring this all on Don. I had mentioned THE TURKEY to them and the gluttons had immediately gotten interested, even Freddie. They would be coming up the weekend before Thanksgiving, too. I firmly told them that I had promised Megan and Robin that I would ride with them in Don's car. My cronies, as Don calls them, then started the old game of insisting the girls ride with me and my friends would ride with Don, assholes.

We all met up at Don's apartment for our weekend trip. I let Vanessa drive my new SUV, while I got in his car. I was bummed out at first. We couldn't find the Yahtzee game. Don swore that it was under the seat, but after searching for ten minutes, we gave up, so the girls and I decided to practice our musical talents. For some reason their father had a real preference for either the Beatles or Queen during this drive. I didn't care; it was all good to me. Don seemed to really enjoy the trip.

………………………………...............

That had to be the best long car ride of my life. Maria's dancing and singing to the Beatles while in her seat had made my blood pressure rise. It took a lot of deep breaths for almost twenty minutes and switching out the Beatles for a jazz CD, but when we got to Maria's home it was finally safe for me to get out the car.

I brought the usual desserts with me. I had baked everything at home because I knew I wouldn't have much time during the weekend. I had brought two PIES and one CAKE, plus I had made a whole bunch of cookies.

This time I made white chocolate cookies with macadamia nuts. Kathy and Freddie drooled when they saw them. After Friday's dinner of grilled salmon they sat at the table right across from me and I swear they made love to them. Three cookies in a row! I was blushing so much I thought steam would be coming out of my ears. My big brain didn't catch on soon enough, but my little brain certainly did. It wasn't safe for me to get up from the table. Even when I refused to look at them I couldn't calm down, because I could still hear them. It's a good thing my daughters were doing the dishes at the sink. Vanessa just sat there looking back and forth from me to Kathy and Freddie. She had a big grin on her face and I think she was waiting for me to explode.

Finally Maria, who was puttering around the kitchen, noticed what was going on. She came back to table and hissed at them to stop. "Megan and Robin will see you two, stop it! Or I'll throw out THE PIE!"

That forced them to get up with grumbles of "you're no fun!"

Vanessa waited until Maria's back was turned to lean over and whisper in my ear, "If you think that was hot, wait until I show you what I can do with THE PIE, tonight." Then she gently blew in my ear. I had to wait another ten minutes to get up!

Another movie night for them. I went up to bed early. I didn't want to chance seeing Vanessa make good on her threat.

I stuck an old movie in the DVD player in my room and then I got in bed. A bit later Megan and Robin came upstairs to check on me. They were worried that I had called it a night so early.

"Dad, are you okay? You came up to bed real early," asked Megan.

"I'm fine, just a little tired." Good thing that they came up when they did. I had almost made up my mind to go to the bathroom and relieve a little tension. Five minutes later and I would have been in a thoroughly humiliating situation. I could just imagination my girls yelling through the bathroom door at me. "Daddy, what are you doing in there?"

Robin looked at the movie playing. "Dad, are you watching that Houseboat movie again? Aren't you sick of it?"

Megan grabbed her and pulled her away to hush her. Sadly, I could hear a lot of the whispered conversation. It was my night to be embarrassed.

"Robin don't you ……. That movie …...….actress…..… Loren…….like Maria."

Robin turned to look at me with big eyes. I wanted to hide under the covers. That is not something that guys and especially FATHERS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!

The two of them came back to me, all innocent smiles. They patted my blankets and gave me kisses on the cheek. THEY TUCKED ME IN BED! Then they told me how much they loved me and left. When my door closed behind them I could hear giggles out in the hallway. The tension I had earlier was completely gone. I was too humiliated.

I got up early the next day and used the snow blower to clean the driveway. Carl had the tractor repaired, but I was unfamiliar with it and figured that there was less chance of me damaging things with the blower. Being out in the fresh air with a power tool helped make me feel better, more in charge of things again.

I made a really early lunch of hamburgers, grilled cheese sandwiches, and French fries for everyone before they went skiing. I then started work cleaning and seasoning the smoker. I don't know what anti-rust preservative they used on the sucker, but it was hell to clean off. I got tired after three hours and thought forget it, it was clean enough, so I started curing the smoker. I was still doing that when everyone got back.

They looked tired but happy as they all walked in with rosy cheeks. I had hot chocolate and cookies ready for them to warm up with first, then they got cleaned up and I started dinner. Since I was stuck outside all day seasoning the smoker as I had suspected would be the case even before we came up, I had previously decided to cook that Korean pork meal for them. I cooked up almost seven pounds of pork and those sharks ate every bit of it. It was a shame that all that grease went to waste. If it had been earlier, I could have used it for seasoning the smoker.

For Freddie I fried up some shrimp and small pieces of squid. I also made sure to cook the pork separately. Freddie whipped together her own dipping sauce made from cocktail sauce, Tabasco sauce and horseradish. She just slathered it on her lettuce while building her balls. She seemed to devour it all with great relish. That sauce of hers would have burned out my tonsils!

I went to bed early again, and for the same reasons. However, again for the same reasons, I made sure that night to watch a John Wayne movie.

The next day I made Sunday breakfast as usual. Then I barely averted a minor disaster. Maria was almost talked into riding home with her friends because of time constraints, but, luckily for me, I found the Yahtzee game in the spare tire compartment. I wonder how it got there, heh, heh, heh? "Shake it, shake it, shake it, baby now."

That Monday I went for my now regular appointment with Doctor Huff. I told her what happened during the weekend, with the way Kathy and Freddie ate the cookies and how my kids reacted to me watching Houseboat, and then my own doctor laughed at me! I don't mean a little giggle, but a full deep belly laugh that filled the room. Every time she would slow down, she would take one look at my face and start back up. I felt so betrayed!

………………………………..........

I'm not so sure about my friends. I get the sneaking suspicion that they are all starting to imagine themselves walking down a wedding aisle with Don.

The afternoon before Thanksgiving Day we all drove up to my home. I was stuck driving my own car. Don's was too packed with food.

Thursday morning he got up really early to start cooking. I walked out a couple times to inspect the outdoor activities and progress. Don had his smoker set up in the little walled outdoor kitchen area where I keep my gas barbecue. He had a green canvas tarp on top of the smoker.

"Don isn't that thing going to catch on fire?"

"Nah, it's a welding blanket that I use on cold days to keep the temperature up in the smoker. It might get scorched a little by the firebox if I'm not careful, but it won't catch on fire."

After several hours, he brought the finished turkey in and it smelled absolutely wonderful. He made us wait a while for it to reabsorb some of its own juices. I had to admit the smell had my mouth watering, but when we finally tasted it, I discovered that his daughters had been wrong. THE TURKEY was even better than they had described! Don had bought the biggest turkey that I have ever seen and I was worried that it wasn't big enough.

Don had also brought up four live lobsters in a special box he built out of a cooler chest and some parts from an old aquarium, just especially for Freddie. While she ate the first two of her lobsters she looked on in awe as we scarfed the turkey down. I think that was the first time I have ever seen her depressed about being a vegetarian. The other food Don had with THE TURKEY was just as wonderful, too. Barbara had cheated on this man, she must be certifiably insane.

Don had worked so hard and he still had to clean the smoker so we girls cleaned the table and kitchen. Even though we were stuffed to the gills, we still kept on stealing bits from THE TURKEY. We refused to throw out the smallest pieces of THE TURKEY. If a plate or platter had a tiny bit left, we would lick it off. It was just too good; it was like sacrilege to throw out any of it, no matter how small.

We were ready to bow down and worship Don for his creation of THE TURKEY. Instead we waddled our way to the movie room and fell asleep for a couple of hours. When Don found us nearly comatose in the movie room he gently revived us and then served us each one piece of pumpkin pie and one piece of pecan. Then he went to bed, it had been a long day for him. I would have been worried about my friends sneaking off to his room to pay homage, but we were all too bloated and tired. For the rest of the night the only times we woke up were to start a new movie in the player.