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Frank and Joe looked around and started laughing. They had no idea how their wives and daughters had done it, but somehow every teenage boy had one or two large shopping bags in their hands. They had only seen Rose buy Sophia's dress, shoes and pocketbook and had no idea what was in the bags. At this point, they really didn't care, they needed food.
The procession of Carlucci's left the mall and the caravan drove to Carmelo's, which thankfully was empty. Frank looked at Gianni and said with a smile on his face as they waited while the staff pushed some tables together, "What table did you all use, I don't want to sit at that one." Gianni did have the grace to blush and mumbled, "The one in the back right corner."
Alberto and Carmelo came over to talk to them after they were seated since the families were close friends. Alberto glanced around the room intently as if searching for something he didn't quite understand, as if the answer to the question was there, but he didn't know what the question was and his wolf started prancing around his head in delight.
Carmelo looked at Gianni, Marcus, Lorenzo and Damian and said while grinning, "Where's your partner in debauchery? Sophia put him under lock and key since the declaration?" He looked at Sophia and winked at her; she grinned back at him and said, "He's working today Mr. Moretti, but I'll tell him that you were asking about him."
Alberto had moved closer to Vincent and Dominic and was talking quietly to them about their plans for that evening, "I found out about this big party tonight, how many of you are going? I, uh, need to know to make the proper arrangements if the youngsters are going," he said looking at Enzo, Gino, Paulo and Michael. The four of them looked at Vin and Dom and enthusiastically shook their heads yes. "Okay, I'll go make some phone calls," he said still glancing around searching the room intently for something he didn't quite understand. Jus then Maria and Annie came out of the restroom and started walking to the table. His gaze landed on Maria and then all hell broke loose...
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 2 years agoI’m aware this story was written ages ago so my feedback may be a waste. That being said, this story is… not good. Don’t get me wrong, I see your vision but it reads more like a wattpad than a romance story found on a erotic literature site (before your fans come at me, I know there’s a ton of TERRIBLE stories here). I think my frustration with this story lies in the fact that you had some great ideas but this needs at least three more edits before being published. And my edits, I’m referring to your writing style.
1. I fail to understand why she’s 15. You have at least gone for 18 and 21, it’s just uncomfortable to read about teens on this site, even if they’re not doing the deed
2. Introduced way too many characters in the first chapters and it’s clear there’s more to come. It’s confusing for the readers.
3. I want to care about your characters and the way to do that is to gradually introduce them in the story. So they all have enough time in the page to shine. Right now, all these men are the same and don’t care if Sophia ends up with Anthony or Scott or dead
4. Girl, now why are the parents acting like teenagers?
5. All these characters are just stereotypes, again, it’s hard for me to care about them. I don’t know if it was a cop out making the characters so young so you won’t have to work hard to give them personalities
6. I kept reading because the comments are full of praises but if by the fifth chapter there are still no improvements, then telling a reader to wait until chapter eight isn’t a good sign.
7. I get that they’re werewolves and you want to emphasis that they live as pack and give birth in large numbers but maybe you have have made some of the brothers older? That way I would have believed it more when the ALPHA and BETA are talking about pack matters with their sons. Like why are grown were men having a pizza and soda party with teenage boys? I don’t get it. Anthony could have just gone to his father’s office, found his dad talking to his beta (we don’t even need to be privy to the conversations) and he could have been like “oh! Dad, sorry for interrupting” and his dad could have called him in and said the meeting was drawing to an end any way and given his son the opportunity to express his concerns about Scott. Why was it made into a meeting? I get it, pack life, but not like this. It’s immature and doesn’t make sense.
8. The over-protective makes. Okay, I’ll bite and say this happens in your were universe. So if it’s so normal for the girls to be supervised at all times, just show us. Don’t tell us. What’s worse, you’ve told us any opportunity you get that these girls need a wall about strong men for them to exist. Maybe have Sophia be the one who’s used to be treated like a little princess and have Maria be the rebel. Gets them I trouble, sneaks out to go to parties etc. That way, when you do explain the reason for the protection the girls have, you bounce off something wreckless that Maria does.
Lastly, to summaries, I can tell you’ve done research and have planned. But I think that’s the issue here. I can see it. Your story isn’t very seamless because your regurgitating your author notes to your readers. I’m not gong to continue on reader but I think it’s fantastic that so many people love this story. I think I’m just not the reader you intended to attract with this story. That’s okay. Good luck with the rest!
Anonymousabout 7 years agoI've read this series five times. Great work PBL. Your consistency with name spelling could use a tiny bit of improvement but overall, it's perfect.
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoI dare anyone to read the first chapter and not laugh their buts off. I like the way the story is so far. keep up the good work.
MyrtleBeachFanaticover 10 years agoKeep reading, everything is explained in Chapter 8 why they protect the girls so carefully.
AMHJ89over 10 years agoLol how unfair the boys get to literally wore around while the girls have to live like nuns until they're eighteen and why condoms if weres are typically immune to human disease and can only procreate with their mates?
