Southern Tide Vol. 02

Chapter One

A full year had gone by, and things had fallen into normalcy for Cat and Dale. They had recently settled down into a charming new home together, and were taking off as a couple. They were happy and in love, and Kiara knew that they would probably marry soon. She on the other hand, was miserable and envious of Cat. Even though she had been the most popular of the two, her life had gone in a very different direction, and as a result she began to avoid her cousin.

It was Friday night; a time for going out on a date or partying with friends and lovers. That used to be her lifestyle years ago, but now Joshua was the only love she had left...next to Cat and her mother of course. She sat at home in her living room, wondering why she had been denied the same happiness. She tried to be her old self and happy for Cat, but she could no longer mask her true feelings. She had grown irritable and almost hated her cousin for having something that she couldn't seem to attain. Cat had found a good man from a chance meeting, while she was stuck as a single parent, with not many quality men wanting her.

It was well known that that from the plethora of questions a woman could be asked by a man upon first meeting, "Do have any kids?" was one of the first few. The answer usually determined whether he would invest in you or not. Before having Joshua, she was the hottest thing around; pretty, young and slender, with no extra baggage. Her cousin had physically been the exact opposite. In her world, it seemed that men put more value into a good looking woman, over one with an impressive intellect. Had it been the opposite, Cat would have caught a good man years ago. Instead Kiara was the one getting all the attention, and she assumed that all of it would last. A relationship with Derek, now her ex, and a positive pregnancy test changed all of that.

When they were together, she believed that he would take care of her. She had been with him for two years before Joshua's birth, and thought that they would continue to be happy. Time proved her wrong and unexpected problems began to surface, taking an extreme toll on their relationship. Two months before Joshua was born, Derek had suggested that they spend some time away from each other, for the benefit of their relationship. She agreed and expected to be back in his arms, with that bit of extra love and support, especially since she was close to her due date. It only took a few weeks to realize that her aspirations of having a happy family were no longer possible. Derek abandoned her and she was replaced by another woman.

Stephanie was everything that she had been before the pregnancy, and needless to say, the new mother-to-be did not take it very well. She broke down and had no one in her corner. Her mother and so called friends, all came down on her harshly with "I told you so," and Cat had been the only one to keep her grounded through it all.

Kiara had learned that life was indeed no fairy tale. All of the Disney movies she had watched as a child, featuring down-on-luck princesses meeting chivalrous princes, and having their "happily ever afters," were all lies. The Little Mermaid had always been her favorite, and she would daydream about finding a prince as beautiful and as sweet as Eric.

Derek had been the equivalent of Eric in the beginning. Tall, dark-skinned and devilishly handsome; he was perfect. They met in their first years of college and quickly became an item. They even planned to move in together, but at the very last minute, something changed; he changed. He seemed to be bored with her and began to lose his temper more often than usual.

She tried to keep it all together, but he had no intention of trying to fix whatever was wrong. In hindsight, she now realized that he had tried to push her away, in hopes that she would break up with him first. Instead, she clung to him because he had been her first love; the prince that was supposed to bring her that happy ending. His role changed and he had transformed into the villain of her story book; the wolf in sheep's clothing, and the one to blame for her hardened exterior. He had robbed her of hope, so much so, that she now felt at her lowest.

Kiara used to be soft spoken, patient and even willing to trust; but no longer. Her heart had no patience or room for men. Yet, she still craved more than what she already had. She wondered if her life would have turned out differently if she hadn't given birth to Joshua. Maybe then someone would want her.

Wrong. This was all wrong. She shouldn't have thought that way. She loved her son and did not regret having him, even though his father was the king of betrayal. Still, Joshua only soothed three quarters of her yearning heart. The remaining fraction wanted a partner and longed to find love...true love.

She felt a sudden pang of guilt for feeling this way. Without a moment's thought, she closed her eyes and asked God to forgive her for not feeling complete. Her mother, also a single parent had told her that she didn't need a man to be happy. She was meant to survive on her own, without help from anyone. Why then did she feel jealousy and resentment towards her cousin? The very same who had it much harder than she ever did, and still found a great partnership.

Kiara slapped her palm to her forehead out of frustration and looked to her cell phone. Four missed calls from Cat. She remembered the last time she saw the happy couple together, at their housewarming party. Everything was perfect. Dale was a gentleman, Cat was extremely happy and Brian...Joshua liked him, and maybe she did too.

She sighed. She had fallen into a tiny trap, all brought about by Dale's inquiry. She hated being led on by a suggestion. It wasn't certain and led her to question herself, as well as Brian. On one hand it seemed that he was a nice guy, but she could not forget what he said about her cousin. She didn't believe that Cat had forgotten any of it either. Being a voluptuous woman herself, and not that far from Cat's weight, he might be thinking the same of her as well. What if he was just pretending to be nice for fear of losing Dale? Could he have faked all of it? Even being so good with Joshua?

Her heart ached at such a thought. It was fine if a man hurt her feelings, and pretended to want, or love her. That she could handle, but Joshua was another issue. She would not let anyone hurt him or give him false hope. In the long run, she knew that Brian would probably have some influence over her son, and how he treated people; namely women. There would be serious repercussions if she exposed him to a man who had such distorted ideals.

Her intuition told her that Brian wasn't pretending, but what if she was wrong? She didn't know him very well. She had only been around him a few times, and only Dale or John could probably see behind the bullshit. That is, if there was any bullshit to discover.

Without another thought, she snatched her cell phone from the mahogany coffee table, and began to dial Cat's number. After two rings her cousin answered.

"Hi Ki. Are you okay?" Cat asked. She sounded very concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine. Why?" Kiara responded calmly.

"Well, you always pick up when I call. I haven't spoken to you in days, and can't help but think that something might be wrong."

"I'm okay." Kiara lied, hoping to direct the attention away from herself for the moment. "How's your boo?"

"He's good. He's settling down well over here."

"That's good."

There was silence for a moment, only because Kiara was bad at faking contentment.

"Okay cuz, what's going on?" Cat asked.

"I'm fine. Why do you think something's wrong?"

"I can hear it in your voice Ki! Talk to me!"

Kiara sighed, "I'm just lonely Cat. That's all. It's like I can't find a good man."

Cat was quiet for a few seconds, and then said, "I'm sorry. Do you feel like I'm rubbing everything in your face? Is that why you haven't picked up your phone?"

"No babes."

"Ki don't lie. I used to feel that way too. You had all these guys chasing after you and I had no one. I was both sad and jealous; but I couldn't say anything. It wasn't your fault that you looked better than me. You were always more outgoing and I wasn't. People liked that about you."

"Damn Cat, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be upset, but I can't help it. The types that come after me...they don't really want to be with me. They just want some quick ass, and they could care less about Joshua. I don't want that for us. I want someone who will care equally for both of us."

"I understand Ki. Maybe you should try...something different."

She knew where Cat was going with this.

"Something different like...Brian?"

"Well he is great with Josh and you guys seem to have a little chemistry."

"Hold on! Before we even go there; do you believe him?" Kiara asked boldly, regaining the power in her tone of voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean do you buy that he's really sorry? We're almost the same weight; you and I, and to know that he spoke about you in that way still bothers me. How do you know he's not just pretending to stay good with Dale?"

"It's been over a year Ki..." her cousin sighed. "Dale had a talk with him and he did say that he was sorry. He might have been going through some things and took it out on me; someone he didn't know. I think he's really trying to make an effort and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's all Dale's got, besides John. I don't want them to be at odds with each other, over me."

"Cat he has you too. What you're saying makes sense, but don't tell me that you're only thinking of Dale's happiness, and not yours."

"I am happy, but you're right. It's taking a lot to forget what he said. But Dale's got my back."

"I hope so. That's not all I'm worried about either. He might influence Josh in the long run. I want my son to respect women. He shouldn't be like his father."

"I agree with you, but I don't think you have to worry too much about that. I think Brian is a lot different from when we first met him, and with all that aside...I mean if he hadn't said those things about me, do you think you'd be attracted to him?"

Kiara searched her thoughts for a moment. She really wanted to lie about how she truly felt, but what good would it do? Cat would be able to see through a lie.

"Yeah...I guess. I don't know. I'm a little scared to be honest. I don't want to get hurt."

"I know how you feel. A little part of me expects things to go wrong with Dale at any moment, but I'm fighting the negative thoughts."

"You two will be fine. I can feel it. This is your time to be happy."

"I am Ki, and I want you to find love as well. Are you still coming to visit? Brian will be there. Maybe you guys could have a little talk and from there, you can decide what you want to do."

"Even if I do, what makes you think that he'll want to get with me? As far as I know, you and Dale are only speculating and trying to do a little hookup, and you know how much I hate those."

"Girl please! You obviously didn't see the way he was looking at you, all those times we met up. He wants some chocolate in his life!" Cat teased.

Kiara laughed at the joke.

"It's good to hear you laughter again Ki. Give Brian a chance, and see where things go. I really feel that he likes you."

"Maybe. I can't let what he said go so easily, but I'll try to talk to him about it."

"I know, and I think he'll listen to everything you have to say. So you're definitely coming, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. I've taken off work, so I should be able to make it."

"Good, because I kind of told Brian that you've been having a little car trouble, and wanted to do some carpooling with him on the way up here. He said it was okay."

"YOU WHAT!? Are you out of your mind Cat? Why would you do that?" Kiara fumed.

She was more nervous than angry at this sudden revelation, but tried to calm herself, not wanting to upset Cat.

"Come on. You guys live in the same town. Why not drive up here together? Then you can talk to him a little more. It would give you guys a little privacy, to get things out of the way. You'll be able to ask him all the questions you want." Cat said persuasively.

"I guess...but I'm not sure I'm comfortable about being alone with him. You should've asked me first Cat. I don't like being thrown into situations like this."

"I know and I'm sorry. You can always call and tell him that you'll get there on your own." Cat said, with a bit of urgency in her voice.

"Call him huh? Why can't you do it? You're the one that got me into this. I know what you're up to. You're just trying to get me to talk to him."

"Maybe. Come on Ki. Just go with it this once. If you guys don't hit it off, I'll drive you back home myself."

"You promise?"

"Yeah. Besides we haven't spent any time together in months. I could probably spend the weekend with you, or something."

"You sure Mr. Man wouldn't mind you being away?"

Cat laughed, "He's a big boy. He can handle it."

"Handle what?" Dale's voice interrupted on Cats end.

"He's home Ki. I'll call you tomorrow okay? Just think about what I said."

"Yeah sure." she sighed. "What's Brian's' number?"

"Uh oh!" Cat teased excitedly. "You going to call him?"

"Yeah. I might as well."

"You're not going to cancel on me are you?"

"Cat...I don't know." Kiara sighed. "I'm not sure that I'm ready to get into anything with him. I'm confused."

"Don't worry about it. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to do anything. I thought that since he got on so well with Josh, that there could be something between you two."

"I know you meant well. Just give me a little time to sort my head out, okay?"

"Of course. But I really miss you Ki. Promise that you won't give me the silent treatment anymore? I don't like that."

"I'm sorry Cat. I promise I won't, and I miss you too babes. Joshua does too. He wants to come with me, but my mom wanted to take him for a week."

"Give him a hug for me, and tell him I'll visit soon."

"I will. I'll speak to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay Ki. Goodnight."

"Night!"

Kiara hung up and looked at her latest entry. She wanted to be happy like her cousin was, but that would require a good amount of faith. She was terribly lacking in that regard. She wanted to call Brian, but felt anxious, which was very unlike her character. She had always been headstrong and direct about what she wanted. But now just thinking of him caused butterflies in the pit of her stomach.

Just then, two tiny brown arms flung round her neck, and she was instantly comforted by the embrace.

"Hi mommy!" Joshua yelled aloud.

"Hi baby. You done brushing your teeth?"

"Yeah they're all clean!" he exclaimed proudly.

"Come here let me see you."

A little boy with the combined features of his mother and father; the latter being more dominant, walked round the black suede sofa, ready to be inspected. He had a wide grin on his face and flashed his newly brushed teeth at her. A single canine was missing from his mouth and a new one was already forming at the root of his pink gums. He was wearing his favorite black and navy-blue pajamas, which were splotched with images of Batman and Robin, all over the front and back.

"Good job baby. The dentist is going to be so proud of you, because you take good care of your teeth." she smiled.

"But I don't like the dentist. He scares me." Joshua pouted.

Kiara laughed, "He's not so scary. He just wants you to have healthy teeth. Remember how he gave you that nice toothbrush last time?"

"Yeah...but he's still scary."

"Come here. Give me a hug." she said, with a warm smile.

Joshua climbed onto her lap and flung his arms around her once more. Now eight years old, he was growing fast, and no longer a tiny, weightless toddler.

"Mommy, can I come with you to Auntie Cat's house?"

"No baby. We promised grandma that you'd go see her, remember?"

"I know but I miss Brian, and the horses."

"Cat doesn't have any horses where she lives. She lives in a town, like us."

"Okay...but Brian said that he'd let me ride all by myself next time. Oh, but I wasn't supposed to tell you that. It was our secret." Joshua said, with a mischievous smile.

"You guys are keeping secrets from me now?" she asked, amused by the fact.

"He said you might yell at him, if I said anything. But I told him you wouldn't. You're a nice mom and you wouldn't get mad."

She laughed, "You like him a lot, don't you?"

"Yeah he's my friend. I told Chris and Mikey about him and the horses. They got jealous. They wanted to ride the horses too." he said, with even more pride.

"Maybe their mom and dad can take them to a petting zoo. They have horses there."

"I know. We went to one with the class, but Brian's more fun." he smiled.

"Oh yeah?" she asked; her heart warming to the idea of a more reliable man being in Joshua's life.

"Yup!"

At that same moment, a thought sparked in her mind. Maybe she could do something nice for her son. Inviting Brian over for dinner would help her to better judge his character, as well as give her son the chance to see him before she goes away. She would kill two birds with one stone, and in the process have the information she required.

"Tell you what. You can't go to Auntie Cat's with me, but would you like if I asked Brian to come over for dinner? That way, you'll get to see him before you go to grandma's house."

"Really? He's going to come here?" her son shrieked with excitement.

"Well I gotta ask him first. Maybe if I tell him that you want to see him, he'll come. What do think?"

"Yes I want to see him. See? I told him you were a nice mom." Joshua grinned, and hugged his mother tightly.

"Can you do me a favor though?" Kiara asked, as a worrying thought came to mind.

"What?"

"Let's not tell daddy about this yet, okay? Did you tell him about the horses?"

"No...I was going to tell him when he took me to the movies, but he never came." he said; his happy expression slowly melting into one of hurt and disappointment.

Kiara hated that look. She wanted to save him from any more disappointments; however, she had no control over what his father did.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it baby. He wanted to take you, but he was a little busy. I'll take you when I get back...or maybe we can ask grandma to take you."

"Okay." her son responded.

"Now go to bed. It's getting late, and you have school in the morning."

"But I'm not tired." he whined.

"If you don't, I won't be able to call Brian. You don't want to see him anymore?".

"No. I do."

"Then go on. I'll come tuck you in when I get off the phone."

"Okay mommy. Tell him I said hi, okay?"

"I will baby." she smiled, and she watched as her little boy ran up the stairs, without further hesitation.

She hoped that she was doing the right thing. In all reality, she knew that Joshua would want to see more of him, and the only way to know if he was the genuine article, was to find out firsthand. She took a deep breath and proceeded to dial the number.

"This had to be done; at least, for Joshua's sake." she thought.

Her heart thundered in her chest as she hit the 'call' button.

Why was she so afraid? She had never been this anxious before, with anyone. She secretly hoped that he wouldn't pick up. She might have choked and sounded like a fool. Her wish was granted, because after five rings, the call went straight to voicemail.

She hung up without leaving a message, and relaxed against the couch. She had previously sat up straight and rigid, bracing herself for the pending conversation. Brian didn't know her number, and probably had no intention of picking up. It was a relief, but she knew that she would have to face him sooner or later.

"Oh well!" she muttered under her breath.