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*********
“You have to woo a lady.” Spike said to his counterpart. They were in a large room in the Crawford St. mansion. The two Willows were quietly comparing notes on their lives when the two vampires had exited the room.
“Wooing? You really are housebroken, aren’t you?”
“Be quiet, you stupid sod. Just remember who is sleeping with Willow and who is sleeping alone!”
“Fine.” He was about willing to do anything if it would win him her heart. “What should I do?”
“Listen carefully, you’ve got to have a plan.”
As Spike began to talk his twin began to smile, she would soon belong to him.
*******
Willow was jealous. “You actually went to Oxford?”
“Yes, I’ve been studying there for two years.”
“Wow!” She scooted closer to the other girl. “Do you have tea time? Have you gone to see Big Ben? Do you know what ‘bangers and mash’ are?”
Willow 2 laughed. “Yes to all three! Willow, it’s so much fun there! I’m surprised you didn’t go, I really have enjoyed England. But what about you? Where did you decide to go? I’m sure you had lots of offers, too. Was it Harvard? Yale?” She wondered what her life would be like if she’d gone there.
“UC Sunnydale.” She admitted.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Hey! I’ll have you know that I–“
”No, seriously, what’s wrong with you? Staying in Sunnydale. . .AKA demon central. Dating a blood-sucking fiend! Going to UC Sunnydale when you could have gone anywhere!”
“I stayed there to fight evil.”
“No, you stayed here to date evil.”
“Spike played no part in my decision making process! And who are you to judge my life?”
“I’m you!” Willow 2 huffed. “Wouldn’t you rather have my life than your own?”
“No, I wouldn’t want your life. You haven’t had the experiences I’ve had. I’ve helped save more people than I can count. Increased my witchy powers tenfold. A- And. . . know how many apocalypse I’ve helped stop? Seven! Count ‘em, SEVEN! So, put that in your crumpet!”
“What’s all the racket about?” Spike asked as he came in the door. He walked to Willow and kissed her upturned mouth. “You alright, pet?”
“Fine.” She murmured. “We just had a difference of opinion.”
“And here I thought you girls would be the best of friends.”
The two witches exchanged sheepish smile and said. “Sorry, Willow.” In unison and then they laughed. Spike smiled at both of the two beautiful red heads.
Spike 2 walked in the door, he looked nervous. And he was wearing a pair of dress pants and a red silk shirt. He tugged at the collar. Spike glared at him. “Sorry, I’m new to this.” He approached Willow 2 carefully. He spread his hands, put a smile on his devastatingly handsome face and asked. “Would you go on a date with me?”
Willow 2 cocked her head to the side, studying him carefully. “No.” “No? No?!?” Spike 2 whipped his head around to glare at his double. “You said this would work!” He went to the other side of the room and viciously kicked a chair. “Argh!! What the bloody hell is wrong with you?” He fastened his eyes on Willow 2 and then gestured to the other Willow. “She loves him! You should love me! It’s the way things are supposed to be.” He ran his hands through his hair in a jerky motion. “Bloody hell! What do you want from me?!?”
Willow 2 had been frightened at first. Now she was mad. She stood up. “What do I want from you? Nothing! You want something from me and I’ll be damned if I’m going to give it to you! And as for why I’m not in love with you?” She pretended to think about it and then begin holding up fingers as she listed reasons. “Let’s see. I hardly know you. You’re a soulless demon. You kill people for fun and food. You’ve been stalking me. You kidnapped me. You kidnapped Giles. You–“
”Let’s try to be calm about this.” Spike interjected, not liking the way things were going. Playing bloody cupid. . .he really was becoming the biggest poof ever. Angel might be in danger of losing his tiara.
Then he had an idea.
Spike gave Willow 2 his most boyish smile. The smile that lured countless women in dark alleys with him for a ‘drink’. The smile that allowed him to get out of trouble with Drusilla even when he’d done something horrible. She couldn’t help but return it. “Have dinner with me.” It wasn’t a question.
“Alright.” Willow 2 agreed automatically then clapped a hand over her mouth. How did he do that? She opened her mouth to take it back.
“None of that, luv. You agreed, it’s not nice to go back on your word, now is it?”
Spike 2 growled, vamping out. “You’re not going anywhere with her, mate.”
Willow flashed Spike a hurt look. She knew it was really her that he was taking out and why he wanted to do it . . .but it still stung. Spike went to her immediately and spoke in a low tone. “I’m in love with you, pet. I love her because she’s you but I’m not in love with her.” She threw her arms around him and kissed him.
Spike 2 got a very crafty look in his eye. He had figured out what his double was up to and was able to see past his jealousy and protective instincts. She needed to know what kind of vampire he evolved into, what he was like in a relationship. “I’ll let her go with you.” He offered magnanimously. His eyes warned Spike what he would do to him if he touched his Willow.
Willow 2 raised an eyebrow. “I don’t remember asking you or even needing your permission to go anywhere.”
Spike 2 pressed a hand to his forehead. Bloody other Spike better be a bleedin’ miracle worker.
*********
At exactly 9 p.m., Spike and Willow 2 arrived at Milano’s Italian restaurant. The waiter brought them a big bowlful of hot garlic bread and their drinks. Spike had ordered a beer and Willow 2 got an iced tea to drink. “We’d like to place our orders now, mate.” Spike said.
“Very good, sir. What will you have?” The waiter said.
“Fettuccini alfredo with shrimp. The lady will have the vegetarian lasagne. We’d both like caesar side salads with our meal.” The waiter nodded and walked off to turn in their order.
Spike watched the young redhead. She smoothed the red napkin on her lap repeatedly and looked at the black marble table they sat at. “So, luv, why don’t you want to go out with me?” He took a piece of garlic bread and took a bite.
She took one too. “It’s not you. It’s him.” She spread her hands. “I don’t know what to do. He just keeps coming at me. He won’t give me a chance to catch my breath or to get to know him or to even think about it.”
“That’s his way.” Spike decided he should give her some perspective. “This Spike has never had a serious relationship as far as I know. He’s new to the whole idea. As for myself, my first serious relationship was with a beautiful vampiress named Drusilla.” He smiled in memory. “I loved her so much that it sometimes seemed as if we were the only two vampires on the planet. I adored her, would do anything to please her.”
Willow was awed, he had obviously been very much in love with the woman. “What happened?’
“She went out with a chaos demon. Left me all alone.” He said bitterly.
“I heard they had antlers.” She’d seen a book about demons in the magick shoppe near college and had been disgusted by what she had found out.
“And slime.”
*******
Spike 2 regarded the little red head as she sat at the table. “Well, what do you want to do, pet?”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Not sleeping with you.”
“I didn’t make any offers!” Spike 2 said indignantly.
“You were about to.” Willow lowered her eyes. “ It was different before, I wasn’t with Spike. Now I am, I love him.”
Spike 2 smiled. “Glad to hear it, pet. If you were mine, I wouldn’t share you either.”
“Could we play a game?”
“Guess we could.” He said thoughtfully. “We don’t have a pack of cards though. The only other games I know are played by demons and they require some. . .goat parts.”
“Eww!” Willow held out her hands. “ I know! Let me read your head.”
“Uh, luv, I thought we established that there would be none of that.” He smiled. “Not that I won’t be more than willing–“
“The thing on top of your shoulders!” She glared at him. “You know, phrenology.”
“You wanna read the bumps on my noggin’?”
“Yep, it’s supposed to tell your future and all about yourself.”
“Alright.” He sat down in front of he. “Like he’d pass up a chance to have her hands in his hair.
“Just relax.” She slid her hands over his scalp, murmuring an incantation. He was going to be a new vampire. No more killing for sport.
********
“You tried to kill Willow before?”
“Uh, yeah.” This wasn’t going as well as he had hoped. “It only happened once. Or, er, actually twice. But I never did it!”
“Twice!?!” She shouted. “And she dates you now?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“She needs therapy.” Willow 2 shook her head.
“Now hold on just a minute, missy. We had our ups and down but we’re happy now. I don’t kill and she doesn’t curse me with a soul. It’s a happy medium.”
“I can see that.” She said snidely.
“Listen up, let me tell you a little something about Willow. Let you know why I love her so much. It all started when I was captured by these pansy ass soldier blokes who called themselves ‘ The Initiative.’”
*********
“Bloody hell!”
“Don’t be such a baby.”
“Why does my bleedin’ head hurt? What did you do to me, witch?”
“Nothing.” Willow looked away, focusing on the ceiling tiles. “Now. Let’s talk about dating me.”
“I already am.” He said deadpan. He did not want to talk about this.
“No, the other you is.”
“In which case, I bloody well can’t.”
“Would you stop? Don’t you want me?” She chastised.
“Desperately.” He gave her a look that defined sin. She shivered. He winked.
“Stop that!” She scooted a little further away from him. “Listen. If you’re going to ever be with the other me, you have to understand a few things about me in particular and women in general.”
“Bloody hell!” He stood and began to pace in front of her, his frustration showing. “There shouldn’t be a way to lecture about love. It should be about passion. Romance. There should not be a manual!”
“Oh, but there is.” She smiled at his shocked expression, and with a wiggle of her fingers behind her back and a book appeared in them. It was a little spell she had made up for her and Buffy while in class. While it looked like a regular book and appeared to be complete from cover to cover, it was a book she could write through thought. When either she or Buffy concentrated on what they wanted to say, it would appear in the book and they could pass it back in forth in class. In this case, she could watch Spike 2 through a glowy sphere and think of the instructions she wanted him to follow. She tossed it in his lap.
Spike 2 held the book gingerly as if it were crawling with little nasties and read the cover. “Vampires Who Love Women . . .Who Hate Vampires. Cute, pet. But I don’t think so.”
Alright fine. He wanted to be difficult. She could be difficult, too. She grinned and looked at him. He shrank back. He wasn’t sure what she meant to do, but the last time she had given him that look he had met up with the vamp side of her. “Luv?”
**********
“But I suppose the real moment that I started to appreciate her was on Thanksgiving. You should’ve seen her with those ghost Indians. She was so brave. Hell, she was downright fierce.” He leaned back in his chair, a smile coming to his face as he pictured the scene in his mind. “She grabbed this shovel and just started pounding on them.” He stood up and held his hands in pantomime. He pretended to be hitting something with it. “Why. Won’t. You. Die!” He feigned several hard hits with the last word. Then settled back down in his seat. “It was bleedin’ fantastic, as good or better than any Slayer.”
He’s so cute when he’s excited about something, even if it was about her ‘evil’ twin’s penchant for smacking demons with things. “You don’t say.”
“I do!” He warmed to his story. “This one time, I was chasing her and her little friend down the hallway. She whacked this ninny I hired to work for me with a marble bust, nearly split his skull open.” He frowned. “Guess I tried to kill her three times.”
Willow 2 wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but she didn’t miss the unmistakable pride in his voice when he talked about the other her. “But she got away from you?”
“Actually, the Slayer showed up and ruined everything. . .as Slayers do.”
“ She does great stuff like that too. She’s not all ‘fighty’ though, got herself a tender heart, y’know. When I was tied up in the Watcher’s bathroom–“
Willow 2 turned green and put down her fork, lasagne forgotten. “I don’t think I want to hear this story.” So help her, if those two had. . .ick. . .with Giles.
“It’s not that kind of story, pet.” Spike said, grinning wickedly. “Though, if you’d like to hear about those I’m more than willing to oblige you. Could even give you a demo, if you’d like.” He couldn’t resist teasing her.
“N-no.” She’d almost said yes. “Continue.” She waived her hand.
“Anyway, she was good to me when the Watcher had me tied up, because he wanted information, nothing else! She brought me blood, watched Passions with me.”
He was almost like a regular man. A six foot tall charming man who seethed with sexuality. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to date Spike 2, just maybe.
**********
“Do you believe in fairy tales, Spike?”
“No.” He crossed his arms. Where the bloody hell was this headed?
“Oh. Did you hear of one called The Frog Prince?”
“No.” He couldn’t see where this is going.
“Well, this beautiful princess found this frog one day, he retrieved a gold ball that she had lost while playing near the well. He asked to eat off her plate and sleep beside her every night. She was very cruel to the frog, resenting his presence. But one day, she kissed him. Do you know what happens next?”
“She got a wart?”
“No, he turned into a prince.”
“I see. That’s fascinating. Remind me to rent the Disney movie. This has sod all to do with me, though.”
“Actually, its going to come true for you.”
“You’re going to turn me into a bleedin’ frog?!?!?” He yelped, backing away from her.
“Only for a few minutes, silly. Don’t get so upset.”
“Upset! You’re gonna make me green and give me webbed feet!”
“You’ve got a point, Spike. I hate frogs.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “How about a toad?”
“A toa–‘ribbit’.” Spike 2 now sat at her feet, an enormous brown toad.
Willow smiled. “Now, let me explain this while I have a chance to do it uninterrupted. If you don’t follow my rules, I’m going to turn you into a toad for two minutes at a time.” The toad hopped up and down and she thought she heard a ‘bloody hell’ when it croaked. She snapped her fingers.
Spike 2 looked down at his familiar black jeans and t shirt and heaved a sigh of relief. “You don’t play fair, luv.” He gave her small smile, admiring her grit.
“And?”
“And I’ll do it.”
*********
“I’ll do it.”
“You will?” Spike was elated. “You won’t regret this, luv. He’ll make you very happy.”
“I’ll give him a shot, I guess.”
“Don’t worry, now. Willow and I will keep an eye on you.” He grabbed up her wrap and put it around her slender shoulders. Then, he placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Let’s get you home now.” “Now that is what I call a big screen, luv.” Spike said, sitting back on the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table.
“Knew you’d like it.” She pushed his feet down and he gave her an unrepentant smile. She shrugged it off and settled into his arms to watch the enormous glowing screen of light that she had created. It was the size of a wide screen television and enabled them to view their counterparts in the other world.
They had arrived just a few hours ago back in their own dimension. Spike had hugged Willow 2 goodbye. Then, Willow had taken Willow 2 back to Giles and given him a lengthy explanation of the Hellmouthy events. She hadn’t escaped without a description of her Sunnydale and the differences in that world. She had advised Willow 2 to not let Giles know she was dating Spike 2. It would only anger the Watcher and bring out his Ripper side. Then, she’d had to debrief her counterpart on who and what Ripper was.
Before she’d left through the portal she created, she had written Spike 2 a few directions for the date. Spike 2 had given Spike a very male, back-slapping goodbye hug. Then, he had tried to get much more than kiss on the cheek from Willow before he left. Spike had promptly threatened to dust him. The other vampire had merely grinned and kissed Willow in a lingering way that made Spike vamp out. Luckily, she managed to get both of them through the portal before blood was shed.
“So, when does the show begin, luv?”
Back to the present. “Pretty soon. He’s supposed to have her over for a late supper.”
“Go over the game plan with me one more time, pet.”
“Essentially I gave him some guidelines for dating me in the book. I will write more as I see fit. When he disobeys, I’m going to toad him.”
“Toad? Did you just say toad?” Spike gulped.
“Yes.” She smiled at him. “Something wrong?”
“Bloody hell! You didn’t say a word about that before.” He clenched his jaw. “ You know how you feel about frogs?” She nodded. “I feel that way about toads. Gah!” He shivered. “How could you do that to me. . .er. . .him?”
“He isn’t afraid of them.” She said defensively. Then she decided to press him for more information about this toad hang-up of his.“Why don’t you tell me why they bother you so much?”
“‘Alright I’ll tell you even though you didn’t want to listen before. “ She motioned for him to continue, there would be time for blame later. “ Drusilla and I were in a swamp once. She said that we should hop around like a toad or some rot. I told her to shut her gob because toads don’t live in swamps but frogs do.”
“That was rude.”
“I know. Living with a crazy woman for over a century isn’t easy, pet. Sometimes, I got upset.” He said simply. “I had a lot to be worried about too. We had also been run out of a small English hamlet by a really angry crowd.”
“Why?”
“I ate a nun.”
“Oh, Spike.” She said with disapproval.
“I was hungry! And I had to do something while Drusilla was in the confessional.”
“She went to confession?”
“All the bloody time.” He chuckled. “ That reminds me, Angelus and I used to play a game. We’d eat a priest then we’d take turns playing the priest for Drusilla and she’d confess to us. We’d come up with all sorts of ways–“
”That’s about enough of that.” Willow said, feeling a little ill.
“Errr, right. That was the bad old days, I’m a changed vampire.” He winked at her to let her know he wasn’t completely tame. “ Anyway. . .I made fun of her a bit. Y’know how couples go on. I made fun of her sire and there may have been a comment about his parentage. Well, Dru got mad so she dug around in her warped memory and found a changing spell.”
“A changing spell?”
“Yep, it made me into an animal of her choice slowly. It took me a week to turn into a gigantic toad. My voice deepened and I started to croak. I even started hopping. My skin roughened up and I began to. . . to. . .to crave flies.”
“Eww!”
“You’re telling me! It took me nearly two months to convince her to turn me back. Do you know how hard it is to exist on insects and the occasional--”
“Please stop!” She took a deep breath. “No wonder you don’t like them.”
He sighed. “It’s over now, but I don’t ever want be a toad again.” He grinned at her. “I guess it made me feel better to talk about. Thank you, luv.” He kissed the top of her head. He thought for a moment.“But I can stand seeing him turn into one. Bloody sod deserves it for not treating her like the lady she is. And for hitting on you.”
Willow gave him a pleased smile and sweet kiss on the mouth. Spike responded by pulling her closer, he pulled her on his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “Let’s watch, pet.”
