tagHumor & SatireSpoof: Romance

Spoof: Romance

byGoldeniangel©

Author's Note: These stories are not meant in any way to be taken seriously. Enjoy!

--------------------------------

Angel was sitting relaxing on her couch when the door suddenly slammed open, she shrieked as the Bri-Guy rushed in and grabbed her, throwing her over his shoulder (causing her breasts to fall out the low-cut front of her shirt), and bounded into the bedroom like a horny gazelle. He tossed her on the bed with gusto - although his attention was momentarily arrested by the sight of her bouncing unabashed breasts - and then announced,

"I am here... we shall make love woman!"

But as he tried to jump onto the bed with her, Angel got one knee up and straight in his groin. He squealed like a balloon as he rolled around on the mattress, Angel watching him demurely as she tucked her breasts back into her shirt with the remains of her tattered dignity (fortunately the tatters gave her some extra clothe to cover herself with.)

"What was that for?" he squeaked, his nuts having curled up practically inside his body... more like peanuts than anything else.

Angel glared at him, "Romance, this is supposed to be ROMANCE."

"That WAS romantic!" he protested squeakily, curled in the fetal position and trying not to barf (after all, that would probably kill the romance), "I swept you off your feet! And into the bedroom!"

Still glaring, Angel pointed to the door, "OUT!"

"But..."

"OUT!"

Grumbling under his breath, the Bri-Guy managed to roll off the bed and walk, hunched over, through the apartment and out the door. Angel snickered behind him at his inability to really move his legs and walk.

After closing the door behind him she went and sat down, waiting for him to return and try again. And waited. And waited. And waited.

And finally turned on the TV.

Maybe he wasn't coming back.

Oh darn. What a pity.

She hated these stupid assignments anyway... she'd thought that today's might be good, actually make him be romantic, but trust a stupid boy to mess it up anyway.

That reminded her, she wanted to go back and get that shirt that said "Boys are Stupid... Throw Rocks at Them." That was a good shirt.

*plink*

Angel sat up. What the hell was that?

*plink*

Something hit her window.

*plink*

She got up and walked over to see another pebble hit the window

*plink*

and looked out to see the Bri-Guy standing there grinning. Waving his hands he gestured for her to open the window, so she did and leaned out (causing much consternation in the neighborhood as her boobs threatened to pop out of her shirt again... her tatters of dignity were doing their best to hold things together, but dignity can only get you so far.)

"What light through yonder window breaks?!" The Bri-Guy shouted out, gesturing emphatically at Angel, "It is the East! And Juliet is the sun!"

"If you're going to steal someone else's words you should at least get my name right!" Angel called back. And with that she pulled back inside and slammed the window shut, pulling her boobs out of the way just in time.

*plink*

Angel ignored the continued pebbles until they eventually stopped.

Eventually, she fell asleep on the couch. During her nap, she missed the sounds of grunting exertion from the outside wall of her bedroom, the sliding open of her window and the pants as someone climbed in it. Carefully the door to her bedroom was closed.

Suddenly, Angel awoke, feeling that someone was staring at her. And she was right, there was the Bri-Guy leaning over her with his eyes closed as if for a kiss.

"EEEE!!!" she shrieked and he jumped back with the force of her voice, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"DAMMIT!" he shouted back, "You always have to ruin everything! I was going to wake you with a kiss!"

Angel paused, taking in the rose in his hand and the fact that he was wearing a tux. Also his explanation. She found that she was rather touched, probably because he had reached forward and was touching her leg.

"This is for you," he grumped, handing her the rose.

"Thank you," Angel said graciously, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Do you have something in your eye?" he asked grumpily. Angel stopped fluttering her eyelashes and just gave him a little bit of a glare.

"Can we just do this?" she asked.

The Bri-Guy sighed, "Right."

Dammit, he liked the other stories better, when he didn't have to do quite so much work to get some! Romance was exhausting.

Taking Angel's hand he led her back to her bedroom, and she gasped. Candles were flicking on just about every inch of free surface space, a heavy curtain was hanging over the windows to keep out the sun (hey, if you had his job position you'd probably spy on a hottie like her too!), and rose petals covered the floor and the bed.

"Oh it's BEAUTIFUL!" Angel gasped, turning and pulling the Bri-Guy to her with a kiss. He kissed her back as he suddenly found himself propelled to the bed - making sure to give a thumbs up to the helpful propellor on the back of her skirt - and she climbed on top of him. Rose petals flew every where as they stripped, and Angel leaned down to hungrily kiss him.

Suddenly, romance wasn't seeming so bad to the Bri-Guy after all! He'd had to work harder, but this was one of the first times that Angel had really been all over him!

She covered him with kisses, taking things a little slower than he'd like, but he wasn't going to complain either. Especially when those kisses centered on a certain area... his knees. His knees were INCREDIBLY sensitive and his dick twitched and grew, as well as the horns on his head and in his mouth.

Angel climbed on top of him, straddling his body and sank down on his love-spear. Her breasts bounced wildly, barely missing slapping her in the face as she rode him like a rodeo horse. The Bri-Guy gasped and thrust from beneath her, enjoying the show of her avoiding her flopping breasts while she pleasured him.

They went at it, over and over again... every time he started flagging she would just play with his body or let him play with hers until the rose petals were all sticking together from this juices and sticking to their bodies (although, he did notice that more of them preferred to stick to Angel, clustering especially heavy on her boobs and ass, not that he could blame them) and they looked like two flower beings having sex on a bed.

Finally they were both completely worn out from an entire afternoon and evening of sex. Angel snuggled next to him.

"That was the sweetest thing ever," she cooed, "You put so much effort into it... And then being able to make love for so long! I'm so glad you're a demon..." she snuggled further into the crook of his arm.

"Yeah whatever," sighed the Bri-Guy, "I'm gonna take a shower and watch the game. Wanna come?"

And then, for no reason at all (well, not one that he could see anyway), she shrieked, hit him with a pillow and flounced out of the room. She did take a shower, but she didn't let him join. Shrugging, he decided to just go home and do what he wanted to. Women... like he was supposed to understand their thinking?

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