Spring Runneys

Jimmie's the one started it all. He's bigger'n me cuz I'm only eight. He's ten. We's awalkin' home from school takin' a short cut through ole man Simm's pasture.

Yuh know how cow plop smells in Spring when the grass in new an' all them cows got the runnys. Ugh! It's gross. I'm tellin yuh cuz I know.

Well, anyway, Jimmie takes this big stick, see, and he dips the end into this big nasty cow plop. Then he stirs it up a little so it stinks real good like an' he pushes it right up under my nose. Well I ain't a gonna act askeerd a nuthin' `round those big guys. They'd call me chicken till dang nigh Christmas time.

I just hit up on that stick with my hand, real hard like. Jimmie wun't ready fer that. That stick popped up an hit him right smack dab in the kisser.

Boy, was he mad! I'm arunnin'. He comes after me and grabs me from behind, then he drags me back to that cow plop and pushes me down in it. Well I figgered I'm about as messed as I'm gonna get, but ole Jimmie ain't gonna get away clean. No, Sir, not now. I just reached down and scooped up a great big gob of the stuff in my hand and flung it just as hard as I could. How could I help it if Suzy Roberts and Cathy Conners happened to be walkin' by?

Well that big ole gob just come apart in mid-air just like it was in slow motion next ta that big blue sky. It just sorta broke up and then broke up some more. Pieces went everwhur. A big un got Jimmie right in the chest. Suzy got some in her hair an some splattered on Cathy's dress. Roger, that's Jimmie's good buddy got some in his eye so now he's rubbin his eye and acommin' at me too.

Okay all I got is this here cow plop an' I ain't takin kindly ta gittin kilt. So I scoops up another great big gob. Well, that's about the time Mrs. Roberts and Mrs. Conners an' her big german shepard are commin' out to meet Cathy and Suzy. Well that gob sorta broke up like the other one. Anyhow, Roger ducked and Mrs. Roberts and Mrs. Conners didn't even see it commin'. I guess pore ole Shep didn't neither cuz he got some of it too. Next thing I knew was somebody had ahold a my ear. Ole Mr. Simms heard the ruckus an' come out. Well the ear hurt so I reaches up to grab what's aholdin it. I didn't know the stuff was stuck all over my hand. Now Mr. Simms is stunk up too but he ain't lettin' go o' my ear, no sir. He's mad.

He takes me home holdin me way out an' still not lettin go o' my ear. Well, Mr Simms was where he could kinda wipe his feet on the mat. I'm just kinda hangin there by my ear. My feet were hardly touchin' the porch. My shoes were still yucky from Jimmie pushin me down in that stuff. Ole Mr. Simms, he knocks on the front door. Mom answers it an' there we are with him still aholdin onta my ear. She don't wanna stand there for all the neighbors to see us so she asks him in.

In we go right through the livin' room and out to the kitchen, right across the carpet. I look back and there go these yucky dark green brown tracks. Mom sees me lookin that way an she looks at the carpet too. Her eyes an mouth kinda go wide open at first an' then real slow she kinda starts gittin all squinched up real tight like an' then she just blows like all hell abustin loose. I tell you, sir. I really caught it. I ain't never seen her so mad.

Well that's about it Paw,`cept fer the scrubbin down and knuckle soapin' Mom did on my scalp afore yuh got home. Much obliged fer yuh hearin my side of it anyway.

I reckon on accounta that ruckus, an' everbody gittin stunk up, an' Mom bein' so mad, an' all ya gotta do somethin'.