tagHumor & SatireSquirrels in the Attic

Squirrels in the Attic

bymarleymusic2002©

It was just after 2am and the third straight night that my wife woke me up asking if I had heard the noise. She was a much lighter sleeper than I, so before tonight, had heard them alone. At first I thought it was the wind, but it was calm outside. I listened more closely. It sounded like something was scurrying across the floor above us. Perhaps we had mice I thought. But then I heard thumping and rolling sounds that were much louder than mice could make. My wife was frightened and wanted to me to go up in the attic that very minute. I was a little nervous myself but convinced her that it would be better to do first thing tomorrow. The ruckus continued for several more minutes before I drifted off to sleep.

A little while later I was awakened by some rustling in the bed next to me. I turned towards my wife. After my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, I could see that she had thrown back the blanket, hiked up her nightgown, and was masturbating. I reached over and began to lightly circle her nipples. She started to explain that she couldn't sleep but I shushed her – wanting to enjoy the sight of her playing. As she her hands busied themselves with her pussy I eased her nightgown up over her breasts and began to lick as gently bite her nipples. She was soon moaning and quickly moving her fingers over her clit. She told me to fuck her. Since I always slept naked, there was no time wasted undressing. I just got myself between her legs and easily slid into the warm wetness of her pussy. She held my buttocks as her hips raised up to thrust against me. She commanded me to fuck her hard and fast. I obliged and after just a few deep thrusts, she had an orgasm that caused her to dig her nails into my back. Feeling the walls of her pussy contracting and clenching my cock, I shot my load deep into her.

Shortly afterwards, we were both on the verge of sleep when the attic ruckus began again. This time it didn't last long, but it was enough to make me realize that something had to be done.

The next morning before heading for work I grabbed a flashlight, pulled down the folding attic stairs from the ceiling in our guest room, and went up. When I turned on the flashlight, I heard scampering and followed the movement with my light. I was shocked to see three squirrels moving quickly towards the corner of the attic to my left. Even more shocking was the sight of them disappearing out a hole in that corner. I quickly crawled over the planks and crossbeams to inspect the corner. I could see scratches on the wood around the hole and shavings underneath it. Feeling the wood around the hole, I could immediately tell that it was rotting. This would make the job of gnawing or scratching through it much easier for the squirrels.

My wife was eagerly waiting for me in the kitchen. I told her my discovery and that we needed to get some pest control people out as soon as possible. She got the phonebook and found a local one. I called, explained the problem and was lucky to make an appointment for them to come out later that day.

As the men from the pest control company went about their business, I waited in the kitchen sipping a beer. They had assessed the problem and explained that it would be best to trap the squirrels in the attic and remove them so they were no longer near the house. In order to do this, a cone-shaped wire plug would be put in the hole that the squirrels had made. The device would allow the squirrels to come in, but not get out. Because they would get hungry, the squirrels would then be more likely to go for the bait in the traps set throughout the attic.

When they had finished, one of the men asked me to walk around the house with them. He indicated several wet spots on the flashing beneath the roof and recommended replacing the wood with aluminum flashing. He then pointed out how close the tree branches in our front and side yard were to the house – suggesting that we hire a tree service to trim them back. Before leaving, he told me that even though we were craving an immediate solution to the problem we would have to be a patient. He thought it would take up to a week before the squirrels were all inside and interested in the bait.

That evening I told my wife what the pest company did and what they had recommended. When I told her how long it might take, she told me she was exhausted and going to bed right after dinner.

Despite her best intentions for a good night's sleep, the squirrels would have none of it. We were awakened by their ruckus three straight nights before things finally quieted down. The morning after that peaceful night I went into the attic to see if the squirrels had been trapped. Turning on my flashlight, I quickly discovered a squirrel in the trap nearest the folding stairs. Panning the rest of the attic with my light I saw that there were no other trapped squirrels, but once again noticed movement towards the corner to my left. Catching the movement with my light, I was dismayed to see a squirrel stop in the corner and then quickly disappear outside. Not believing my eyes, I crossed the planks and crossbeams to find that there was a newly gnawed hole right next to where the cone-shaped device had plugged the previous one.

I cursed and then went back downstairs. I told my wife. She said we needed to get the flashing replaced. I called a friend of mine who was a carpenter and explained our problem to him. He said he had to finish up another job but could get out to our house within a day or two. My wife contacted a tree service and made arrangements for them to come out the next day. I then called the pest control company and said we had a trapped squirrel for them to pick up.

We endured another week's worth of being disturbed by the squirrels, but once all the repairs and services were finished - resulting in three more trapped squirrels, it felt something like a MasterCard commercial:

"New aluminum roof flashing and trim: $1600

Tree service: $300

Pest Control Company: $300

A good night's sleep: PRICELESS."

Finally rid of the pests we had enjoyed several weeks of peaceful slumber until I had the strangest dream. I dreamed I was a squirrel...

I was still a little behind on the gathering of acorns and seeds that I needed to make it through the winter. There was a sense that there would be snow soon, so the pressure was on. I headed out of the hole that several of us had gnawed at the top of house we had found. The wood was soft from rot and that made our chore easy. I got on the roof and from there, scurried across some wires to a wooden pole on the other side of the road. I scampered across the lawn at the bottom of the pole to the forest. I hadn't foraged in this spot yet and shortly after arriving, was happy to discover that many of the other squirrels hadn't either.

I spent the entire day occupied with the task of gathering – returning to the house that I planned to nest in for the winter at sundown. It took quite awhile to sort and store what I had collected. My cache was now adequate for the winter. After a brief snack, I contentedly began to clean myself – thinking that tonight would be a good night to celebrate. When I got down to my privates and began to lick my squirrel balls, I realized from my arousal that it had been awhile since I had coupled with another squirrel A nice roll in the warmth of this shelter would be a great way to celebrate, I thought.

I knew that at least one female squirrel was nesting in the attic, so after spending a few extra minutes sprucing up, I headed across the floorboards to the corner opposite mine. She glared at me when I stopped five feet in front of where she was resting. Fortunately, I had remembered to bring a couple good sized acorns with me. I set them down in front of me and then began to lick my privates. I was quickly aroused. She took note of that and the acorns before quickly dashing off. Since chasing is part of the ritual for mating, I gave her a bit of a head start then hurried after her. I chased her for what seemed like a long time, but was more likely just a few seconds. Finally, she slowed down just enough for me to leap onto her back. She tucked her head and rolled forward. With my claws securely attached to the fur on her back, I grabbed hold of her neck with my mouth. My aroused squirrel cock slid into her squirrel slit as we tumbled over the floor boards. After a couple of thrusts I shot my squirrel seed into her...


I groaned and thrashed about, muttering something undecipherable as I bolted awake. My wife heard me and reaching over to touch my naked shoulder asked if I was okay. I told her that I just had a strange dream.

When she asked what about, I said: "I think it was about those damn squirrels!"

With a soothing voice, she told me to close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. Reaching under the covers, she found my cock. I don't know if it was in its usual state upon waking or if it was because of the dream I had just had, but my cock was raging hard. My wife slid her fingers up and down it a couple times and then squeezed. A big drop of pre-cum oozed from the tip. My wife peeled down the covers and rubbed the slippery juice all over my cock.

"Squirrels, huh?" she said teasingly.

Kneeling over me, she cupped my balls with one hand and gripping my cock with the other, placed it in her mouth. She expertly deep-throated me – sucking as she gently rolled my balls in her palm. That was all it took - a matter of seconds. I moaned and exploded - my cum spurting into her mouth as she eagerly swallowed.

Afterwards, my wife snuggled in my arms and asked what I had really dreamed about. Now, we all struggle at times remembering dreams and since I was contentedly ready to drop off to sleep, I conveniently murmured the easy excuse that I had forgotten. I gave her a hug – appreciative that she had helped me get back to sleep. I slept well the rest of that night, but the memory of that dream has lingered.

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