St. Dunstan's Nuns Ch. 01

"Right, Aunt Mavis. We spoke on the phone earlier."

"It's a miracle, it's a miracle."

"It took a while once we heard of the Swiss doctor's new treatment," I started, "I'd given up hope of ever hearing again, but after the new procedure and the implants, it's a new world."

"Are you still teaching sign, dearie?"

"Oh yes, I found a clinic where I can do it, a nice place. I'm still learning Italian signs, but it's coming."

"And you can speak Italian?"

"I'm doing fine, but La Rossa is going slower."

La Rossa gave me a glare over her shoulder, and said: "We should be getting your things, Mavis."

"Right O."

As we returned to the City, Mavis asked if we had word from her ex-Vicar in Kansas, but Mother just shrugged and gave her a blank look. The plump old lady eagerly told us about the doings of all her family and her old parish of St. Dunstan's. The only down note was her failure to find a Scotsman to keep her company: "It's so strange up there. Like visiting a different planet, Scotland is. The food's ghastly, and everybody lives in mortal fear of having fun. Sure, there's a lot of stout men wearing their kilts with nae trues on, but it's like their hemlines are stapled to their knees. . ."

We were glad to get back to the Generalate, and it took four Sisters to get her luggage up to her quarters. The other English speaking nuns present didn't know what to make of Mavis, who kept up a steady stream of chatter throughout the meal, and the non-English speaking nuns marveled at how much food, wine and grappa she could put away. After Evening Prayer, she went up to La Rossa's room, and the faint echos of her voice rang in my ears as I drifted off to sleep.

La Rossa was tired at Mass the next morning: her eyes told me Mavis didn't leave until it was quite late, and she'd drunk quite a bit of Scotch to keep her company. Mavis herself was bright as a penny, smiling and moving with the chants of the Liturgy. Monsignore Farinelli watched her as much as he could and pulled me aside before I could finish cleaning up in the Sacristy. "Little one, who was the charming new Sister at Mass this morning?"

"She's Senorina Hazelton from England. And she's not a nun."

"No? Then how does she come to shine her light on us?"

"She's an old friend of La Rossa's from England. Family friend."

"Ah, I notice La Rossa is worn this morning. Shame. Is she the one you wanted the Papal Audience tickets for?"

"Yes. I think she's going to be around for a while."

"Well, I must do my part to help make her welcome. I shall accompany you tomorrow morning." There was a feral gleam in his eye that frightened me.

"Do you really need to? Remember you always get upset when you see all your old classmates around the Holy Father."

"They are lickspittle, they can have their lace and frills. It is not manly. No, I shall protect you when you go forth. I can rise above the indignities of Fate and corrupt use of power."

"Okay, I guess. From what I know of Aunt Mavis, Rome will need protection." He gave me a strange look in reply, but said nothing.

During breakfast, Mavis was whispering with La Rossa about the priest who said mass. The older woman had an odd look on her face as she listened to her old friend, half listening, half dreaming.

La Rossa, just sipped her coffee with more urgency than usual, nodding, then shaking her head and giving me a cross eyed look. I could read her mind: I need to recover. It was no surprise she cornered me just after breakfast: "You and Juliana are taking Mavis out on the town today. See everything you can, walk her from the Colosseum to the Pantheon, walk her all the way out to St. Paul's Outside the Walls, keep her busy."

"Got any mad money for me?"

"Draw what you need from the Bursar." She took a deep breath and sighed. "Mavis is in a bad way: Scotland wasn't what she hoped it would be, and she feels useless. She needs company, she needs a familiar face or two, and she needs new surroundings."

"How long is she staying?"

"God only knows. Get back by supper and we'll go from there."

Fetching a nice bundle of euros was no problem, so Juliana and I guided Mavis onto a bus for the ancient city. She was excited to visit the antiquities she's only seen in pictures, taking dozens of shots with her digital camera. Sister Juliana and I posed in front of several places for her, taking care to look cheerful but not flippant. It was a lovely day, not very warm, although Mavis was slightly damp as we approached the Pantheon. From there, we took her across the Tiber to the Vatican museum, where she enjoyed the art but seemed disappointed Michelangelo's David wasn't there. I tried explaining to her that it's located in Florence, but it didn't seem to sink it.

After ogling the Sistine Chapel, we crossed St. Peter's square, prepared for the next day's audience with legions of empty chairs and barricades, and found a small bistro to have lunch. As we settled at a sidewalk table with some bottled water and scrutinized the menus, Mavis fanned herself and looked around. "This is a lovely place, Helen. How good is the food?"

"It's lovely, Aunt Mavis. Have anything you want."

"Thanks. Your mother looks tired."

"She's had a lot on her plate lately. Just got back from a trip to Australia last week, and we received a delegation from Canada a couple of days ago. Also have a long visit to Sweden next month, with some regional meetings to prepare for, so she'll be due for a rest soon."

"I hope so. Barbara isn't getting any younger. How about you, Helen dear? Are you liking your stay here?"

"It's wonderful, I love everything about Rome. Would love to stay here after La Rossa's term is over, but I'll probably have to choose between going back to England, or following her to Kansas."

"Speaking of Kansas, have you heard much from the Vicar?"

I took a sip of peach tea and took a deep breath. "Very little. Agnes and I are Facebook friends, so I see the updates and pictures she puts up. They seem happy out in Kansas, or at least Agnes is happy. La Rossa never talks about him, seems sad when he comes up in conversation, never wants to hear from me about how he's doing."

"Shame." Our primi piatti arrived, and Mavis devoured hers with such gusto, Sister Juliana was open eyed with amazement. As we waited for the next course, Mavis drew closer to me and started to whisper conspiratorially: "What about the Elephant?"

"Oh, that's a famous statue, known all over the world. Legend says the designer was kicked out of the seminary that used to occupy one side of the square, so he positioned the elephant's backside to face the school that expelled him."

She giggled, and shook her head. "No, I mean your chaplain, the Monsignore. I heard the nuns call him 'Elephante'"

Sister Juilanna shuddered and crossed herself, which made Mavis smile. I shrugged my shoulders. "Oh, that one. He's called that because he's such a huge man."

"Is he huge in many ways?"

"Yes."

"How about. . .you know?"

I took about sip of tea and tried to paste a pious look on my face. "I wouldn't know what you mean?" I said, "There wouldn't be any appropriate way for me to know much about his particular. . .anatomy." Our other companion didn't speak a word of English, but she must have read something in my facial expression and tone that made her giggle uncontrollably. I kicked Sister Juliana under the table, which made her giggle more. Mavis caught the suspicion and smiled to herself until the next course arrived.

It took a great deal of persuasion to get her back to the Generalate for the afternoon nap. Sister Juliana was looking frazzled, and I was feeling drowsy myself: I remembered the old song that "Mad Dogs and Englishmen Go Out in the Noonday Sun," but after 2 years I was completely Roman and needed my siesta. Afterward, we took her out South to see the gardens and artwork at St. Paul's Basilica, and she tried to get the gardeners involved in conversation, but their English wasn't good enough to do more than understand she was interested in the flowers.

By dinnertime, La Rossa was looking more human, and listened to Mavis' account of the day patiently, chuckling on occasion. However, when the dolci arrived, a frown wrinkled her forehead just under her wimple and stayed there until we were finished with Evening Prayer. As we were filing out of the chapel, she snagged my arm and drew me out of hearing of the rest of the nuns.

"Squirt, you need to do some undercover work tonight."

"Yes, like what?"

"Mavis is getting too interested in the Elephant, and he's getting too interested in her. He came by, dressed and washed for once, and grilled me about her and her situation. Tomorrow, he's putting his black dress on and going with us to the Audience."

"What? He's never done that."

"And he was asking Mavis about taking a stroll along the Tiber after prayers. Good thing she doesn't understand Italian and he doesn't understand English."

I shook my head. "Damn, it's like chaperoning teenagers! I don't think they'll need to talk much once they get some time alone."

"You don't know the half of it, Squirt. So I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I know about you and Juliana sneaking out to the clubs after hours. Now, don't look so offended, I have my ways. I also know you're not getting into any real trouble, which is why I haven't called an end to the party. So you two need to put your civvies on and take her out so she doesn't snoop around here after hours. While we were taking our siesta, she prowled the buildings looking for himself's apartment, but fortunately she got into a long conversation with Rocco that distracted her."

"Rocco?"

She laughed out loud. "He isn't used to women old enough to be his grandmother trying to seduce him. Poor boy was blushing when he told me." We laughed together for several moments before settling down. "However, I know Mavis, and she'll be looking for him tonight. He'll probably be looking for her once he gets a whiff of her perfume with that huge nose of his. So you and Juliana put your dancing clothes on and get her out of here. She'll go for that in a heartbeat, I know. Shoo!"

Sister Juliana was nervous when I told her La Rossa's instructions, but settled down when she realized we weren't in trouble yet. Mavis was ecstatic about going out dancing. So we took off our habits, put on our dresses and makeup, and met at the guest suite to pick up Mavis. It took all I could to keep her silent until we were outside, keeping up the pretense of sneaking out under La Rossa's nose.

"You gels look lovely. But your skirts are a little too long, what boy's going to notice you? I can hem them up a little for you, you have such nice legs, especially you, Juli."

We were wearing matching blue and yellow dresses that went to our mid-thigh, with enough chest exposure to be ordinary without showing cleavage. A moderate amount of makeup and lipstick adorned our faces, and we wore clip on earrings in the shape of crosses. Trading our practical convent shoes for moderate heels, and letting our hair fly free, we were two ordinary girls on the pull who just happened to have a grandmother around. Mavis wore a black dress with a dramatically plunging neckline, slit up the side, a fresh flower tucked over her right ear, with enough jewelry and makeup to go professional.

Sister Juliana blushed as Mavis started to lift her hem, and I intervened. "Aunt Mavis, we just want to have a good time, not pick up a bunch of boys."

She shook her head in disbelief. "Why else sneak out of a convent?"

"We like to dance and have a drink or two, chat with someone who's our age. Italian boys are aggressive enough, we don't need big nets to fish this stream. There's usually even an older man or two around."

"Really? Are they cute?"

"You'll have to decide for yourself."

"Goodie. Let's go, girls."

The Celestial Pyramid was a club Sister Juliana and I went to the most; the owners were friends of the community, and their grandson at the door let us in without the usual cover charge. The dance floor wasn't crowded on a weeknight, unlike the weekend nights, and there was a lot of room for us to dance together while we looked at the crowd. They were typical young professionals, dressed well, enjoying the atmosphere and each other's company. This club didn't feature a glittering sphere like other clubs did, but there was an expert hand at the lights, so the throbbing music and shadows kept the energy level high.

We had a good time dancing together, different boys moving by to take a look from time to time, until it was time for refreshment. After picking up our drinks, we noticed our company was one short.

Sister Juliana noticed first, looking around frantically. "Where is the old lady?"

I looked around, and spotted her quickly. "She's on the other side of the room. Talking with the guy underneath the palm tree."

"Good. I thought she left us."

"No, Aunt Mavis wouldn't do that to us. If she got into to anything, she'd want us to go with her."

Sister Juliana shuddered and peered to look at Mavis' companion. "Why does that man have so much jewelry around his neck?"

"Trying to impress people, I guess. He looks like the greengrocer from down the street."

The music slowed down and the lights dropped for a slow number, and several couples took the dance floor. I always find it touching and sad: soft kisses and traveling hands abounded, but the looks in all the eyes were so frightened, tentative, afraid to face deeper realities the slow pace allowed to surface. Sister Juliana led me off to the W.C. to freshen up, and when we returned, the tempo and lights called us back to the dance floor.

Mavis was dancing with her new friends, and we laughed at her across the room. Her body was so large it went several directions at once, jiggling and wiggling chaotically, always trying to catch up with itself. Her partner turned out to be Francesco, the greengrocer from down the street, decked in an open collared shirt, several golden chains, slacks and shoes without socks. He was in his mid 50's, but had only a touch of grey around his well weathered features. His face was a combination of lust and amazement as he regarded his partner's energy. His eyes followed her cleavage, seemed to half hope her huge mammary would escape its confinement, and half hoping it would stay contained.

Sister Juliana had to turn and face me so Mavis wouldn't see her laughing at the show. At times, she would get another glimpse of Mavis' gyrations, and turn to double over in hysterics again. I got a strange look from a young blond boy close by and shrugged my shoulders. It was hard for me to keep my eyes on the action close by, and timely intervention by me kept my partner from bodily interfering in several couples' space. The evening seemed to drag by until around one, when the music paused and Mavis came to rejoin us.

"Helen, I've got a great opportunity for you gels lined up. A real chance to learn something important."

"Aunt Mavis, it's about time to go home."

"No, Helen, you've got to see this. Francesco's gonna let me show you two how to give a great bit of head."

I looked for Francesco across the room and didn't find him. "Aunt Mavis, Juli and I are already aware of the theory."

"But I've got a trick or two that nobody else has. Taught all my gels and they're the most popular girls in town, wherever they be."

"Francesco knows us, he's our grocer. He'd be embarrassed."

"He would? First Italian male I ever knew who'd be embarrassed."

"No, he has particularly ideas about the sanctity of nuns. I once heard him say that nuns should stay in their convents and pray all the time. What did you tell him about us?"

"Oh nothing, luv. You're young gels learning about life."

"Thanks but no thanks. Juli and I know the ways of the world well enough."

"But how do you handle the boys around here?"

"If they get too aggressive, we handle them. Sometimes nicely, sometimes not, if you know what I mean."

Mavis gave me a sharp look all over and nodded. "You're your mother's gel, that's a cert. I don't doubt you can take care of yourself in any situation. All right, your loss. Just tryin' to help. Maybe when we get back to the Generalate I can show you my special tricks on a banana. You've got bananas there, don't you?"

I gave her a peck on the cheek. "Yes. Appreciated. We need to go."

"I need to take care of Francesco."

Looking at the clock, and thinking fast, I said. "All right. Juli and I will meet you here when you're done. Don't have too much fun."

"Dearie, it's been too long since I've had a nice sausage like that. Won't be long."

She waddled off and Sister Juliana leaned over to whisper in my ear. "What was she talking about?"

I leaned to whisper back: "She wanted to show us something."

"What?"

"How to give a special blowjob."

Sister Juliana's eyes went wide and her hands came up to cover her face. "My God, Franny, that woman's incredible."

"I know it, Juli. I know it."