Star Ch. 05

"I'm in love with Mikey, but he doesn't feel the same way, well he does, but he needs to think about it which, I am not waitin around for! I mean he's just asking me to do the impossible! I can't be that patient! I am not that patient mama! Meanwhile he runs around with anything with a vajayjay, and what am I doin? I'm sittin here waiting for the perfect guy! And then the perfect guy shows up! And he's prolly everything I could possibly dream of havin but who do I want? I want the messed up, manwhore, jerk who's... who's also my best friend! Oh mama what do I do?"

She finally looked back over to her mother who was staring open mouthed.

"Wow, Star"

"Oh but wait! There's more! Brian and I JUST had a huge fight, over a... girl that used to be with Mikey, but surprise surprise, he dropped her like a hot potato! So she moved on to who you ask?"

"Brian," her mom said finishing her sentence.

"Yeah! But not before he slammed me up against his refrigerator-"

"Hol up, he did WHAT?"

Her mom had jumped up out of her chair and began examining her for bruises.

"Ma, I'm fine! I promise! It's just," she paused trying to explain

"Everything is so fu-"

"Watch ya damn mouth!"

"Sorry mama-"

"Is this the child I raised? Runnin' from her problems? Gettin' manhandled by your 'friends' and payin rent on an apartment you barely stay at? Look at you! Eyes all swole, face sunk in like I ain't feed ya? And for what? These knucklehead white boys?"

"Mama!"

She put up her hand to silence Star.

"Now you know I love that boy like he was my own, he comes by here all the time to see about me, which is more than I can say for you."

Star hung her head shamefully. It wasn't that she didn't want to be here, her mother was the world to her. Her life had just become so hectic; she just didn't have the time.

"I took care of him like he was my own, God knows Linda could barely keep herself together after john died, let alone take care of Micah. And you think I didn't know how y'all fell about each other?"

She stared at her mother shocked.

"He, he told you? How he felt about me?"

"He didn't tell me nothing baby but I know my children. I knew all those years ago when he first started comin around here. Followin you around like a lost puppy. I knew you felt the same way about that boy, even if you didn't wanna admit it. Hell the only ones who didn't know how y'all felt was y'all!"

"But why not tell me?"

Her mother waved her off with a swing of her slender hand.

"It's your life baby; I can't live it for you or tell you how to live it. As much as I'd love to."

"You need to make these decisions... and mistakes yourself. I can't protect you like I did when you were little. You've grown into a strong, loving, independent, hard-headed, beautiful woman. Believe me, Mickey knows as much and, well," she trailed off.

"What mama?"

"Just, don't be so damn hard on the boy!"

Star couldn't believe her ears. Don't be so hard on him? Was she serious?

"Yes you heard me correctly! Don't be so hard on him. Impatience don't look good on you Star, he just needs time to realize who he is okay? I know this might not make sense, your mother telling you to wait on a man. But he really needs some time to figure himself out you know? So wait for him, you know it's worth it."

And with that, she stood and walked towards the house.

"I'm cooking and you're eating!" She called over her shoulder.

After a few minutes, Millie Jackson started blaring through the tiny house and that was that.

*********************

By 6pm, she was walking up the front steps of her apartment building, tummy full. In her right hand were two huge Tupperware containers, one filled with an obscene amount of food; chicken, greens, potatoes, biscuits and chocolate cake. The other filled with fresh peaches her mother had forced her to take.

To say she was exhausted would be an immense understatement, and that headache was going to work on her temples. What she wanted to do was take the elevator up to Micah's apartment and make him massage her back until she fell asleep. Hell, if she was honest with herself she wanted a lot more that a simple back massage but she quickly pushed those thoughts out of her head. Walking directly past the elevators, she made a beeline to her apartment.

Once inside, she dropped the Tupperware in the refrigerator, grabbed some extra strength Tylenol from the cupboard and pressed play on her blinking answering machine.

It told her she had 21 messages.

She took a seat on her sofa realizing for the first time that her coffee table was missing the huge piece of glass in the middle.

First message.

"Star?" Micah's voice sounded on her answering machine.

Silence.

Next message.

"Hi Star, It's Merissa. I was just wondering if you could take my shift tonight? I just met this hot guy from Brazil-"

Next message.

"I sincerely hope you plan on calling your mother sometime soon! Remember me? The woman that held you in her womb for nine months? Fed ya? Clothed ya? Any of that sound familiar? Call your mama Star!"

Next message.

"I'm sorry. For everything. Most of all for hurting you, I," he trailed off and Star sat breath held, waiting for him to speak again.

"I love you, call me back."

Star's heart thudded in her chest.

Next message.

"Star if you don't get your behind down to this bar soon I'm gonna..." Brian's Irish accent came loudly from the speakers of her machine, and Star felt a stab of anguish.

"Well I don't actually know what I'll do. I'll probably just get very drunk and wish you were here, so hurry up and get here!"

The messages went on and on like that until a particular voice caught her attention.

"Now I know what you're thinking already; why is this man calling me? I just left his house! After I threw up all over him! Am I right?" Star found herself nodding in agreement to Adrian's recorded voice. She really hadn't expected him to call at all, let alone in the same day.

"Okay, hear me out! So I was cleaning my room, since a certain lady had remarked on what a pigsty it had become, when I came across my cell. Now, at the same time I pick up my cell, I noticed a flyer on the floor for this really cool jazz club called Chexx. So, I've got the phone in my right hand and the flyer in my left... you see where I'm going with this?"

Star smiled in spite of herself. He was even charming on voicemail.

"Anyway, my fingers seemed to find your number on their own, and next thing I knew I was calling you! Funny how that works huh?"

Star chuckled and heard him rustling a piece of paper in his hand.

"Next Friday, they're doing a tribute to Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald. I really hope you know who they are,"

"Of course I know who they are!" she squealed aloud appalled by his accusation.

"Good! Because I'll be by to pick you up at 8, I'll see you Friday."

End of messages.

Star just sat there staring off into space. She had a date. On Friday. With Adrian. She quickly released a breath she didn't realise she was holding. She needed a shower and quickly. Make it a cold one.

**********

It was 9:00 on a Saturday night and Star was in bed.

After Star's very long and very hot shower, she sat at her computer working on a project for her intro Pharmacology class. It was quickly forgotten as she fell asleep at the keyboard leaving a page and a half of "L's" on the screen.

Once she'd given up on school work, she decided to try to watch a movie, but every singe film she owned reminded her of Mikey. She'd even tried to watch "p.s I love you" but Gerard Butler's accent reminded her too much of a former friend she was trying to avoid thinking about.

Finally, she gave in to the thoughts she was trying to avoid.

The first name that came to her mind was Brian. The emotions that followed were anger, hurt, outrage, you name it. How could he be so cold? He had never, in her years of knowing him, called her outside of her name. And now that he was getting a taste of Lindsay's recycled pussy, he'd lost his damn mind! Well it was too damn bad cause she wasn't going to wait around for him to find it.

She couldn't believe the balls on him! Puttin his hands on her like that! As if pookie 'nem wasn't a phone call away. And the people she could call, would not think twice about fuckin his ass up!

Star just couldn't believe it at all. He knew. He knew all about her and Mikey's past. Hell, she'd introduced the bitch to Brian as Mikey's leftovers. Well, not in so many words. But he knew the drill! Instead of avoiding the girl, he takes her home. Fucks her. Then worst of all flat out disrespected her in front of Lindsay. There was absolutely no way they could remain friends. Not after how he'd treated her. It didn't matter what kind of feelings he called himself having for the girl, he had no right to act the way he did.

An abrupt noise brought Star out of her thoughts. A big clunk coming from her front door. She listened intently and heard the faint knocks at the door.

Star looked down at herself on her bed. She was naked save for her bra and panties. She pulled on her thick white fleece robe with yellow stars all over it and went to the door to cheek the peephole.

Whoever it was, was leaning up against the door at an angle that hid their face.

"Who is it?" Star called nervously.

"Micah," she heard though the door. She immediately brought a hand up self consciously to fix her hair and opened the door.

He looked delicious. Absolutely delicious. His hair wasn't styled and it hung loosely around his face. He wore a plain black long sleeve shirt that clung to his body beautifully, and a pair of low-slung light denim jeans showing off his lean legs. As was previously stated, he looked delicious. She clutched her robe tighter to herself, more aware of her own near nudity.

"Hey," he said apprehensively.

"Hi, come in," she offered moving out of the way so he could enter. He moved away from the door out of sight and picked up a huge piece of glass bringing it in with him.

"You've probably noticed the glass is missing from your coffee table," he stated gesturing with the heavy glass.

"Yeah, I saw that."

She followed him into the living room

"I threw my cell phone at it," he said carefully placing the glass on the iron frame. It was excessively big and looked awkward. Star was tired of the ugly table anyway and was looking for a reason to get rid of it.

"Shit," he breathed to himself realizing the same thing; it was way too big.

"I can get it cut smaller, so it'll fit. Shit! I should have known, I'm sorry."

He was looking directly into her eyes, one hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck. She wanted to grab onto him and not let go. Her body was moving before she realized it and she grabbed him tightly in her arms.

He stiffened initially, most likely expecting to be hit and then quickly wrapped his arms around her nearly picking her up off the ground.

Star wanted to cry. Again. But she couldn't, she'd spent so much time crying these days. Her eyes were dry.

"I miss you, you know that? I've been going crazy! I miss you so much," he said into the top of her head. She just nodded into his chest.

He loosened his grip enough to look at her, cupping her face in his hands he stared at her. His eyes so full of emotion. Star felt her throat tighten, as her own feelings overtook her.

"Micah," she whispered. Her voice too thick and hoarse to make any more of a sound.

"Shhh," he said cutting her off.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking... About you and about me. You were right; I was too scared. Hell I still am scared Star."

His voice hitched in his throat betraying the emotions he was barely keeping in check. His eyes never once moved from hers. His hands still lovingly cupped her face and Star found herself tightening her arms at his waist.

"I need you to understand me star, I need you to understand who I am okay?"

She nodded in his hands.

"I've never really been in love before. Ever. I've cared for a few girls. Cared very deeply for them but I didn't love them. None of them. Only girl I ever loved was you, but that was different. You were my best friend."

He chuckled and a grin tugged at his lips.

"You remember that time I had you come rescue me from that girl? Sher, Sherane? Charmaine! The first black girl I ever dated. Turned out to be the craziest girl I ever dated. Period."

Star cringed at the memory. The girl was psycho; she was clinically bipolar and had decided to go off her medicine. By the time Star got to Micah's apartment, the bitch had a knife to his throat trying to force him to impregnate her. Star cracked the girl in the back of the head with a frying pan and called the po po on that hoe. She was institutionalized for 6 months before they let her out.

"What I'm trying to say is that no one else in this world has my back like you do! And when I'm honest with myself, I realize a lot of other things."

Star gave him a curious look. He let his hands fall away from her and guided both of them to the couch. Star's memory reminded her of the last time they were on that couch roughly twenty-four hours ago and her pulse raced at the kiss they shared.

He'd turned to her stiffly, and then relaxed.

"When I'm completely honest with myself, I know that I've never loved you as just a friend. It's always been so much more than that. So much deeper than that. I look for you in every girl I've ever dated, because I knew I couldn't have you. Not in the way I really wanted you. And my relationships... if you want to call them that.... They always ended quickly because they weren't... you."

At his last admission, Star's eyes began to well up.

"Look, I don't wanna stay too long, I've got some stuff I gotta take care of tonight but," his voice trailed off again and he looked at the carpet for a long time.

"I'm playing somewhere," he said finally looking up again.

"It's an open mic type deal at 'The Well' something new they're trying."

He reached out for her, pulling her close to him. Her robe parting at the thigh distracting both of them for a moment.

"Will you come?" he asked, his eyes filled with hope. She opened her mouth to answer and he interrupted her before she could speak.

"Before you say anything I need you to know. I'm doing this for you. I need you to come baby, will you come?"

She'd wanted to come but in a very different way and his words were sounding like pure sex to her. She looked up into his eyes and saw fear in them. He was scared she wouldn't show.

"Of course I'll come Mikey," she said stroking his chin just under his lip. "Of course," she repeated.

He smiled a smile of relief at her words. One of his big toothy trademark grins.

"Okay!" he said hopping up.

"You're coming!" he said more to himself.

"Yes!" she exclaimed.

He turned to leave, backing up and looking happier than Star had seen him in weeks.

"Okay, so I'll see you Friday! My set starts at nine sharp, don't be late alright? What am I talking about; I should be telling myself that! You're the one who's always thirty minutes early for everything!"

Star just laughed at him and watched him leave. It wasn't until the door slammed shut that she realized her problem.

"Shit!" she yelled.

Her life had become that much more interesting in the span of ten minutes.

*************

Come Monday morning Star was at her desk about to start work. She was ten minutes early and didn't want to log in and take calls. She hated her job with an unbridled passion. Hated taking calls for the computer company and even more, she hated that it paid her so well.

"I'm just full of hatred today ain't I?" she said aloud.

With A deep sigh of resignation, Star logged in to her phone.

"Microsoft Help desk, Star speaking how can I help you?"

The day went on in a very monotonous manner with Star periodically allowing herself to consider her "situation."

It was like a cheesy television drama. Should she choose the jazz club Friday night? Listening to someone butcher Ella Fitzgerald and choose the too sexy for words Adrian? Or would she choose to go to her old chill spot the Wishing well and listen to her best friend sing for her?

What she wanted to do and what she would do were two completely different animals. Besides, she had about a week to decide.

By the time star was finished for the day she was completely exhausted. Not that call center work was very physical; all she did was sit in a chair all day. What it was, was emotionally draining. People called in all day every day to bitch and moan about their problems. It was never cut and dry; my computer isn't working, can you help fix it? No! It was always, "Do you know how much I paid for this computer?" or "I have so much work to get done and you are wasting my time and money!" It seemed that on a daily basis she was threatened with a lawsuit. Emotionally draining. That's what call center work is.

She had just pulled into the parking lot and was getting out of her car when she spotted him. Brian. Her body tensed reflexively and she thought about getting back in her car and running. Then her mother's voice sounded in her head.

"Is this the child I raised? Runnin' from her problems?"

He was running to her and Star readied herself for a fight.

"Don't say a word!" he yelled to her before she could open her mouth. He stopped directly in front of her studying her silent frame. She had her hands balled into fists at her side and looked like she was ready to attack.

"I owe you an apology-"

"Save it!" she snapped angrily.

"I said all I have to say to you before and I do not want to hear a single sorry word from you. I meant it when I said I'm done with you so please do me a favour and fuck off."

He watched her walk away; she could feel his eyes on her. She didn't look back as she walked into the building.

***********

Tuesday was just as uneventful.

Today she had work and class and thankfully, there was no appearance from Brian. She knew she couldn't handle another rundown with him.

She was in the long line up at Starbucks. She could practically taste her caramel macchiato. She glanced down at her cell. She had twenty minutes to get to her class. Plenty of time.

When it was time to place her order, she felt a possessive hand on her shoulder.

"Caramel macchiato," a very deep and sexy voice said. Star turned to watch Adrian retrieve a bill from his wallet and set it on the counter. He wasn't looking at her but that cocky grin was on his face. She looked at the strong line of his jaw and wanted to lick it.

"How'd you know?" she asked curiously.

He turned and looked at her then; she noted the coffee in his hand and wondered how long he'd been here.

"You were singing it to yourself? You didn't notice?" he said chuckling to himself.

"Guess not," she said. He led her to a table in the corner and realized he must have been watching her for a while.

"So," she said after she was seated. "How is it I go from not seeing you for months to seeing you like, 3 times in a week? Are you stalking me?"

He grinned again.

"Guilty as charged. When you weren't getting the messages I was leaving in my breath on your bedroom window, I decided to take a more direct approach."

Star laughed aloud.

"So now I've taken to stalking your answering machine," he stated, that half smile still tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Star considered him. It was something more that just sexiness that pulled her to him. He was confident. Almost cocky. Not characteristic of the twenty something guys she knew. They all seemed to be trying to find themselves. Adrian, it seemed, already knew who he was and was completely comfortable with himself. She loved that about him.