Stinkerface and the Tot of Terrorbylindiana©
Once upon a time in a small town named Washington there lived two darling little girls. Their names were Rachel and Erica but they were mostly known as Stinkerface and the Tot of Terror or T.O.T. They lived with their mommy and daddy in a big, smelly apartment that was dark all day and night. The apartment was noisy, too, as it faced a large highway that big trucks and cars drove up and down all day long. Although the girls were awfully cute, they were also awfully bad. They never listened and they were always getting into mischief.
Stinkerface and T.O.T. only got to see mommy and daddy in the mornings and after they got home from work. Mostly, the girls spent time with their Mema, Big Mema, Nanny and Poppy and their aunts, Robbie and Deeda. While Mema, Big Mema, Nanny, Poppy, Robbie and Deeda all loved the darling little girls, they all agreed that they were bad little girls, even Stinkerface, whose curly hair floated about her face like a blonde little cloud. However, since the two little sisters never listened to anyone except their daddy, they soon turned into the biggest little terrors in town.
One day when the girls were out playing on their dark and dingy excuse for a lawn, Stinkerface had an idea. She said to T.O.T, "Let's hide behind that tree so Deeda can't see us, it will scare her half to death!" T.O.T. giggled and smiled, then followed her big sister behind the huge evergreen tree that took up half the space of the yard.
Deeda, who was sitting on the steps of the porch reading her latest copy of Good Aunt Magazine, glanced up to see that the girls had seemingly disappeared. She panicked, of course, as Stinkerface knew she would.
"Rachel! Erica! Where are you?" Deeda screamed as she dropped her magazine and slowly got to her feet. Deeda has arthritis in her legs or she would have jumped to her feet. "Rachel! Erica! Come to Deeda now!" She yelled out again, as the girls who were entrusted to her care were nowhere in sight.
Meanwhile, behind the tree, Stinkerface motioned to her sister to be quiet as the two of them covered their mouths with their little hands to stifle the giggles that would give them away. T.O.T, so excited over their naughty prank, could not stop herself from head butting her sister in the stomach as an expression of her extremely high state of giddiness. Stinkerface, caught unawares by her sister, let out a big "Whoooof" of air and began to cry as her stomach hurt where her sister hit her.
Deeda heard Stinkerface crying and walked around to the back of the big old tree to see Stinkerfaces' face streaked with tears as T.O.T giggled herself into a fit of hysteria.
"You girls!" Deeda hollered. "Why are you always so bad? You scared me half to death! Since you cannot behave, we're going inside."
The girls began to cry as Deeda dragged them into their big, smelly apartment. Secretly, though, they wanted to go inside so they could continue their reign of terror over Deeda.
Once inside, Stinkerface's tears soon dried up since she now could play with her favorite toy, Squeaky Wheels Shopping Cart. Deeda did not like Squeaky Wheels Shopping Cart at all since its' wheels were very squeaky. Stinkerface did not care that she was giving Deeda a headache, she ran around the big, smelly apartment, pushing the shopping cart ahead of her.
"Rachel! You're driving Deeda crazy! Could you please stop that?"
Stinkerface just giggled as she continued to run about the apartment like a tornado with curls. T.O.T. obediently toddled along behind her older, braver sister. She giggled too, in her loud little giggle which was giving Deeda an even bigger headache than she already had after dealing with Stinkerface.
"I just don't know what to do with you two," cried Deeda before collapsing in the comfy chair. The girls ignored her and continued upon their merry way. They were sure Deeda would probably close her eyes to relax. Then they would scream even louder so Deeda couldn't relax at all.
Just as Deeda closed her eyes, Stinkerface yelled "Deeda!"
"What!" Deeda's eyes flew open. "What's wrong?"
Stinkerface just smiled with that angelic smile that says that she's really a little devil underneath her curly hairs and frilly dresses. "Deeda? Will you read us a story?"
Now Deeda, who used to be a teacher as well as an amateur actress, could not resist such a request, especially when Stinkerface used her sweetest, most angelic voice to ask for it. "Of course I will, go pick a story book from your shelf."
Stinkerface dashed back into her playroom and pulled out the first book she could find. She ran back to the comfy chair, where she threw the book right on Deeda's lap.
It was a coloring book. "Oh, Rachel, Deeda can't read you a coloring book."
"Because there aren't any words. Go pick another book."
"BUT I WANT TO HEAR THAT BOOK!" Stinkerface shouted so loud that T.O.T covered her ears. "If you don't read me that book, Deeda, I am going to scream and scream and scream until daddy gets home."
Deeda let out an exasperated sigh, "All right, Rachel, come sit on my lap." It was difficult for Stinkerface to get settled on Deeda's lap because Deeda was very big and her big belly took up most of her lap. Stinkerface wiggled and Deeda fiddled and soon they were both comfortable. Then, Deeda began to make up a story to go with the pictures in the coloring book.
"Once upon a time there was a puppy..."
"That's not a puppy, Deeda, it's a lion!"
"Then, once upon a time there was a lion who lived in the zoo..."
"He doesn't live in the zoo, Deeda, he lives in the jungle!"
Deeda was so tired. She hoped that the girls' daddy would be home soon so she could go home herself and take a nap.
"Once upon a time there was a lion who lived in the jungle with her mommy and daddy..."
"Deeda! You're bad! The mommy and daddy went to heaven!"
"Well, Rachel, if you know the story that well, you certainly do not need me to read it to you. So go play with your sister."
Stinkerface threw herself to the floor. "You're a bad Deeda, I'm telling my Daddy! You pushed me on the floor."
"I did no such thing and you know it. Now go have a time out on the sofa for not telling the truth."
"NO! And you can't make me!" Stinkerface started kicking the floor. Upset by her sister's actions, T.O.T also threw herself to the floor and began kicking. Soon, the whole apartment reverberated with the sound.
Deeda almost started to cry herself. Any minute Daddy would be home and find his two precious girls wailing, screaming and kicking the floor in. Deeda rubbed her tired eyes and sighed so deeply that it made both Stinkerface and T.O.T. stop what they were doing. They looked up at their Deeda, mustering as much innocence on their faces as they could as Stinkerface rolled over and kicked her sister in the head.
T.O.T began to wail as if her head would fall off. Big, trembling tears poured down her face and came to rest at the base of her neck in that little hollow before your chest begins. What a commotion! Stinkerface became so depressed about actually hurting her baby sister that she quickly grabbed and pulled her close to her face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kick you. I was trying to kick Deeda."
"That's it!" Deeda cried, "Rachel, you go up to your room until your Daddy gets home. I will try to get your sister to stop giving herself a bath of salty tears while you think about your horrid behavior. Now, up the stairs with you..."
Stinkerface reluctantly dragged herself to the bottom of the stairs and then looked back at the mayhem she had caused. "I can't help it if I am bad, Deeda. I was born this way."
After Stinkerface disappeared up the dark staircase and, presumably, headed down the long scary hallway to the dingy bedroom she shared with her little sister, Deeda turned her attention to the screaming child currently located on the floor at her feet. "Erica," Deeda said as she picked up the wailing child, "No good will come of you screaming your little head off like that. Now, stop." Deeda rubbed T.O.T.'s back in an effort to calm her tangled nerves but it was not successful.
Finally, Deeda decided to sit in the rocking chair and rock poor tortured T.O.T. until she calmed down. In a matter of minutes, T.O.T. was fast asleep. Deeda took the opportunity to close her eyes for a minute. Suddenly, a loud crash was heard from upstairs in the general area that Stinkerface was supposed to be currently occupying. Deeda struggled to get up from the chair, the added weight of T.O.T. in her arms bringing additional trouble to her. She settled the sleeping toddler on the sofa and took off up the stairs to the dim bedroom regions of the house.
With Deeda's arthritic knees paining her, it took quite some time for her to drag herself up the steep, narrow staircase that lead to the second floor of the dark and dingy house. The second floor was no brighter than the ground floor and, in fact, was even darker and dingier. The bathroom was lit by one weak little bulb. Mommy and Daddy's room had only one small window. And Daddy had nailed the curtains to the edge of the window in the girl's room, so no light found it's way into their tiny little space.
You are probably wondering why Daddy would have nailed the curtains to the edge of the window so they could not be opened. That is a very good question. The answer is Daddy knows his little girls very well. They like to lean on the windows and pound on the glass. And after the incident last summer, when the girls threw half of their toys out of their bedroom window, Daddy had said "Enough!" and nailed the curtains over the windows to keep the girls from getting to the glass. And then he put an air conditioner in one of the windows, because he certainly did not want his precious little bundles of joy to roast to death during one of the horrid humid summer days that frequent New Jersey.
When Deeda finally managed to get to the top of the stairs, she went looking for Stinkerface. Sure enough, there was no sign of her in her bedroom, where she was supposed to be. Deeda looked in the bathroom next since she knew Stinkerface liked to use the toothpaste to finger paint on the mirror over the sink. She wasn't there either. Then she looked to see if Stinkerface was in Mommy and Daddy's room. But Mommy and Daddy were smart and they had locked their door with a key from the outside so there was no way she could be in there either.
"Rachel!" Deeda called, starting to worry since, again, Stinkerface had apparently disappeared. Deeda wondered if she might have a little witch in her mix, along with the little devil everyone already knew she had. So Deeda looked under the beds and in the bathtub, but she couldn't find Stinkerface. "Oh where could that child have gone?" Deeda worried out loud to herself. She knew the levels of mischief Stinkerface was capable of so the longer she was out of eyesight, the worse it could be.
Deeda looked around and around. She checked under the beds again. Then she checked Mommy and Daddy's door, still locked. She checked the bathroom, even the cupboard. And she checked the closet in the girls' bedroom. No sign of Stinkerface.
Now Deeda was really starting to worry. What if she had somehow managed to get out of the window? She could be on the roof at this very minute. But Deeda checked all the windows. They were all closed, locked and intact so Stinkerface had not escaped that way. Just when Deeda was about to cry, she heard a little noise from the girl's closet.
Deeda quickly opened the door, "Rachel! Rachel! Are you in here?" There was no answer. Deeda looked all over the floor, picking up the discarded clothes to see if Stinkerface was lurking there. No Stinkerface. Then Deeda heard another little noise. This one sounded like it was coming from over her head. So Deeda looked up. Sure enough, there was Stinkerface sitting pretty as can be on the top shelf of the closet.
"Hello, Deeda," she innocently said.
"RACHEL! What are you doing up there? And don't hello me, you naughty little girl. Now, come here and get down." Deeda stretched her arms up for Stinkerface to get into so she could get down from the shelf she was perched on. Stinkerface just smiled at her Deeda.
"I like it up here, Deeda, it makes me bigger than you," giggled Stinkerface.
"But Rachel, you could fall. Please come here to Deeda before you give me a heart attack. Besides, you scared me half to death when I couldn't find you. Please come down now, sweetheart."
"No, I like it up here. Wait, this box is in my way." Stinkerface picked up the shoebox in question and tossed it down at her Deeda. Deeda just managed to duck out of the way so the box did not hit her on the nose; it just grazed off her shoulder. And while Deeda was ducking, Stinkerface pushed herself further back onto the shelf. Soon she came upon another box and down it came. Then another and another until it was raining all shapes and sizes of boxes down on Deeda.
"Stop it, Rachel, stop it right now!" shouted Deeda over the din of crashing boxes.
And as boxes rained down upon Deeda, in walked Stinkerface's Daddy.
"Hello, what is going on in here?" He asked as Deeda just sighed and Stinkerface paused from her box tossing at the sound of her Daddy's voice.
"Daddy! I'm stuck up here on this shelf and Deeda won't help me down!"
Deeda gasped with amazement at Stinkerface's latest fib and just walked away in disgust. But before she was completely out of the room, she turned to Daddy and said, "Your daughter is a Stinkerface!"
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