Strange Days Ch. 72-74

I was a heartless, jealous bitch. Nothing was enough for me. It wasn't enough that Violet was my friend. It wasn't enough that Trevor was my friend either. I loved them both. God, I loved them so very much. I even loved Phillip, in a way, and I'd almost had sex with him.

I knew they loved me too, my friends, but I wanted more. What 'more' was, I couldn't say exactly. I only knew that I couldn't stand the thought of my life without any of them, and I wanted them with me, forever. The truth was that there was only one person that I truly couldn't imagine being without, and that was Sarah, the woman who at that very moment held me in her arms, tenderly rocking me back and forth, despite how awful a person I was. And I was awful, awful for wanting my friends so devoted to me that they would never leave, despite the fact that I could never give them what they needed; equal love in return for theirs.

Violet could have that with Holly. Trevor could find that with someone else. Paula had found that with Johnny. Phillip and Tabitha, with a big stroke of luck, might be able to find that with each other. Everyone deserved to be happy, to find that special someone, and it was so very wrong that part of me didn't want them to.

I cried on Sarah's shoulder, feeling so very horrible, wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. I wanted to tell Violet that I was sorry, that I knew it was wrong to string her along the way I was, the same as I'd been doing to Trevor. But Violet merely shook her head at me, smiling sweetly, like she knew exactly what I was thinking, and she mouthed to me.

'I love you.'

Then she gave me a playful wink.

Sarah drew away to hold me at arm's length, taking a good look at me, then she took my hand.

"Okay, I think that was a little intense for everyone," she said, patting Violet on the knee. "Let's get cleaned up, pop that last bottle of wine, and get comfortable."

"Wine?" Holly said sleepily, and we laughed.

Chapter 74

Christmas break finally arrived. Sarah and I drove back home. Violet had finally agreed to go home with Holly to meet her parents. Trevor and Tabitha would be home for the holidays too. Sarah and I were going to split Christmas day between our families, the morning at her place and dinner with my mom, but then Sarah's mom and dad invited my mom and I to their house for dinner, so we ended up flipping the plans around. Sarah was going to stay with me at our house, spending Christmas morning with Mom and I, then we'd all head over to Sarah's house around noon.

Oh, before I forget, there hadn't been any fallout after the double-dicking that Holly and I had given Violet. Violet and Holly had taken a shower first, while Sarah had sat me down on the couch to talk to me. I confessed everything, how I felt about what I'd been doing to Trevor and Violet, and how wrong it was, how awful a person I was. The strange thing was that Sarah didn't argue with me. Truth be told, she didn't approve of what I was doing to my friends either. She knew Violet loved me more than she every openly admitted to, beyond myself, of course, and she knew Trevor was in love with me too.

Sarah flat out told me that I needed to let them go, but she wasn't cruel about it. She was just bluntly honest. She'd told me exactly what I'd needed to hear, that if I truly loved my friends, I'd stop encouraging them to try to keep me. I agreed with her. It was a harsh truth to face, but she told me that I was still the sweetest person she ever met, and that she wouldn't be in love with me if I was truly as awful a person as I thought I was. It was hard to believe her, but I did.

She also told me that I should talk to my mom, about Trevor, Violet, and maybe even my gift. She understood my fear of telling Trevor about my gift, but she thought that telling my mom first would be a good way to start. Both of us were almost one-hundred percent certain that my mom wouldn't judge me for having a magic penis.

Heh, that still makes me giggle inside.

Anyway, the four of us spent the rest of the night just hanging out, laughing and oohing and ahhhing about the incredibly wild threesome we'd had. Violet was insistent that we do it again, and again and again and again. Sarah found it rather amusing. One thing that did change a lot for me was how I saw Holly. For some reason, from that moment on, any attraction I had for her died a horrible death. Well, a confusing death.

After the threesome, when I'd look at her, I'd think of her as a guy. Mine and Sarah's roles in our relationship were pretty muddy. Neither one of us really wore the pants, as it were. But with Violet and Holly, Holly was clearly filling the role of the guy. So after the threesome, I couldn't look at her the same way. Don't get me wrong, I still loved hanging out with her. Holly was fun, witty, and she was really cute, but she was absolutely confusing to me. If I wanted to be with a girl, Sarah was my preference, and if it was a guy I wanted, that was definitely Trevor. Holly was...well, she was something else. Still adored her though.

Oh, and I heard a rumor that Phillip was driving Tabby home and would be spending Christmas with her and Trevor. His parents weren't well off, and he couldn't afford the flight home, and neither did he want to deal with the hellaciously long drive. Me, I was hoping that my matchmaking effort had paid off. I'd set them up on a date, without them knowing. Sarah had helped me. We'd invited them to meet us for dinner at an upscale restaurant, and I'd given the manager my credit card info, so that they could bill me instead. Then, at the last minute, wouldn't you know it, Sarah came down with a slight fever and I simply had to stay home with her to take care of her.

I had it on good authority that Phillip and Tabitha had a really good time, mostly because when I called Tabby's place early the next morning, I heard Phillip in the background, waking up with a groan. I shamelessly admit that I'd squealed into the phone at Tabitha, calling her a free-wheeling-slut, and she'd promptly hung up on me - for squealing, not for the slut comment. Other than that, I hadn't heard any news. They were awfully mum about what was going on between them. I was betting they were adjusting to each other. I mean, they came from two completely different worlds. Tabitha was a gorgeous, intellectual socialite, and Phillip was a ruggedly cute comic book nerd and XBOX nut. Definitely a clash of personality, but something told me they might hit it off, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered trying to set them up. I was hoping to see for myself how they were doing.

Which brings me to Trevor. Sarah and I spent most of the drive home talking about him, about what I needed to do. Ultimately, I had to let him go, but there was still the question of whether or not I should tell him my secret, about Freyja's gift. Sarah didn't lean either way, but she argued that my choice could have an impact if I wanted Trevor and I to remain friends. Her point of view was that friends shouldn't have to keep secrets from one another. I had a hard time finding any fault in that.

By the time we got home, I still hadn't made my decision, but right then, I was too excited to see Mom running out the front door, arms spread wide and calling my name with a squeal.

I met her halfway and we clashed in a big hug, Mom nearly lifting me off my feet. She rained kisses down on my face, hugging me tight.

"I missed you so much, baby," she cooed after she set me down and swayed from side to side, arms locked around me and kissing my hair.

"Missed you too, Mom," I giggled. Then I noticed someone standing on the front porch, a woman that bore a striking resemblance to my mother. "Aunt Claire!"

Mom let me go and I ran at my Aunt, throwing my arms around her. She laughed, held me tight, then pushed me to arm's length to look at me, shaking her head in wonder.

"My God, Amy. You've grown into such a beautiful young woman," she smiled.

I bounced up onto my toes at the compliment.

"Was there ever any doubt?" I asked, glancing at her and my mom with a grin.

"Good point," she chuckled.

I heard another bout of squealing and glanced over my shoulder to see Mom hugging Sarah.

Aunt Claire leaned close to me and asked quietly, "That's your girlfriend, right?"

"Yep. That's my Sarah," I smiled fondly.

Aunt Claire's eyes widened at me, then back to Sarah. "That's Sarah? Good Lord, is she ever beautiful."

"Yep," I agreed proudly, bouncing up on my toes again.

"You know, the last time I saw her, you two were still sticks and bones."

"I'd have to say, she's definitely filled out a bit since then," I said sagely.

Aunt Claire laughed.

After unloading the car, Mom ushered us inside and made a fresh pot of coffee for everyone. Sarah accepted a cup and sat down in the living room with us, but told Mom that she couldn't stay very long. She had to make an appearance at home, but she'd be back in time for dinner.

"Are you going with Sarah, sweetie?" Mom asked me.

"Not tonight," I shook my head.

Mom raised her eyebrows.

Sarah and I had already decided the timing of our announcing us being together to her parents, so I explained, "Night after tomorrow."

Sarah nodded, "Yeah, my dad's the only one home right now. Mom is out picking up her parents, since they can't drive anymore. She should be on her way back home with them now." She glanced at me and took my hand in hers, smiling. "We're going to tell them when everyone's home."

Aunt Claire was shaking her head at me. "I just can't believe that you're...well..."

"I'm not gay, Aunt Claire," I told her, unable to hide my amusement at her discomfort.

Sarah chuckled. "Yeah, Amy here is way too greedy to stick to girls."

"How is Trevor?" Mom asked.

Sarah's hand tensed just a little in mine. "I'm not really sure. We don't call each other as much as I'd like. He's been really slammed at school, and I..." I trailed off, and Sarah gave my hand a squeeze. I glanced at her and couldn't help but smile with joy. "Well, I've come to a decision, about who I want," I finished, looking at Mom.

Mom smiled at us warmly and reached over to pat my knee. "Good for you."

"What about kids?" Aunt Claire blurted out.

"Claire!" Mom squealed.

"What? I'll admit, I don't know how this kind of thing works, and I know you want grandchildren."

Mom was flustered. Not angry. Just embarrassed. Me, I was trying not to laugh, and I'm pretty sure that Sarah was in the same boat.

"Claire, please."

"Oh, God," Aunt Claire sighed. "We're all grownups here." Then to me and Sarah, she eagerly asked, "Okay, so I have to know. Is it true that girls fist each other?"

Sarah burst out laughing, and she, Mom and I all loudly asked at once, "What?"

Aunt Claire held up her hands in surrender, "Hey, the only knowledge I have about girl-on-girl stuff is from porn and Chasing Amy, so give me a break."

Sarah laughed even harder, "No, Claire. No fisting. Not for us."

"Oh," she shrugged, then asked both of us, "But don't you miss cock?"

Mom nearly fell out of her chair, "Claire! Seriously?"

Sarah gave me a knowing grin. "Not really."

"Oh, what was that look?" Aunt Claire asked saucily.

Sarah's grin was contagious, and I flashed mine at Aunt Claire, shrugging. "Nothing."

"Come on," she gestured with her hand. "Out with it."

"We have everything we need," Sarah teased her.

Aunt Claire's eyebrows went up. "Oh, like toys?"

Mom turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Sure," Sarah shrugged.

Mom really looked like she needed a rescue, so I changed the subject, glancing at Aunt Claire.

"So, what's going on with you?"

The rescue attempt worked. Aunt Claire launched into a tirade about Uncle Bill. Their divorce was ongoing. She insisted that she was only staying with Mom temporarily, and would be finding her own place after the holidays, but Mom really wanted her to stay. I chalked it up to empty-nest syndrome.

Aunt Claire asked how college was going for us, about the friends we'd made, then about our jobs. She was really happy for me that I'd landed the job at Armia, and stunned that Sarah was a computer nerd. I couldn't blame her. Sarah had worn a white camisole - I'd found it at Nordstrom and had to get it for her - and stylish dark jeans tucked into warm boots with fur at the top. She'd been wearing a big fluffy sweater, but had taken it off when we'd come into the house. Basically, Sarah was a knockout, and looked nothing like a database administrator, though she fit the bill for a fashion model perfectly.

Eventually, it was time for Sarah to go. I walked her to the door, hand in hand, and gave her a hug.

"See you later?" I asked, burying my nose in her hair and drawing in her scent.

"Count on it," she smiled, then laid her hand on my cheek and kissed me.

I expected it to be a chaste kiss, since my mom and Aunt Claire were right there, and it started that way, but then Sarah turned her head and plunged her tongue into my mouth. I moaned and felt her body mold to the front of mine. Her hand found the back of my neck and she kissed me harder, deeper, turning her head the other way, then back, until I was certain she was going to fuck me right there at the front door.

Sarah eased down on the kiss and her lips smacked softly against mine, then she drew back to give me a searing look, promising all kinds of sin later on.

"Bye, baby," she cooed, then blew a kiss to Mom and Aunt Claire. "See you tonight!"

"We'll crack open the wine!" Aunt Claire called after her.

After she'd gone, Aunt Claire came to stand beside me at the open front door.

"That was some kiss," she sighed, then she put her arm around my shoulders. "Okay, my favorite niece..."

"I'm your only niece," I pointed out.

"Tell me this," she said, then flashed me a grin. "Which of you loves flannel and working on engines?"

I laughed and poked her in the ribs on my way back into the living room. Mom was sitting in one of the two big chairs, and I squirmed my way in beside her, so that I was almost sitting on her lap. It made her giggle, which was the whole point of it. That, and I still liked the way it made me feel like a little girl with her mommy. Pretty sure I'd never tire of it, and I certainly hoped I'd never grow out of it.

Mom played with my hair while the three of us lounged around and talked. About half an hour later, my phone rang. Aunt Claire picked it up from the coffee table and handed it to me. Trevor's name and picture were on the screen.

I jumped out of Mom's lap and ran upstairs.

"Be right back!"

Shutting the door behind me in the guest room - my old room didn't have a bed in it anymore - I answered the phone with a smile.

"Hey, you."

"Hey, yourself," Trevor replied, and I could hear the hint of a smile in his voice too.

"Are you home?" I asked, but I was pretty sure he wasn't. I thought I could hear the muffled sound of traffic in the background.

"No, not until late tonight. Got a late start getting out of here," he explained, then he said quietly, "So, I heard Todd posted bail."

"Yeah," I murmured.

"You okay?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'd just rather not think about it."

"I get that, Amy, but I wouldn't ignore it either."

On the one hand, I agreed with him. Todd had proven himself to be quite a sadistic sonovabitch, so it was possible, though remote, I think, that he might want to get even with me somehow, since I was the reason he'd gone to jail in the first place. Oh, and my boyfriend had kicked his ass. The punishment hadn't stopped there either. His younger brother, Johnny, had idolized Todd almost his entire life. But Johnny had participated in the asskicking, and to top it all off, Johnny was introducing Paula to his parents on Christmas Day, and he didn't want Todd around. So, Todd was going to be staying with his uncle for Christmas. So, yeah, Todd had plenty reason to be pissed at me.

But, on the other hand...

Fuck Todd.

"I'm not ignoring anything, Trevor. I just don't want it to ruin Christmas."

"Right, first big holiday as a couple with Sarah," he murmured, and I thought I heard a trace of bitterness there. I guess I couldn't blame him. "You guys have anything special planned?"

Part of me wanted to keep my mouth shut, thinking that telling him would be like rubbing it in his face, how far Sarah and I had come as a couple. The other part of me, the part that loved him, refused to hide anything from him.

"Sarah's having me over for Christmas Eve. She's going to tell her parents about us, that we're together."

"Oh, that's good," he said, and he sounded genuine enough that it surprised me.

"Really?"

Trevor chuckled. "Of course, Amy. Look, I'm not saying this hasn't been hard, wanting you more than you want me," he said, and I wanted to interrupt him. He was telling the cold, hard truth, yes, but I wanted to soften the blow, I guess. But Trevor didn't give me the chance, and went on, "Hell, I want Sarah more than I should too, but...you two are perfect together."

His voice softened at the end, affectionate and sad. I swallowed, hating that I made him feel this way.

"You make each other so happy, Amy, and you deserve to be happy. Both of you."

What I said next was so damned hard, because it was the first step in letting him go.

"So do you."

He gave a resigned sigh. "I know."

"I want to see you," I breathed, but I didn't add 'one last time', despite knowing that's what it would be.

Turned out he may have been psychic, because he asked with a chuckle, "One last time?"

I didn't know what to say. No, that's not true. I knew exactly what to say. I was supposed to say 'yes',should have said it. But I couldn't. I'd already admitted to having to let him go, so one awful truth at a time, thank you very much.

"I miss you," I managed to say.

"How?"

His tone was flat, and the question was so simple and direct that it caught me completely off guard.

"How do you miss me, Amy?"

Oh, God. I didn't want to do this.

"Trevor..."

"I need to know," he told me, then more gently, "Please."

I took a deep breath and let it out, all of it. "I miss my friend." He snorted, but I went on. "I miss your laugh, your smile. I miss the way you hold me."

Trevor was quiet, letting me talk, so I stretched out on the guest bed.

"I miss playing with you, talking to you. I miss arguing with you," I told him, and he snorted with amusement. The rest wasn't so much about the heart, but rather...well, it's obvious. "I miss being with you, feeling you around me, inside me, your lips against mine."

It took a moment for him to say anything. "You do?"

I smiled, glad to hear his mood improve, and coyly asked, "Do what?"

"You miss the sex?"

"Gawd, yes," I replied, stretching out on the bed again, getting turned on just thinking about him. "Trevor, you really are an amazing lover."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah," I chuckled, remembering how nervous I'd been, in the beginning, afraid that it was going to be challenging for us to learn how to please each other. "You know, early on, I was worried that we might not fit."

He snorted. "Yeah, well, our first time wasn't exactly spectacular, was it?"

"Not really," I wrinkling my nose and smiled, then I sighed. "But after that...gawd, Trevor. You were amazing. You knew exactly how to touch me, knew exactly what I wanted."

"I was just paying attention," he laughed softly.

I shook my head, even though he couldn't see me. "No, it's more than that. So much changed after that, when we tried again. I mean, I was used to my dildo, and it was big, bigger than you even."

He laughed again and said, "I told you, I was nervous our first time."

"No, even before that, when all we did was mess around. I could tell that you weren't as big," I told him.