Subway Girl Ch. 03

I walked back to the apartment feeling the heat in the air and the warmth in my pocket. I now had Alicia's picture and phone number safely tucked away and I felt like I had a little piece of her with me. I reveled in the awareness of how much my life had changed recently, but I also had some pretty serious problems to deal with. Right now I needed to find out if Jeff paid his rent.

As I walked up our stoop, I saw Thomas gingerly coming down the steps, holding the railing looking like a skeleton wrapped in skin and dirty clothing. He had sunken eyes and scabs all over his face. A woman was holding his arm, but she didn't have the look of either a hooker or a drug addict. When Thomas saw me he said, "Hey, Ray. My mom's taking me to detox. I'll see you in a few weeks."

"Maybe not," his mom intervened, "Thomas might be going to a halfway house." Thomas shook his head at me while his mom looked me up and down like she didn't trust me.

"What about Jeff? Have you seen him? Did he pay his rent?" I asked.

"No idea," he answered, as he stepped into a waiting cab with his mom.

"Well, good luck, man," I hollered after him, stunned at this turn of events.

I didn't see any evidence that Jeff had been back to the apartment and I felt really stressed knowing that tomorrow was the end of our grace period. Adding to my anxiety was the worry that I didn't know if Jeff would bust in the door at any moment, or if he would be friendly or high or crazy or have company or what. I never knew what to expect and it kept me on edge. I looked around our crappy little apartment and wanted to bask in some solitude, but I couldn't hang there and relax in the state it was in. I decided to go down to the corner store and buy some cleaning supplies. Trying to stick to a budget, I bought trash bags, a roll of paper towels, a sponge and some cleanser. I also bought a pack of disposable razors and some milk and cereal.

When I got back, I decided to push the couch up against the door so I would have plenty of warning before someone came barging in. I found some good music on my phone and with the earplugs in was able to get into the cleaning groove. I bagged up beer bottles and trash and some nasty looking rags, porn magazines, cigarette butts, and more trash. I found two shirts that belonged to me but they were covered in some sticky substance I didn't want to deal with, so I threw them away. I found a pair of woman's shoes and one shoe that was mine. I tossed them all in the bag and closed it up and put it next to the couch and had a seat. I felt anger well up in me that I had to clean all this shit up, and that the rent wasn't paid, and that Thomas had a mom to help him. I was pissed that we lost our jobs and I had to live with these creeps instead of Carlos. I felt angry about the recession and how my dad had to deal with that crap while missing my mom at the same time. Then I got mad at myself for being angry, but I couldn't stop.

Just then my phone vibrated. My first thought was maybe it was Alicia, but it was my dad texting me saying, "Congratulations on the new job. Don't blow it." Somehow I took that as a sign to get off my ass and keep cleaning. A few minutes later I got a text from Don with the message, "Same location, 8:00."

I really didn't expect Alicia to text or call me. Now that I knew her a bit and how shy she could be, it seemed even more astounding that she hugged me in the first place. I looked at her picture several times while I cleaned until finally I was exhausted, and then I rewarded myself with the luxury of a long shower. The place looked a lot better, but I had not even touched the kitchen yet.

While I was in the shower my thoughts drifted back to Alicia and I was getting hard but I didn't want to think about her that way. Somehow it didn't seem right. Instead, I thought about the last time I had sex. It had been when Carlos was still living here. We met these two girls, brought them back to the apartment, and got drunk with them. We had to flip a coin to see who would get to stay in the main room and who would have to go in the bathroom. I ended up having sex with that girl in this tiny bathroom while I sat on the toilet and she sat on my lap.

We never saw them again because Carlos's girl told him she had a boyfriend. I wasn't that into mine anyway and they seemed kind of like a package deal. If I'd known it was the last time I'd be having sex for a really long time, I might have taken my time and tried to enjoy it more. I never would have expected that I wouldn't have the privacy to even consider sex, but now it seemed my dick was coming out of hibernation. I thought about that girl who sat on my lap, but it bummed me out that I didn't even remember her name.

After my shower, I looked at Alicia one last time and set the alarm on my phone and went to sleep on the couch while it was still in front of the door. Jeff never did make an appearance.

* * * * *

I woke up with a start. The grace period on our rent was up and I did not have the last third. Even with the remainder of my unemployment check and the money I earned from Don I was still short. I wanted to just go back to sleep and forget about it, but decided I'd better call the property managers rather than wait for one of those legal notices on my door. I told the girl on the phone that one of my roommates had to go to the hospital, which was technically true since Thomas went to detox. She told me I was supposed to have only one roommate anyway; any more and I'd be violating the lease agreement. I explained that I only had one roommate now. She gave me five more days since we had paid two thirds of the rent, but told me I had better stick to our agreement. I thanked her and sighed in relief.

When I got to work Don was standing in the apartment with a list for me. He was going to another job and told me to finish painting the bathroom, put all the cover plates back on the outlets, and hook up a kitchen faucet. He reminded me, again, this wasn't the Taj Mahal and gave me an address to go to when I finished. It felt really good that he trusted me to work alone. He even gave me the keys and told me to lock up when I was done and put the keys in a lockbox, so I put my headphones on and got to work.

That afternoon I met Don and Lenny at a really nice penthouse and it amazed me that there could be such a vast difference in lifestyle when the two places were a short walk apart. That is the crazy thing about New York: wealth and poverty are right on top of each other. This place had a view of Central Park and it was being remodeled. I had to wear paper booties on my shoes because the people still lived there and they had white carpet. That is something you would never see in a lower-rent place.

I helped Lenny remove kitchen cabinets that looked like they were brand new. Lenny informed me that they wouldn't go to a dump, that they had a place to sell them. While we were working I heard Don on the phone talking about how the guy who used to work for him tried to come back but he fired him. I heard him say, "Ray is worth two of him anyway. He shows up on time and keeps his mouth shut." It made me feel really good to hear him say that, although, truth be told, the mouth shut part was a matter of not having much to say. I used to be pretty outgoing and a joker back in school, but that felt like a lifetime ago.

When it got close to 4:00 I asked Lenny if he thought we would be working late, and he asked if I had somewhere to go. I told him I liked to walk my girl home from the subway, but I could work as late as he needed me. I amazed myself at how I had this new ability to deceive people without actually lying. Alicia wasn't my girlfriend but somehow calling her my girl seemed okay. Lenny said it was cool since he needed to be somewhere too. I had to run to the subway station to make it on time, but Alicia wasn't there.

I decided to text her. I wrote four different messages and erased them all, trying to come up with the right thing to say that didn't sound too eager or lame. While I was writing my fifth text, I got one from her that said "Hi, are you at the station?"

"Yeah," I texted back. "Where are you?"

"Just got on. Can you wait?"

"No prob."

Alicia wanted me to wait for her. I tried to wipe the smile off my face then remembered I had a book in my pocket. I stood against the wall and started reading Extremely Loud. I was almost to the last page and so into it I didn't even watch for the subway, but I heard Alicia say my name and she walked right into my arms. She actually put her hands inside my jacket and hugged me around my waist instead of my shoulders. This was new and I liked it. I really liked it.

"Have you heard that commercial on the radio where they say a hug reduces stress?" she asked.

"No, but I believe if for sure."

"Yes, but I was listening and it said a twenty second hug. That's a long hug, if you think about it. Twenty seconds!"

"I've got time. That would just be a warm up."

Alicia laughed like I was joking and didn't take me up on it. "Thanks for waiting for me, Ray."

"My pleasure. Is it okay if I walk with you for a bit?"

"I was hoping so. In fact, I was hoping you might have time to stop for a cup of coffee. Do you like coffee? I mean, a drink might be... Well, I have to study tonight." She looked nervous and I could really see how she went from confident to shy faster than anyone I had ever known and I liked both sides of her, but when she got anxious it made me feel more at ease.

"I love coffee," I answered.

"Oh, great! I mean, first I ask you to wait for me, then make you go to coffee with me."

"I love coffee," I said a second time. "You're not making me do anything. There is no place I'd rather be right now."

Alicia smiled at me and said "Okay then, let's go."

There was a coffee place on the way home that she liked, and we walked there together as she told me about her study group and how she didn't do much besides go to school and work. She still felt new to the city and had a whole list of places she wanted to see. I told her that I have walked all over the island and know a lot of cool places but have not been to many of the tourist spots. I explained that I liked to read books that take place in New York and told her about the one I was reading now. I answered her questions about my job by telling her I was working on remodeling a kitchen in a nice penthouse, and that I really liked it and the guys I worked with seemed cool.

When we got to the coffee shop, Alicia ordered some type of latte and I just ordered a cup of coffee and tried not to choke when they told me the price. I was used to Dunkin Donuts, but this place did have a nice cozy atmosphere and tables with lamps. I made a mental note to come back here if I needed a place to hang out in the future.

The coffee shop was crowded, but we got lucky and a couple was just getting up from a small table by the window. Alicia sat down across from me and started sipping her coffee. It gave me a good chance to look at her while she talked. Of course I had studied her photo, but that was only one expression and Alicia seemed to have a million of them. She was so expressive I felt like I could be across the room and not able to hear and still know what she was talking about.

She apologized that she didn't have more time to hang out, but I was happier than she could fathom just to be sitting there with her. I didn't expect this to last or go anywhere. Sooner or later my façade of being a normal functioning person was going to fail me and she would see the truth, but right now I planned to just enjoy the company of a pretty girl who felt like talking to me. I was amazed at this new talent I had acquired for making my life sound so normal, telling her my roommate just moved out and he left the place a mess, just like it was any ordinary situation. If she only knew the guy she was sitting with slept outdoors and picked food out of the trash, I was certain she would run home at full speed.

Too soon Alicia was picking up her briefcase and asking if I wanted to walk with her part of the way. Of course I did.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?" She asked.

"I play soccer every Saturday morning, but other than that, I figure I'll just try to get my apartment back in order."

Alicia didn't say anything and I started to feel like I might be blowing it. I know that asking me if I had plans was an opportunity to ask her out, but I couldn't. Yet I didn't want her to think I didn't want to. I decided I would rather risk her thinking bad about me than thinking I just don't like her, so I touched her arm and stopped her on the sidewalk. I gently moved her to the side so I could talk to her.

"Hey, Alicia, I guess you must know I like spending time with you. I really want to ask you on a proper date and take you to some of those places you want to see, like the Guggenheim, or something like that. Hell, I think it would be cool to tour the whole city with you. But there is something you don't know."

She looked at me expectantly and I went on. "You probably get asked out a lot, by guys who have a lot to offer and can take you to nice dinners and all that, and you should probably do that because I am not who you think I am."

"Who do I think you are, Ray?" She asked with her head tilted to one side.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "An ordinary guy capable of taking a girl on a date?"

"And you're not that?"

"Well, no. Not really. The truth is I've been unemployed for some time and I just lost my roommate unexpectedly and.... Well, I just got a job and am trying to get on my feet."

"There are a lot of things to do that don't cost money, Ray. If you wanted to walk through the park with me I would say yes."

"You would?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes." She was smiling at me and my mind was spinning. I wanted to believe her and I wanted to hang out with her, but it was making me feel really anxious anticipating what could go wrong. I couldn't feel good about hanging out with a girl and barely being able to buy her a hot dog from a cart. She deserved better than me and I said so.

"Alicia, you shouldn't waste your time with me. You probably have a bunch of guys asking you out all the time, guys who could buy you a nice dinner and take you cool places."

"Yeah, they're lining up outside my door. I think I got about twenty text messages just while we were having coffee," she laughed, then went on, "I'm kidding, Ray. The truth is I don't date much at all. I've been too busy with school to think about dating. Most guys wouldn't want to get involved with someone who has to study and go to class all the time. In fact, I have a study group early Saturday morning, but I can meet you at the park after your soccer game and we don't have to spend any money at all."

I answered her with a twenty-second hug.

* * * * *

I didn't want to go home to my empty apartment without a book to read, so I decided to hop on the subway and go to the Mid Manhattan Library because they stayed open a lot later than the St. Agnes branch, plus it is a pretty cool place to hang out. I finished my book on the subway and it was so good I almost didn't want another book; I just wanted to think about this kid Oskar walking all over New York and missing his dad like I missed my mom. But I knew once I got back to the apartment I'd wish I had a book, so I went. I tried to return my book in the drop box, but it was all the way full with books sticking out of it so I walked up to one of the help desks and said "I'd like to return this but the drop is full."

The guy didn't look away from his computer screen and just said "Okay, leave it there and I'll take care of it."

I didn't want to so I said, "Can you check it in for me? I need to get another book."

"That won't be a problem. Just leave it there," he answered in an irritated tone.

"Look, man, I've never had a library fine and I don't want to take a chance that someone picks up this book, so can you just check it in for me?"

The guy looked up from his screen and stood looking pissed as hell, but then he looked at the book and his face changed. "I love this book," he calmly stated. He actually picked it up and held it to his chest and I figured he was probably gay, but I kind of understood how he felt about the book. It really was a good one. "Heavy boots," he said with a sigh.

"Yeah, I related to that term myself. I feel like I've been wearing heavy boots for a while now."

"What a lovable precocious protagonist. Tell me, did you enjoy the shift in point of view?"

"How it went back and forth to the Grandma's story? Honestly, not as much. I mean I felt like I should take it serious because she was a persecuted Jew, but the truth is I rushed it because I wanted to get back to Oskar's story."

"I share your feeling of contrition, but Oskar was such a charismatic character."

"Yeah, I feel like I'm actually going to miss him. I liked how he was all over New York, on foot and subways too."

"Manhattan is my mistress. Would you like me to recommend other books in this setting? It is one of the things I relish most about this exalted vocation to which I am well and truly called."

"Sure," I answered, curious about why a guy would want to be a librarian. "What else is cool about this job? Do you make good money?"

"Oh no," he laughed. "I am a bibliophile and a lothario. Consequently, this is my Eden."

"You're a what and a what?"

The librarian laughed and said, "I love books and I love women, so I am like a kid in a candy store."

"Oh, I get it. I didn't guess that you love women."

"My vocation, speech, and impeccable grooming, style, and wardrobe support the impression that I might be homosexual, but that is of no concern to me. It can, in fact, be used to my advantage. Speaking of stereotypes, you probably wouldn't guess that 17% of all librarians are in fact male."

"No, I would not have guessed that."

"Have you read Let the Great World Spin, or The Adventures of Cavalier and Clay, or The Tale of an American Dream? Surely you've read Catcher in the Rye?"

"Catcher in the Rye more than once, but I'd read it again."

"Oh no, I think Let the Great World Spin would be an eminently sagacious selection after Extremely Loud. Perhaps you should take Cavalier and Clay since the other is so concise.

"And sagacious is a good thing?"

"Indeed and verily."

"Are you able to schmooze a lot of women with that vocabulary?"

"Raymond, I am interacting on a daily basis with New York's finest array of literate women. It behooves me to impress the ladies with my vernacular."

"Hmmm. How did you know my name?"

"I just checked in your book and have located the two we discussed. I have already messaged one of the volunteers to bring the books to the desk for you."

"Wow, thanks. You are efficient. I go by Ray, by the way."

"William." He offered his hand and gave a firm shake. "I am confident you will enjoy these books, Ray. I have a talent for selecting literature. In fact, it has garnered me great prestige among the patrons."

Just then a very pretty brunette brought two books up to the desk and cheerfully offered, "Here you go, William. Do you need anything else?"

"That is all for now, Melissa." The girl looked disappointed and walked away. Just then two older women walked by and said, "Hi, William!" and waved.

"Ladies," William dipped his chin.

"Wow. You really are the big fish in this pond."

William leaned in and whispered in a very different tone, "Dude. You have no idea." Then winked and said goodbye.

* * * * * *

When I got back to my apartment there was no sign of Jeff. I decided to buy a new lock for the front door tomorrow. Now I had two library books I didn't want to carry around and my new clothes that I got back from Louisa. It seemed pretty ridiculous that someone would steal things like that, but everything I owned had disappeared before. I couldn't even find a spoon for my cereal and had to take a plastic utensil from a fast food place.