Sudden Shock

I finally had to get all three of them into counseling and soon they were better. Not completely healed, but better able to cope. We began to build a new life as a single parent household. Janice seemed to fade away eventually, still seeing the kids, but never me. I liked it like that, since every time she would come into my thoughts I would feel the pain of her betrayal all over again.

Three years went by fairly quickly. Sarah was now eighteen and quite a beautiful young lady. James had matured more and was growing up fast. Beth...well she was showing signs of being every bit as beautiful as her older sister is.

Sarah began to talk to me about seeing other women one-day. I had not dated at all since the divorce, partially being too busy with life, raising three kids, work, and all. She came up to me and started with a strange question.

"Dad?"

"Yes Sarah?"

"Do you ever think of...you know...sex?"

"What makes you ask me that Sarah?"

"Well, I do and I know I couldn't go as long as you have without it, had I been married and all. I was thinking that you, having had sex and stuff before would really miss it. I know I would. You need to find someone. Us kids can't fill all those holes in your life. You need a woman, dad."

"Well, thank you for your concern Sarah, but I've been doing okay so far. Someday maybe I'll start dating again. Just not now. Wait a minute...have you been sexually active?"

" Me? No...not yet...I was just thinking...about you. I know you have been having...dreams. I do the laundry from time to time you know. I've seen your sheets and..."

"Okay young lady...that is quite enough. My bodily functions are not something a father should be talking about with his teenage daughter."

"But dad...I know you must miss sex. I'd offer to...I'd do anything you wanted to help you. I could do it for you..."

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. We are never going there Sarah. You are my daughter and I love you, but not in that way. I could no more...oh God...just the thought of...No. It's not right and you know it young lady."

I was shocked. Was it so obvious to her that she felt she had to offer herself to release my needs? I felt guilty. I had been so wrapped up in living for them that I had hidden my needs down deep. Obviously not quite deep enough though.

Sarah was unusually quiet that night after our discussion. I found that I couldn't talk to her without getting upset about her 'offer'. I slept poorly, waking every so often, fearing that she might try to do something very stupid. I decided that perhaps I had better find a dating partner soon so that Sarah could relax a bit. It worried me that she had been so concerned about me that she would have tried to offer herself like she had.

The next day I began to look around the women in our office building. I had no idea of how to go about dating again. I hadn't even so much as flirted in years. Now, suddenly I knew I had to do something to fix that. Sarah had been right. I had been wanting someone to fill a gap in my life. Not only the sex...but that friendship...love...sharing. I missed that.

Here I was, almost forty years old, and having to start dating again after having been out of the loop for all those years. Where to start? What to do? I was lost. Part of the reason I hadn't tried dating was the overriding fear of rejection. I may have been confident in my business relations, but in my personal relations, Janice had taken the wind out of my sails. I felt inadequate and quite...shy.

One day I overheard two women talking by a copier.

"Oh you know, Dan is so sexy, but too young. Ted...well he's a player. One guy...Jim...he is so sexy, but damn...so cold too. Like ice. I'd love to get to know him...but he doesn't have the time of day for any woman. His ex really fucked up a good man there."

"I know what you mean. I wished my husband was half the man Jim is. He's so built and strong looking. Handsome too. God, he makes me wish I was single again."

I was embarrassed, but kind of tingly proud too. I had never thought I was a 'catch' but evidently some women at least thought I was. I slipped out of the hallway and into my office, hoping that they never found out I had overheard them talking.

Getting home that night I sat in the den and just nursed a drink. I hadn't done that in a long time. Sarah got home from a date later, and came in to talk.

"Dad, I have found the perfect woman for you. She's smart, sexy looking, beautiful, and...best of all...she's loaded. Rich. And looking too."

"Sarah, I can find my own...dates."

"Yeah...right. Look dad, I could arrange for you two to meet...have dinner. No strings...just a dinner and get to know you date. Please...tell me you'll think about it."

"Well, beautiful woman or not...you should know that money isn't part of what I am looking for Sarah."

"I know that dad, but it wouldn't hurt to have a sexy beautiful woman who also happened to be rich too."

"You minx. I'll tell you what, if I haven't fixed myself up with a date in a month I'll let you set me up. But only a get to know you date. Okay?"

"A whole month? Oh man. How about a week? You haven't been doing anything anyway."

"Sarah...one month or not at all. Okay?"

"Okay, but I'm marking it on the calendar and on the very day, I'm setting you up. Trust me dad...you'll love her. I know I do."

I was curious, but also apprehensive. I was not sure I wanted my daughter being a matchmaker for me at all. I also wanted to see and know whom she was talking about. How had she met this woman to have any feelings for her anyway?

Later that very next week I tried to ask out one of the ladies I had overheard at the copier. The single one, in case you wondered. I would not be a part of breaking up anyone's marriage. Not after what had happened to mine especially.

My attempt was...poorly worked out in my mind and I was shot down. I really never had a chance. It must have seemed weird to her when I asked her out too. She gave me a look...and backed away. I stepped back, and I must have looked strange too. It was a miserable failure on my part. I almost ran back to my office, hoping that she wouldn't go after me for sexual harassment or something now.

It had started out as a nice business discussion, that I ruined by just blurting out my wanting to take her out to dinner.

"So, the contract will need to be witnessed and notarized then Jim?"

"Yes Amy. Two copies of it also. Then we'll FedEx one to the first party and keep a copy for our own use. Say...would you go out for dinner with me tonight?"

"Two copies...What did you say? Did you say...dinner...tonight?"

She had stood straight up and backed up a step, a look I couldn't figure out showing in her face.

"Uh...yeah...I mean if you are free...I'd like to..."

"Um...that's pretty short notice Jim...I'm not sure that..."

She was looking left and right, but not at me. I could see that she was distressed too. What had I done?

"Oh that's all right...I understand. I have to run...see you later then. Amy."

I turned and fled like a chicken. I could see the indecision in her face when she realized I had asked her out. I hadn't thought of the age difference between us either. Here I was, forty years old and she was maybe thirty. I could tell I had messed up. The rest of the day was awkward too. I just got all tongue tied and finally avoided her all together.

That night I sat at home depressed and quiet. Sarah and James tried to cheer me up, but they had no idea what was making me so unhappy. Beth came in and sat beside me for a bit. She had a way of talking to me that would get me to loosen up. For such a young lady she had the wisdom of the ages.

Soon she drug out of me my failed attempt with Amy. Laughing both Beth and Sarah told me that I had probably misread the whole thing.

"Dad, you can't just expect a girl to drop everything to go on a date with you. Especially when you've never shown any interest in her before. Maybe she had some other plans and couldn't break them. Maybe she had an appointment with a hairdresser or something. She wasn't turning you down, she was just surprised."

"For such a youthful young lady you seem to have lots of knowledge about adult things Beth."

"Come on dad, I'm a girl too. I'm old enough to date and I read things too. It isn't rocket science."

"Yeah? Well maybe it is for me Beth. I haven't dated anyone in forever. The last time I dated someone, music and dress was way different."

Sarah laughed and began to pester me.

"Oh yeah dad...disco was the big thing back then wasn't it? Disco and platform shoes. Do you still have your polyester leisure suit too?"

"Sarah...you know better than that."

"Hey dad...how did you walk in those high heeled shoes anyway?" James was smiling and I could see thinking way too much too. "Didn't you fall a lot?"

"James, you should stay out of this."

Sarah was laughing at her witty remark. They were all laughing at me. They knew I had hated disco with a passion. They also knew that I had never worn anything but Levi's and boots in those days too. I laughed with them, but leaned in and tickled them. It soon degraded into a pillow fight with the couch pillows. It was a fun night for us all. The best part being that they got my mind off of my horrendous failure that day.

The next day at work was tough. Amy seemed to avoid me and I felt like I had ruined a good relationship with her. We had always been business like with each other and now I had intruded in her space. I kept to myself and did the paperwork that had been piling up on my desk. That whole week went by with me staying pretty much to my office.

The next two weeks I had to travel, something I rarely did anymore. As I packed two nights before I left, the kids all came in to talk. I always liked to pack early when I was taking trips like this, to make sure I had everything I'd need while away. We talked about this and that, when finally James spouted off...out of the blue.

"Hey dad, while you're in Denver, you should find a hooker."

His sisters gave him that rolled eyes look, then they began to argue. I stopped them and sat down. I was a bit upset that I had to leave anyway, even though I knew that Sarah and James were old enough and even adult enough to manage just fine without me. I trusted them and they hadn't let me down.

"I'd never go to a hooker James. I may be a bit needy but I'm not the type to pay for that kind of love. Besides, having already had an STD once in my life...I don't want to take any chances again."

"Oh...I never thought about that. I figured that you could get some...um...relief and not have to work so hard at it."

"Heh...well, thank you for the idea, but no thanks."

"Dad, have you asked Amy out again?"

"No Sarah I haven't. I've kind of avoided her. It's embarrassing for both of us now. I may have ruined a good business relationship by doing what I did and I don't know how to fix it now either."

"Don't worry about fixing it dad. Just go on. She is probably thinking that you changed your mind and don't want her now. It will drive her nuts. Just be you. It will all work out. When you get back it will have been one month."

"I'm not going to be gone that long Sarah. Only two weeks."

"Yeah, but it will have been one month the day you get back...remember? You promised...I get to set you up with her when you get back."

I had forgotten about her wanting to set me up on a date with the 'rich chick'. I shook my head and then admitted...

"Okay, I promised you that so I'll stand to my word. Just don't expect a lot okay? It won't probably work out too well you know."

"She'll love you dad. You're everything the other men she's seen aren't. She's been looking too. I think you two will hit it off real well."

"Hmmm...I have to wonder why you're working so hard to hook me up with this particular woman? What is she to you honey? Why are you pressing so hard to get me together with her?"

"Oh dad...I'm just worried about you. I want you to be happy, and I think she could be the one to do that for you. I like her a lot."

"So I've noticed. What is so special about her that I should know about?"

"Well, she's intelligent. She has her own business, and she's doing quite well with it. She is built like a...well she is very beautiful. She works out a lot too. I know you'd like her dad...maybe even love her."

"Sounds like your mind is made up anyway."

"Sometimes a girl has to step up and take charge. Ever since...ever since mom left...you've been so sad. I worried about you all the time. I was afraid...I was scared that...you'd..."

"What? Leave you kids? Oh...you were afraid I would commit suicide weren't you? I should have seen that. I forgot about Rebecca's dad."

Rebecca was one of Sarah's best friends. One day, Rebecca had come home to an ambulance and cops. Her father had killed himself over his cheating wife. Rebecca's mom had gotten caught with a guy in their marital bed by Rebecca's dad, and things had gotten quite close to murder. It had happened over a year before my wife had given me her 'present'.

Anyway, they had stayed married, but one could see they were not happy at all. Then one day I guess it had gotten to be too much. He had called in sick to work and after everyone else had left, took off all his clothes got on his bed and swallowed a bunch of pills. Then, to be sure he was successful, put a plastic bag over his head and sealed it around his neck with a large rubber band.

It had worked quite well. He left two kids and a wife. The wife seemed to not be upset over it either. In the end, it was hardest on the kids. What a legacy to leave them. They had moved away after the funeral and Sarah lost touch with Rebecca shortly after that.

"Dad, I love you and I want you to be happy. I think a good woman would help you to get back to being happy like you once were."

"Okay Sarah. Make your date with...what's her name anyway?"

"Oh...uh...well...her name is...Sue. Susan. She's real nice. About five foot eight inches tall...and like I said, really well built. She's talked to me about you too. I think she's interested in getting to know you. I think you'll like her dad. I really do."

"Susan huh? Okay then...set up your date for me. We'll find out if you are a good judge of people or not."

Sarah gave me a smile and hug as she ran out of the room. I could hear her on the phone a few minutes later; laughing and talking to who I guessed was Susan. After that, it got quiet in the house. All the kids doing their homework, and me just relaxing in the den.

The next day at work Amy came into my office, closing the door.

"Jim, we need to talk. To clear the air. We've been avoiding each other ever since...well...ever since you asked me out the other day. We have to fix that soon. It's beginning to hurt our business relationship."

Ashamed, I knew she was right. I had been avoiding her and that whole thing. Having to talk about a failed dating attempt was not something I had the strength to do. I had embarrassed myself and then let it become a bigger problem instead of trying to 'fix' it with Amy.

"Look, I know that I shocked you when I asked you out. I never gave you a chance. You had no idea that I was at all interested in you. Then I acted like a big butt head and avoided you. I was afraid of being accused of workplace sexual harassment. I'm sorry. I should never have asked you out, especially in the manner that I did. The only thing I can say in my defense is being single now, and not having dated in over fifteen years, I'm real...uh...I guess what I'm trying to say is..."

I was digging myself in deeper and deeper. Amy was just sitting there with a look I couldn't decipher at all, and that look was making me even more nervous. I was usually straightforward with everyone I worked or talked with and now I felt like a little boy trying to squirm his way out of trouble.

"Jim...wait. When you asked me out I was stunned. You had never even acted like you were at all interested in me that way. Then you got all flustered and left me standing there not knowing what I could have said or done to get past that. Ever since you've avoided me...of course, I have avoided you too to be quite honest because I thought that you were playing some kind of game. You are a very handsome and attractive man. I admire you and the work you do. I would be honored to go out with you on a date. I wanted you to know that."

"You...you would go out with me on a date? Really?"

Laughing in a throaty laugh that caused my spine to tingle she put her hands over mine.

"Oh yes you silly man. I would."

"But...that day I did ask you...you..."

"I was shocked. Like I said before, you had never shown any interest in me at all. It was out of the blue and mid sentence too. Talking about a contract then right into asking me out. I should have rated a little conversation and a lead in rather than a blunt question...don't you think?"

"I'm sorry. I never thought...I mean...I did think...I was nervous...you're so beautiful and..."

"Nervous? You? Go on...tell me more about the beautiful part. I like hearing a man call me beautiful."

I was beginning to relax finally. I felt the pressure falling off and that cloud that had been hanging over my head was gone. She would go out with me after all. I felt quite warm and tingly on that news. Then I remembered my daughter making that date for me with...what was her name...Susan...oh damn.

Denver ended up being a long trip. The meetings were harried and the client was trying to get me to offer things that just couldn't be done. I was sure that I had lost this contract by the last day. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, the client offered me the full contract and a bit more besides. I guess somehow they had been testing me...or perhaps the company I worked for. Either way, I scored large on this contract and I was elated.

Arriving home I tossed my bags on the couch as the kids swarmed me for kisses and hugs.

"Must have gone pretty good huh dad? Did you get a hooker then?"

"James, I thought I told you that I wouldn't do something like that didn't I?"

"Uh...well...I figured you were just covering your butt. Sorry."

"We need to have a talk someday I think. You have gotten some strange ideas on things lately."

James ran out of the room, avoiding my setting a time for our 'talk'. He was a teenage boy with raging hormones and probably didn't want to have to sit and listen to dad talk about embarrassing things. I was a bit relieved actually, as I really didn't want to have that talk with him either. The first sex talk we had years ago had been tough enough on both of us.

"Dad, you're all set up. Day after tomorrow, at the Yacht club across town."

Confused, I just looked at Sarah, wondering what in the world she was talking about. Then it dawned on me.

"My date?"

"Doh...geez dad, are you losing your memory now too?"

"Just caught me off guard Sarah, that's all."

"Well, she wanted to meet you on the first date on her turf. You'll need to wear something nice...I'll help you pick something out."

"Sarah, what if we don't hit it off like you think we will? Are you going to be okay with that?"

"What? Oh...yeah, but I'm pretty sure you will like her dad. Honest. I know I do. She's great."

"Okay, okay. You don't have to hard sell me now. I'm going on the date. But I'm also going to try dating Amy from work too."

Sarah's face fell a bit when I mentioned Amy. Sarah had never met Amy that I knew of and I wondered if Sarah would be able to get past things if my date with Susan didn't pan out like she was hoping it would.

The Yacht Club was a high brow restaurant and lounge. It sat on the dock near a real yacht club and the rich and famous were always there being seen. That Susan had picked this place had me worried. I was glad that I had just gotten paid the day before, and made a bonus. It looked like this was going to be a four hundred-dollar meal.