Super Mario Trip

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Mario and Luigi were wearing their best suits, which had hardly been worn before. Their hair and moustaches were neatly groomed. They sat in the courtroom before the Magistrate.

Their defence attorney shuffled some papers next to them. He wore a blue suit with white shirt and red tie and had short dark hair. His name was Phoenix Wright. He was young and inexperienced, and he had a reputation for wildly guessing at the truth and then winning others over to his side. He was the best they could afford.

The Magistrate was a plump man with a bald head and big white beard. "You may begin Mr Edgeworth."

The Prosecutor was also a young man with short dark hair. He wore a vintage style maroon suit with a black vest, white shirt and cravat. "Thank you your honour. Would the defendants please state their names and occupation." he said, looking over at Mario and Luigi.

"We're from Super Mario Bros. Plumbing." said Mario.

"We're not here to fix the pipes this time." added Luigi.

"I asked you to state your names!"

"Does that cravat mean you're openly gay?" asked Mario.

"Shut up! I happen to be quite a ladies man. You're one to talk, with that moustache."

Luigi turned to Mario and laughed, then he stopped and felt his face, "oh!"

"Would you please state your name." said Mr Edgeworth, getting impatient.

"Mario."

"Mario who?"

"Mario."

"Please state your full name sir."

"Mario Mario, and the ladies love my moustache rides."

Miles Edgeworth let out a sigh. "And you?" he said, looking at Luigi.

"Luigi."

"Not Luigi Luigi?"

"No, Luigi Mario."

"You are brothers who run a small plumbing business in Brooklyn, is that correct?"

"Yes. Super Mario Bros. Plumbing, like I said."

Miles Edgeworth turned back to the Magistrate. "The defendants are here to answer for a string of charges relating to their actions on the ninth of June of this year, which I will run through now." He picked a file up from his desk.

"At around seven twenty AM, the brothers arrived at an apartment building on Sixty fourth street, where they were called to fix a leak in the basement. They were left in the basement to repair the leaking pipe. After that, their behaviour become erratic. They broke into several apartments on the first floor, where they started stealing the belongings of the occupants."

"They stole some coins." said Phoenix Wright. "They left the more valuable notes, jewellery and electronics and only took small change."

"It's still theft." said Edgeworth. "And they also stole a mushroom from someones' refrigerator, and a childs' toy flute. They face charges of breaking and entering, and petty theft."

"...But far worse, is the atrocity committed by Mr Mario Mario when they entered the apartment of Mr Trent Goomba. He killed an innocent poodle by jumping on it and crushing it to death."

"I feel terrible about that." said Mario. "...The poor doggy. I honestly thought it was a vicious mutant shitake mushroom."

Mr Wright spoke up, "The dog in question has been described by several residents in the building as 'very yappy and annoying'." The Magistrate glared at him. "...Which doesn't matter at all." he said, looking ashamed.

"So we can add animal cruelty to the charges." said Mr Edgeworth. "...And criminal damage. The defendants smashed Mr Goombas' kitchen table and also smashed open his refrigerator to steal a single mushroom. The defendants then went through several more first floor apartments, causing damage and stealing coins. They came to Apartment one eight where they came across Mrs Ling."

"What happened then?" asked the Magistrate.

"As I understand it, both men received oral sex from Mrs Ling."

"Did they force themselves on her?"

"No Your Honour. Mrs Ling is well known in the building for ...orally pleasuring many of the men there, on a regular basis."

"Really?" said the Magistrate perking up. "...What number apartment did you say she was in? ...Just to be thorough."

"Apartment one eight. Afterwards they went through the window and climbed the fire escape up to the eighth floor. They entered the apartment of one Samantha Mathis. In the apartment they proceeded to assault her boyfriend, Danny Hopper."

Phoenix Wright extended his arm out in front of him and called out, "Objection!" in a loud and dramatic way. Everyone in the room stared at him. "I would have the court know that Mr Hopper was there in violation of a restraining order which Ms Mathis had taken out on him. He has a history of violent behaviour toward Ms Mathis. The defendants stepped in to defend the young woman. I have a sworn statement from her to that effect."

"I withdraw the charge of assault." said Mr Edgeworth, bitterly.

"So they restrained Mr Hopper in Ms Mathis' apartment?" said the Magistrate.

"They beat him into unconsciousness." said Mr Edgeworth. "Afterwards they proceeded to have sexual intercourse with Ms Mathis. Both of them, at the same time."

"I would like to hear all the details of this incident." said the Magistrate.

"Your Honour." said Mr Wright. "It was consensual intercourse in the privacy of an apartment. No offence was committed in Ms Mathis' home by the defendants."

"They came in from the fire escape." said Mr Edgeworth.

"They saw a young lady in trouble and went to aid her. I would like the court to take into account the great service they have done for Ms Mathis."

"Yes, I'm sure they did service her well." said the Magistrate. Mario and Luigi both grinned.

Miles Edgeworth continued, "It was during this lewd, carnal act that the Police found the defendants and proceeded to take them into custody. We can add another count of theft and resisting arrest to the list, as Mr Mario Mario tried to get away on a stolen bicycle, which he called 'Yoshi'."

The Magistrate cleared his throat, "So, we have charges of breaking and entering, petty theft, criminal damage, animal cruelty, theft, resisting arrest and public nuisance. How do your clients plead Mr Wright?"

"Not Guilty Your Honour. On grounds of insanity. They were clearly not in their right mind when they committed these offences. I mean, they smashed open a refrigerator when they could have simply opened it."

Mr Edgeworth gave him a smug look. "They were not in their right mind because earlier that morning they had ingested hallucinogenic mushrooms with the street name of One-up. The law is clear on this, drug users are to be held accountable for all offences committed while under the influence. We can also add possession of an illicit substance to the list of charges."

"All they did was eat a mushroom. They had it on their breakfast pizza. They were unaware of its' hallucinogenic properties."

"That's good." said Luigi. "...Let's go with that ...OW!" Mario had kicked him under the desk.

"Nice try Phoenix, but these brothers have a history of criminal behaviour while under the influence of illicit drugs. Two years ago Mr Mario Mario was arrested on top of a six storey building still under construction. He claimed that a huge red ape had kidnapped his girlfriend and had taken her up there."

Mario sunk back into his chair, embarrassed.

"And Mr Luigi Mario was arrested for trespassing on what he thought was a haunted mansion."

"I sucked up all the ghosts with a vacuum cleaner." said Luigi.

His lawyer turned to him, "Please don't talk any more."

Miles Edgeworth continued, "And then there was the incident they were both involved in at the Go-Kart track. Several people they were racing with were assaulted."

"I won the Star Cup." said Mario, under his breath.

"I think I've heard enough." said the Magistrate. "You two are clearly a menace to society while on your drug-fuelled escapades. I am determined to see you do some jail time."

Phoenix Wright turned and looked sadly at the two brothers, "Game Over. ...Continue?"

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No animals were harmed in the writing of this story. Toadette is definitely over the age of eighteen. The characters belong to Nintendo. Don't do drugs, drugs are bad, m'kay? -Ax

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