Susie Ch. 27

Emotional Turmoil

When my twentieth year began I anticipated changes but one thing I didn't anticipate is that my boyfriend of two years and then my fiance, Corey Daniels, would meet another woman and move in with her. It happened while he was in Chicago for a summer internship and a special fall program at the University of Chicago.

Perhaps the worst thing was that he didn't have the guts to tell me himself. Instead he relied on his mother to give me the news.

At first I didn't believe it but when I realized it was true I went home in an almost catatonic state. My mother came in and brought me to consciousness and I broke into tears. She sat calmly and quietly with me as I poured out my sadness.

The next day I experienced a torrent of conflicting emotions usually separately but often more than one at the same time.

I was angry. Sometimes I was angry at Corey, why would he do this, was he just looking for sexual pleasure, couldn't he have explained that he was engaged, he was sometimes a naive fool, you'd think he could muster the courage to explain himself to me ... . Sometimes I was angry at this other woman, about whom I knew nothing, Was she just seducing guys from out of town, why would she seduce an engaged man, maybe she had found out about his huge cock and wanted to have it for herself ... . Sometimes I was angry at myself, I had been too controlling and driven him away, I should have known that a guy whose first sex was with me would ultimately want someone else, maybe if I had paid more attention to his desires instead of my own ... . I was angry at Corey's mother, she should have put a stop to this nonsense, she should have insisted Corey talk to me so I could help him get over it, maybe she was lying to me ... .

I was despondent. I was irritable. I was catatonic. I decided the whole thing was false. I decided Corey meant nothing to me. I threw pillows around my room and then laid down to cry. I stopped crying and stared, unthinking into space. I yelled at my sister Cathy when she opened the door to see if I was okay after a pillow had sent a lamp crashing to the floor. I kicked the pillow at her! I screamed in rage and pain. I whispered nonsense to myself. I refused all the food my mother offered. I slept.

The following day, Monday, I had my mother call me in sick to Dr Jacobs (I am his medical assistant). The emotional thrill ride continued at a somewhat lower level, My rage against everyone but Corey and that 'witch with a B' he was with subsided. I spent most of the day in bed and managed not to throw a single pillow. I also let my mom bring me lunch and forced myself downstairs to dinner where I sat quietly glaring at the family, daring them to speak to me.

Tuesday, mom told me that I should call Dr Jacobs myself. I told the receptionist I was still not feeling well and later Dr Jacobs called.

"Susan, what's the problem? Perhaps you should come in so I can check you out and get you healthy. I have an ulterior motive, I need you."

"I'm not sick Dr. Jacobs," I admitted. "It's Corey, he broke up with me and moved in with another woman. I just can't come in. I'm too upset."

"Susan, we need to talk, hold on a minute."

He came back on and said, "Irene is clearing my schedule around lunch. We'll go out and talk. Please be here at noon."

I agreed to go. Dr Jacobs has taken a big interest in me ever since I decided to become an MD. He helped me decide to go to USC for pre-med and gave me the medical assistant position to help with my finances. He keeps trying to get me agree to share his practice and take over after he retires.

I dressed without thinking and had to do it over when Cathy laughed at my horizontal stripe and plaid combination.

I got in the car to drive to lunch and realized it was Corey's car. He had loaned it to me to use while he was gone. I fought back the rage and the fear that I would have to give it up.

On the way I remembered that Corey's father had set up a trust fund for me as Corey's fiance to pay for most of my education expenses. Now that we were no longer engaged would I have to give it up? I didn't see how I could pay for USC if I lost that. Fear and anger returned and I fought them all the way to Dr, Jacobs'.

Irene directed me to Dr. Jacobs' office when I arrived and I waited, sullenly, in the guest chair.

He came in a little after noon. "Not bad," I thought. Usually by noon he over a half hour behind in his appointments.

Are you ready?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I guess so," I answered uncertainly.

On the way out to his car he asked how I was feeling.

"Not too well," I said. "I'm driving Corey's car while he's gone, and ..." I couldn't finish. Tears filled my eyes and my throat dried up.

Dr. Jacobs held the door for me and I sobbed quietly as he drove. "I've made reservations at 'The Beefsteak'," he told me.

I was surprised and managed some words, "Isn't that a place where people having affairs meet?" I wondered what he had in mind.

"Well it does have that reputation, it's supposed to be used for all kinds of clandestine meetings because of its dim lighting, large well padded booths and a parking lot invisible from the street. I am taking you there to have a quiet, private conversation where no-one can notice that your eyes are red from tears."

"Oh," I commented. I the back of my mind I still wondered if he planned to make a pass at me. That seemed so unlike him, he had plenty of opportunity. But maybe he was waiting for Corey to be out of the picture.

"I often take patients there when I have certain kinds of bad news to impart."

"Like cancer or death?" I asked.

"Not usually that serious, more on the order of 'your recent heart attack means you will have to give up the steak and ice cream you love so much'."

"Isn't a steak house a poor choice of places to tell patients they have to give up steak?"

Dr Jacobs laughed, "I'm happy to see you still have your sense of humor and aren't completely absorbed with your break-up."

I didn't tell him that I hadn't asked out of a sense of humor but rather because it seemed sort of cruel to me.

Going into 'The Beefsteak' on a sunny afternoon was like walking into total darkness. Even after my eyes adjusted I couldn't make my way around the place. I could barely make out the menu in the dim candlelight.

"They have several good fish and chicken meals as well as a decent salad selection," Dr. Jacobs said. "I can use the menu to point out healthy alternatives to those heart patients you were concerned about."

I wasn't hungry and only ordered vegetable soup. As we waited for our order I asked, "Why did you invite me here Dr, Jacobs?"

"Susan, you know I have taken a real interest in you."

"Sure, you've been a big help. helping me pick USC, giving me a job in your office. And you're always hinting about taking over your practice."

"And I'm serious about that too." Then he continued, "Susan I want you to be the best. Not just good,the best. And not just the best you can be,the best."

"That's a tall order, doctor."

"Yes it is and you need to understand that it's not something I expect of you, it's what I expect ofme."

"I don't understand."

"Susan, I know you will work hard and do what is necessary. But I have a part in this too. I want to help you every way I can. If you're not the best, it won't be because of me."

"Oh, but what does that have to do with inviting me to lunch here."

"I invited you here only because I knew you were upset and thought the darkness, quiet and privacy would help you. I invited you to lunch because I have something very important to tell you."

"What's that?"

"When you're a physician you owe your patients everything you can do for them. That means you can't afford to call in sick unless you're really sick and emotional upsets don't count."

I knew what he was saying. In the nicest way he was bawling me out for missing work.

He continued, "You need to be able to put your emotions of the moment aside and do what is best for your patients. You were only, what? eleven or twelve at the time but I went through a very stressful divorce a few years ago. Despite the emotional strain I needed to be there for my patients to the best of my ability and I was. I only missed days due to court appearances."

"Doctor, I'm sorry I missed two days. I'll come in tomorrow."

"Susan, I'm not upset at you for calling in sick. That was understandable."

"Maybe I still don't understand."

"I'm talking about when you actually become an MD. Then you will need to work through the emotionally troubling times. For now I do think it will be good for you to come in tomorrow. Getting started at it now will help you later. And I'll be there to help you work through it. I think you'll find that immersing yourself in work will help. I'll keep you real busy for the next few weeks."

I wasn't sure I appreciated the part about keeping me 'real busy' but thanked him anyway.

In the middle of lunch I once again remembered the trust fund. "Doctor, I'm worried I may not be able to afford USC."

"I thought you had an educational trust fund."

"Well I do, or did but it's from Corey's father and has stipulations about Corey and me getting married. I'm worried I may lose it. Then I'll have to go to 'State' and work during school."

"Susan you had best contact a lawyer and maybe talk to Corey's father about that. I'll do whatever I can to keep you on track for USC. Scholarship recommendations, loans, just ask."

I felt much better when we left the restaurant and even offered to work the afternoon but Dr. Jacobs told me to rest up for tomorrow. At home I had dinner with the family and discussed the trust fund. Daddy promised to check with the lawyer but he believed I could still use the money at least as a loan. We decided I would talk to Corey's father.

Work with Dr Jacobs went fine, better than fine. Dr. Jacobs was right that work took my mind off Corey. He gave me more than usual to do but none of it was very difficult. We also arranged for me to take some paramedic training classes at a local vocational school. Dr. Jacobs would pay for them and I would get some unpaid time off work.

Airfield

On Saturday I felt really lonely. Without thinking I found myself driving to the RC airfield, parked and got out. As I walked over to the field I watched Corey's friends, now my friends too. I recognized the scene. Someone had brought a new airplane and they were crowded around examining, commenting and asking questions. Watching the guys and being at the airfield reminded me of Corey. They didn't see me and I went to the small bleachers, climbed to the top and sat down with my face in my hands holding back my tears.

As I watched them talking my mind wandered and I realized that I was here for a specific reason -- I wanted sex. I had this intense desire to feel a hard cock inside me. I was looking at the guys, wondering which to invite into bed. I knew any of them would jump at the opportunity, except maybe Elliot. He had a pact with Kaitlyn, my best friend and Corey's sister. She and he and a few others were "fuck buddies" and agreed not to have sex with anyone outside of their circle in order to reduce the chance of disease. I also realized that if I were to approach any of them they wouldn't consider it a one night stand. They would assume I wanted a long term relationship. They wouldn't understand that I just wanted their cock to help me get over my loss. I also realized that just getting a cock inside me was probably not the best way to get over Corey. I just felt this need.

"Susan, is there a problem?"

I looked up and saw Henry standing beside me. Henry was a retired gentleman who was frequently at the airfield. Balding, maybe a bit overweight, six feet tall, and always displaying a pleasant smile and matching disposition. He owned some of the best planes, which he had built from scratch. He was always helpful and considerate. Some of his planes were the easiest to fly, almost the only ones I could manage, and he let me fly them several times. He had also been instrumental in helping another girl, Colleen, become one of the best flyers.

"Oh, hello Henry." I felt comfortable with him and didn't hold back words or tears. "Henry, Corey moved in with some other woman in Chicago! I came here hoping it would help me feel better. But it doesn't, It just reminds me of Corey."

Henry sat down next to me and I leaned against his shoulder and said, "I just want the pain to go away."

"It will," he said, "but it'll take time."

He sat with his hands in his lap, I wanted his arm around me. A thought came to me and I decided what I wanted. "Henry, I don't feel like staying here and I'm definitely not going for pizza with my friends." I gestured at the guys still admiring the new arrival. "Could we go to lunch? Just you and me? I need to talk to someone and you're helping ever so much. I'll pay."

"I'm not going to let a lovely young woman pay for me," he replied. "Help me pack up my planes and I'll be your listener."

Henry rented a shed at the airfield for most of his planes and loaded a couple into his pickup to take home. As we carried the planes to his truck the guys noticed me. "Hey Susie," one of them called out.

I was trapped and spent some time talking to them and letting them know about Corey. They all expressed surprise, some saying, "Are you sure?" and, "How do you know?"

"I'm tired and upset," I told them after a few minutes. "I really need to go."

Henry was waiting in his truck and I suggested "The Beefsteak" for lunch.

"Isn't that a place for clandestine meetings?" he asked, totally unaware of my intentions.

"Well, yes, but Dr. Jacobs, you do know I work as his assistant, took me there when he found out about Corey. It's a good place to talk about personal and private matters and the lighting hides my red eyes."

I drove Corey's car and he drove his.

We met at the door. "Isn't this place kind of expensive?" he asked.

"Don't worry, I'll pay," I told him again. This time he didn't object.

We sat across from each other in a booth. During the discussion something happened that made me realize that despite his help and always being available at the airfield he really wasn't in the younger circle. I was expressing my appreciation for everything he had done , "Henry, you are a dear, sweet man who is helpful to all of us at the RC airstrip. I remember that it was you who helped Colleen fly and she became the best RC pilot of all of us."

"Yes, Colleen," he said. "Very attractive young woman and a heck of a pilot. What happened to her, I never see her anymore."

"You don't know?" I exclaimed. "She's at the Air Force Academy. Your teaching her to fly the RC planes was instrumental in her decision. She's a real pilot now. It all started because you took time with her."

"I didn't know," he said with a tone of both pride and sadness.

"Yes," I told him, "and I understand that she's an excellent pilot. Believe me, you started that."

I took advantage of the situation and moved to sit next to him. I leaned over and gave him a brief kiss on the lips, "You really are special."

"the Air Force Academy ... ," he said in wonder.

I realized then that I knew very little about him and asked about his family. He told me about his daughter and two sons. One son was married and lived nearby. I remembered seeing him with his grandson at the RC strip. His other son and daughter weren't married and lived some distance away. They visited a couple of times a year. He expected his son to be marrying his current girlfriend soon. He worried about his daughter and what he believed was her promiscuous lifestyle.

Then he told me about his wife and her almost a year long bout with cancer. Weeping he told me about trying to find a cure, the chemotherapy and the effect it had on her. Since it hadn't helped he wondered if she might have been better without it. Now it was my turn to comfort him. "I guess you do understand the pain of loss," I told him.

Seduction

I had been stroking his arm and I moved my hand down to his crotch and gently stroked his penis through his pants.

"Susan! what are you doing?"

"Showing that I care for you but also letting you know my feelings," I claimed in an innocent tone.

"Susan I'm old enough to be your father! No, I'm old enough to be yourgrandfather!"

I made no attempt to hide my desires, "But you're not my father or my grandfather, you're kind, sweet Henry. And, Henry, right now I need a man inside me, I need one so bad! I want you, Henry, I wantyou inside me."

"Susie, that's not a good idea."

"Yes it is, Henry. I know you'll be a kind, sweet and considerate lover. And, we both know we won't be a permanent couple. You will be doing me a big favor, and I can return the favor too. That's what I need right now, the arms of a kind, considerate man around me and his cock inside me. A kind considerate man who won't take advantage of me and who will be able to let me go when I'm ready, when I'm whole again. I think that's you, Henry."

I took his hand and put it on my breast, leaned in and gave him a passionate kiss, slipping my tongue lightly into his mouth. He reciprocated. As we kissed he began to gently massage my breast, slipping his fingers under my bra and gently rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

He hesitated, moving his hand and face away from me. "How can we have sex and still be good friends?"

I managed to unbuckle his pants under the table and slip my hand onto his penis with no intervening clothing. I stroked him gently, running my fingers through his thick pubic hair.

"Henry, like you say, you're old enough to be my grandfather. You're also wise, kind and considerate. When the time comes for me to move on to someone more permanent I know you will let me go and I will owe you all the more for that kind of consideration."

He looked at me with longing. I could tell he wanted badly to agree but still held back.

"Henry, do you have much sex anymore?"

"Not since my wife died five years ago. Even then she was ill and we didn't have sex very often. I went to Nevada for prostitutes a couple of times but it just wasn't right. They make their money by behaving like they like all the men they are with but I knew I was paying them and that they were pretending."

I kept stroking him and said, "Henry, I won't be pretending, I do like you, I like you a lot." I leaned over and kissed his cheek and them moved in for a quick peck on his lips.

"I do have some trouble 'getting it up'," he said somewhat weakly.

"I notice you aren't getting hard," I said. "There's medication for that."

"Yes, I have some my doctor prescribed for when I was married and for the prostitutes. I don't think it's expired."

"See, we're all set!" I exclaimed with a smile. "What about condoms?"

"No," he admitted. "No condoms."

"I'll just have to pick some up," I told him. "Where's a convenient drug store?"

I paid and we left the restaurant. I followed him to a drug store and went in. I decided to buy the regular sized condoms and on the spur of the moment grabbed a pack labeled, "extra sensitive" and one labeled "firmer fit." I also picked up some lubrication.

Usually, the clerks are pretty silent when I buy sex stuff but the young, tattooed, pierced, female clerk said, "Big night tonight?"

"I hope so," I told her. Then had another thought and asked, "Can I leave my car overnight in the parking lot so I can go with my boyfriend?"

She suggested a park and ride area of the parking lot, "Park near the main street. The cops keep an eye on the cars as they go by. A lot of night shift workers park there."