Tantalus in Chains Ch. 05

CHAPTER FIVE: TONIGHT

Graduation was over. It had been over for a month. The empty place inside me that belonged to Zack was not getting any fuller.

I was bent over my lesson planner when I felt the familiar warming sensation that told me Zack was nearby. I was afraid to look up, afraid that it wouldn't be real.

But it was. Zack was leaning against the doorway, looking stricken. "She left me," he said. "Jenn left me."

He looked lost, confused, and broken. Before I could think, I was putting my arms around him. He held on to me like I was the last thing keeping him from drowning. I tried to clear my mind of the heat he was pouring into me, of the soft firmness of his body against mine, of the sharp scent of his cologne dulled by the subtlety of his soap, of the way his hair tickled my face. I closed that part of my brain as I held him and murmured soothing nonsense.

He didn't cry. He just clung to me like he was drinking me in. I swallowed and pulled away, afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself much longer.

"Sit down," I said. "Tell me what happened."

His eyes were utterly without hope, and he fixed them on the ground. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his hair as it dangled in his face. But I listened to him all the same as he told me how Jenn had left him for his brother, how she told him that she had never really cared that much for him, how she had basically behaved like a spoiled fifteen year old princess.

He was quiet, and I started telling him that he didn't have anything to worry about, that his life was just about to take off.

He didn't look up as he said the words that went right to my heart. "No one has ever really wanted me. No one ever will."

"Don't be an idiot," I said. I sat on my hands to keep from touching him, and my whole body shook with restrained desire.

He snorted bitterly. "Why, do you know something I don't?"

I didn't say anything. I physically couldn't.

He got up and turned his back. "That's what I thought."

He was nearly out the door when I said his name. He stopped.

"Look at me," I said. "Just look at me for a second."

His eyes were dull and uncomprehending as they went over me. "Yeah?"

I rolled my eyes. "God, you really are clueless, aren't you? You have no idea." He was looking at me with a flicker of curiosity, but no understanding. I sighed. Maybe it was best that he didn't understand.

I got up and went to him. I adopted my best flirty-encouraging smile, the one I used when I tried to convince him to do his homework, but it faltered as I realized I was way outside my comfort zone with this conversation. "Come on Zack, you're... you're very attractive. I mean, for an eighteen year old. "

His smile was a weak imitation of the real thing. "Yeah," he said. "Thanks."

He started to go again, but I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. "You can get over this. You WILL get over this. No one I know is stronger than you." The combined sensations of the rise and fall of his chest underneath the palm of my hand and the way he was looking at me with desperate hope took my breath. I knew my eyes were screaming the truth of how I felt, what I wanted from him, but I couldn't look away from him.

Sudden understanding emerged in his eyes. He looked down at my hand on him, and then back to my face. His mouth was open slightly in shock.

I opened my mouth to say something, to say anything to dissipate the tension.

"Don't," he murmured. I couldn't have spoken if I wanted to because his hands were on my waist now. I tried to say his name, to ask him if he really wanted this, but his lips were less than an inch from mine and I couldn't think fast enough. "Don't tell me no," he said, and his breath tickled against my lips.

Every part of me was waiting, concentrated in the throbbing hope that he would close the space between us. A second later, he did. I had imagined him kissing me a million times, but never like this. His kiss was slow and deep, but infinitely gentle. I pressed my body against his more firmly and tangled my hands in his hair. The silky coolness under my fingertips screamed triumphantly through my skin.

Then his kiss became hungry, and I forgot to think about his hair. My heart was in my throat, pounding insistently with the desire he had awakened in me over the past year.

We broke the kiss at the same time. "Shit," he said. He looked slightly shell shocked. "Shit," he repeated. He was feverishly stroking my cheekbones with his thumbs, and I had a feeling he was going to kiss me again at any moment. His voice was ragged as he managed to express more than a syllable: "Can you please explain to me why you're single if you kiss like that?"

I laughed and blushed. Then I shut my eyes as I steeled myself to say what I needed to say. "Zack, are you sure this is what you want from me?"

He froze. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's just...I... I'm supposed to mentor you."

He raised an eyebrow. "I do actually need some mentoring. I've got a couple of things you could help me out with." His voice was suggestive, but playful.

"Be serious, Zack. I care about you."

"I know. That's why I kissed you."

"We need to think about this."

"Fuck thinking," he said, real heat creeping into his voice, and he crushed his lips down on mine. I couldn't even pretend that I wanted him to stop. While he moved his lips in firm, slow undulations, I pressed my hand against his chest, feeling his heart thudding steadily. He was so warm, so solid, even more than I thought he would be. I gasped into his mouth as he dipped his thumb underneath my shirt to graze the small of my back. I felt his mouth curve into a smile at my response, and in one fluid motion he ended the kiss to bury his lips in the hollow of my neck. I knew he could feel how my pulse sped up for him as he flicked his tongue against my tender skin.

The pleasure was so intense that I couldn't think, couldn't process anything. "Zack," I said, my voice a breathy whisper. I didn't know what I was asking, for him to stop or to keep going.

"Hmm?" He never raised his head from my neck, and his voice was slightly muffled. His hand was creeping up my back.

"We have to stop," I said. My body screamed in protest against my brain, but I managed to still his hands with my own. I didn't have the heart to stop his mouth, but I managed to gasp, "We can't do this here."

He trailed rough kisses up my neck until his mouth was against my ear. "Tonight, then." His voice was heavy with desire.

"But—" I said, the beginnings of a final plea for sanity. He took my earlobe in his mouth. That was all it took for him to win the battle.

"Yes," I acquiesced breathily. "Tonight."