I had just turned the ripe age of 18 when it all started. My father always busy because of his job, he was an advocate, his cases mostly with men or women who were antagonist. With my father gone I had no one who I could turn to for guidance. My mother was a painter and she spent most of her time in her studio.
She had bought me some aquatic colors for my birthday because I, myself loved to paint. But sadly, my brother had gotten into the paint and ruined them by mixing them together.
The thought of my family filled me with anger, I peddled my bicycle with more force as tears burned my eyes but the thought my brother who was half a year younger then I was still remained. Oh how I despised him! Despised all he'd done to me touched me in unspeakable places in unspeakable ways no one believed me though no on cared.
As I rode on I turned my thoughts to his greatest fears SPIDERS an evil grin spread across my angelic face. He hated spiders with a passion. Once I'd found a spider, put it into a jar and showed him, he ran to mom screaming and crying. Honestly I'd thought it was funny to be scared of something so small, later that day my mom had brought me aside and explained to me that he had a fear of spiders called arachnophobia.
Of course as normal I'd get into trouble, while he came out top prize as though he were really their son. He was the innocent, the untouchable, the one who never got blamed for anything; a priceless position to be exact.
The first time he'd done anything to me I'd gone crying to my mother and she looked at me in discussed, for me to even think he would do such a thing and sent me away, forever looking at me like a slut, a whore... a disgrace.
I'd stopped my bike at the top of a hill. A zephyr lifted the strands of hair that had escaped my pony tail around my face. The skirt I was wearing fluttered against my thighs. I dropped hard to the ground with a thud; I took my backpack and placed it in front of me. I was secluded in the waist high grass.
An unexpected flash blinded me. There in front of me, my camera sat facing up; it had fallen out of my backpack. "Damn," I whispered to my self. "Another picture ruined!"
I was the only one who'd travel to this particular spot, during the beginning of spring. My shoulders slumped and I fell back in frustration. Frustrated with my father for never being there, frustrated with my mother for never caring and frustrated with my brother because he wasn't even my biological brother.
He was my aunt's child, but he didn't know. I myself wasn't supposed to know but when I was younger I'd heard my mother and father bickering about my brother. They didn't know I knew nor would they ever.
The crisp breeze grew stronger but the tall grasses protected me from the chill. Closing my eyes against the sun, I thought to myself what it would it be like to be an only child, my brother ruined everything. I couldn't take some of my friends with me on vacation, because of him. He wouldn't listen, I'd known he had ADD or ADHD because of his actions but my mother wouldn't get him tested. She was very sure he was fine but no matter what she did she couldn't control him. My eyes opened and I sat up as I let my hair down.
My slightly curly hair wavered in the breeze. Oddly enough I hadn't found as much comfort in the area as I once had; nothing in my life seemed to be going right. I stood up my things packed in my small backpack, a few extra clothing articles, a hair brush and a teddy cat my ex-boyfriend had given me.
I looked down at it as my eyes filled with tears it had only been a few months since we'd broken up and I was still holding on to him with everything. He'd already found some one new. I'd tried but could never get past the first date because none of them measured up to him.
"I shouldn't bring this," I wiped my eyes and hesitantly put the teddy on the ground. "Just bad memories..."
I'd got on my bike and looked back at the teddy, biting my lower lip I got off my bike and hugged it once more and stuck it in the deep grass. I was as upset with myself as I gathered my belongings. I'd looked at my camera once more, wind wrapped around me like a strong confuting blanket the rustling sound of the sea before me, the tall grass around my body calmed my worries.
"Sarah..." The water called in a rushing whisper as the wind swiftly surrounded me. "Sarah..." it called again. Before I knew it my now bare feet touched the icy cold water; a shiver went up my spine as I continued to the depths of the salty water.
Standing it no longer I plunged into the water, it refreshed my body and my mind. My grandfather always said I would have been happier as a fish than as a human, maybe he was right. My head and shoulders hit the surface of the grayish blue water, my clothes stuck to me like they were apart of my own flesh, slowly I made my way to shore riding on the powerful waves.
Looking up as I rose out of the water I saw a glow around my bike standing there like a safe haven. I climbed the dune and mounted my bike thinking all the while of what was to come...a fresh start...a new life...
Terrified I ran up the stairs, "Sarah!" My brother yelled sounding much older then just 14. I shuttered and ran to my room climbed inside of my closet and hid deep within the furthest corner in a ball.
"Sarah show yourself! You know you can't hide from me," His voice bellowed loudly.
He was right, he'd always found me; I had the cuts, scares and memories to prove it. In fact I had a bruise that was now a yellowish green color on my stomach from the last time we'd had stayed home alone together.
I jumped at the sound of his voice, closer now. My heart leapt to my throat, he was on the stairs by now by how loud his voice was. I ran to the window and opened it, staring down at the ground from the second story window, I was scared of falling, but anything was better then touched by him again.
The door rushed open just as I saw a car driving up the long driveway. His eyes were hungry for me, I could tell, because it was the same look he'd gotten every time he'd tried to force himself on me. I was finally ready to jump as my brother came not even 2 inches from grabbing me. He caught my foot and tugged me back to him.
I saw my mom getting out of the car, eyes wide staring at her only daughter about to jump, out of her window. Feeling the heat of my brother close behind me I vowed that I wouldn't let him touch me this time...not this time...I flung out the window head first, as my mother started to run towards the house.
"DON'T SARAH!" her screams filled the air...
My mother's voice echoed in my head as I woke up from the nightmare, well it wasn't really all nightmare it was the truth, I'd only gathered a broken arm from the fall; It healed quickly, my family were all convinced my falling was childish stupidity .
I shivered from the cold my cloths were still damp from the swim from yesterday and I was getting wetter by the second. Getting on my bike I'd headed into Baltimore where I'd been getting a bus to go to Philly.
After an hour of traffic and horns and smoke and exoste fumes I'd finally reached the bus station and as I walked in a bus from New York pulled up. I went to the bathroom locked the door and slowly undressed it'd been a few days now since I'd had a shower so I washed my body best I could.
Walking out of the bathroom I felt more refreshed I held my head high and with weak legs started walking slowly towards the desk I was just about to the desk when I'd walked into a tall man, I had mumbled that I was sorry and I kept walking managing only a few inches when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder.
"Sarah?" I panicked when I heard my name on the unfamiliar mans tongue but instead of fleeing I slowly turned to face my fears...
I looked up into piercing blue eyes studying him, his mischievous grin startled me. I knew that grin though it had been months since I'd seen it. "Carron..." The name drifted off my tongue my voice in a shaky whisper. "What...who...how," so many questions fluttered into my mind to where he'd gone; he'd up and left me with out a word I never knew what had happened to him and till now I hadn't wanted too.
"Shh my love," he placed his index finger lightly to my lips. "I've missed you." He brought me to him in a swift pull, kissing my lips longer then he should have.
My heart beat fast as though a humming bird was locked in my chest trying to get free from its cage. He whispered as my gaze lifted "We are what we repeatedly do so excellence my darling is nothing more then a habit." His English tone soothed me to nothing. "Hmm?" I questioned.
"Aristotle; you must know him by now," he looked at me mockingly.
"You are an evil think carron!" I pushed him away lightly.
"So what are you doing here?" His curious tone startled me in a way never before.
"Ah my dear curiosity killed the cat, but I should be the one to ask that very question should I not?" He'd lived here for about a year so far but his accent still showed in his voice as though he arrived from England yesterday.
"So are you going to answer me?" I questioned.
"Are you going to answer me?" He poked my nose playfully and then in a whisper. "Ok, I give I was going to go to New York; I'm going back to London."
"And you weren't going to tell me?" My lower lip popped out and started to tremble as her eyes started to water.
"No id sent you an offline a time or two."
"Take me with you!" I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me. "Please that's why I'm here...to run," I could tell he was thinking he always got that look on his face when he was thinking hard, I wasn't sure if it would work but god I just needed to get out so he'd decided to take her along.
It hadn't taken long for the bus to New York to come but it had taken about an hour to get another ticket to go to New York. As I waited to getting on the bus my mind flew to what if's.
People started to board the bus and I stopped before the opened doors, carron urged me forward onto the bus but I didn't budge. Frowning I turned to him, he had a huge grin on his face but I couldn't help but frown.
"I can't go," was all I could say if he'd said anything I hadn't heard it, I ran back into the depot and up to the information desk.
"Would I be able to return this ticket?" My voice was urgent and the woman behind the desk knew it. It had taken 5 minutes to change the ticket from New York to Memphis, Tennessee.
I waited the long, pitifully slow hour till the bus arrived. Finally I got onto the bus walked to the back sat down on the window seat and placed my bag of things on the seat beside me, I comfortable as I possibly could on the lightly cushioned seats. I tried to rest my head against the seat.
A woman a little older then I probably in her early 20's walked to the back seat and asked with a Boston accent. "Hey doll can I sit here everything else is taken up?"
I looked at the woman her looks defiantly didn't fit her accent she looked like a girl from the mountains. Short shorts, a tan along her legs, arms, stomach and chest, her plaid button up shirt only buttoned in two spots. Her breasts practically falling out of her tight shirt with the bottom tied together.
"Sure no problem," I moved my bag to the floor and with a half smile turned away looking out the window again.
"Hey suga what's wrong with you? Cat got your tongue?"
"Nah I just don't wanna talk bout it," I shrugged and kept my eyes on the window.
"That's aight honey I'm not much for talking either but I do know that I've been in your shoes a time or two wither you admit it or not." She looked at me with a kind smile and I could not help but smile back half way then frowning, again I look out the window, "You don't know the half of it."
"Alright Hun if you say so." she reached down into her own worn bag and pulled out a magazine crossed her legs and started skimming over the pages, "so you gonna spill or not?"
I debated on telling her about it I mean why should I tell a complete stranger my life story?