Thank You Ronnie Milsap

Looking over my shoulder I saw her, Loren, and standing next to her a girl I didn't know. She was as beautiful and desirable as ever. Yet the visage of a sneering Billy Barber and Loren's back walking away from me was all I could think of. I turned my back to continue my talk with Kenny, but the other girl pulled me around by the shoulder and sneered, "That was rude Dude."

"Not as rude as what she did to me," I snapped back.

"Jeff, please, you can't still mad at me about that night. It's been six years," said Loren.

"I sure as hell can," I fumed, turning and walking away.

From behind me I heard Becca exclaim loudly, "See, that's why." Becca ran off to comfort Loren and her friend while Jack pulled me to the outside deck.

Jack told me I would have to make this right by Becca. He asked me to apologize to Loren. He pleaded with me, otherwise no nookie for him tonight. Friends don't let friends go without, so I sucked it up and went looking for Loren. I found the three in the kitchen.

"Would you two mind leaving? I want to talk to Loren alone."

Loren's friend spat, "No way, leave her alone you bastard."

Becca intervened saying, "They are really old friends. Let them talk it out."

Both girls left, leaving Loren and I alone. We spent a few awkward moments of silence when I decided to start the ball rolling. "Loren I want to apologize for saying what I said. I know you didn't expect it. What happened that night was so long ago. I have to tell you that my feelings and ego took a serious hit and it came from a place I would never have suspected. I put so much trust in you. Maybe it's time to put it all behind me."

"No, you're right Jeff. I did something deceitful. I acted like a little shit, didn't I? I did deserve what you said tonight. I never apologized for what I did. Would you accept an apology from me now?"

'Thank you, Loren and yes, I accept your apology."

Loren leapt into my arms hugging me. We looked into each other's eyes and then we kissed. Not a sweet gentle kiss, but a demanding one with just the right amount of tongue. We continued our make out session until Becca and Jack walked into the kitchen, with Becca remarking, "I'll be damned honey; it looks like you did know what you were doing."

Jack gave a sigh of relief then puffed out his chest saying, "Damn right, and don't you forget it." We all laughed and rejoined the party.

Loren and I started to date, and nine months afterward we were married.

The conductor called out the next station bringing me back to the present. As the train began to roll out of the station I reviewed the last three months of my marriage in my mind. When I finally got off the train I was sure of it. My wife was cheating on me, and our marriage. It seemed foolish to conclude that on the basis of a country western song, but everything fit. I was sure of it. Especially when the little voice that I normally found so comforting when it told me to buy this currency or sell that currency was now sounding alarm bells that I could not ignore.

As I walked past Howard Goldman on the way to my office he looked at me strangely. I sat down heavily in my chair with Howard hot on my heels.

"What's wrong with you this morning?" he asked.

"Nothing," was my talkative response."

"Bullshit," was Howard's one word answer, "I get paid the big bucks to see that all my people are happy and content when they show up for work. I can tell by the state you are in that I will not let you gamble with the banks money today. So tell me what's up or go home!"

I sighed, "Are you sure you want to get involved in this Howard?" He nodded in the affirmative. I looked at him and shook my head no. Then I blurted out, "I think Loren is having an affair!"

Howard's face registered shock. "Are you sure?" Howard asked. I answered, "Truthfully, no I'm not. It is just a feeling I'm getting."

"Your feelings are usually right," he acknowledged, "therefore you should not ignore them. What are you going to do?"

"I am not sure, I just found out today," I replied.

"Don't worry about anything. I will back you in whatever you decide. When you figure out what you want to do let me know. My door is always open. I don't want you to spend too much of the banks money today. I don't think you are on top of your game," insisted Howard.

Of course I knew he was right. I let my staff do most of the work that day, and for the next two weeks after that. I think that they liked the freedom to work without my input. I guess I had too heavy a presence for them to feel comfortable when I was around.

I got up, closed and locked the door. As I sat down tears started to well up in my eyes and run down my cheeks. Some man I was. Not even sure if anything was going on and already I was crying. I thought about a life without Loren. I loved the woman from the first time I laid eyes on her. I didn't think I could go on if I lost her. I put my head on my desk and closed my eyes, wallowing in my misery.

I am not sure how long I stayed in that position, but somewhere along the way the pain turned into something else. I was no longer feeling pain; I was feeling anger. I thought about going home and confronting Loren. That would be really foolish, wouldn't it? What proof did I have? I had the lyrics to a country song. No, I would need to get proof. I would need to formulate a plan. I would make her pay. I would make whoever she was doing it with pay also. I wanted them to feel the same emotions I was feeling. They would feel the pain. I would make sure of it. I needed to make a plan; and soon.

The first thing I did when I left work was purchase some voice activated digital recorders and placed them in unobtrusive areas around the house. I placed them in bedrooms, bathrooms the garage. Places where she might talk to someone while not on the phone. Then I attached a recorder on the telephones. I figured that was all I would need to catch her. Just be vigilant and she would show her hand sooner or later.

I tried to act normal around Loren but I guess I didn't do a very good job.

I had installed the recorders on Wednesday and by Friday I had the first proof of Loren's betrayal. Friday's incriminating conversation went like this:

"Jim, this is Loren."

"Why are you calling me at home? What if my wife answered the phone?" Jim Beckman barked.

"Don't worry; I would have made up a work excuse. I think we should back off a bit. Jeff is acting funny."

"Has he accused you of anything?"

"No, he is not acting normally. He seems cold and distant. Maybe we should just cool it for a while."

"OK, if you think that's best," fumed Jim. Then he had an idea. "Loren, you know I am taking a trip to Miami in two weeks. Why don't I try to talk Fred into sending you with me? Then we could spend a week together. What do you think?" he asked.

"I don't know. He might not go for that even if he weren't acting funny. The way he is acting might make him, well I don't know, I don't want to make him suspicious. I could ask him and see what he does. If he acts weird I will be able to decide if he knows anything."

"Let me run it by Fred and if he goes for it then you can tell Jeff it is a work trip," laughed Jim happily, "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."

So, now I knew for sure. Before this it was just lyrics on a song. Now it was for real. Loren was cheating on me. She is planning to go away for a week of cuckolding me with that asshole Beckwith. As the realization hit, a heavy sadness came over me. I was sad for Loren. I was sad for our marriage. Slowly the sadness turned to pain. That bitch! How could she do this to us? How could she do it to me? Again my pain morphed to anger. If she was cheating I would get proof and divorce her skanky ass! I would need a plan and I didn't have one yet.

I arrived home from work at my usual time of 7:30PM. The trading had been unusually hectic. Tomorrow at the market opening would tell how good I was at my job. There were millions of dollars on the line and my mind was not where it should be. My wife was cooking dinner.

"How was your day?" she asked giving me a kiss on the mouth. She was acting like she was happy to see me. This was something that had not happened often in the past few months. I was waiting for Loren to come to me with her adulterous lie about her business trip to Miami. Monday and Tuesday I was expecting it, yet it did not come. I had spent long hours outside working on the yard or working on our cars. Anything other than spend time with my wife. I was afraid I would blurt out my knowledge of her cheating. I knew tonight would be the night. I hoped I would be able to pull off my own deception.

"It was a tough day. I am glad to see you are in a good mood," I replied.

"I am happy and I hope you will be too after I tell you my good news."

"My day wasn't that great. You go first," I said.

"OK," Loren giggled, "I've been asked to go to South Beach to attend a seminar for the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program. It's an all expenses paid stay at the Victor Hotel, one of the old art deco hotels on Ocean Avenue, in the heart of South Beach," she crowed again. The bad part is I will be gone from Friday this week to Saturday next week. I'll be gone for nine days honey. Do you mind if I go?"

She looked right into my eyes. Her head was cocked slightly, trying to see if I had caught on to her deception, or if I only would be mad that she would be gone so long. As I looked back into her eyes I could see that they were alive with excitement yet, somewhere in there, a tinge of sadness crept through.

"Nine days is a long time honey, do you have to go? Is this something that will be held against you if you don't?" I inquired.

I don't know Jeff, it might be. I know that Mr. Beckman is depending on me to help out at this seminar. It will be a feather in my cap if I do go," she added.

I walked to the front door and looked out at the front lawn. I knew if I said yes our marriage would be over. If I said no it would still be over. In the previous four days I had made a plan and now I made the decision.

I quietly whispered, "If this is important to you, or to your job, of course you can go. When will you be leaving?" I asked.

"I couldn't hear you? Did you say I could go?" she asked in disbelief. I could not say the words, as I knew my voice would crack. I just nodded my head yes. Loren ran to me and gave me a big hug saying "Thank you. Thank you. This means so much to me. I promise you won't regret this."

I already did.

Loren would be leaving Friday from JFK airport at ten thirty in the morning. I told Lauren, "I'll take time off from work to drive you to the airport."

Loren looked surprised and suggested, "You don't have to take time off honey; Mr. Beckman volunteered to take me."

"No way. You are leaving me for nine days and I want to be there to see you off." What could she say? I'm sure she would rather have gone with Mr. asshole Beckman but how would that look to her unwitting cuckold husband, I wondered?

Her momentary look of disappointment was quickly replaced with a smile as she sang happily, "That's great Honey; I would love for you to take me."

What a great liar she was. I knew I upset the lovers plan just a little bit and felt a small amount of satisfaction. She only let her guard down for a second, letting her disappointment show. If I weren't so aware I am sure I would have missed it.

Thursday morning found me flopping into the big chair in Howard's office saying, "It's this weekend. Loren is going on a business trip to Miami. South Beach no less. They are leaving Friday morning and returning next Saturday."

Howard had fire in his eyes as he informed me, "Whatever you want to do you're covered. I spoke with Mr. Diamond yesterday about your situation and he gave you carte blanche on the company credit card. You will have to reimburse the bank for any non-business expenses within two weeks of your return."

When I asked Howard how I could thank Mr. Diamond he laughed, "A good single malt scotch whiskey will be payment enough. You probably don't know this but he got screwed badly in his divorce last year. He hates cheating wives."

I shook my head in disgust. I knew he had gotten divorced, I did not know why, now I knew. "Howard, I need the next two weeks off. I need to get proof of her infidelity."

"Take as much time as you need, within reason of course. I will watch over your crew and make sure they don't screw up too much. Somehow I am hoping this is all a mistake. Loren is a great girl. I still can't believe it," Howard confided.

"I am having a hard time believing it as well," I thought. I took the rest of the day off to make some purchases. Before I left I went online and purchased a round trip ticket to Miami International airport on Jetblue Airways. I stopped at City Camera and purchased the top of the line Canon digital camera. It will take crystal clear photos and video with audio. It came with a removable optical zoom lens. The salesman said I would be able to see an Eagle's ass at a hundred yards. Next I purchased a small carry on bag. Then a trip to Wal-Mart for some new clothes: shorts, tops, underwear, sneakers and sandals. The last item was a NY Yankees ball cap. As a diehard Mets fan Loren would never believe I would wear a Yankees cap. The tops all had patriotic sayings, flags and eagles on them. I didn't normally wear that type of shirt.

The last stop was the drug store where I picked up some new razors and a box of black hair dye. I was now prepared for my trip. I stowed the new luggage in the trunk of my car. All the purchases were on the company card. If Loren looked at our bank accounts she would be none the wiser. I was ready. Let the games begin.

At home that night I asked Loren for her trip itinerary. She would be leaving on the ten thirty morning flight from JFK on Jetblue Airlines, staying in room 314 in the Victor Hotel. Mr. Beckman would be staying in a different room I was told. Of Course he was! I would be on the one thirty flight leaving for Miami, three hours behind her. I was also able to get a room at the Victor as well. I would be in room 541. I was hoping I wouldn't get caught checking in.

We were up early Friday morning as we wanted to get to the airport by eight thirty so Loren would not have any trouble making it through security. The conversation was quiet on the ride in to JFK. She tried to make conversation but I was not very talkative. The realization that I was driving my wife to the airport to have an affair was having an effect on me. Her actions were breaking my heart and I was very resentful, having trouble hiding my emotions.

"Jeff, are you upset? Are you all right with me taking this trip? You said it was OK for me to go."

"I know what I said Loren but the reality of you being gone for nine days is just hitting me. I know you have to go. I don't want to be away from you for so long. I will miss you so much. It already hurts knowing you are leaving. I know you can understand that," I answered.

Loren replied, "Of course I understand that. I feel the same way. It will be a long and lonely nine days away from you."

"Maybe so but I will be rattling around alone in our home while you will be in a glamorous South Beach hotel vacationing with the stars," I groaned.

Loren laughed. "Is that what's bothering you? This trip will be mostly work, not too much vacationing, that's for sure."

I looked at her and smiled sadly. I knew she was lying. We made small talk after that and soon pulled into the short-term parking lot. We made our way to the JetBlue curbside check-in, checked her bags and picked up Loren's boarding pass. We walked to the roped off security area and saw Beckman waiting for Loren.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Loren give a quick glance to see my reaction to him. Beckman had the balls to approach us, give Loren a quick kiss on the cheek and then offer me his hand. All I wanted to do was deck this guy but I worked hard to appear unsuspecting and friendly. I actually smiled as we shook hands. I knew I would probably get my ass kicked as he was six foot two and much heavier than me. I would at least have gotten in the first sucker punch. Maybe that would have sufficed. However a fight was not in the plan.

Jim spoke "Loren, we should start through security now, nice to see you again Jeff. I'll take good care of Loren while she is gone." I stood there and looked at him long and hard. Loren's face blanched. She recovered quickly.

"Jeff, Jim means that nothing bad will happen to me while I am gone."

I turned to Loren and said darkly, "I know what he means Loren." I smiled at Beckman saying, "Thanks for looking out for her."

Thinking I was fooled, their faces brightened and they turned to go through the security gate. Beckman went through the gate first and started to walk down the roped off area. Loren was about to hand her driver's license to the large black female TSA agent when I caught her arm and pulled her back to me.

"You're leaving and not saying goodbye to your husband?" I asked.

Loren looked at me sheepishly and, giving me a hug and a kiss replied, "Of course how thoughtless of me."

I hugged her close to me saying, "I need to talk to you before you leave. We've never been apart for this long before. I want you to know that I love you and have since I was sixteen years old." Loren smiled at me and was about to speak when I began again. "You're leaving on a plane and I will be driving home alone. Anything could happen to us. If for some reason you should never see me again I want you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you more each day. If anything ever happened to you I could not go on." I kissed and hugged her saying "I love you. Have a good trip and come home to me safely."

Loren spoke, "I love you too honey, I have to go now."

As she started to leave me I grabbed her arm and pulled her back to me. I had to try one more time to ask her not to go. She had a look of surprise on her face as I turned her to look at my face.

"Loren, I know I told you it was all right for you to go. I meant it when I said it. Now that you are leaving, I find that I don't want you to go. It is still not too late. Tell Jim you can't go and come home with me. Blame it all on me. What do you think?"

"Jeff, you know that I cant back out on Mr. Beckman at this late date. The tickets are bought and paid for. Besides, he needs me at this seminar."

"I know I'm being selfish, I don't want you to go. I need you too."

"Jeff, I have to go. Don't try to stop me. My mind is made up. I am going on this trip! I will be a great help to Jim. I can't let him down." She looked in my eyes again, almost spoke, and then thought better of it. She turned; walked to the gate and gave the agent her license.

My eyes misted up, as I knew she was lying. I am sure Loren thought it was because she was leaving and I would miss her. I walked down the roped off area to where Beckman was waiting. I watched Loren as she spoke with the TSA agent for a few moments. When she started walking to us I could see she was flustered. I wondered what they talked about that upset her. She recovered her composure by the time she reached where we were standing. They walked to the machines to get their belongings x-rayed. I watched Loren take off her shoes and place them in the plastic bin. She turned to me and shrugged her shoulders in a what-can-you-do gesture. She then turned to walk through the body scanner. By that time I had reached the limit of my endurance and quickly walked out of the building.

I was no longer angry, just resigned to the fact that Loren was no longer mine. I was becoming accustomed to the fact that we would soon be apart.