That Quiet

Fall means shorter days, longer nights. More time to sit in front of the fire, wrapped up in a blanket, snuggling with you. When I found myself doing less of this instead of more, I knew something was not right. That's when I realized you had grown distant. When had it happened? I can't pinpoint the day, but I can remember when I noticed it first. That sunny fall day that felt like rain in my heart.

The Bears' last game for the season. We both knew there was little chance of them making the play offs, and I took your lack of enthusiasm for disappointment. Yes, we're both adults, but we're both big football fans, too. Usually, I can cheer you out of a losing streak. I tried most of my tricks, at least the ones you let me try. I stood behind your chair and rubbed your neck. The tension never went away. Not even when I lifted my shirt and used my breasts to rub your neck. You didn't really respond at all. So I did my usual. I pouted. I took a book and a beer and went to bed. I woke up a few hours later with my bookmark lost and my half empty beer warm on the nightstand. You weren't there, so I went looking for you. I found you in your chair, eyes closed, breathing softly. To the untrained eye, it would appear you had fallen asleep there. But my eye is not untrained. You are the lightest sleeper I know. When I roll over in bed and wrap up behind you, you always grab my hand and pull it close to your heart. I didn't even attempt to be quiet on my way to the den. I know you heard me. But if you're feigning sleep to avoid me, then I know I probably don't want to hear what you have to say.

Monday morning rolled around and your side of the bed was cold. My side was a mess because I tossed and turned the few hours I could make myself stay in that big bed all alone. When I walked into the bathroom I could see you had already showered and shaved. The shower stall doors were still wet, and I watched the bigger drops that remained trickle a path to the bottom. I took a deep breath and smelled after shave. Instead of being turned on, I felt more alone than I had in a very long time. When had we showered together last? I couldn't even remember.

Showering together had been one of our favorite past times. Sometimes we would even take more than one in a day, just because it was so much fun. I loved to stand behind you and tease you with my breasts. I would soap them up and rub them in circles up and down your back while you stood in front of me, facing the wall, pushing your ass against me. I loved how your warm soapy skin felt to my hands and fingers. I would stand as close to you as I could get and wrap my arms around you. I would grab your cock and balls in both hands and listen to you groan as I massaged gently, then more firmly. Sometimes, I would let you come in my hands. I loved the way your ass tensed against me, loved hearing you moan out my name. The only thing I didn't love about showering with you was how you would pop me on the ass with the wet corner of your towel when we got out. I think I would love that now, though.

The first time I looked into your deep blue eyes I knew you were the one. Your gaze was so strong, I couldn't hold it. When I looked up and you were still looking at me, that told me all I needed to know about you. I let you buy me a drink. What was it? I'm not sure I remember that part. I don't remember because you asked me to dance before I could finish it. When I told you I couldn't dance you smiled and said you would show me how. I don't know how many times I stepped on your feet, but you never made me feel like a klutz about it. You just held me closer. And smiled that smile. The one that made me weak in the knees. I miss that smile so much.

I let you take me home that first night. Maybe that was the mistake? I'll never know, I guess. I like to think it was because I could feel your heart somehow, and that you were going to be the love of my life. You undressed me so slowly, so sweetly. I can close my eyes and feel you hands on my skin. We were standing in the kitchen, where I was supposed to be making us drinks. I was completely out of ice. I was standing there in front of the open freezer door wondering what to do about it when you walked up behind me and put your hands on my hips. When you turned me around to face you I confessed I had no ice. You said you didn't come home with me for ice.

It's kind of a blur from there, but things I do remember clearly? That first incredible, amazing kiss. I could hear Dwight Yoakam singing "I'm a Thousand Miles from Nowhere," and the rhythm of the song made me dizzy. Or was that your kiss doing that to me? The way your warm breath felt on my face the second before your lips touched mine? Your tongue gently probing my lips apart, making me want to just crawl up inside of you somehow? I can remember thinking all these things, and more. I had never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you at that moment.

When you asked if you could spend the night, I didn't have to think before I said yes. I all but dragged you back to my bedroom. When I turned out the lights you turned them back on. You asked if you could undress me. It would have gone so much faster if we had just undressed ourselves, but you taught me a lot about the rewards of patience that first night. I think you touched every inch of my body as you removed my clothes.

You started by unbuttoning my shirt, but you teased my bare neck with your hands first. By the time you got to that first button my nipples were so hard. You brushed them gently as you worked the first couple of buttons open. You let your fingers trace a line from my neck to my belly button, then pushed my shirt off my shoulders. When I reached back to unclasp my bra you grabbed my arms and pulled them forward. "Not so fast," you said as you smiled at my impatience. Normally, I would have had a snappy come back for that kind of playful rebuke, but all I could say was something about happily letting you take the lead. You were changing me already. From that moment on, you were the boss. Maybe not the boss, but certainly in charge. That doesn't really sound right either. I just always felt safe with you.

You had me down to my underwear and I could tell you liked the view. You asked me to turn around so you could appreciate my ass in my pretty purple panties. I felt your hands cup my cheeks and squeeze as you bent forward and nuzzled my neck. I stood on my toes so my ass would be firm in your hands and I could push against you. That's when you finally relented and unhooked my bra. You did this so fast I barely noticed til the straps fell forward and my big hard brown nipples were on display. You pushed the straps down my arms as you turned me around. I can still see the look in your eyes when you cupped my breasts in your hands. Your hands lingered there, caressing and teasing my nipples. You did this for a minute or two before you slid my panties to the floor.

When I reached for your buttons you pushed me back, gently but firmly, onto the bed. I sat back and watched you undress; admired your strong, broad shoulders, your chest with just enough hair to tickle. I watched your fingers as you unbuttoned your jeans and let them fall to the floor. I saw your erection outlined in your boxers before you let those fall to the floor too. When I saw you naked for the first time it was all I could do not to throw myself at you and beg you to fuck the daylights out of me. Okay, so I did the begging. But you didn't seem to mind. And you did, as a matter of fact, fuck the daylights right out of me.

You climbed into bed beside me and started out soft and slow, kissing me from my neck to my toes, then back up again. When you got to my lips, your kisses had gone from soft to more ardent. I wrapped my arms around you and tried to roll over on top of you, but you wouldn't let me. You pulled me close and rolled over on top of me. I was thrashing now, trying to get my hips under you. I wanted you so much, wanted to feel you inside me more than anything. You didn't move until I looked up at you. When I did, you smiled and asked if I wanted this, as you slid your cock deep inside me. I wrapped my legs around you and pulled you closer, looked you in the eye and told you yes, that was exactly what I wanted. The conversation we had while you made love to me that first time still plays in my head. No one had ever spoken to me that way, talked me through a climax like you did. Then, you held me tight and rocked me to sleep in your arms. I know it's crazy, but I fell in love with you that night.

How did we go from that beginning to where we are now? How did I not see what was happening until it was done? I was never any good at goodbyes. From the looks of things, neither were you.

So, when you get home tonight, we'll talk. I'll cry. You'll apologize. Then we'll cut out our losses and move on. I'll try my best not to do it, but I'll have to watch you drive away. I'll let the curtains fall as you look my direction. And that will be the end of us.

I'll soak in the tub and listen to every sad song I can bring up on my iPod. I'll drink a glass of wine, then another. I'll cry some more and swear that I hate you. We both know that's not true. It will never be true. But it will get me through tonight. I'll figure out tomorrow when it gets here.