Thaw Ch. 01

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13 years ago...
1.8k words
4.05
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So I'm making a story during Christmas break.

Certain characters in this story are based on real people. Please respect them. Although the story itself is only from my wishful imagination... and some bits of reality. Also, the system of school that I experienced during my preschool, primary, intermediate, and high school years could be kind of different depending on whoever's reading. You'll see why.

Also, yes, I have another character named Vincent. Deal with it.

I don't want any comments saying it's crap. I only want constructive criticism. I've been freaking staying up until early morning for weeks because of certain problems and things I had to do. Like hike and save turtles and... stuff.

Merry Christmas and happy new year.

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13 years ago

Jay

Today was a day where you were supposed to be half happy and half sad. A day when maybe a good friend of yours is leaving, or maybe a family member.

Graduation... a day that would only come for me Three years from now.

I was supposed to be happy for the Fourth year High school students. They were about to graduate, leave the school and go to some distant college to study for another few years.

But now, as I sat beside my parents looking at my cousin go up the stage to be recognized for graduation, I only felt a sad, sinking feeling.

I just had to hold it in, to keep myself from expressing what I really wanted to express, keep the smile plastered on my face looking happy, I needed to keep up the illusion that I was okay.

Which... you're not. A stray thought said. I knew it was true. No amount of thinking that I was okay was going to change that fact that I wasn't. But I just needed to hold on just a few more hours...

But then they called his name, and I knew I was screwed. I didn't even wait to see him face the crowd and bow, didn't wait for the applause. I just excused myself quickly and half ran to my classroom, left open by my classmates who had gone here as well no doubt, and shut the door.

I felt the tears coming out as I slid down to sit on the floor, sobs beginning to wrack my thin frame as my façade broke. Years of pent-up tears all rushed to my eyes as I completely broke down.

There were so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to say... but it was too late. II was too much of a coward.

Now he was gone.

A familiar, aching sort of pain blossomed in my chest and I knew what it was. For a while, I just sat there, crying, until I ran out of tears. I didn't realize how much time had passed until I looked at the clock. 9:30. The graduation ceremony would be done by now. After today...

My thoughts were interrupted by loud, raucous laughter. Fuck, already? I hadn't expected them to go back to their classroom so soon. I hastily wiped the wet marks on my face off with my shirt and stood up just as the first Fourth year student appeared at the stairs.

I just smiled and said "Congrats on graduating guys." Before sitting back down. My cousin noticed that something was wrong immediately. How she does that, I'll never know.

"Jay, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing." I answered. Marina just looked at me suspiciously.

"You look like you've been crying." She said. Did I? Well, that couldn't be helped.

"I'm fine." She looked at me closely, doubt covering her features. One of the many things I hated about all of my relatives was that they were all entirely too nosy.

"I'mfine." I hissed, my tone dripping venom. She opened her mouth to protest but a quick glare from me stopped her.

"Marina!" One of her classmates called as the last few went inside their classroom for final picture and goodbye to each other.

She reluctantly left and sent me a look that said "This isn't over yet.".

Oh, believe me, after today, it will be.

"Hey, have you seen Cent?" She suddenly asked me. My fists tightened. She doesn't know what she's asking. I thought. No one did.

Just then, as if to answer my cousin's question, he emerged from the gate to the small field.

Fuck He looked good in that polo. I quickly chased the thought from my head and realized that I was staring. I looked away quickly and stood up. My mother wasn't going to be happy about me being gone for this long.

He passed by me as I walked to the field, and I caught my last whiff of his scent.

"Congratulations on graduating." I said as he passed by, patting his back lightly without stopping. I could tell that he had stopped and looked behind him to see who it was. I could tell that he had a slightly weirded out expression on his face like he always did when certain classmates of mine said hi to him out of nowhere just to tease me. Not to mention that I had rarely ever touched him until then.

Suddenly, just as I caught sight of my mother, a cold feeling came over me. Like some draft of arctic wind just passed through.

"Jay! There you are I've been looking- JAY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! JAY!" My mother shouted as I ran through the crowd, fighting to get back to the Year Four classroom as fast as possible.

When I got there, it was strangely quiet, other than my ES teacher's voice.

Suddenly, a hand pressed itself against my mouth and I felt something cool against my temple. A gun, obviously. I started to panic, my breathing coming out in a way that was just going to get me an asthma attack. Calm down I told myself, trying to regulate my breathing.

By the way he held me, I guessed that it was a guy who was holding me hostage. His breath smelled like he'd just brushed his teeth. How the hell did he get inside the school anyways?

Slowly, I was pushed inside the classroom, where one of the Year Four students promptly screamed her face off. Gee, subtle warning.

I felt the pressure on my temple disappear and a familiar voice say "No one moves."

That voice... No. No matter how vile, how horrible my parents were I couldn't believe that they would stoop this low. But then what else would explain my Father's voice being the one I heard?

The gun returned to my temple. My father began to say something, but I just tuned him out, instead looking at the Year Four students' reactions as to what was happening.

Paula looked scared, like many of them did. Cam and a few others just looked... cautious. My eyes drifted closer to Vincent, who was inching his way towards the other door to the classroom.

No. I wanted to say. It's too dangerous! Stay put! But he kept moving along anyways. My father hadn't noticed him yet.

This time, I couldn't calm down. Please, Please,Please don't notice him. I thought.

And, like nearly everything that I hoped wouldn't happen, it happened.

My father looked around the classroom and saw him, almost behind the teacher's desk on all fours, creeping his way towards another open door.

My parents were by no means patient. They expected any order of theirs to be carried out as quickly as possible, and it also had to be perfect. Any sign of disobedience, no matter how little, would instantly ignite their tempers into dangerous levels. I was never treated well because of this, and something told me today was one of the days when my father's temper was off the charts.

I was right.

"I thought I told you to STAY PUT!" My father screamed, pointed the gun at him, and pulled the trigger. Many screams were heard but none were as loud as mine.

It all happened so fast. There was the loud bang of the gun and my scream ringing in my ears, and suddenly a cold wind drifted through the classroom and there, in front of Vincent, was a wall of thick, but see-through ice with a small, black circle in it.

No one spoke. No one made a sound. Something like this... No one had ever seen or heard of something like this.

Slowly, the wall of ice began to crack, and after what seemed to be an eternity, it crumbled.

"You did that didn't you?! You little piece of-" He grabbed my hair and pulled me up as he pressed the gun to my temple. Pain radiated through my head and I thought So this is how I die.

I took my last look at Vincent, seeing his slightly ruffled clothes, and his shocked face.

I heard my cousin scream "NO!" and I closed my eyes, waiting for the shot, for death.

Until I felt the gun move from my temple again. He was aiming it at Vincent. Again.

Fear and panic erupted in me, but more prevalent was anger. I had never gotten mad at anyone before this, and the feeling was new. Alien. But somehow, despite never having felt it before,I already knew it was anger.

A cold wind drifted in the room again, and I realized it was coming from me.

I watched as my father pulled the trigger again, and I was dimly aware of a scream from outside the classroom- maybe some people had come to investigate the first one or something.

Again, there was a loud bang, but this time, nothing came out of the gun. My father stared at it in disbelief and while he was distracted, the floor under us froze into smooth, slippery ice.

"What the-" My father tried to say, but he slipped and fell on the now- frozen floor. I managed to stay standing. I wouldn't let him hurt anyone anymore. Never again.

I turned around to see my father cowering against the wall, cursing and hitting his gun. A block of cracked ice slipped out of it, partially melted, and my father didn't even hesitate. He aimed the gun at me and tried to fire.

Tried.

A sharp spear came out of the ice at my feet and with another scream from the people outside, who I now recognized as he parents of the graduating students, stabbed my father straight through the chest.

The hand holding the gun dropped, limp, to the ground.

My mother screamed.

I looked at Vincent and saw fear in his eyes.

Fear of me.

The ice in the room slowly evaporated into cool, pleasant air, leaving an open wound in my father that we could see the wall through.

Suddenly, I felt exhausted, worse than when I had run that Twenty kilometer marathon.

The world seemed to waver, and I fell, my head bumping hard on the floor.

The world started to dim, and darkness consumed my vision.

At least... you're safe.

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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago

CONTINUEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS IS AWESOMEE!!!!!!

tac_naynwafflestac_naynwafflesalmost 10 years agoAuthor
Sorry

You know how I said that I was having problems?... Well, the shit has hit the fan. I won't be able to update my works for quite a while because I've gotten very sick somehow. I know, it's... Inconvenient. I feel horrible not being able to update, and I also feel horrible because of said sickness. I'll try my best to write while I'm gone, but... Yeah. Sorry.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
The start of my new favorite author!

First of all good start to, what looks to be a great series. Loved the little surprise at the end, didnt know this story was going to take a turn into fantasy land that really cought my attention. Now it has me asking a million different question and wanting them answered a.s.a.p. So once again good start.

And as far as criticism goes, the only thing I would have to say is better character and setting details because for a sec I didnt know what charater was who and how they got from one place to another. You didnt tell us the name of the guy he likes until we got towards the end of the story and it was also unclear wether Vincent is his cousin or just a classmate. Also dont know how Vincent got from a field to the classroom. And one more thing be careful over detailing and/or under detailing a sentence.

Example- 'The ice in the room slowly evaporated into cool, pleasant air, leaving an open wound in my fathers chest that we could see the wall through.'

Just simplely saying 'leaving an opening in my fathers chest we could see through.' And even shorter, 'leaving an opening in my fathers chest.' Would have been a better way of wording that sentence. If you add to much to a sentence it just ends up being a mouth full. So next time you write reread your story out loud and see if the sentence and/or paragraph flows well to you. Also as the author you know where this story is headed and how the whole thing looks in your mind, but make sure your audience is albe to see it too. That what your writing makes sence to anyone else who's reading.

I'm not trying to be harsh or over critical because what your reading and my tone in real life is different. It's because I really do like this story and I dont want to see it put down (because there are really nasty and mean people out there who will do anything but give friendly advice) because of a few mistakes that are very much fixable and I know you can correct. But really great story and I cant wait for the next chapter to come out.

canndcanndover 10 years ago
Got my attention too...

I really like this. I'm hoping we get more soon. I am wondering what he is and is Vincent a crush or more to him? What was his father doing? Where did he get these abilities? I look forward to more. This seems like a promising story.

I know the beginning had a statement and I don't know if you were attacked by readers before? If so, screw em. I know most authors I've known here deal with that. They are probably jealous that they don't have the talent and/or balls to post something. Constructive criticism and being an asshole are two different things. Don't let people like that get to you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Brilliant

You certainly got my attention. So the question is When do we get the rest. LOL

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