The Angel By My Side

"That too."

We sat, smiling slightly, licking powdered sugar from our fingers. When we were all done eating, we went back to the hotel. Once dressed in our finest, we set out, walking along the river, towards the restaurant. Neither of us really spoke, but stared at the river, walking along, perhaps watching the moon, or the clouds, or the sparkle of lights on the water. Contentment and peace are realized in such moments, when the world is calm and the mind is more than the machine that drives you. Without thought, I reached out and took Mason's hand and held it as we walked.

As we sat and ate our turtle soup, I came to another interesting revelation. My desire for a fine dinner with expensive food and wine really had nothing to do with the food or location, but the person who sat across from me. We could have been sitting around a campfire and my smile would have been the same. I was happy, and the company I shared my meal with, the light conversation, the easy camaraderie was all I had craved.

We went home the next morning, driving quietly with the top up, because the sky had decided to unleash a flood of water upon us. Even though we hardly spoke, I couldn't say that we were uncomfortable. In fact, I'd say we were very comfortable. Mason may not understand what I felt, or could not understand it, but he didn't discourage anything either. Which for the most part simply made me like having that feeling.

When we got home, I sat Mason on the couch and crouched before him. "I know I don't have too much time left. But before I go, I wanted to share with you what I liked most about life."

His smile was slow across his face, bringing out his dimples. "You don't have to."

"I want to, though. You've made me appreciate life so much." I cupped his face in my hand and brushed my thumb against his cheek. "Let me do this for you."

He placed his hand over mine against his cheek and nodded.

The next day, we went to the zoo. I walked around with Mason, showing him all my favorite animals, watching them sit and stare, sometimes yawn, but mostly just be. I pointed out the elephants bathing in their pool, the tigers lying on their hot rock, and the snakes, hidden behind thick glass. When we went into the petting zoo, I think I fell in love all over again, as five small lambs clambered around Mason as he sat on the ground and petted them. I knelt down by his side and stroked the downy fur of a rabbit as he held one of the runt lambs, who wasn't eating all that much. The zookeeper came by and shook her head. "This one doesn't want to eat."

Mason looked up, brushing a tear from his cheek. "He's cold."

She nodded. "I know. We try and try, but he won't respond."

Mason looked at me, pleading with his dark eyes. I took his hand and squeezed. "Now you know why the bird ate me up inside."

He smiled and nuzzled the lamb with his nose, looking upwards at the sky, shutting his eyes; after a couple of moments his hands stilled along the lamb's side. I watched silently, not really sure what was happening. After a moment, the lamb stood on shaky legs, but headed towards the zookeeper and the bottle she held. He took a tentative sip from the bottle, and then started eating with relish.

I helped Mason to his feet. He grinned at me before he stumbled against me. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and stood on his own. "Nothing."

As he walked towards the lamb, I noticed three more feathers on the ground. I picked them up and stuffed them in my pocket.What had he done?

Later that night, as I lay in bed, I stared at the ceiling, smiling, despite my worries. I heard a slight tap against the door. Mason stuck his head inside after I called out for him to enter. He sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me. "I'm cold. Can I join you?"

I pulled back the blankets as Mason dropped his shirt and jeans. He cuddled up against me, wrapping around my body, until he found a comfortable spot and trembled slightly. After a few moments, he stopped shaking, and stilled completely. Staring down at his face, brushing his hair back from his eyes, I noticed his eyes were shut, and his breathing slow and shallow. Amazingly, he'd fallen asleep. I cuddled back into my pillow and let sleep take me too, holding on to my angel, never wanting to let go.

The next morning, having woken up with a warm, content feeling, as well as a clingy angel on my side, I smiled to the ceiling before getting out of bed, happy down to my toes. At that moment, no matter when it would happen, I finally felt that I had no regrets. For once, I'd tasted what love and contentment was. I would leave this world and face the next one, without feeling cheated or lost. I got out of bed and dressed before I headed downstairs to make pancakes and bacon. The smell of frying bacon must have woken Mason, because he soon came downstairs, sniffing deeply.

"Good morning."

"Good morning."

I sat Mason down and served up a platter of pancakes and bacon, a jug of warm maple syrup, and a stick of butter. I prepared my food the way I liked it and watched as Mason did the same. We ate in companionable silence then did the dishes together. I searched through the cupboards, searching for the ingredients for my favorite recipe. I loved my mother's cookies that she called death by chocolate, but most people called chocolate covered cherry cookies. I had everything I needed but the butter. I went upstairs and grabbed Mason for another shower that was purely platonic, but no less intimate.

After I'd dressed, I grabbed my car keys and asked Mason if he'd like to join me. The panic in his eyes stopped me. I went over to him and cupped his face in my hands. "What's wrong?"

"Don't go."

I leaned away from him, tilting his face so I could see him better. "Why?"

"Please don't go."

The realization hit me. Today was the day I'd die. "I thought you didn't know when."

He shut his eyes and looked away. "You've completely become at peace. I knew then that it would happen."

I smiled at him and blinked away the tears. Yes, I was prepared, as much as I could be, but that didn't mean I wasn't scared, or sad, that I'd no longer know Mason. "I have no choice."

Tears pooled in his eyes. "Please? Don't go."

My own tears began to pool in my eyes, only to drip slowly down my cheeks. "I'm sorry. But... I can't stop this. Whatever it is, I can't stop it."

His hands snaked behind my neck, grasping the back of my head, pulling me down to meet his lips. His mouth closed over mine, in a kiss of raw, powerful need. Lost in sensation, I wrapped my arms around him, tasting him, feeling him. When he broke away to let me breathe, I buried my face in his neck and shuddered. His whisper floated over my shoulders, ripping my heart to shreds. "Don't leave me alone."

I shut my eyes and tried to hold everything back. "I'm sorry."

I pressed his head to my shoulder, using my other hand to smooth against his shoulders, to ease some of the emotional tension. Mason was no longer the cold, somewhat sarcastic angel that appeared in my bedroom.What had I done? He was now a feeling, needful man. I looked skyward, pleading.Don't make him suffer for my mistakes. Please. Don't hurt him because of me.

Once Mason had calmed, I pulled away but took his hand. "Come on. Let's go buy some butter so I can make my mom's cookies for you."

We sat in the car while I drove to the store. Mason sat sideways, so he could look at me. I tried to avoid the quiet pleading, the needy glances. When I stopped at a stoplight, I shut my eyes. My existence would be over, finished. His would go on and on throughout eternity. How much had he grown to feel? How much had he come to understand the frailties and tempest of human emotions? Even if he only had the most basic concept, he'd suffer for years, centuries, or longer. I put my hand on Mason's and squeezed. "I'm so sorry that you became corrupted by me. I wish I could promise that I'll see you on the other side, so you aren't alone."

After I pulled into the parking lot of the little corner store, Mason slid across the seat and held me, wrapping his arms around me. I felt that music that I heard that first night. I opened my eyes and the car was filled with a white light, so bright, it should have seared my vision, but it didn't hurt. The music grew louder before Mason sat away, his face a stoic mask. "What was that?"

"Nothing." His voice was sullen, like a scolded child. He looked over at me, contrite at his abruptness. "I'm sorry. It was worth a shot."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, my voice whispered by emotion. "What was worth a shot?"

"I asked for a reprieve."

I started to chuckle. "You asked the Governor for a pardon?"

His smile was sad, but sweet. "Yes, I did."

I nodded. "Come on then, let's get some butter."

The little market was small, run by a little man who spoke little English. His back was stooped, but he was friendly. I'd stopped here more often then not on my way to work for a soft drink or on my way home for that one or two items I'd needed for dinner. There were six rows of shelves, a large cooler on one wall, and the little register counter topped with a large cigarette dispenser. A woman, although she only qualified because she held a toddler in her arms, a man buying beer, and Mason and myself were the only customers. I led Mason to the cooler in the back and grabbed what I needed. As I turned back to the counter, the front door opened and a man entered.

The stranger pushed the man who bought beer back from the door and pulled out a gun. He pointed it towards the owner and demanded money. My heart sped to almost bursting as I took it all in. The little girl in her mother's arms started to cry, sensing the tension in the room. The gunman spun around, agitated. "Shut that kid up!"

The girl, her eyes round, swallowed and kissed the top of the girl's head, whispering soft words to her. It didn't quiet the girl, but it seemed to have eased the gunman's fears, because he turned back and waved the gun at the owner. "Speed it up, old man."

The owner's hands shook as he opened the register. The gunman leaned over and started grabbing cash. The man who bought beer stood and the gunman turned and fired his gun, missing the man, but shattering the glass case behind him, showering the young girl with the baby with glass. The toddler started screaming loudly, and squirmed out of her mother's arms. I shut my eyes. I knew what was going to happen. I turned to Mason and brushed my lips against his cheek. "I love you," I whispered into his ear.

The gunman turned and aimed at the little girl who ran from her mother. I ran down the aisle towards her. I caught her around the waist and pushed her into the shelves holding bags of chips. I heard the loud echo of the gun going off a mere second before my back exploded in pain. I collapsed to my knees and looked to Mason; his face a mask of horror. I shook my head, trying to clear my suddenly blurry vision before I collapsed to the floor.

It hurt to breathe, like I was sucking in air through a wet, soggy blanket. I was suddenly very tired. I looked down at my chest, and the moment I saw the gaping wound, I felt the pain. I screamed out with the agony, and then watched as the blood bubbled out my chest, like blowing bubbles in milk through a straw. I heard another gunshot then Mason was at my side, leaning over me. He touched my cheek and I saw tears stream down his face. "Don't go."

I reached out to touch his face. "You knew I had to."

He nodded before he lowered to press his lips to my forehead. "I love you, too."

The words echoed in my ears as the rest of my world went black. For a moment, there was nothing, no form, no sound, no nothing in the great void. I opened my eyes and noticed that the store was faded, muted around me. The pain in my chest gone, I sat up, and looked around. Mason still knelt above me. I tried to touch his arm, but my hand passed right through him.

I stood and stepped away, and saw my body lying beneath Mason's, blood pooling around my back. Mason shook my shoulders and whimpered before throwing his head back and screaming. I wanted to shut my eyes or cry, but found I could do neither. I felt badly, but like everything else, my emotions were just as gray and muted as my vision.

As Mason lowered over my body, touching my face, the gray vision fled as the room filled with the brightest, overwhelming light, brighter than the sun filled the room. Music, sweeter and grander than I'd ever heard filled my ears. I looked around, seeking the source of the sound. It compelled me to move, blocking out all other thought from my mind. Before I could take one step, the light and the sound was cut off, leaving me back in the store, unfocused, almost bereft. I looked back to see Mason, kneeling above me, his wings unfurled, pure determination on his face. What was he doing?

As I watched Mason, the feathers on his wings began shriveling and dropping off. I stepped towards him, wanting to stop him when I heard a voice.

You can't help him.

I spun around. "Who are you?"

We spoke once before.

"In New Orleans?"

Another angel stood before me, with blond hair and blue eyes, tall and powerful, with a stern, but oddly amused expression on his face. At my question, he nodded once. "Yes. In New Orleans."

"What is happening?"

He glanced over my shoulder. "He is blocking you from leaving him."

"How?"

The angel shook his head and sighed. "It won't work, at least not for long." He came to me and turned me around. "He's using up his life force to shield your soul from being called home."

"What happens when his life force is gone?"

The angel shook his head and sighed. "He'll become human. A fallen angel."

I wanted to be frantic, but I wasn't feeling much of anything. "I'll be dead anyway?"

"Yes."

"Let me talk to him. I'll talk him into letting me go."

He shook his head. "I've already tried. He's blocking me out too."

"Who are you?"

He cocked a half grin at me. "His boss."

"Great." I turned and looked at Mason. He didn't have long. Then what would happen to him? He'd be all alone. Having to learn how to be human. No guide. No one to care for him. "Is there anything that can be done? He'll be alone."

"There is nothing."

I stood before the angel, a lone tear slipping down my cheek. "Put me back for a few moments, I'll get him to let me go."

"I cannot."

"There must be something."

"Why do you care?"

I closed my eyes. "Because I love him. And he'll hurt too much either way, because I won't be there for him. But if he stays an angel, he'll at least have something familiar about him."

"It will hurt. A lot."

I nodded. "I understand."

The angel stepped back and spread his arms and stared at the ceiling. Another wash of light bathed him in an ethereal glow. He stood silently for mere seconds before dropping his hands and looking at me. "What if we sent you back permenantly?"

"Can that be done?"

He nodded his head once. I nodded my head enthusiastically. He put his hand on my arm. "You will be in constant pain. The damage is extensive. Depending on the medical care you receive… your life will be different."

I shut my eyes. It didn't matter. A life, any sort of life, with Mason, was worth any pain. "I'll go back. No matter what."

"We'll wait until he's human."

That made me stop. "Wait. What happens when he dies?"

The angel smiled at me and winked, although not very well, as if he copied something he'd seen and was still working on the gesture. "Provided he leads a good life, he'll be called home to Him just like you."

I smiled and turned. When the last of Mason's feathers withered away into dust, the block on the light was gone. I felt compelled to follow, but the angel put his hand on my shoulder and led me back to my body. He pushed me down and told me to shut my eyes. When I opened them again, Mason leaned over me. The store was back to full color. I took one breath and screamed from the agony.

Mason leaned back and stared at me in shock. "But how?"

I tried to speak, but kept choking on the blood. Mason placed his fingers over my mouth and smiled. The paramedics arrived and started working on me. I don't really remember much of anything. Between the pain, the morphine, and the anesthetic when I was wheeled into surgery, time lost all meaning to me.

After an unknowable amount of time later, the blackness of nothing receded and I opened my eyes. I saw white, sterile walls, heard a steady, drowning beat of electronics, and the wheezing of a respirator. I moved my hand and I noticed the feeling as if an elephant sat on my chest. There was something down my throat, but an audible groan filled my ears. I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and saw Mason sit up and lean over me. Tears pooled in his eyes until they started dripping down his face. He took my hand in his and started whispering.

His words were beyond my ability to comprehend, but the emotion behind them wasn't lost on me. I reached out and cupped my cheek, shocked to find stubble on his cheek. Where was the porcelain skin? What had happened? Before the thought could form into words, my world went black again.

Many times I came back to the reality of the world for barely five minutes, before drifting back into the void again. Each time I surfaced, it became easier to comprehend the things around me. But no matter how long the span of time between waking, Mason sat by my side. Over all this time, I noticed how his beard grew darker and fuller as the hours and days drifted by.

After nearly a week, I was moved out of ICU and into a regular hospital room. I could stay awake for many hours at a time, and could understand what had happened. Apparently, the bullet passed through my lung, missing my spine and heart by mere millimeters. After nearly two weeks, they took me off the respirator for good. When they let Mason back into the room, I smiled at him and tried to speak. "Hello, sweetheart."

He sat on the side of the bed and took my hand. His face haggard, his beard grown ragged. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. "I've missed you so much."

I had to drink some water, because my throat was raw. "I couldn't leave you."

"What happened?"

"A miracle."

Mason nodded then sat up straighter. He looked uncomfortable. "What's wrong, Mason?"

He blushed a bit and took my hand and placed it against his crotch. He was hard and rigid beneath his jeans. "Is this supposed to happen?"

Mason gasped as I squeezed around his erection. His hand covered mine and stilled it. "Yes, it is normal."

He shut his eyes as I moved my finger against him. "Was this what you meant in the shower in New Orleans?"

I chuckled then grasped my chest in pain. "Yes. A delicious ache."

"Is there any way to make it go away?"

I cupped his face in my hand and brushed my thumb against his lips. "Time. A cold shower. And once I'm out of here, I'll explore all the other ways with you." I dropped my hand and removed the other one from his crotch. "If you want to, that is."

He lowered over my bed and brushed his lips against mine. "I want to."

I smiled and lay back against the pillows. My eyes wandered over his face. "You need to shave."

Mason brushed his beard with his fingers. "I don't know how."

I smiled as I touched his shaggy beard. "I'll show you."

He then unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and pulled it open. A wealth of soft, dark hair swirled over his chest. "Do I have to shave this too?"

I shook my head and smiled when all I wanted to do was laugh. "Not if you don't want to."

"I don't. I like it."

"Then you can keep it."

He ducked his head and looked at me from under hooded eyelids. "Do you like it?"

I took his hand in mine until he looked directly in my eyes. "I like it very much. Everything about you I like."