A girl I knew came into the theater for the umpteenth time on one not so special night in October, and from the start I could tell she wasn't interested in knowing me. Her skin was the color of butterscotch and she was dressed in blue jeans and a tight-fitting purple-and-black-striped shirt, her dark brown hair hung loose down to her shoulder blades. She was by all accounts a ten, a Hindu goddess if ever there was one. After checking her cell phone for a moment, she turned and came toward me. That was when I saw her clearly, and she didn't see me looking at her even as she handed me her ticket. I handed it back to her, she briefly shot me a half smile to be polite and then walked into the theater.
Normally she comes with a different guy. Always the same interaction: I tear her ticket like it's the first moon landing, and she takes it back like it's a footnote -- like the business of ticket-taking is in the same vein of social activity as tax preparation. A begrudging act that she does because she must, and for no other reason would she catch herself looking at the likes of me at all. Men lay rubies and gold at her feet, and will continue to do so all the days of her life, and she sees no reason to quit that now. Mountains must be climbed and nations must be conquered before this darling bequeaths even the tiniest grain of a conversation to her champion. That's who she is and she knows it. She's never made it obvious that she knows, but she does. She's either concealed it from herself, or she's quite good at the game.
But maybe, I think to myself, she is unaware. Maybe my kindness will be enough to persuade her to give me a go just once. But then I'm reminded that women like her always wind up in tears with a shiner in one eye, saying, "if only I could find a nice guy." The sting of this hits me whenever I imagine using my kindness to win her over, and I do not continue with such thoughts. Her obliviousness of the burn packed into such statements only serves to remind me how low on the radar I register to her.
Regardless of all of this, I cannot help my thoughts. If my blood does not pump for her, it will for another. Who am I to expect a girl as beautiful as her to go through life and NOT develop a dispassion for anything but the best? Well, if not for what followed, I would have tossed out the lot of these queries and gone to bed having masturbated to a better situation.
After all the movies ended, I prepared to lock up. As the closing manager, I began making the rounds and came to the last theater and was stunned to find, in the last theater, the aforementioned girl still sitting in her seat. I walked to her row and it became apparent that she had fallen asleep.
"Hello," I said to her. She did not move. I said it again, but nothing. For a moment, I imagined her waking to find me and then smiling. She would know she was safe, and she would feel for me instantly. I would sit with her and she would confide in me her deepest secrets and then lean in close. I could see the look in her eyes as she said, "I'm glad you're here," and bury her face into my chest. The warmth of her against me and me against her would fill our loins with a growing passion for each other, and she would begin to want me like she's never wanted another. We would have each other, right here in this dark theater in this moment...
I was already seated and about to shake her when she moved. She woke up and looked at me and then around at the theater.
"Must have been quite a dull movie," I joked.
She did not laugh. Instead, she apologized profusely and began clicking through her phone, throwing in expletives here and there.
"Is everything ok?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Her tone suggested otherwise. She did not feel safe.
"Well I'm just now locking up, so I can walk you to your car if you'd like." Part of me thought this would make her feel more uncomfortable, not less. But she said, "that's very sweet of you. I'd like that," pronouncing 'very' as 'veddy.'
And with that, we walked out the front door and she waited while I locked it. When I was done, I looked up and caught her watching me and then look quickly away. Now I'm no idiot, so I knew what that meant. At least, I knew what that usually meant for a guy, and I could hardly believe she was here giving me that sign. It is possible, I thought to myself, that she's considered you. It's possible that she hasn't ruled it out. But still, it was one in the morning and I wasn't about to risk being a creeper, so I let it go.
I walked her to her car, and just as I turned to walk back, an impulse rose to the surface and I turned back.
"My name's Andy."
She turned to look at me, smiled and said, "I'm Dalaja."
"That's a nice name." It was all I could think of to say. She thanked me, and before the situation got too awkward, I spoke up again.
"Look, you've been coming in for a while now, and I was just wondering..." As I said these words, her smile began to fade. It was like seeing a lush valley teeming with life become a dry crack on an empty planet. I was being reminded of what I already knew. You know the line you'll never be able to cross. When will you finally understand this? I knew the answer before I asked the question.
"Never mind," I said. "Have a good night." I walked back to the building to check the doors one more time. A feeling grew in me as I walked, like the zeroing in on a radio frequency: "Fuck her," it said. I didn't like entertaining such negative thoughts, but it seemed right for the situation.
But when I made it back around the building to go to my car, I heard her say my name. I turned to see her walking quickly toward me.
She had an embarrassed look on her face, and I hoped it was because she wanted to say yes to the question I didn't ask.
"I'm so sorry to bother you again, but... I'm such an idiot. I think I locked my keys in my car. You wouldn't happen to have a slimjim or anything would you?"
Now, on any other night, I would have spent hours trying to get into her car, but I wasn't about to waste my time with that. Not anymore. If I had any hope of anything with her, it just went out the window. It's all charity beyond this point, and how charitable do I feel for a girl who can have anything?
"I'm sorry, I don't. And I don't know the first thing about breaking into cars. Can you call someone?"
"I just did, but the only people I can call are not answering."
And then, the awkward moment when I must decide if I want to help the woman who wants nothing to do with me except use me like a tawdry winter coat that wasn't the best but will have to do.
"Would you like a ride?" I finally asked.
"That would be great."
After about five minutes of silence along the way, she was the one to break the silence: "Thank you so much for the ride." What was buried deep beneath the congeniality of this statement sounded like a tinge of guilt.
I dwelled on this for perhaps a moment too long, because she followed it with this: "Look, I know what you're thinking. You probably didn't think I wanted to hear you ask me out, and you're right. You're a nice guy, I just don't think of you that way."
"I know," was the only thing that came to mind. I didn't follow this with anything right away, so that was it until we got to her house.
"Thanks again for the ride, I'll talk to you later."
"No you won't."
The words just came out and she was noticably startled. "What do you mean?"
"You're not going to talk to me again. That's what I mean."
"Why do you say that? We can still be friends." Friends. It was so easy for her to say this that she actually looked genuinely confused.
"Do you think that's what I wanted to ask you? To be friends?"
"You came alone tonight. Doesn't that mean you're not seeing anyone right now?"
"No, I'm not seeing anyone right now."
"So then why must we be friends? What could possibly hold you back? You don't find me attractive?"
She did not respond to this, but I could tell that I was getting to her. She kept looking down while she responded to me, and she seemed to be getting less defensive.
I continued: "Girl, you have no idea what you're missing with me. I may not be what you're looking for, but I'm not one of the guys that you want to pass up. You want to be just friends, but we don't have to be. I've wanted you for so long, and I'll rock your world if you'll let me." My complete mojo came out with this last line, as I even impressed myself.
I was clearly making her feel desired, but I wasn't about to let her relish this attention and just walk away satisfied while I go home empty-handed. So I said: "Oh well... you have a good night."
The engine continued idling, and I felt her stare at me while I waited for her to leave the car. She must have always wanted to know merely that she had it in the bag, and that was more important.
Except, I wasn't really waiting for her to leave. She started to leave, but before the disappointment with my Turn-The-Tables plan began to set in, she stopped. With one leg already out of the car, she looked like she wanted to say something but fought it back. This is the point she would have expected the guy to offer himself to her, but I didn't. Now she had to make a decision.
She must have believed that I had quite seriously gotten over her just like that, because she seemed to become shy and maybe even a bit embarrassed at having to ask what she asked me a moment later: "Would you like to come inside?"
I just smiled at her, turned off the car and got out. I opened her door for her and then she showed me to the front door. I could see a little bit of What-Did-I-Just-Agree-To in the way she fumbled with the keys, but there was also a little humor -- like this whole thing might one day be remembered the way you remember skinny-dipping or TP'ing a house with a bunch of people. She looked adorable as she clumsily put the key in the lock and was obviously out of her element.
Once inside, she seemed to have a need to apologize about everything. While walking me through the house, she said, "I don't really let anyone come in very often because I don't want them to see how much of a mess this place always is."
"Not even the guys you see?"
"Especially the guys! Normally, we would have to be dating for a while before I'd even think about it. Would you like some water? It's all I have to drink, I hope that's ok. I'm so sorry I don't have anything else."
"Water would be great." She led me to the bedroom, then left to get the water. Her bedroom was the most disheveled room in the house, but also smelled great. She had candles placed everywhere and the bed sheets looked fresh. I decided to light a few of the candles myself, and when she came back she said, "I wouldn't have taken you for a candle person."
I took the water and sat down on the edge of the bed, took a sip, then placed it on the nightstand. She paced back and forth and appeared to be a little nervous. Suddenly, she stopped, looked at me and said, with a little apprehension, "What would you like to do?" I saw no reason to beat around the bush, and I figured it might actually get me what I really want if I just tell her.
"I want to see you naked."
"You want me to take my clothes off?"
She looked apprehensive, but smiled slightly. Her eyes scanned me and her lips curled slowly into a sweet grin, she said "OK." As she slowly pulled her shirt off, she bit her lip and looked down, making her look as if this was the first time she's ever undressed in front of someone. She straightened her hair and reached for the clasp of her black satin bra, still smiling to herself. The bra slid gently off her body to the floor, revealing perfectly rounded breasts with perky dark brown nipples. Her skin looked so smooth and her tits so soft, I wanted to bury myself in them right away. But I waited.
She looked at me as if she was done, and I said, "go on."
She unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, then bent over to pull them down. I marveled at the curves up and down her body, the way her arms push her tits together, and how her hips hold on to the jeans only so long and then she pulls them down. I imagine her stepping out of her jeans every morning the same way she's stepping out of them now, casually. She flicked her hair behind her ear and looked at me again. She was also wearing black satin underwear, and I imagine that she's wearing them for me.
She slipped her thumbs behind the front of her panties and slid them to the sides and back to the middle slowly. She did this once or twice more with a slightly reluctant look on her face, and I motioned for her to continue. She began pulling them down from the sides, revealing inch by inch a small strip of bush followed by smooth brown lips. Her panties curled a bit until she brought them to the knees, then she let them fall free. She kicked them off her bare foot and then stood for a moment.
She was completely naked. I was delighted that she did not seem to mind letting me just look at her. In fact, I think she liked it.
At what felt like precisely the right moment, she stepped closer to me and said, "Do you want to touch me now?"
I put my hands on her hips and moved them up to her breasts. I caressed them and watched her smile while I moved my fingers over her nipples and played with them. Her smile faded, and she said, "keep going."
I returned my hands to her hips then slowly moved my right hand to her bush and then to her crotch. I put my hand on her vagina and kept it there for a moment, looking into her eyes. She was smiling, and bit her lip a little when I started rubbing her clit.
She sat down on my left and started kissing me, putting my hand back on her vagina and groping it with me. Then she reached for my pants and started to unzip them. She spread her legs a bit so I could finger her, and I felt her hand slip under the waistband and into my underwear where it grabbed my penis. She brought it gently out and began rubbing it slowly.
I was stimulating her clitoris and feeling her squirm in my hand when she stopped me, breathing heavily, and said, "That feels so good. I see what you mean!"
She stood up again and began taking my clothes off quickly. I laughed as my underwear got caught on my left foot and she giggled while struggling to free it. Not only were we both naked now, but we were having the same kind of light fun we would have had as friends. She was loosening up big time, I could feel it.
Her eyes found my hard penis, and she grinned discreetly when she glanced up at me. I let her ogle my body for a bit, pleased to be naked and to see her wanting me.
She stepped in between my legs and I felt her fingers against my thigh when she asked: "Can we have sex now? I'm surprised to say this, but I really really want you have sex with you."
"Are you just saying that because you feel guilty?"
Her smile dimmed slightly. "Maybe a little." She was opening up to me like I never could have imagined. "I thought you'd never say no, and tonight... you said no. You got my attention. The truth is, I can't really respect a man who tries to win me over by buying me things or whatever. I always fall for it, I know, but those guys don't make me feel special, like you're making me feel right now." She started running her fingers in circles up and down my hips and thighs while saying this last part, inching closer to my ever-hardening dick. In a tone both sweet and serious, she said: "I want you inside me." She said this as she made it to my penis, running her palm from its head down to my balls and up again.
"Ok," I replied.
The next thing I knew, I was in her mouth. Her warm moist tongue played with the head of my penis inside her mouth, and she gently moved it in and out. She was able to get it almost all the way to the root, and I could tell she never wanted it more. I know she's done this plenty of times, but it feels like this is the first time she's ever wanted it. She was all but crying for it. I held some of her hair up to my nose while she continued, which smelled like pomegranate and mango.
It felt so good that I was ready to come in minutes. I started to say, "you're going to make me come," but she kept moaning merrily, like she desperately wanted me to come. She repositioned herself when I said it, like someone watching their favorite football team on the verge of making a huge score. It seemed to be the best thing she's ever gotten to do, and I let her get ready for it.
My eyes were closed when I came, and all I could think of was the thin tunnel through which my entire being passed into the world. I was gripping the bed tightly and pleased to feel it being received by something warm and wet. I opened my eyes while I was finishing, and from my angle I could see her throat moving up and down. She stopped moving it in and out when I started and was now just drinking it like a baby drinks from its bottle. And there was a lot to drink this time.
Then she stopped and climbed on top of me, looked me dead in the eyes and said, "let's fuck."
My passion was matching hers, and I replied, "I want to fuck you so bad, Dalaja."
At that, she smiled again. "I'm so sorry I didn't let you fuck me sooner. But you're going to fuck me now." She reached for her water and took a drink, smiling and playing with the underside of my cock while she did. Before long I was just as hard again as before, and we were both pleased by this.
We repositioned so that I was lying further up the bed, with my head on the pillows. She crawled up beside me and began caressing my cock again. She clearly wanted to please me, and it was starting to make me want to please her just the same. I recalled the times when I genuinely wanted to please this women, back before I became so bitter about her inevitable rejection. Yet here she was now, stroking my cock and only wants to make me happy! She genuinely wants me.
She was sucking and licking my ear and kissing me all over when she climbed on top of me again. She started kissing me passionately, her tits touching my chest, and reached down for my cock. I had my hands on her hips when I felt myself entering her for the first time. She moved her hips up and down slowly as I felt myself going deeper and deeper. She looked blissful, like she had everything she's ever wanted in the world. This is her comfort place, and I'm seeing her as few men have ever seen her.
Our sweat was starting to mingle between us, and she sat up. She wasn't screaming or moaning yet, but she was definitely enjoying herself. My hands slid across her breasts and she started to ride harder. I put a finger in her mouth and she sucked it, and I could feel myself harden even more.
As she began moaning, I sat up in a modified lotus position, put my hands on her ass and began moving her hips with her. I immediately felt myself going deeper, and we were going faster and faster. Her bliss was morphing into orgiastic joy. Every few moments, she would look into my eyes and I would see pure delight and even an ounce of gratitude, and she would kiss me and hold me as close as two bodies can. She is happier than she ever has been, with me inside her.
She groaned the words, "Andy, you're going to make me come!"
I rolled her over and tossed her on her back and continued fucking her. She wrapped her legs around me and held me close as I kept going deeper and faster. She was in pure ecstasy, and so was I. I said her name and she said mine. I kept looking at her happy face, and the awareness hit me once again of who I was fucking. I thought about the last time I saw this Indian beauty before tonight, when she was polite but dismissive. She was just another gorgeous girl, but seeing her smile back at me now, and me knowing that I'm inside her making her come, got me hotter and harder than I've ever been in my entire life.