The Big Bang Theory: Bernadette's B

Fictional story about fictional characters

*****

Penny was very proud of herself: with all the hasty, hectic preparations surrounding Howard and Bernadette's wedding; she had succeeded in planning a bachelorette party for her best friend. She almost chuckled out loud, thinking about how Bernadette was sincerely her best friend. A couple years ago she never would have imagined herself being "besties" with a woman who possessed a doctorate and worked in a research lab. Everyone just thought of her as the "dumb blond farmgirl" who got by in life solely because of her appearance. They had met when Bernadette had taken a part/time job at the Cheesecake Factory where Penny was employed. Howard Wolowitz, or "nerd # 3" as Penny thought of him, had been selected to spend time aboard the orbiting space station because he had designed some of the equipment they were testing. The shuttle launch date had been rescheduled several times, and consequently the wedding date had been juggled. The bachelorette party had been planned in a hurry, but Penny was confident it was going to proceed without a hitch

The timing had actually worked out perfectly. The party coincided with a marathon film festival at one of the local theaters, featuring the showing of all six "Star Wars" movies consecutively. The nerd quartet (consisting of "nerd # 1" Sheldon Cooper; "nerd # 2" Leonard Hofstadter, who just happened to be Penny's endearing boyfriend; the aforementioned "nerd # 3"; and "nerd # 4" Raj Koothrappali) would definitely be attending for at least the first twelve hours (and who knows, maybe staying for the second showing of all six classics). The girls would be able to party in Penny's apartment without fear of being interrupted.

When Howard's overbearing mother discovered Penny was throwing Bernadette a party, she had insisted that it be held at her home. Penny had acquiesced to avoid any confrontation, and had invited several of Bernadette's fellow lab colleagues,and of course, their third musketeer, Amy Farrah Fowler (who was Sheldon's girlfriend). Amy was also a nerd; a neurobiologist, who had met Sheldon when the other nerds had submitted his name to an online dating service. Penny had adjusted her plans to accommodate Bernadette's future mother-in-law, and decided that after the party, the trio of friends would continue on to the Cheesecake Factory for a few drinks, and then retire to Penny's apartment for a private party. She wanted a more intimate atmosphere for this part of the celebration; one where they could all relax and completely lose their inhibitions.

While working at the Cheesecake Factory, Penny had made the acquaintance of a guy employed by a company called "Dancing Bear." They were party-planners who specialized in raunchy male-stripper based parties; perfect for bachelorette parties. Penny could not really afford to pay for the service, but had dated Will a couple of times and called to ask him if he would perform as a favor to her and Bernadette. He had always had the "hots" for Penny, and when he heard she would be attending the party, he readily agreed; and offered to bring along one of his fellow performers. Penny could not wait to see the reaction of the incredibly shy and reserved Amy, when one of the strippers thrust his thong in her direction. Penny and Bernadette suspected that Amy was still a virgin; and would probably remain that way if she continued to date Sheldon (who everyone considered virtually asexual). Amy yearned for a more intimate relationship from Sheldon, but he seemed incapable of a traditional sexual association.

Before leaving to pick up Bernadette and Amy, Penny walked across the hall to Sheldon and Leonard's apartment to say "good night" to her boyfriend. She was fairly certain that one day she would agree to marry, "her little nerd," Leonard because she loved him dearly. When she entered the apartment, the quartet of scientists were debating the pros and cons of attending the film festival in full costume. Sheldon, of course, was adamant about wearing his Obi-Wan Kenobi attire. He reminded everyone that he was going as the most intelligent and wise character. Leonard finally convinced the other two nerds that wearing their Storm Trooper costumes for, at least, twelve hours sitting in a movie theater would be worse than uncomfortable; not to mention the bathroom difficulties. When Leonard noticed Penny standing inside the door, his face lit up like a halogen bulb; and Penny was reminded once again why she was in love with this diminutive nerd.

Penny gave Leonard a lingering kiss, and Howard called out, "make sure you take good care of my future bride, tonight."

Even though he had toned down his lecherous demeanor, Howard still made Penny's skin crawl. Every time he looked at her, she just knew he was imagining her naked. "Don't worry," she replied, "I'll be sure to get her home safely." She smiled to herself, thinking of the night she had planned for his fiancee.

The party at the Wolowitz residence proceeded without a hitch and everyone appeared to enjoy themselves. Mrs. Wolowitz even made it downstairs to participate. Bernadette was showered with the usual bachelorette party gifts; most of which were intended to make her blush. Penny gave her a totally sheer , short black negligee; complete with crotchless panties. One of her work friends gave her, what she called, a "Howard substitute," which was a huge purple dildo. It was one of the flexible gel types, and must have been twelve inches long. Everyone had fits of laughter watching Bernadette wave it around. Although Amy seemed embarrassed, Bernadette just laughed along with her friends.

Even Mrs. Wolowitz joined in the fun, declaring in her irritating voice, "now you'll have something to keep you company when my Howard goes into space."

Since no alcohol was served at the Wolowitz home, Penny had made arrangements with the bartender at the Cheesecake Factory to make sure to add additional spirits to whatever drinks the girls ordered that evening. She wanted to make sure Bernadette and Amy were totally relaxed and receptive to the festivities she had planned back at her apartment. She had never seen Amy lose her inhibitions before and wondered how she would respond. Penny reasoned that some of "sensible Leonard" must be rubbing off on her, because she called a cab for the ride home, instead of driving them herself. Both Amy and Bernadette were more extroverted than usual in the Cheesecake Factory, and ended up being totally raucous in the taxi trip back to Penny's. Bernadette had more of a tolerance for alcohol, but Amy much more than a drink or two, or a couple glasses of wine. She went from being the shy, reserved scientist; to being a randy, chatterbox. She even made several lewd comments about one of the waiters.

The trio was in a totally comradely and blissful mood as they staggered up the stairs and into Penny's apartment, where they plopped down onto the sofa. Penny had suggested that the remainder of the evenings festivities consist of a slumber party sleepover. They had brought all of Bernadette's gifts and spread them out on the coffee table. Penny and Amy insisted that Bernadette wear her new negligee, and she giggled and agreed. Penny, not embarrassed in the least, immediately threw off her clothes and slipped on her favorite transparent, purple babydoll negligee. The matching panties were of the thong variety and her rosy nipples were completely visible through the sheer material. Penny's breasts were absolute perfection: 34 C and totally firm. Her bare legs shapely and endlessly long.

An inebriated Bernadette, also showed no modesty as she stripped completely and put on her new nightie. She was short in stature, but Penny and Amy saw that she was built like the proverbial "brick house," referenced in the Commodores famous song. Her huge 36 D breasts seemed disproportionate to her petite body; making her seem top-heavy; and her ass was larger than they ever expected.

Like Penny, they could see her pubic area was completely shaved. The negligee was so short that when she moved, even slightly, her slit was exposed because of the crotchless panties.

Penny saw something shiny between Bernadette's legs, and exclaimed, "Bernadette, you little slut; is that a piercing I see?"

Proving that alcohol does indeed suppress the inhibitions, Bernadette sat down on the sofa, unhesitatingly spread her legs and replied, "oh, this old thing? Yes, I've had this since a drunken college escapade."

Although mildly disconcerted, Penny and Amy kneeled in front of her and found themselves inspecting Bernadette's pussy. Their first impression was that her labia were almost unnaturally long; almost like flaps; Penny secretly wondered if she could actually tie them in a knot. Secondly, her left lip had a small gold ring attached to it.

Amy blurted out, "wow, Penny; and Sheldon thinks you're the slut."

Penny, only slightly annoyed, quipped, "thanks for that, Amy. Bernadette, how does it feel? Wasn't it incredibly painful?"

"It was uncomfortable for a couple days afterward; but I was drunk for one of those days, so I really didn't notice. Now, I don't even notice it's there," Bernadette explained; and she demonstrated by reaching down and giving the ring a tug, extending her long lip even farther.

"How has Howard not leaked this to the others," Penny wanted to know.

"Oh, I told him that if anyone ever found out about it, I would remove it forever," Bernadette answered, "and it really turns him on."

She closed her legs, and they waited for Amy to change. She had brought her flannel pajamas adorned with pictures of microscopes and beakers.

Penny insisted, "oh no you don't. If you're going to wear flannel, you can only wear the top. We all have to be sexy at this slumber party."

Since Amy was under the influence, she readily agreed, and removed the pajama bottoms and tossed them behind the sofa. Penny and Bernadette giggled slightly when they saw her plain white "granny panties," and Penny assured her, "I'm going to get you a pair of my sexy panties to wear... and yes, they're clean."

She ran into her bedroom and returned with a pair of red satin bikini panties for Amy. When she was changing, they couldn't help notice the jungle growing between her legs, and Bernadette joked, "what species of bird made that nest between your thighs?"

"OK, that's our first party game for tonight," Penny suggested, "we are going to help Amy do some ladyscaping. Is that your cell phone I see in your breast pocket?"

Amy replied, "of course. I have to keep it just in case Sheldon needs to reach me."

"You're kidding right," Penny asked, "you know he's wearing his Obi Bobi, or whoever, costume. You know when he's wearing his costume, he's in character; and that character doesn't even know you exist. His underwear is hand stitched from the same material, you know."

"How are you acquainted with my Sheldon's undergarments," Amy wanted to know.

"Oh he told everyone all about the authenticity of his costume at the comic book store's Halloween party a couple years ago," Bernadette informed here.

Penny first retrieved a pre-cut bowl of lemon slices from the refrigerator, three shot glasses, and a bottle of tequila from her kitchenette and placed them on the coffee table alongside Bernadette's gifts. Then she collected a couple towels, a dishpan half-full of warm water, a pair of scissors, Leonard's can of shaving cream, and a new disposable razor. After a couple of tequila shots, they slid Amy's new red panties off her surprisingly shapely legs, sat her on the sofa with her legs spread wide, and began to trim her jungle with the scissors. When they had groomed her dark pubic hair close to her skin, they collected the impressive amount of hair in one of the towels, and had her sit on the other one. Bernadette shook the can of cream and sprayed a generous coating all over Amy's crotch.

As Amy downed another shot, she giggled and remarked, "ooo, that's cold and gives me goose-bumps."

Not wanting to completely depilate her, Penny very carefully began to shave the remaining stubble into a very neat triangle surrounding Amy's slit. When she was finished, Bernadette wet a corner of the towel, and wiped the remnants of cream from Amy's groin. Penny brought a small bottle of baby-oil from the bedroom and smoothed a generous amount around Amy's pubic mound just in case there was any razor burn. Bernadette reached into her purse for her compact, and handed Amy the small mirror so she could inspect her newly shorn pubic area.

A very tipsy Amy held the mirror down between her legs, and a wide grin stretched across her face as she gently fingered her labia and slurred, "well hello there... I haven't seen you in years." She was so captivated by the results, she didn't even bother putting her panties back on.

As Penny put some music on, the friends started dancing around and poured another round of tequila, when the doorbell rang out. They were all so wasted at this point that all modesty was out the window, and they didn't even bother covering up their skimpy nightclothes as Penny opened the door. Two male police officers stepped into the apartment, and Penny immediately recognized Will in uniform/costume. She smiled slyly as he announced, "we've had some complaints about the noise."

Bernadette and Amy stopped dead in their tracks, suddenly feeling guilty for being so drunk, but never even offering to turn the music volume down. Amy blurted out , "we're very sorry officer, what can we do to atone for our indiscretion."

In one sweeping motion Will tore off his breakaway police costume shirt, and bare chested replied, "well you can start by pointing out the soon-to-be bride."

Amy was too startled to verbalize a reply, so as her eyes scanned his torso, she merely pointed toward Bernadette.

Will immediately advanced toward the smiling Bernadette and began to dance and sway his hips as he circled her. His partner, a towering black man, introduced himself to Penny as Javy, and also started to dance around the bride-to-be. He whipped off his shirt revealing a chiseled, shaved chest. Will was about five feet ten inches tall, and Javy made him appear small. He must have been at least six foot six. Both of them dwarfed the petite body of Bernadette.

Bernadette's face had blushed momentarily, but she was now dancing between the two half naked men, and scolded Penny, "you arranged this didn't you... why didn't you tell me."

It was a rhetorical question, and she was really getting into the dancing; her huge breasts bouncing uncontrollably inside the skimpy material.

Amy stood to the side, her mouth actually hanging open, observing the two hunks gyrating around Bernadette. Penny put her arm around Amy and inquired, "so, how are those lady parts feeling?"

"My loins are on fire; and I mean in a sensual way, not in a urinary tract infection kind of response," Amy absentmindedly answered.

"OK," was all Penny said as she grabbed Amy's hands and they began to dance together.

Will shouted out, "Penny, we need a chair," as he continued to grind against Bernadette.

Penny grabbed a chair from her kitchen table, moved the coffee table to the side,and placed the chair in front of the sofa. Will and Javy each took one of Bernadette's tiny hands and led her to the chair, where she willingly sat. Penny and Amy took a seat on the sofa and watched as the men began to perform a bump-and-grind strip in front of Bernadette. They kicked off their shoes, and removed their belts; pretending to flog Bernadette with them. They thrust their pelvises in her face and indicated they wanted her to unsnap and unzip their uniform pants. She didn't even blush as her fingers deftly opened their flys. Both men then slowly and tantalizingly lowered their trousers, revealing the tiny thongs they had concealed. As they kicked their pants away, Penny could not help but notice the sizable "packages" their thongs were straining to hide.

It was confirmed that Bernadette was totally inebriated when she reached for Will's thong pouch and shouted, "take it off, you piece of man meat."

Will gyrated his hips, teasing Bernadette, and then thrusting his groin at her grinning visage; lowered his thong and draped it over her shoulder. When he removed his underwear, his quite sizable penis flopped out directly in front of Bernadette's face. It must have been a good eight inches in length, still flaccid. He moved aside to let Javy stand in front of her, and she surprised everyone when she reached up to his hips and began to tug his thong down his long legs. All three women audibly gasped when his meat poured out and hung between his legs. It was still soft and yet it was at least a foot long. As they swayed their hips in Bernadette's face, their cocks looked like pendulums swinging between their legs.

Penny heard Amy moan, "wow," and when she looked beside her; Amy's hand was in her crotch rubbing her oily pussy.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Penny agreed, " the last time I saw a cock that big was back in Nebraska... on a horse."

Bernadette, drunk and horny, reached up with both hands and wrapped her fingers around both cocks. As she began to stoke them, they seemed to grow like magic. Will's cock grew in her hand to at least ten inches, and his crown resembled a ripe peach. In her other hand, her fingers would not nearly encircle Javy's monster. It was still about a foot long, but was now as big around as her forearm; it was as if a balloon had inflated. She opened her mouth, licked the slit on his head, and then sucked the crown past her lips. The contrast between her pale skin, and blond hair; and his coal black cock was striking. She continued to stroke Will, while sucking Javy's crown and fondling his scrotum.

Penny sat on the sofa and absentmindedly rubbed her jellybean sized nipples through the purple gauze. She leaned over to the preoccupied Amy and whispered, "I know this is none of my business sweetie, but are you still a virgin?"

Amy snapped put of her stupor and responded, "well since this is the type of information that I assume friends share: I have never been with a man, if that's what you mean. I'm saving myself for Sheldon; but I am technically not a virgin... a girl has needs, you know. I know how to achieve orgasm."

Penny pursed her lips and answered, "ok then... good to know. I guess you're not interested in sampling either of these two hunks."

Will and Javy were busy sliding the straps of Bernadette's nightie off her shoulders and exposing her impressive breasts. Her brown areola were the size of silver dollars and her erect nipples were long and hard. They hefted her massive tits like they were weighing them and proceeded to knead them like mounds of bread dough. Penny could hear Bernadette moan around Javy's log as they pinched her nipples. She pulled Javy from her mouth and stood on wobbly legs, never letting go of the two poles.

Penny suggested, "maybe we should go into the bedroom where we can be more comfortable."

Bernadette, almost breathless, shook her head in the affirmative and asked, "I deserve a last fling... right?"

Penny knew in her heart that neither she or Bernadette would ever cheat on their respective mates again, as she confirmed, "yes, we both do. What happens in Penny's apartment; stays in Penny's apartment."

Bernadette, knowing that Amy could never keep a secret from Sheldon; looked straight into Amy's eyes and ordered firmly, "this means you, too."

Amy shook her head up and down, grabbed the tequila bottle, and followed everyone into Penny's bedroom. The floor was a mess; clothes and magazines strewn everywhere; but they followed Penny's lead and just shoved everything out of the way with their bare feet as they went straight for the bed. Bernadette was still holding Will and Javy by their penises, her black nightgown bunched around her waist. As she stood by the bed, she released their cocks so Will and Javy could pull her nightie down to the floor along with her sexy, crotchless panties. They gently urged her pale body to sit on the side of the bed and pulled her legs apart. Will sat beside her and fondled her huge jugs, as Javy kneeled between her legs and ,starting at the knees, kissed his way up her thighs. As he approached her bald mound, she parted her legs even farther to permit access. He slowly took her gold ring in his teeth and tugged; stretching her lip to it's limit. He nudged his nose into her glistening slit, and slid his tongue all the way from her ass hole, up her slit, until he reached where her very prominent clit was protruding from its sheath.