tagHumor & SatireThe Bra Salesman Ch. 03

The Bra Salesman Ch. 03

bybobrobertson©

***The thank-you I had included in my previous story didn't make it (probably user error), so I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented and emailed me. I appreciate the support, and I hope you all enjoy the continued stories! :)***

Chapter 3: Practice Makes Perfect

"Hey there, Albert! Come on in!" Tasha greets me at the door with one of the loveliest, most friendly smiles I've ever seen. It's the kind of smile that seems to have its own source of light, glowing with the warmth of such pure generosity that it changes the entire dynamic of....

Ok, truth be known, I am only assuming that's what her smile looks like. I have no fucking idea what she is doing with her face right now because I am too mesmerized by what she's wearing. And what is covering her naked, perfectly-curved busty body is a barely-clasped translucent robe that just touches the tops of her thighs and nothing else.

She's still talking about something or other, I think about how her day at work was, but I'm not really listening right now. I'm lost in thought about how I've been able to convince this naïve, beautiful, busty woman that I'm a bra salesman who can demonstrate exercises that will help her fit into her lingerie, which involve my thrusting my dick into her mouth. Did I mention she was... what's a nice way of saying stupid? Obtuse? Simpleton? Dullardly? *Is* there a nice way of saying someone is dumber than a sack of bricks? Hrmm, I guess not.

Some might judge me as a heartless beast preying upon the kindness, if not slow-wittedness, of a sweet innocent woman. All I can say in my defense is two things: first, you're abso-fucking-luetly right, I am a horrible, despicable person with no soul or any sense of decency or morality, you'll get no argument from me on that point whatsoever. And secondly, if you had seen her breasts and pussy, you would have done the exact same thing. At least that's what I like to tell myself.

So today I spent the morning at work figuring out exactly how I wanted this evening to play out, and I even bought something online for a future scheme. But for tonight, I think I have it all planned. I am so nervous now, I can't even see straight. And by that, I mean I can't focus on anything other than her thinly-veiled breasts jiggling in front of me right now. God, my hands are all wet and slimy now. Ugh, it's like I shook hands with a slug.

It must be the pressure of pulling off this plan of mine. Look, let's be honest. I am no Casanova, ok? I know that. I am not awash with ladies throwing themselves at me. I am not particularly handsome, I don't have the kind of a job that would make anyone more advanced than "Fry Cook" swoon, and I wouldn't even claim to be all that smart. And one look at the pitiful chasm I refer to as my "bank account" will convince you I'm not rich just as soon as you stop your gut-wrenching laughter.

Other than being able to shovel unbelievable amounts of bullshit, I don't have a lot going on for me. I know that, ok? So I really, really need this to work. I have been unbelievably lucky up to this point, and I really, really want this plan to succeed. Part of it is to prove to myself I'm capable of pulling off something like this, but mostly it's because I really, really want to fuck her. Hey, I never claimed to be a complex man.

I called her a few hours ago and told her to go ahead and get undressed by the time I came over so we could get started. No sense in wasting time, right? As I enter her apartment, seeing her standing naked under that transparent robe, clearly she had done exactly what I asked her to do. I hear her say, "You know what I mean, right? So thank you for coming over again, I really appreciate it!" Wait, had she been talking this whole time? Shit, I have no idea what she said or what ridiculous smile I had frozen on my awestruck face.

"No problem, I'm happy to do it!" I quickly answer, hoping that makes sense after whatever it was she was talking about.

I watched her slip off her robe and say, "So what exercise do you want to do first?" Now she's standing in front of me, utterly naked, and I am transfixed by her huge 48-inch udders. I feel my jaw hit the ground as my tongue unrolls across her apartment carpet like some stupid cartoonish hounddog from the 50s. Pull yourself together, man, if you're going to make this work. "I have some ideas, do you mind if I get naked as well?"

"Uh, I guess. Why do you have to get naked?" So glad you asked, since I had spent time that I should have spent working on budgets and proposals at work thinking about how to answer questions like that. Take a deep breath and dive in, buddy boy.

"We're doing more than stretching muscles, remember. We're also doing some therapeutic work on your inner energy, and that requires a deep level of trust and sharing. Now our bodies will be able to communicate more effectively and help keep us in balance and harmony." I had been practicing that pile of crap all day, and now that I'm hearing out loud, it sounds more outrageously idiotic than it did when it was still roaming around my perverted brain.

"That sounds great!" Oh right, outrageously idiotic is the theme I'm working with here.

I stare at her gorgeous figure while I take off my clothes. Don't be too eager, just slowly take off your shirt and pants. That's right, unbutton your shirt and deftly drop it to the carpet. Now for the pants, slowly, slowly... goddamnit, I hate when my ankle gets stuck in my pants. Now I look like a dork hopping around in my underwear and black socks trying to get these pants off. So much for being Mr. Smooth. Ugh, finally got them off.

And now for... oh man, there's no way I can hide this stiffie I have now. I'm supposed to be a professional, not some horny schmuck. "I'm... uh... I apologize for my... arousal." God, I hate the sound of my voice sometimes.

She laughed, "That's ok, I confess I get a little turned on by these exercises too!" She covered her mouth and giggled. Her cheeks became red again, and I could tell she was afraid I was going to think of her as a slut for being aroused by my completely non-sexual professionally-certified exercises. And the truth is, after yesterday I did think of her as a slut, but slutty in a good way. And by that I mean a slut I wanted to fuck.

"I was thinking we should start with the Buhjay." I was going to remind her what that entailed, but she thought for a moment and then smiled with recognition. Then she immediately got down on her knees in front of me. She grabbed my stiffening cock and instantly wrapped her gorgeous lips around it.

As she bobbed her head back and forth, I groaned as I spoke, "Remember to... oh yeah... to focus on letting your... oh yeah... your inner chi expunge... oh yeah... all negative energeeeeesus Christ!" She was moving faster and faster and I thought I was going to cum already. Good lord, but she gives an amazing blowjob.

She stopped and removed my penis from her mouth, "Am I doing this right?" She looked up at me looking for my approval. I'm thinking that she could be on the fast track to being a millionaire if she ever took up prostitution, but that somehow seemed inappropriate to say out loud.

I smiled, "You're doing great. One variation of the technique involves you grabbing my hips and opening your throat as much as possible, pushing your face forward as much as possible and holding still." When she deep-throated me yesterday, I swore to myself I would figure out a way to convince her to do that again. And by golly I am not going to give up until I shove myself into her so deep that my cock manages to tickle her liver.

"I'll give it a try," she said eagerly and again devoured my cock. Sure enough, she pushed her face forward so much that my pubic hairs were pressed against her cheeks. I could feel the pressure building in her mouth, and my cock must have swollen to the size of a small daschund. Or at least that's how it felt. She held me there for about five seconds before she relented. "Like that?"

"Yes, keep trying, see how long you can hold still." And I'll see how long I can go without ejaculating jism all over your face. Which at the current rate is going to be approximately three seconds.

With a look of determination, she opened her mouth wide and swallowed as much of my cock down her throat as she could. She managed to hold still for eleven seconds this time as she forcefully sucked on my very grateful dick. Wow, I can't believe I held back and didn't cum yet. Instead of three seconds, I lasted eleven seconds, a 366% increase in time that I... why the fuck am I doing statistical analysis right now?

She released me, took a deep breath, and then shoved my cock into her throat even further and held it there for twelve seconds. I could feel every throb of my cock beating against the muscles of her throat, and I didn't think I could prevent myself from cumming, but she pulled off of me at the very last second. "Am I doing this correctly?" she asks as she gasps for air.

I had to take a deep breath and relax my body so that I wouldn't ruin this tender moment by shooting wads of cum into her eyes. "Yes, you're doing great. Now try moving back and forth as fast as you can." I took another deep breath and drove my cock into her wonderfully hospitable mouth again.

Her head was thrusting back and forth so fast that her entire body was shaking, and I was transfixed watching her huge tits sway wildly. Each time her face slammed against my pelvis, her breasts would tremor and jiggle from the force. I know happiness is a subjective concept that changes from person to person, but I am more convinced than ever that an absolute, universal scale of joy exists in the universe, and at the very top of that scale is this woman's massive tits jiggling and shaking as she swallows your cock deep down inside her warm, wet mouth and her tongue lapping around your stiff shaft.

She did this for about two minutes before I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I stifled a groan, but I couldn't stifle the giant eruption of cum that filled her entire mouth and was seeping out of the corners of her gorgeous lips.

I squeezed every drop of cum I could out of my dick before I realized that she probably didn't appreciate me unloading my load in her. But when I looked down at her, I don't think she realized what had happened, because she didn't stop. She kept right on crashing her head into my body as her lips sucked tremendously on my now-jismless cock.

How could she not have felt what just happened? Maybe she was actually in a meditative state. Could it be that I actually stumbled onto a truly relaxing series of exercise that could put people in a blissful state that helps them surpass the tumultuous chains that, in essence, is human existence? Have I found a path for inner peace that could help transform the world into a more perfect state of being? Oh God, this must the delusional thinking of my post-coitus brain. There is no fucking way that the path to eternal bliss involves someone sucking my cock. Duh. Get over yourself.

After a minute or so, my cock started getting limp, and that's when she noticed what had happened. She released my dick from her mouth and looked up at me with sadness, "Damnit! It happened again!" she said as trickles of cum spilled out of her mouth and onto her colossal tits. "I am so sorry!"

"It's ok, you're really doing well." I said sympathetically. When I was planning my day, I thought about avoiding this scenario. I mean, why set it up so that I would cum into her mouth after only arriving at her place ten minutes ago? But as I kept thinking about it all day, I realized this is just the opening act. And my fiendish brain came up with all sorts of ideas. Y'know, if I put half this much thought and energy into doing good deeds, I'd probably have cured cancer or brought peace to the Middle East by now. But truthfully, having this woman with incredibly large breasts suck my cock is so much better. "We can practice some more later. How about we move on to another exercise?"

"Ok," she said, still disappointed with herself that she let this happen again. "Just let me clean myself off." And this is where my forward thinking is going to be helpful.

I clear my throat, "Actually, I have another idea. You know that water is a natural cleansing agent, right?"

"Oh yes, I use it for cleaning all the time." Don't you fucking roll your eyes right now, cum-for-brains. You look interested as she tells you obvious tidbits of information.

"Exactly. Well," I continued, "studies have shown that doing these exercises in water have an equally cleansing effect. Water amplifies the benefits to your muscle, it cleanses your entire system of toxic elements, and it dramatically increases the purification of your energies." Amazing what a little Google research can add to your repertoire of lying bullshit.

"Wow, that sounds great!" Boy, she really does seem excited. And by that, I mean her quivering breasts with the erect nipples seem excited because that's all I'm really paying attention to.

"Some clinics up in the northwest have found greater benefits when doing these exercises in the shower. So I was thinking we should go there and you can clean yourself while I demonstrate how to do these exercises using the natural abilities of water." If my boss knew how little work I did today coming up with these nuggets of inspirational crap, he would never stop burying his foot in my ass. Or hell, maybe he'd see what she looked like and then promote me for my ingeniousness.

"That would be amazing!" and I think she actually trotted to the bathroom. Or maybe she skipped. I don't know, I was just watching her gorgeous figure jiggle with every step as we made our way to the bathroom.

We smiled at each other as we both stepped into the shower stall. It didn't take long to start the water and get it nice and steamy. I was standing behind her, as the water splashed onto her front. I found some shampoo nearby and rubbed my hands together to lather up some suds. Then I reached around her and began kneading her enormous breasts with my sudsy hands.

As I dug my fingers into her soft, wet flesh, I tried to remember exactly how I did this particular exercise yesterday, but for the life of me I can't recall. So I just tugged on her nipples, lifted her breasts up off her torso a little, and then kept rubbing my palms against her tits as I burrowed my fingers deeper into her fleshy mounds.

Ooooh, this is even better than I remembered. Whatever erotic images I had in my head about how this plan would go, actually having her wet, slick breasts in my soap-slippery hands is infinitely superior.

She threw her head back, and wet strands of golden hair were sticking to my chest. I looked down at her, and her eyes were closed and she had a big grin on her face. I continued massaging her damp chest, glistening with soap, and she softly moaned several times. Oof, watch the elbow against the shower stall.

"Try putting your hands behind me." I whispered to her. "That should really help with the stretching." She did so obediently and her huge tits jutted out even further. I grasped her erect nipples between my fingers and rubbed them. Every so often I would squeeze a little hard, and she would open her mouth and gasp, but she didn't protest.

Ouch, I keep hitting my elbows against the shower tiles. I didn't realize how cramped it would be in here. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, it's just hard to ooof maneuver around her immense torso in this tiny place. Ow! I should have worn fucking elbow pads in here.

After a while, I had rubbed soap all over her massive chest and my hands were now sliding all over her breasts. Damn, it's difficult to grab a hold of her tits. Goddamnit, her nipples keep sliding through my fingers every time I grab them. Fuck, they're too soapy. I'm going to have to pinch them really hard in order to keep those erect nipples in my fingers. Hey, she's actually moaning a little louder now.

I decide to pull her tits apart and then plunge both of my hands deep into her cleavage and rub the tender skin on her inner breasts. Ooh, I think she likes this. She was gasping as I dug my fingers into her skin, and I felt her fingers dig into my back. Ouch, watch it with the nails. Ouch! I'm going to have OW scratch marks etched OW into my spine for weeks OUCH! But I keep reminding myself that having these mammoth tits in my fingers will make the many jars of aloe I'll need for my back all worthwhile.

I have to tuck my elbows in a little to keep them from rubbing against the sides of the shower stall, since it's a little tight in here. Which reminds me, I think it's about time to move on to the next exercise. I put my mouth next to her ear and said, "And now, let's do the Pumpmaclit Drill. I think you'll find the results to be particularly vitalizing in here." And then we'll see how tight it is there as well.

"You can do anything you like." She said in an almost trance-like manner. As the shower continued shooting water all over her chest and running down the front of her body, I kept my left hand kneading her nipples as I slid my right hand between her massive cleavage, down her flat stomach, and inserted two fingers into her drenching wet pussy.

I pushed my fingers in and out of her five times, and then thrust inside her as deep as I could and pushed my fingers apart. I did that again, and she spread her legs apart as far as she could in the cramped space. The more I thrust myself inside her, the more she gyrated her hips to welcome me in. The water from the shower was making her cunt completely soaked, but even so I could tell how wet she was inside with pleasure.

My once-limp cock was now starting to tingle back to life, which was what I had hoped. I wanted to give my dick a little rest as I got her as hot and stimulated as I could and ready to fuck. By the time this shower would end, she'll be screaming my name and begging me for some holistic exercise that involves me shoving my cock into her holistically.

"You're doing so well with this exercise, I'm going to push a little harder now." She moaned in approval, and I began plunging my fingers inside her more forcefully. She gasped and clenched her pelvic muscles around my fingers. I figured she was so turned on by now, I could probably fuck her in the ass right here and now and she'd thank me profusely for doing so. But I'll save that until oops, my ankle just slid a little and hit her foot.

I squeezed her breast as hard as I could as I slammed my fingers inside her again and again and again, and she yelped with appreciation. "Yeeeees," she softly muttered, so I shoved myself inside her even harder. "Yeeees!!!" she said a little louder. "Yes! Yes! YES!" By now I was slamming my hand against her pelvis so hard, I was afraid I might bruise her, but she was loving everything I was doing.

Whoa, my whole foot slid there. Crap there's so much soap around here it's getting harder to stand up. Her hands were still behind me, but now her fingers were digging into my hips and buttocks. She arched her back a little, and now I had a better angle to go even deeper inside her, which I did. Jesus, both of my feet are now sliding. I'm trying not to slide around like some goofy nitwit, but it's really getting hard to stand up here.

But I don't want to stop now, so I slammed into her again and again and again, each time she grunted loudly and proclaimed, ""YES!" Maybe I should spread my feet and brace them against the sides of the stall. That seems to be helpinHOLY FUCK I just about fell down.

Her entire body was shaking now, and her tits were shaking back and forth. Her hips shook with pleasure and she ferociously moved her pelvis with every thrust, allowing me to go harder and deeper inside her. Christ, I'm shoving with such force that it's impossible for me to stand here without slipping every which way. I wish my fucking feet would work with me here by allowing me to stand upright like a normal hominid.

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