Catherine felt dejected as she sat in the secluded booth of the café. She checked her watch. It was almost 2 o'clock. She hadn't done anything like this in 20 years, that is to say, break up with a man. It had been more difficult than she'd ever thought possible. She'd clearly broken his heart; he'd left the café in a quick huff. Catherine knew she'd done the right thing, but it still pained her to hurt Thomas like that, but the simple fact was that she'd crossed a line with him that no mother ever should. Catherine nervously drank her cup of tea for the next half-hour or so, just trying to soak in how things had gotten to this point with her son.
Catherine's marriage to her husband Brian had never been especially unhappy, just passionless. She'd been content with that throughout her 20's and 30's, but by the time she'd reached forty Catherine felt stuck in a rut. She'd tried everything to re-kindle, or more like kindle for the very first time, any type of spark between herself and Brian, but he seemed more disinterested in her now than ever before. He wasn't a cruel man, just a cold one. Even at forty, Catherine was still an attractive woman, but it wasn't just her dried up sex life that was keeping them apart. They'd never really connected as a husband and wife should, even when they first got married. It was just more apparent now than when she was younger.
As things got worse with Brian, Catherine got lonelier and lonelier. The only good thing that seemed to come out this was that she grew closer to her son Thomas. She never dreamed it would ever become more than that; never dreamed that the spark of passion that had so long eluded her in her relationship with her husband would suddenly ignite with her own son. Yet somehow, over the course of several months, it had happened. At first things remained platonic, but the more time they spent together the more things just seemed to "click" between them. She began to see qualities in Thomas that started to make her wonder what it would be like to have something more with him. He was loving, sensitive... all of the things she cared for in a man. Thomas was a strapping young lad too; as Catherine's affections for him changed her appreciation for his developing physique changed as well. Actually, she "noticed" Thomas much earlier than that, but now her desires became harder and harder to control. It felt awkward at first, having such un-motherly thoughts about her own son, but at the time Catherine never believed anything would come of it. She was wrong.
One night when the two of them were alone in the house it had happened. There was a storm outside, and the power to the house had gone out. The two of them had come home from the movies, soaked to the bone and shivering from the wind and the rain. After changing into some dry clothes Catherine went to pour them some brandy to heat themselves while Tom set about to get the fireplace going. And so they sat on a rug in front of the crackling fire, talking and drinking. Tom had a large cotton blanket wrapped around them to help keep them warm, although between the fire and the brandy it probably wasn't necessary. It was nice and toasty, nestled together like this, and altogether romantic. Catherine hadn't intended for anything sexual to happen, but when Tom took the initiative and pressed his hot lips to hers, she couldn't help but melt into his arms. As cliché as it sounds, nothing wrong had ever felt so right. Even thinking about it now brought a tear to Catherine's eye; she could almost still hear the sound of the falling rain that night as she and Thomas tenderly explored their passions for each other in front of the crackling fire. Nothing about it felt awkward; in fact, it had all been so... perfect. The next few weeks were as tumultuous as they were exciting as Catherine did her best to bridle her young, strapping lover. His exuberance was infectious, however, and despite all the risks she was taking in this relationship Catherine was having the time of her life.
After nearly a month, things started calming down, and Catherine started to reflect more on what was she was doing. It wasn't right, and more importantly, it wasn't fair to Thomas. She tried to tell him how she felt, but was too worried about hurting his feelings. Perhaps it was a more than that... the exhilarating ride of the last month had it's addictive properties as well, and for a time Catherine was unsure whether or not she was willing to give it up. Luckily, her senses finally had won out, hence the rendezvous with Thomas today. It had been hard on him, hard on both of them. Catherine finished her tea and set off for home. This was certainly unlike any breakup she'd had before, and with Thomas still living at home things were going to be hairy for a while. After what had just transpired, Catherine felt nervous about even having to face him again.
The next few days were extremely difficult. Thomas barely spoke to Catherine anymore, his despondent behavior getting progressively worse. Even Brian, who had never gotten particularly involved as a parent, noticed that something was terribly wrong with his son. He'd asked Thomas about it, but of course Thomas said nothing. Eventually, he approached Catherine.
"Catherine, what's going on between you and Tom?" he asked. "Is he avoiding you or something?"
"Well, if you must know, we had a bit of an argument," Catherine replied, "But it's nothing to worry about; he'll be fine in a day or so."
"Are you sure, dear? Maybe I can help." Brian said.
"Um, no, it'll be fine," Catherine answered. Of all the times Brian could've helped with Thomas, he had to pick this one. Catherine shook her head as she chuckled softly to herself, wondering how shocked Brian's face would be if he learned that the reason their son was upset was because she couldn't be his lover anymore. Catherine quickly admonished herself for seeing anything humorous in such a scene. Her sense of humor could be a bit perverse at times, although considering the moral indiscretions she'd committed over the last month... a ribald sense of humor was the least of Catherine's worries.
Nothing changed for the next two days, and Catherine was beginning to worry. Moreover, Brian was asking her more and more questions about what had happened between her and Tom. Catherine had thought that giving her son some time and space alone to work things out was the best idea, but it wasn't working. It was time to have a talk with him again. It was a Saturday. Brian was out playing golf with his friends and Thomas was in his room studying. Catherine mustered enough courage and walked up the stairs to her son's room. When she got there, she lightly rapped on the closed door.
"Thomas? Can I come in?" Catherine asked.
"Uh... yeah. It's open," Thomas replied. Catherine opened the door and shut it behind her. Tom was sitting on his bed with a number of textbooks open, doing his homework. His eyes briefly darted up at her when she came in, but then returned to the book he was reading.
"Tom, we need to have a talk," Catherine said. Her son's expression remained the same. A bit irritated, Catherine barked, "I expect you to look at me when I'm speaking to you." Thomas closed the book in front of him and looked up. Catherine could see the pain in his eyes, the same pain that had been there on the day she'd broken up with him. Knowing that she was the cause of such pain to her son was almost enough to make Catherine cry.
"Dear, this has to stop," Catherine said, her voice becoming soft again. "It's time for you to move on."
"How can I?" Thomas replied, fighting back his own tears now. "How can I go on wondering how something so great could just end so suddenly? I wish I knew how to fix it; make things right again. I wish I knew what I did to make you not want to be with me anymore."
"Dear, we've already been through this. You didn't do anything 'wrong.' In fact, our time together was wonderful." Catherine quickly regretted saying that sentence. After pausing for a moment she continued.
"Thomas, we can't continue what we've been doing. It's not fair to you, not fair to your father."
"Oh, don't give me that crap about him!" Thomas exclaimed. "You've been miserable with Dad for years."
"I've never cheated on him before," Catherine said.
"Doesn't mean you're happy," Thomas sharply replied. "Tell me something, if I wasn't your son would you be cheating on Dad with me?"
"I don't know... maybe," Catherine stammered, clearly caught off guard by the question and feeling a bit ashamed by her response. "I never intended for any of this to happen. If somebody had told me a year ago that you and I would become lovers I would have said they were crazy. I just got lonely, and you were there. And before I knew it, everything got out of control."
"I was there," Thomas repeated in a semi-mocking tone. "Gee, nice to know you think so highly of me."
"Oh Tom, it's not like that at all," Catherine said reassuringly. "You're a remarkable young man, and you'll make a great husband some day. That's why this has to stop. I know you don't want to believe it, but it's for your own good. It's time you found a girl your own age and had a real relationship."
"I know what you're trying to say Mom, but it's hard. It's hard to think that maybe if I done things better, you wouldn't be so quick about wanting to stop. I mean, was there something I could've done better?" Thomas paused, trying to find the right words, "Was I not good enough at... it?"
"Oh, my goodness," Catherine huffed back. "I can't believe you're thinking such things. Thomas, I probably shouldn't be talking to you like this anymore, but you were a wonderful lover." His face brightened up a bit at her words. With a bit of a sly grin, Catherine added, "I know you don't have much experience with girls, but I thought at least you could tell when a woman is enjoying herself."
"I dunno," Tom said, still speaking in a dispirited tone. "After everything that's happened I've been questioning everything I've done, trying to figure out if I did something you didn't like. I even starting thinking that maybe I wasn't any good and that you were faking it just to make me feel better."
"Thomas dear, I wasn't faking. If I were that good an actress I'd be winning Academy Awards. When things settle down for you and you find a nice girl, she'll appreciate what a great a lover you are. As long as you remember to be considerate of her needs, you have nothing to worry about." He seemed to be in better spirits now, so Catherine began exiting the room.
"I have to make dinner now, Thomas. I know things will be tough for a while, but let's at least try to be friends. OK?"
"OK," Thomas replied. Catherine stepped outside and was closing the door when Tom blurted out, "Uh, Mom, can I ask you one last thing?"
"Sure, sweetie, what is it?" she replied.
"Were you OK with, um, you know..." Thomas asked, momentarily glancing down towards his lap. Catherine was a bit shocked by the question. The truth was, Thomas was remarkably well endowed.
"You've got nothing to worry about dear. In fact, you're very well blessed in that department." she said. Thomas gave her a little smile when he heard her last remark.
"Damn," Catherine said to herself, "why can't I quit while I'm ahead." Catherine closed the door and went down to the kitchen to start making dinner. She felt uncomfortable, like the way someone feels in a stuffy room. Catherine loosened her clothing a little and opened a window, then poured herself a glass of cold water.
"What's wrong with me?" she asked. The answer came to her when she realized that her face was flushed and her nipples were jutting like spikes against her blouse. Her conversation with Thomas about their sex life had unconsciously aroused her. She had to fight off the urge to start recollecting some of the finer moments she'd had with him over the last month.
"Jeez, I really am screwed up," Catherine said, shaking her head in disbelief once she was able to focus her thoughts elsewhere. "I just hope Thomas didn't notice." But of course, he had. And as Catherine set out chopping carrots for her soup her son was right over head on the floor above her, laying on his bed and stroking a massive erection as he masturbated about what he'd just seen from his mother. He wondered if Catherine was aware that she'd smiled lecherously when she complimented him on the size of his penis. Even if it wasn't intentional, it was enough to tell Thomas that there was a lot more going on inside his mother's mind than she was willing to let on. Thoughts like that fueled his fantasies for the rest of the afternoon, as Thomas conjured up several scenarios about what would have happened if instead of leaving the room Catherine had lost her composure and given in to the baser emotions that he now believed were still churning inside her.
For the most part the next two weeks were uneventful, other than the fact the Thomas was now being friendly with his mother again. Brian was quite happy to see this change in his son, although of course he had no idea that the only reason Thomas was feeling cheerful again was because of a renewed sense of optimism that he would one day bed his mother again. Catherine was oblivious to this too; she assumed that her talk with Tom had been successful and that the two of them were well on their way to resuming a normal mother-son relationship once more. The thought made her so happy that she hated herself on those rare occasions when her thoughts about Thomas wandered into directions they shouldn't have. Yes, it still happened. On those nights when her unsatisfied libido took over it was still images of Thomas that crept into Catherine's fantasies. When Catherine dreamt at night it was still the likeness of her young, virile son that she saw tirelessly making love to her.
"What's wrong with me?" Catherine often asked herself. "Am I just some horny old woman that needs to get laid?" Catherine tried to entice her husband to have sex with her, but for the most part he was still disinterested. Moreover, he wasn't very good at satisfying her. After a few failed attempts to get off with him her frustration took over and Catherine closed her eyes during lovemaking, pretending it was Thomas instead of her husband. The result was the first orgasm she'd had since the days of her affair. It was good, but not great. Catherine felt relieved at having one at all, although she felt guilty at what it had taken for her to finally get there.
"I can't do this any longer," Catherine said to herself fretfully. After a few weeks of emotional healing, it seemed like she and Thomas were close again, and this time, it appeared platonic. Catherine didn't want to ruin that. She'd taken her relationship with him to the depths of immorality and somehow managed to make it back to the surface. From what she could tell, Thomas was her son again; it was almost too good to be true. At times, it was hard for Catherine though. She'd never been the type who could be friends with an ex-lover, and even though this time it was her son it still felt odd for her. Re-establishing her emotional bond with her son was wonderful though. Every once in a while, however, Catherine would see something in Tom... something in his eyes that made her wonder if there was still a desire for her in him. It was those burning eyes would always manage to reappear to Catherine in her dreams.
One day when Catherine was alone in her room Thomas knocked on the door and asked to speak to her. He'd been trying to read his mother's countenance for some time now, wondering if he might re-kindle any passion between them. She seemed very distracted lately, and Thomas hoped that maybe she might be missing him a little. The plan he came with today was a little too direct for her tastes, as he knew Catherine appreciated subtlety, but Thomas decided to go for it.
"Hey Mom. What are you doing?" Thomas asked.
"Oh, just doing some dusting. What's wrong, dear? You look like something's bothering you." Catherine replied.
"Well, I'm not sure where to begin," Thomas said.
Catherine sat on the bed and gave a motherly pat to an empty spot beside her. "Come here. Sit next to me and tell me what's wrong."
"It's just something that's been bothering me since... we stopped 'being' together," Thomas said, his voice clearly uneasy.
Catherine's face turned down into a frown. "Do we really need to keep talking about this?" she asked. "Can't we just put the whole thing behind us?"
"Mom, just listen to what I have to say. Ever since you told me it was over I've been bitter about... how it ended."
"I tried not to hurt your feelings Thomas. You know how much I love you," Catherine interrupted.
"Please. Let me finish," Thomas said. "I feel bitter because I had no clue it was coming. Everything started off so great... remember that night we spent together in front of the fire?"
"It was magical," Sandra replied, her voice unexpectedly choking with emotion.
"Well, what started off great and stayed great for a month suddenly came to a crashing halt by you dumping me in a coffee shop," Thomas said with a bit of irritation.
"What did you want me to do?" Sandra asked. "Tell you it was over and say, 'how about one more roll in the hay for old time's sake?'"
"I realize you couldn't have done that, but the fact is, it's been two months since we broke up, and I can't stop thinking about how horribly things ended between us. I know what we did felt wrong to you, but not to me. It never will. If you want it to end, I'll respect your wishes. But right now I want you to respect my wishes, my feelings. I want my final memory of what we had to be a happy one. I need that to feel a sense of closure," he said.
"I can't believe what you're suggesting," a flabbergasted Catherine replied.
"I'm suggesting we do something special, spend some special time together one last time," Thomas said. "Until then, I'm just not ready to put it in the past."
"Let me think about it," Catherine answered. She got up and set about dusting again.
"Hey, remember this?" Thomas smiled, noticing the spot of paint in front of the bed that almost, but not quite, matched the color of the surrounding the wall.
"Thomas... don't start," Catherine said in a detached tone.
"Come on, we can laugh about some of these things now, can't we?" Thomas said, breaking into a grin. "You were so scared that day, I've never seen you so worried."
"Most husbands don't expect to find a hole in the wall the matches the headboard of their bed unless they made it themselves," Sandra replied dryly. "I had reason to be scared."
"Hey, there was nothing to worry about; I backed you up," Thomas said, grinning even wider now, "I told Dad I did it."
"Yes, trying to dust the ceiling fan. I believe the story you told your father was you fell forward and knocked the headboard into the wall." Sandra added.
"Well, some of it was true; I did break the wall, and... I was moving forward," Thomas said with a laugh. Then he added, "You think you had it bad trying to explain the hole in the wall to Dad. Try having a bunch of guys in gym class ask you for a week about where you got all those scratch marks on your back and ass."
"Your incorrigible," Catherine said, snapping at Thomas with her dust rag and breaking into a mild chuckle.
"See, we can laugh about these things," Thomas smiled back.
"I don't know what got into you that day," Catherine said, blushing, finally lowering her defenses. She then added, her voice trailing off as if she were reminiscing, "That was a pretty crazy afternoon."
Catherine still remembered it like it was yesterday. They had been going at it in her bed relentlessly for what seemed like hours with Thomas showing no signs of wanting to stop. His thrusting power had been so fierce that Catherine could do no more than hold on for the ride, scratching Thomas' back mercilessly like a cat in heat while he fucked her with an animal lust that she'd never seen in any male before. Their enthusiastic motions had caused the headboard to knock against the bedroom wall repeatedly, eventually breaking through. Luckily, Catherine and Thomas had been able to explain the hole to Brian without him suspecting what had really happened. Catherine smiled, fondly remembering that fantastic afternoon with Thomas once more. It was only one of many incredible lovemaking experiences they'd shared together. Maybe Thomas was right about not looking back at them with so much scorn. Catherine resumed her dusting, and Thomas turned to leave.