The Change

"Ryan," Rhonda called out, as I walked up the stairs. "You were gone so long."

I didn't answer. I just went into the bathroom to shower. As I let the warm water flow over me the shower door opened. Rhonda stepped into the shower with me and hugged me.

"Rhonda," I said in a very flat voice. "Everything hurts." I'd tried to keep my voice as neutral as possible. I didn't want to show any anger and at the same time I was tired of letting her hurt me. I wondered if she would ever know how painful it is to sit there and listen to a recording of the woman who supposedly loves you calling you a wimp, while talking to another man. I wondered if she knew how it hurts to be berated constantly by hearing yourself referred to as "my little man," or other such niceties.

"Does this hurt?" she asked, reaching around me and grabbing my dick.

"No," I said. "But I'm too tired to do anything about it."

"Ryan, it's been two weeks," she said angrily. "What did I do?" she asked. "I didn't fuck up your car. It wasn't me, Ryan." She walked out of the bathroom still dripping wet. I could hear her crying as I calmly dried myself off and went back downstairs to sleep on the sofa.

I guess she expected me to go into the bedroom and try to comfort her. I mean that's the way I was supposed to react to that kind of situation. It was the way I always had before. Maybe that was the beginning of the change.

The next morning I awoke early so I could get to work on time. Over the past two weeks I hadn't really done anything about my car. There was no need to because there really wasn't anything wrong with it. All it needed was a tune up which I'd gotten the very next day. I'd just continued to let Rhonda believe there was a problem with the car because I'd needed a reason to be acting out of sorts. I decided to just take the car into the dealership to have something done to it. Maybe I'd get the oil changed or the tires rotated or just something so I didn't have to explain anything about the fucking car.

I told my secretary that I had a problem to sort out and went to the Ford dealership. As I waited for the service guy to talk to me, I looked around the dealership.

"You're driving the Taurus, right," he said after a few moments. "They're great cars. They're solid, they're dependable and they'll never give you a problem. How long have you had that one? Over ten years, right?"

I got confused. When he'd been describing my car, without knowing it, he'd described me. Solid, dependable, never give you any problems; that was me. I went to work every fucking day and supported my daughter and that cheating bitch of a wife of mine. I never asked for anything and always did what was expected of me even when that bitch was spreading her legs for some low life former coworker.

Solid, dependable, it also meant unnoticed. I could sit here screaming and praying for her to stop forever and it would never matter because she didn't notice or care what she was doing to me or to us. Fuck us. There really wasn't an US, anymore. No longer, I thought. Not a fucking instant more.

The words came out before I even realized what I was saying. "I need to see a salesman," I heard someone say. "I want that car, there."

He ran away and got a salesman. I test drove it in a daze. As I drove the car around the streets, I noticed that nearly everyone I drove past noticed. NOTICED, that was exactly what I fucking wanted. On my way back into the dealership, I pulled out my phone and called the lawyer I'd hired. I told him that I needed the divorce papers served that day. They been ready the week before but I hadn't wanted to serve them. I told him to go ahead and serve them to both Rhonda and to Jim. I told him that if he was lucky, he'd be able to catch them both together at my house in about an hour.

My second call just as I drove back inside the lot was to my insurance guy. I got my insurance policy updated to include the new car. I had to get the insurance quickly because this was my car now. I had no intention of giving it back.

As I sat down to talk to the salesman, I kept my face neutral.

"I can offer you a deal on the interest rate," he said.

"How much do you need down?" I asked.

"Well, we have to..." he began.

"Look," I said. "I just need a number." My insurance guy called the dealership while we were signing the paperwork. He faxed over proof of insurance and I drove out of the lot. The roar of the exhaust system was music to my ears. I smiled at a couple of women when I pulled up next to them. It was another change. I would never have done that before.

As I pulled into my driveway I noticed that the door to my house was open. My timing wasn't very good. I'd expected for Rhonda to be there but I hadn't thought that Jim would still be there. All I heard coming from inside the house was the sound of Jim yelling and Rhonda crying.

A couple of my neighbors came over to me as I got out of the car. "It's a good thing you're home," said my next door neighbor. "She and that guy who always comes over to visit have been going at it for a while now. Whose car is this?"

"Mine," I said smiling.

"Holy shit," he said. "Wait til I tell Ellen you bought a brand new Mustang. She'll be begging you for a ride."

"You probably shouldn't tell her, Sam," I said as I winked at him. "You might not get her back and I am in the market for another woman to go with the new car."

He just smiled and nodded at me as I stepped into the house.

Rhonda looked awful. She'd been crying her eyes out. She kept looking at the divorce papers over and over again. Both she and Jim looked up at me when I came through the door.

"Ryan, I don't understand," she cried. "I don't want a divorce. We can work this out. It was a mistake."

Jim came over to me. "Look Ryan, why do you need to name me in YOUR divorce?" he asked. "I have a wife and two kids. If you name me it'll probably end my marriage as well. My wife had nothing to do with this. Don't you care about my kids?"

I just looked at him. I was surprisingly calm. Both of them were talking at the same time and blaming each other. I sat down at the kitchen table to think about what I wanted to eat.

"Let's all sit down like rational adults and talk about this," said Jim. "I'm sure we can work this all out to everyone's satisfaction."

They both sat down at the table too. They were both still talking or Jim was talking and Rhonda was crying.

"Look Ryan," said Jim. "I know this looks bad but there is really nothing going on here. It only happened one time and it was only sex. You see both of us, err, Rhonda and I, both kind of like rough sex and neither you nor my wife go in for that sort of thing. You don't because you love Rhonda and my wife doesn't because she's the romantic type. She's more into cuddling and kissing and all of that bullshit.

So both Rhonda and I had needs that were going unfilled. But that one time worked it out of our systems. It will never happen again. You can understand that can't you buddy?"

I didn't say a word. Rhonda took that as meaning it was her time to talk. "Ryan, you're the only man I love. I don't want a divorce. That's why I've been acting so crazy lately because you haven't been yourself and..."

Jim started back in, "Look Ryan, you're not the type of guy to just fly off the handle. Be reasonable here. There's..."That was all he got out. He'd been wringing his hands and whining but he'd gone from that to standing over me. His voice took on an almost threatening tone. The old Ryan might've listened to it...But I'd changed.

I shot to my feet so quickly that I don't think either of them figured out what had happened until it was too late. The old Ryan would have let the bile build up inside of him and later went out to run himself into the ground to get over or channel his pain. The old Ryan might've gone to the gym to beat on an innocent punching bag...But I'd changed. I wasn't the old Ryan anymore.

I didn't think. I just reacted. Even as my legs pushed off to propel me out of the chair my hand was in motion. I did an open palm strike against Jim's chin. I guess my intention was to knock him backwards because I didn't like him leaning over me. I guess I perceived it as a threat.

I underestimated my timing, my rage and my strength. I also underestimated Jim's luck. My strike hit him exactly where I'd aimed it. His jaw shut with nearly enough force to break his jaw. The only thing that saved him from that was the fact that his neck snapping backwards absorbed a lot of the force. It still propelled him backwards and upwards knocking him out of the chair and landing him awkwardly on the floor on his back.

Rhonda was shocked that her mild mannered, "little man," would do something like that but she was in for an even bigger shock.

Jim was writhing around on the floor with both hands over his face making unintelligible sounds. Blood was pouring out of his mouth. Then she noticed on the table in front of us a small piece of pink tissue that was just starting to bleed.

Rhonda looked at me and I shrugged. "I guess he bit his tongue off," I said calmly. She jumped over to him as he was still writhing wildly in the throes of his pain.

"Ryan, call 911," she screamed.

"Fuck him," I said.

Jim got his head together despite the pain and started pointing towards outside. Through a mouthful of blood he pointed at her car.

"I'm going to drive him to the emergency room," she said.

"In what?" I asked calmly.

"My car," she said.

"I paid for that car," I said. "He isn't getting into it."

"Ryan," she said, pleading with me.

"Sign the divorce papers and you can take him," I said.

"No fucking way," she said picking up the phone. She dialed 911 and gingerly picked up the tip of his tongue and wrapped it in ice. Within a few minutes the ambulance arrived and took Jim and his tongue away to a nearby clinic. I never left the kitchen. Neither Jim, nor his injuries, affected me. After the ambulance drove off, Rhonda came back inside the house. She'd spent a few minutes talking to some of the neighbors.

"Whose Mustang is that in the driveway?" she asked.

"Mine," I said.

"You bought a new car without talking to me about it?" she asked.

"You started fucking some jerk in my bed without talking to me about it," I shot right back.

"Ryan, it only happened once and it was never going to happen again," she said, looking at the floor.

"Rhonda, I've been video-taping you and listening in on your fucking phone conversations for over two weeks. And it had started before then," I said. She started crying again. "I think the best thing for you to do is to go to stay with your parents for a while. Since you can't tell me the truth there's no point in us talking."

"But Ryan, please," she screamed. "I'm scared. I'm just trying to keep us together. Just give me one more chance. What about Haley."

"Don't fucking mention my daughter's name you whore," I screamed at her. "I'll go pick her up as soon as I calm down. I need to get used to doing it anyway. I don't think any judge is going to give custody of a child to a mother who doesn't work, but sends her daughter to a sitter so she can fuck her boyfriend in her house. Just get out, Rhonda."

I took a couple of days off of work to try and get a handle on my new situation. For the first day, while I went through meetings with the lawyer and tried to find a good day care center, my mom watched Haley.

Rhonda called both the house phone and my cell phone at an alarming rate. I never listened to her messages or called her back. My mom begged me to talk to her for Haley's sake.

The worst moment of all was when the conference of grandparents all descended on me at once to give me their advice. I found out then that Rhonda was still up to her shit.

They were all under the impression that we'd been having money problems and we'd gotten into an argument because I'd gone out and bought an expensive and impractical new toy.

Even my own parents looked at me funny when they pulled into my driveway and saw the Mustang parked there.

"Son," said my dad. "If the two of you were already arguing about money, why would you buy that car?"

I didn't say another word. I took them all into my den, logged into my bank's online banking center and showed them how much we had in checking and savings. Then I showed them the investments in my brokerage account and Haley's college fund. I told them about my 401k plan at work as well.

"So Rhonda might not know how well you guys were doing," said her mother. "You should tell her so she'll get over the car thing and agree to come home."

"Rhonda knows that we don't have any money problems," I said.

"Then why are you two...?" began my mother.

"You could start by asking Rhonda to tell you the truth," I said. "I'm sorry but I have to go pick up my daughter."

"That child is too young to be in day care," said Rhonda's mom. "I could watch her while you work."

"I'd take you up on your offer on a heartbeat," I said. "But Rhonda is staying with you."

Rhonda's dad was probably the one who was the quickest on the uptake. He got them to all go back home and talk to Rhonda.

At the time I thought it was a good thing. The next day when she showed up at my job, I wasn't so sure.

She looked like hell. She was also crying and screaming hysterically. Just to keep my good guy status I had to agree to sit down with her. I didn't want to do it at work so I arranged to see her afterwards.

Before I left for work that day, I got another visitor. She was a nice looking woman that I'd never seen before.

My secretary showed her into my office and she immediately launched in on me.

"Good Lord it was an accident," she said. "I don't blame you. He doesn't blame you, but he's miserable because he thinks you abandoned him."

"I'm sorry," I said. "Who are you?"

"God," she said. "Ryan, I've heard so much about you over the past couple of months that I feel like I know you already. I'm Jim's wife, Starla."

"I was really glad when the two of you became friends. Jim doesn't have very many friends," she said.

That's because no one can trust him, I thought to myself.

"So how is he doing?" I asked.

"Well they we're able to reattach his tongue. It doesn't have any sensation in it yet but they're hopeful. The thing that's worse though is that he really misses you. You guys spent so much time together, playing golf and all of that other crap. You promising to sponsor him for that lodge is going to really help him with his boss at work."

I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what to say. "Uhm, did he tell you how it happened?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "It wasn't your fault. It was mostly his I guess. You patted him on the back for him finally beating the rest of you guys at the golf course. Of course, he was eating at the time and just bit his tongue. Anyway he really wants for you guys to get back together."

"Well, tell him I'll be home tonight by about 5:30," I said.

"That would be great," she said. "I'll take the kids to McDonalds or something and you guys can have a guy's night. But I should warn you. He really can't talk much yet. He still has to write everything he wants to say. So be patient."

As she got to the door she turned and smiled at me. "You really are as nice as he told me you were," she smiled. "I owe you one."

I couldn't believe Jim. Starla was gorgeous. And her body was incredible. If I was married to her, she'd have to beat me with a stick to get me off of her. We'd probably have at least eight kids.

I left the office at 5 o'clock as usual and stopped to pick Haley up from day care. She was, as always, glad to see her dada and made me smile just seeing her. I still needed a better solution than day care but I could only take things one step at a time.

When I pulled into the driveway, Rhonda was already there. "Ryan, God how I've missed you," she gushed. "And my baby too."

"I'm shocked," she said. "She seems to be doing fine without me." There was a tear forming in Rhonda's eyes.

"I'm shocked too," I said. "I had her DNA tested and she is my daughter." Rhonda looked hurt. She sucked in a breath to say something but I held up my hand for silence.

"Don't say anything, Rhonda," I said icily. "I needed to make sure of everything in my life. You've already betrayed me the worst way possible and lied to me to try to cover it up. Why should I believe a word out of your mouth?"

"Ryan, everyone makes mistakes," she said, beginning to cry. "I never meant to hurt you. You are the most important thing in the world to me."

"Yeah, I'm your wimpy little man," I said. "Even though I'm not ever going to be tough and I have no balls, so everyone pushes me around. That's why you had to go and find yourself a real tough guy to fuck."

"Ryan, what are you talking about honey?" she asked.

"This is going to be a real short conversation," I said, turning to go into the house.

"Ryan, please don't go," she said. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Listen..." I began. I was going to call her a name but remembered that I was holding my two year old daughter in my arms.

"I have tapes and videos of you and Jim together," I said. "I've heard the way you talked about me and belittled me." Her mouth dropped open and she got ready to cry.

I held my hand up again. "Stop the waterworks," I snapped. "If you do or say anything to upset Haley you're gone. You made your bed so now you just have to lie in it. I invited you here to..."

Before I could finish, Jim drove up. He got out of his car carrying a big note pad. When he saw Rhonda his eyes got huge. I opened the door to the house and we all went inside but no one said word.

"Why is he here?" asked Rhonda.

"There are things that we all need to talk about," I snapped.

"Well why don't you and he go first and then you and I can take our time. I'll play with Haley while the two of you talk," Rhonda said.

I put Haley in her playpen. "We'll all talk together," I said. "I don't want Haley to get used to having you around when you probably will only be seeing her every other weekend for an hour or so."

Rhonda looked like she was about to cry again, but I held up the magic hand and once again she stopped.

Meanwhile, Jim had been scribbling away on his pad. The first message he'd written begged me to drop the suit against him. He told me that he was already barely keeping his marriage together and he couldn't afford for his wife to find out what he'd done. He begged me to consider his children.

"Like you considered my daughter when you helped to turn her mother into a whore," I snapped.

He shrank down and away from me as if he was afraid I'd hit him or something.

"You don't have to be afraid of me," I told him. "I'm not the kind of person who goes around hitting people. I'm a wimp remember. Remember how you and this slut used to talk about me over the phone?" My voice was getting louder and Haley looked at me. I forced a smile on my face and went to play with her to calm her down.

"I'll do anything you want," he wrote. "I'll give you everything I have."

"I may take you up on that," I told him. "But get your house in order. For now, I'm not going to tell your wife anything. I'm going to suspend my suit against you. I'm not dropping it but I have to take care of my own divorce first. Then I'll start on yours."

"Noooooo!" screamed Rhonda. "Please, Ryan no," she screamed.

Haley started crying then and I went and picked her up, to calm her down. "Rhonda, I warned you," I said, while I smiled at Haley and tickled her sides. "If you have one more outburst, I won't see you again until we get to court. Now look at your daughter and smile God damn it."