The Deadfall

To Aldan's amazement, it began to snow. The flakes were small at first but soon they were big and there were more and more of them. He thought he would have to pick the dog up and carry her back. He couldn't imagine leaving her there and finding her the next day all covered in fresh, clean snow. He tried to do it and her body wasn't even stiff. Her head flopped like the sleeve of a coat. She felt heavy. Aldan was struck with surprise the way her head flopped. It was loose and heavy: an object. He put her back down and sat on the ground. He shoved himself back a ways, up against the deadfall. He crossed his legs and watched the snow come down. The wind would kick up, and the limbs of the trees would sway and rattle. Then it was dead quiet. His cheeks were wet. Even his neck was wet after a little while. He had to keep blinking to clear his vision, to watch the big snowflakes coming down.

The sun was lower and by this time it was almost completely obscured by the gray clouds. Aldan had the sneaking suspicion that if he didn't get up and head back soon he was dead meat. His hands and feet were cold at first, but now they burned hot. If he sat there long enough he would be warm all over, nice and comfortable. Freezing to death was supposed to be a good way to go. Calm and cozy and peaceful. He thought about heading out west. He wanted to drive down those endless roads he had seen pictures of, his arm out the window, sagebrush and stony, bristly hills stretching out on either side to the bigger hills and the giant mountains in the clear distance, power lines dipping and stretching from pole to pole for what seemed forever, keeping the emptiness all stitched together. But what it would be like without that old dog he couldn't imagine. Maybe he could go up north and find a job in Syracuse.

The longer he sat there the less Aldan could distinguish between conscious thoughts and thoughts that came all by themselves and seemed more like visions than thoughts; and after a while if he was thinking at all he wasn't aware of it, at least not on a conscious level. He was driving down one of those straight roads. The windows were open and the warm air blew in a rush all about him, mussing his hair. There was a big rig in the distance, moving along at the speed limit, no faster, no slower than that. Soon Aldan was close to the rig. He could see the dirt on the back and the driver's mirrors on the left side. He went into the left lane and pushed the pedal to the floor. The old Pontiac growled and in seconds he was alongside the big rig. The rig was loud and very close. Aldan sped along. The speedometer read eighty. He pushed the pedal and the needle jerked further up. Still the rig was beside him and very close. The driver's mirror was far off. He couldn't see a face in the mirror.

Susie was looking at Aldan as if he had lost his mind. Her mouth was open and her tongue was hanging out. Every once in a while she sucked it back in, but then it was hanging out again. Sure enough it was Birk in the rig. Naturally his big brother wasn't going to let him pass. He could see his brother's face in the mirror now. Birk was laughing at him. He was a mechanic. Now he was driving a truck. Susie cried and cried. The Pontiac roared and growled, but she wouldn't get past that big rig. Aldan's father was in the passenger seat, calm as a cucumber. "Look at that sumbitch. Don't worry he's just playing with you. Roger? Oh be quiet Noreen he knows what he's doing. He's just playing with Aldan. There aren't any cars coming, Jesus. You think he's stupid? Aldan this old pile of nuts and bolts can't keep up with that rig. Roger! Stop scaring your mother and slow down. Look at that sumbitch."

*

Roger put on his coat and his hat and gloves and went out. Noreen sat at the kitchen table and looked even more worried than before. Roger opened up the pen and gave Kaiser a pat on the side and the big dog ran towards the hill. In a short while it would be dark. Roger felt his heart protest as he went up the hill and started across the field. You couldn't drive up the hill between the trees. He could take Birk's old bike but he wouldn't be able to take anyone back with him. Better just to go with Kaiser. It wasn't very far and they would be back before dark.

Kaiser sniffed all around both bodies, but especially around that old dog. He wasn't particularly upset that the bitch was dead. Roger kicked Kaiser in the side and the big dog whimpered and trotted back and forth in the powdery snow. Roger shook Aldan until the young man woke, but he was in a bad way. Roger took off the boy's gloves and rubbed his hands hard. Then he put them back on and said "Jesus," and picked him up. He cradled him in his arms and began the walk back. It would be awful hard. Roger felt his ticker groan in protest. Kaiser sniffed around the dead bitch and felt triumphant and happy. The snow fell and the dog was getting stiff and cold, no better than a dead tree. Soon Kaiser was trotting along ahead of his master, nose to the ground, then up in the air. A big bird soared across the field with its wings spread wide, and Kaiser barked like mad and ran towards it.

Roger walked on, and talked to his son. It was hard, very hard. It was harder to breathe. Aldan was breathing better than his old man, but he was in a bad way. Roger looked at the boy. He said "Jesus," again, and kept walking, back across the field, back towards home.