The Desire Within

"Andrea, you know how important this research is." She felt intimidation flow from her boss like fetid water from a putrid swamp.

"Yes sir, but what your asking ... well it's a lot, you know?" Her soft brown eyes fled from his face with a furtive tick and then fluttered back to his eyes like a moth to a flame. Damn he was handsome. Worse than that, he knew it.

"I can assure you it's completely safe." His perfect smile terrified her. "You would not be one of the test subjects, just a control. And you will be able to go home at night, we only need you to show up, take the sugar pill and let us monitor you six times during the day. You'll be paid for your time at your current salary and we'll have someone else take care of your duties while the study lasts." The blood in her veins ran cold. God she hated to see Carl Liptor smile; it was always a bad omen.

"I thought the study was supposed to be a double blind," she said, referring to the method of research where neither researcher nor subject knew if they were given the real dose or a placebo. She was just buying time. Why would he be doing this? What horror was he tricking her into?

"That's just what we tell the FDA. We always know who the real subjects are. That way if something goes wrong we can clean it up fast."

His matter of fact tone about a something as serious as lying to the government would have surprised her if she hadn't known him as well as she did.

"I don't think ..."

"I see, well maybe your right. Of course cooperation is not required." The placid look that spread across his face told her everything he didn't say, and she realized she was on the verge of losing her job, maybe more. There had been rumors of employees who refused an assignment and then disappeared. Real fear gripped her heart and she reacted without thinking.

"I was just saying that I don't think it would be so bad. If I was just a control." She stammered.

"Ah, well, good." His lips spread into a smile, or perhaps a sneer. "I'll tell Linda you'll report to her in Research Lab Six tomorrow morning at eight."

"Yes sir."

"Thank you Andrea. Your cooperation is appreciated." Standing up, he looked back at her. "Oh, yes. Like I said, this study is very important. We are still seeking investors and we don't want our competitors to find out about it before we are ready, so don't say a word about this to anyone."

Giving a nod, she felt her stomach churn, and for a moment she thought she might regurgitate. She quickly tucked her shaking hands into her lap and concentrated on calming herself. It was several minutes before she turned back to her computer screen. Even then she couldn't go back to work. Instead, she just sat there, staring straight ahead with an intense dread threatening to overwhelm her.

Fixing supper that night, she was surprised that her hands still shook. Over and over she told herself that Carl wouldn't dare to give her the real drug after he had told her she would received the placebo, but somehow she just couldn't quite convince herself.

When her husband, Steve, got home supper was almost ready, but all she wanted to do was cry into his shoulder. She couldn't. If she did, he would know something was wrong at her work and she didn't want to burden him with her problems. Besides he might get upset or make a scene and that was always so embarrassing. She sucked her fear down into her belly and pasted a smile on her face.

"Supper's almost done, dear." Her voice sounded okay, much better than she felt. It didn't even crack when she spoke.

"How was work?" Steve put his hand around her waist and lightly pecked her on the cheek.

"Just fine. Are you hungry?" Andrea turned her face from her husband, as she had nearly every time he had touched her for the past year. But this was different, wasn't it? Inside she knew it wasn't. Yes, she was worried and frightened about the research project at work, but if it hadn't been that, then it would have been something else. There was always something to blame.

Steve stepped back from her, his lips drawn into a thin line and one fist clenching and relaxing at his side. Nodding curtly, he turned and retrieved two plates and the silverware from the cabinets. Once the table was set, he sat and waited as Andrea carried the food to the table. He swallowed his frustration and looked over at her.

"So, anything interesting happen today?"

Andrea's eyes widened and then relaxed as she realized that the question was purely innocent. "Not really. I don't feel very well. Headache."

For a moment he let his eyes lock with hers then he looked down. "You want to just skip supper?"

"No, I guess I should eat. Then I'll turn in, get a good night's rest."

The cold impenetrable silence separated them like a vast, frozen tundra. How badly she wanted to reach out to him, to confess her feelings for him, but she couldn't. Anger welled up inside her, directed inward only. She hid it behind the stony mask of her face and, after she finished her last bite, started to clear the table.

"I'll get this. You go on to bed." Steve's soft voice and sad eyes tore at her heart and stopped her for a moment. Putting the dishes back down, she left him there.

Why couldn't she be a better wife? He was so kind, and helpful, and always trying to please her. All she ever did was reject him. She didn't even know why she did it. It wasn't like she didn't enjoy tenderness, or love, yet time after time she watched herself turn away from him. Why? Why couldn't women enjoy sex the way men did?

She slipped into her frumpy nightgown and climbed into bed. It was only just after eight and way to early for sleep. Through the closed bedroom door she could hear the light clinking of dishes and the soft hush of water flowing. Steve's thoughtfulness just exacerbated her guilt and she closed her eyes tightly, willing herself not to cry. The faucet shut off and his muffled footsteps drifted away followed by the soft babble of the television.

It would only be another hour or so before he came to bed, slipping between the covers and sliding over beside her. He would put his arm around her and gently kiss the back of her neck. Pretending to be asleep, she would lie still until he gave up. The nightly ritual had become habit. A habit broken only when he became so frustrated that they fought. Then she would give in to him. Those were the nights she loved.

She wished he would storm into their bedroom and throw the sheets from the bed. Take her roughly in her arms and make love to her. Yes, if only he would rip the stodgy nightgown from her body, exposing her breasts and her sex. He would throw her on the bed and kiss her lips, long and passionately. Then he would take her.

She felt herself grow wet and her breathing became shallow. God, how she wanted him. She could almost feel his strong thrusts inside her. Thighs betrayed her thoughts and moved in a sensuous rhythm as her body's needs pressed against her minds inhibitions. A quiver began between her legs and grew into a flush of desire that spread up her belly to puckered nipples begging to be touched. She gave in and pinched one nipple through the flannel. The world fell away and her body shook as orgasm rippled through her.

She was instantly ashamed. Horrified at the thought of her husband discovering her, she rushed to change panties and nightgown, afraid the wet stain at the crotch or the smell of her sex would give her away. She buried the evidence deep in the clothes hamper, determined that she would do laundry tomorrow to keep Steve from finding it. How could she be so wanton, so disgusting, so slutty. She crawled back into their bed and buried her face in her pillow. Tears leaked from her eyes until sleep eased her self-inflicted suffering.

Eight in the morning found Andrea sitting in a small chair designed to facilitate blood pressure readings. She shared the sterile white room with twenty other people, all sitting in similar chairs. Next to her a young woman with cute freckles under intense green eyes turned and gave her a nervous smile.

"I'm Emily. I'm not really sure about doing this, but I really need the money."

"I'm Andrea. Have they told you what to expect?"

"Not a peep. Told me the effects would be pleasant and that it wouldn't be anything dangerous. That's all. That Linda woman said she couldn't tell me what to expect or it would screw up the research."

Andrea hesitated just a moment and a flicker of worry passed over her face. Should she tell this girl that she was worried, just because her boss was a sleazeball and had told her not to worry? "Same here but I'm still a little scared."

"It'll be okay." Emily's voice quivered as she spoke. "I read about these trials on the internet. They already know everything that's going to happen, but they have to prove it to the government. People have probably been taking these pills in Europe for ten years."

Andrea smiled at Emily, watching as the girl unconsciously fumbled her hands together. She wished she had some idea of what to expect, but Carl had not given her any clue either.

Just then two men in long white lab coats entered the room. Each of them had a small plastic rack with numbered vials suspended from small holes. Inside each vial, a small white pill jiggled and danced as the men moved to the center of the room and stood there quietly. A woman that Andrea had seen a few times around the building entered through another door and looked around the room for a few seconds. Her eyes fastened on Andrea and she gave a slight smile then let her eyes, and smile, drift away. After she had looked at every person in the room she stepped forward.

"My name is Linda Tovelson. I am the research associate in charge of this study. As you know, this is a double blind study. Each pill is either the real drug or a placebo. It has been numbered and the numbers are recorded. Each of you will be assigned a number so that the study can be kept consistent. Only after the study is completed and all the data collected will we reveal who was taking the drug."

She paused and looked around the room. "Now is the time, if you decide you don't wish to participate. Once started on the regimen you should not drop out until the test is completed. There could be serious side-effects if you were taking the drug and suddenly stopped." Her eyes locked on Andrea and she continued, "also, we want you to immediately report any side effects you may experience, no matter how slight. We will keep you here and monitor you throughout the day, but you are free to go home at night. You will be given an emergency number to call if you experience any unpleasant side effects during the night." Linda paused, giving the group ample time to speak up and then looked over at the two men.

"Let's get started."

Letting her eyes drift back over to fix on Andrea, she continued, "today you will take three pills: one right now, one in two hours, and another at noon. We will be monitoring your vital signs every thirty minutes until five o'clock. Oh and one more thing. This research is very important to our company. Please do not discuss it with anyone outside this room. Are there any questions?"

Andrea looked around the room. No one said anything and the two lab assistants began to distribute the drug. Silently she prayed that something would happen and they would skip her. But the miracle failed to manifest itself and within a few minutes one of the men held a vial out, ready to drop the pill into her palm. Her hands shook slightly as she reached out and took the pill. She could still back out. It would mean her job, maybe more, but how much would she lose by participation? She didn't need the job. They were wealthy people. But, how would she explain to Steve why she was fired. He'd laugh at her or maybe be angry. The man gave her a funny look and waited. Glancing around the room she realized all the others had taken the pills and the other lab assistant was already taking vital signs. Dread rose inside her but she already knew what she was going to do. She closed her eyes and popped the pill into her mouth.

A sweet taste, perhaps a little like sugar but with a tinge of bitter, drifted across her tongue. She doused it with the offered water and swallowed, feeling the pill slide down her throat even as bile rose from her stomach. She gagged and then forced herself to calm down. It would be all right. The sweet taste meant that it was the placebo, didn't it? But then what was the bitter?

The lab assistant took her blood pressure and temperature and wrote them on her chart. "Alright, you are free to move around the lab or even go into the lobby. Don't eat or drink anything for the next two hours, but other than that you are pretty much free to do whatever you like."

Andrea gave him as good a smile as she could manage. "Can I go get my email?"

"Oh that's right, you work here. Sure, don't leave the building and be sure to come back in thirty minutes for your checkup." He smiled back at her and then began to put his equipment up.

She slipped off to her office and checked her email and phone messages, just to make sure nothing urgent needed her attention. Then she returned to the lab to endure the first regular examination of the test. Her vital signs were all normal, and she began to relax.

That night she fixed Steve's favorite meal, Chicken Adobo and steamed vegetables. Perhaps it was an attempt to mitigate her guilt over her reluctance to tell him about the study at work, she admitted, but she knew he would appreciate it. And maybe, just maybe, she would give in to him tonight. A sly smile spread across her face and she felt a familiar warmth between her legs. If only he doesn't give up too quickly tonight.

"Hey honey, something smells wonderful!" Steve's voice interrupted her pleasant musings.

"It's Chicken Adobo." She almost forgot to pull away from him as his lips sent a sweet shiver through her neck.

Steve stepped back and dropped his hands to his sides heavily. For just a moment she thought he was going to say something and her stomach tightened for the confrontation, but then he took a deep breath and turned away. With a dejected slump to his shoulders, he slowly began to set the table.

Andrea cringed at the hurt she saw in her husband. Why did she act this way? Other wives enjoyed their husband's touch, their kisses, their affection. Why couldn't she? Inside she felt hollow and a hot tear threatened to swell out of her eye, but there was another feeling too. Deep inside her she felt her desire swell. She wanted Steve to turn and take her, force his lips to hers and hold her tight until she gave in and they coupled in sinfully erotic ecstasy. This time the spark didn't go out. It had been too long since they had made love. Like a marionette in a dream like puppet show she watched herself turn and reach for his arm.

Just before she touched him a spark jumped from her fingertip to his arm. They both started and Steve dropped the two plates he was carrying. Andrea watched the dishes fall in slow motion, saw them shatter on the floor, then, slowly, her eyes turned to meet her husband's hard gaze. Still the voyeur, not the actor, she took his arm in her hand and stepped forward as she pulled him to her. She saw the shock and confusion on his face as she pressed her lips to his. The world slipped away and there was just him and her. They kissed, softly, lovingly, but full of passion.

The world sped back up and Andrea found herself no longer floating free, but an active participant. She cupped the back of his head in one hand and forced her tongue deep into his mouth. His eyes widened but then quickly shut. Andrea wrapped her other arm around his neck, lifting her petite frame toward him and pressing her heaving breasts into his chest. She felt her husband's arms envelop her and she melted into him, relishing the feel of his lips on hers. She guided him around the shattered porcelain and into the dining room, pushing him back against the table as her trembling hands fumbled at the buttons on his shirt.

She needed him. Needed to feel his skin against hers, needed to know he loved her. Needed to make love to him. All of her inhibitions were pressed down, subjugated to her overwhelming desire. She yanked his shirt open, popping the last two buttons off, and lowered her mouth to his chest. Biting and sucking on his nipples, she let her hands slide down his body to his belt. Never had she felt so lewd. Never had she allowed herself to act so brazen.

She realized that Steve was moaning, his hands laying softly on her head, fingers weaving themselves into her supple black hair. She kissed her way down his chest. Freeing his belt, she let it fall open and then quickly unbuttoned his slacks. She threw her head back as she slid to her knees and looked up into his gaping expression.

Slowly lowering his zipper she let his pants fall to the floor. The tenting briefs barely holding his cock in check told her that he felt the same needs that consumed her. Hooking her hands in the elastic band, she forced his underwear down over his hips and was rewarded when his rigid cock sprang free and bounced in front of her face.

In all their years of marriage her face had never been so close to his cock. She had never considered kissing it or licking it, but now it seemed natural and she wanted it badly. She leaned forward and touched her lips to the purple head. A single gasp escaped Steve's lips then he held his breath as if he were afraid than any sound he made might stop her. She parted her lips and let her tongue flick out and taste his head. Salty and just a little musky but not at all unpleasant, her tongue slid around the knob, savoring the soft texture and subtle taste of his sex. Just a drop of pre-cum leaked out and she sent her tongue to investigate.

Its taste was new, and wonderful she decided, and she wanted more. Lowering her head, she let her tongue slip down the long shaft until it reached the base. She licked back up, exploring his cock with her lips as well as her tongue. A hissing pant escaped his lips and his stiff cock throbbed. She reached the head again and hesitated. Old fears and inhibitions swelled inside her but from deeper inside something new rose up and thrust them aside. Blind, needful, desire took her and she thrust her mouth down over Steve's marvelous cock, taking three inches of the glorious shaft between her lips. She reached up and gently cradled his balls in her hands, feeling their weight. Allowing her tongue to slip and twirl around the length of his cock, she began to move up and down rhythmically, working more and more of his glorious tool into her mouth. Feeling his balls swell and then convulse in her hand she realized a second too late that he was cumming. His seed exploded into her mouth and down her throat and she recoiled in shock, pulling from his cock. As his knob left her mouth he shot another hot stream, splattering it across her face, over her cheek and into her dark hair. Another blast jetted out from his cock, this time spraying onto her lips and chin and then dripping obscenely down onto her blouse.

Steve looked down, horror spreading across his face like clouds across a troubled valley. "Oh, God, Andrea, I'm sorry, I, I didn't mean to."

Laughing, she smiled and lewdly licked the cum from her lips. "Mmm, salty." She used one finger to scoop up the white jism from her chin and slipped it into her mouth, savoring the taste. "Like caviar."

He stood, slack jawed and unmoving, as she stood up.

"I'm going to go wash up, will you finish setting the table?" She turned without waiting for an answer and went to the master bath.

Feeling more alive than she had in years, she looked at her sluttish image in the mirror and grinned. She didn't know how or why, but instead of feeling bad or dirty, like she always did after sex, she felt whole, complete, and beautiful. If only this feeling could last, but she knew it wouldn't.