The Fantasy

The engines of the airlines jets screamed and Richard Hart felt that sick feeling in his stomach as United Flight 793 begins it lumbering initiation toward take off. The heaviness of the forward momentum pressed him back into his seat and as on each of the several fights he took each year he remembered that the two most dangerous elements of fight were the first two minutes at takeoff and the last two minutes at landing... and he held his breath and swallowed hard to clear his ears even though the wheels had not yet left the runway. The speed and the bumpiness of the runway were unnerving and suddenly the plane rotate and with a bounce, he knew he was airborne!

Quietly he remembered his mantra... breath and swallow... and on this flight he added a third... remember where I am going... and why!

Jocelyn Haynes. As though the name was a tranquilizer in itself... or perhaps a stimulant that supplanted all of his other senses and gave him focus on the moment. His flight from DFW to Atlanta would be just over an hour... an hour of waiting... and wondering of reactions. Would she be there? Would she be so nervous that she would change her mind at the last moment? Perhaps as she kissed her husband that morning, he had caved in on the idea and confessed and begged his forgiveness for the crazy insanity that they had been infected with for the last few months.

The Meeting

Richard remembered his first sight of Jocelyn in the management training seminar... a creative idea session to challenge stale sales managers to "think out side of the box." What he remembered as he gathered at the table with those who had been assigned from representatives from other companies was the very young woman with the most gorgeous smile and the pales blue grey eyes he had ever seen... they were the color of pools of deep water and he was lost in them immediately. She smiled and welcomed him to the five other members of the group which was to be their work team.

She accommodate her space for him to join the group next to her and for the rest of the day, he was happy to be there. She was sharp and inventive and a wonderful sense of humor. She could be assertive, but was very conscious of the opinions of the group... and very quickly formed a collaborative relationship looking for feedback on opinions and ideas between them.

She looked beautiful... polished giving evidence of pride in her appearance, but no shallow "glitziness". She wore a business pantsuit which complimented her figure and accented her rear well. She unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse and seemed to enjoy the confusion of a strong hint of cleavage... catching us looking and smiling with a wicked wink... not a "come and take me" look, but a "I caught you looking" look and 'I like to make you blush' look.

At lunch, the four others of the team headed off with their box lunches provided so that we didn't spend the day looking for places to avoid the meeting... and Jocelyn and I just moved the work back and sat eating our lunches and talking... discovering that we had a lot in common and that we both seemed to enjoy our company. She was 25 years my junior, but other than the dismissal of attraction (she would never pay serious attention to an older man)... we connected and their was a growing bond developing in the training.

At the end of the first day's training, some shouted... "Who's up for drinks" and Jocelyn look at me was a question mark. I shook my head and said... "I'm up for a walk... gotta clear these cobwebs out" As I rose from the chair, I notice she hadn't immediately pursued the crowd to the pub and I asked, "Care to join me on a stroll around the facilities?" "Sure" came the answer with that flash of smile and the twinkle of her eyes.

The conference enter was on a mid-western university campus and our accommodations we a section of dorms converted to guests such as we were. We strolled the campus watch the undergraduates and talking about college, life... and relationships... and found we both were handling challenging situations at home... another point of commonality. We walked and talked... and stopped to sit on the park bench and the conversation stopped having a point and began to exist just for the sheer pleasantness of having something that gave us more reason to spend time together.

Supper was the most delightful excursion into the student union with the most inedible food in plastic containers but we could hardly eat because of the laughter... the atmosphere was relaxed and it felt as though we were just another two students... however older and better dressed than the rest of the crowd who dropped in their quarters and ate the egg salad sandwiches in the plastic boxes dispensed by a machine that looked something more like a hold over from the 50's with its gleaming cylinders of food servers. It was like a magic time machine and we had escaped the responsibilities and accountabilities of real life for a moment.

As darkness shadowed the campus we walked around the duck pond... and the tone had changed... we walked close beside and she never hesitated when occasional I would steady her walking with a hand to the small of her back. We stopped at the rail and in the coolness of the evening I felt her seek the warmth of my presence.

My mind was wheeling... wondering what she meant by her closeness and uncertain that it meant anything at all. Wanting to continue the warmth and put my arm around her, but not sure if that was inappropriate and forward. I asked if she were cold and she said "Yes" and I drew her in and we both leaned against the rail with my arms outside of hers touching... and smelling her hair... and becoming intoxicated with the scent of a woman so close.

My cheek moved near her ear as I whispered to her, talking of the ducks on the pond and speculating over which of the student couples might be lovers.

My hormones moved into overdrive.... being so close to her... but not knowing if she was just being polite to a nice older man... or perhaps anything more. I became quiet in trying to figure exactly where I stood... and she noticed and seemed uncomfortable. I finally said, "Can I walk you back to your room?" and with a sweet dreamy smile she said "Yes."

She let me hold her hand back to her room and at the door she stopped and ask... "I had the feeling you were trying to ask a question at the pond?" I blushed and said "I don't know if it was question or the resolution of a dilemma?" "Oh really?" she replied, "tell me your dilemma?"

I started and stopped and stammered... and then took a deep breath... "Well... it's this way... I was weighing actions which one the one hand might potentially create problems in a great new friendship... over against wondering that if I didn't, would I ever forgive myself for not pursuing it."

She smiled with a blush... "Well? Did you decided?"

With my voice trembling I said, "not really..."

And she smiled sweetly and said... "Isn't it nice we have two more days for you to work on resolving your problem?"

In a moment I found the nerve to say... "One thing I would like to ask?"

"Yes?" she said drawing herself in and steeling for the potential of an unwelcome question.

I asked with a nervous cough... "My I kiss you goodnight?" and we both laughed at the remembrances of first teenaged kisses. She didn't answer, but smiled and moved forward with a look of invitation on her face.

I leaned forward... trying to not stick my lounge in her mouth and her lips met mine with a peck that was more akin to just having kissed Aunt Martha than a.... a what? A girlfriend? Hardly appropriate for no more than the brief moments we had shared... a friend... a lover... and I dared not even allow myself that thought and hope to remain in an semblance of control.

We paused for a moment frozen in place and she whispered the line from the Jack Nickolson movie... "I think I can do that better if we try again" and our lips met in warm delight... no tongue but a kiss that felt as though the very breath of my life was being sucked away from my lungs.

I looked warily at her face to judge her reaction... and there was that beaming smile and softly whispered... "I'll see you in the morning!"

I walked back to my room torn between the euphoria of "puppy love" and the realization that I had been married to one woman for twenty-eight years with two grown children. I finally convinced myself that she was a very nice young woman who was sympathetic to an older man... and if I didn't want to embarrass myself, I had better keep the reigns on my libido.

Next Day

I walked into the conference room not knowing exactly what I might find... only to be greeted by a dazzling smile and those blue eyes giving me their whole attention. "Did you sleep well?" with a wink she asked...

"Had trouble with dreams last night... hard to tell reality from dreams."

"Oh," she said, "couldn't tell if you had been kissed or just dreamed you had?" Then in a softer voice... "I had the same problem too" and she winked and giggled.

In one bold moment I found the words to ask, "Were they dreams?..... or fantasies?" and she blushed and gave me a screwed up face to know that I'd been put in my place... but with a wink to know that it was a gentle rebuke.

The day when fast with agonizing moments. We worked together but it was so easy to just touch her arm as we talked or her shoulder as we leaned over the table to plan strategy. I was concerned that we didn't disrupt the "decorum" of the group by coupling up... but at the end of the day I wanted to hold her.

When the call for drinks came from the others as quitting time, I asked, "What about somewhere quiet for a nice supper... don't think I should serve you egg salad again tonight?" She laughed and with it there came a relaxing of the rigidness that had held us all day and we went shopping for a restaurant... one with a quiet atmosphere and private booths. We sat holding hands and talking in whispers and not being as hunger as we though we would be... not at least for what was on the table.

Toward the end of the meal I knew we needed to talk... and I ask, "Do we need to talk about the kiss?"

Her eyes looked down and for a long moment there was silence... and quietly she said, "I know you're married... and I am all but... a six year engagement and living together pretty much qualifies."

Quietly I replied, "I know."

She frankly said, "I don't know what I feel... I liked the kiss... and I like you... I'm not shopping for a new romance in my life or an end to the existing one... what about you?"

I took a deep breath and said, "I know how you feel... I know it's crazy and to see this as something more that it is probably foolish. I have roots that I don't want to pull up from... but" with a long sigh and a pause, "my heart is beating like a teenager, my mouth is dry... and the most exciting experience in the last 20 years is I hope happening to me... I though about you all of last night and I can't keep my hands from wanting to touch you today... you have infected me and part of me would go crazy if all that we shared was just that kiss!"

Jocelyn said in a pointed breathless voice, "What do you want to do Richard?"

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe... wanting to answer with all of the passion it was feeling, but scared of frightening her with the bluntness.

"Richard, you can tell me" she whispered.

"Jocelyn, I want to be with you" I stammered.

A long pause followed and the tension mounted... it was obvious that she was struggling with her answer as I had with my question. "Richard... what do you mean?"

I blinked my eyes not wanting to look at her for a moment and with my voice horse with the passion that was building I growled... "Jocelyn, you know what I mean."

"Richard, I need you to tell me... to say it... I'm not good at guessing what people want... it's OK... but I need to hear what you want"

I was so close to the edge emotionally that I was afraid I would start crying... I took a deep breath... and without looking at her, knowing that if I did I could never complete my thought, I said, "Jocelyn, want us to go back to your room and make love sweetheart."

There was a long silence... I wasn't sure if she would slap me or just walk out quietly... but a hand on my arm signaled her announcement... I look at her and with a trembling smile she said... "I may be crazy for this... and I may be terrible at this, but, Richard, I'd like that too!"

Her Room

Inside her room there was awkwardness for a moment... until I just took her shoulders and said... "let's go slow... can we kiss?"

She melted into my arms... relaxed that there was now something to do and that it was OK to just let it happen at it's own pace.

The kiss was gentle... but with a growing intensity. I don't know if it was a kiss... many kisses.... or one blurred evolving kiss that took on a life of its own. A kiss that never stopped for breathes or posture... a kiss that was like a fire that started small and then consumed all in it's reach. I don't know when the first tongue... or who's tongue... got involved first, but the kiss moved from the lips to a dance of tongues... sometimes playful... sometimes choreographed... and sometimes like an invading army. At some point she captured my tongue in the roundness of her mouth and she began a back and forth movement and for all the world all I could think of was that she was giving my tongue "head"... and her tongue in turn began to discover me and began a "thrusting" action into my mouth and the erotic action was so like fucking that I found myself as hard a a rock mimicking against her hips what was happening in my mouth.

Our hands were all but disconnected from the rest of our bodies... feeling hers on my back and mine on hers... from the shoulder blades and the fatness of her breasts under her arms to the flair of the small of her back to soft swell of her butt.

My hand moved between us to feel the swell of her breasts. They had been pressed into my chest... a delightful mixture of hardness and softness... but delightful in that she was pressing herself against me and surely she knew the effect it was having on me. I cupped her breast and felt with my thumb the bud of the nipple under her clothing... and she was still so hungry for my mouth... I just explored and swirled my tongue and feeling her mouth affirm the impact of each new attention by my hand on her breast.

I moved up my hand to her buttons and began to struggle with them... and she stopped! I thought perhaps I had gone to far, but she smiled and said, "let me do those" and I watched as she removed her jacket and then slowly... knowing how sexy she was going... unbuttoned her blouse and pulling it free over her shoulders.

She came back again and the warm intoxicating feel and taste and smell of her skin was incredible... her hole body seemed to have an almost electrical sock to touch it.

I pulled her close and unsnapped her bra and then just let my hands massage her back without encumbrance. Kneading the muscles of her back and feeling her relax into my arms.

Her arms dropped down to her sides and her bra slipped forward and with a little wiggle landed on the floor. She reached up and put her arms on my shoulders and pulled us close so her nipples could press into my chest.

I wanted to feel the softness of her breasts. .. and the hardness of her nipples crested on them... against me. I moved to shed my jacket, loosen the tie and remove it and begin to unbutton my shift.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh... let me do that" she said, "I love to help a man unclothe" she said with a wink. And she did it skillfully... first my shirt and then my undershirt was pulled away from me.

Without a word of coordination, we both stepped back a moment to just look at each other. "How do you feel about an older man?" was asked almost simultaneously as "How do you feel about a younger woman?"... and we broke out into nervous laughter.

"Oh, I love your firm breasts... who wouldn't want to be wanted by someone with such vitality and life in them" I said.

"I love the way you have treated me for the last two days... so tender and considerate... like a woman... you make me feel special... cherished" she said.

"You are someone to be cherished" I said, "Someone who should have the very best... and someone who can be your equal!"

"My equal... I've never wanted someone to be my equal... nor for me to be theirs. I've wanted mentors and encouragers, friends and lovers. I find in you something special that I like... and it's not equality... you treat me special and I love that! Most guys my age are basically wanting to "use" me... to take care of them or their needs.."

"Sweetie... don't become so sure that I'm above flaws... remember I want you... and that may be to "use" you."

"Giving as you are getting isn't "using"... it's called loving!"

"Then I want to "love" you.... I want to get and to give... to make your life wonderful for these few moments... " And we both knew the implications of that next beyond without it being said... there would be decisions made, but for the moment the only decision made without ever being spoken was that we were going to be using/loving one another with mutual consent and determination.

First Time

She stepped back and looked into my eyes... and I wondered if she had changed her mind. There was a nervous look in her eyes and she finally took a deep breath and moved her hands behind her and I heard the distinct sound of a zipper as she unzipped her pants. Slowly she her hands down beside her legs and with the flat of her hands she pulled her pants down slowly. As her pants slid down below her waist revealing the top of her panties. Just before her pants slid down below her womanhood... she stopped and swallowed... and said... "Your turn!"

Trying to be as intentionally as seductive as she had been out of her nervous tension, I unhooked my belt, unsnapped my pants and began to slide the zipper down... and then without anticipation... my pants fell around my ankles. I had forgotten that the weight of the keys and billfold and made it impossible for me to mimic her seduction... and to my embarrassment I looked down to see my pants crumpled at my feet with white briefs and my erection being obvious! I could think of nothing more romantic than looking at her and saying... "Oops!"

She laughed... hands covering her face trying to hide her laughter... her breasts shaking and her pants dropping down to her knees... and I laughed to! Looking at both of us... it broke the ice. We were so uncertain as to how to be seductive and trying so hard to be sexy, and now we both just reached out and hugged and laughed together.

I kicked my pants off and sat her down on the edge of the bed. I kicked my shoes off and pulled off my socks and then moved to her... pulling her pants off... and her panties and looked with awesome amazement. She was shaved and bare... an awesome view. I looked at her face and her eyes glazed as she moved up the bed to make room as she spread her legs for me.

I moved up... wondering just what I should do. I would have loved to touch her and feel her wetness... or to have discovered the feel of her with my tongue, but she reached out and pulled me to her face... to her waiting lips and a kiss that enveloped me. Her hips became a comfortable saddle and I felt her wetness against my erection... moving against me, urging me, evading me. I could only manage to break the kiss long enough to mouth one word... "Now?"

She reached between us and guided me into herself... and I was engulfed... by both of her lips. I could hardly breath as I felt myself beginning the entrance... just a bit... and a bit more. The clearest remembrance of that moment was the enormous heat from her core as she enveloped me. The thrusting became primal. I looked into her eyes but could find no words... the soft moaning became more vocal and it was like pouring gasoline on a fire. I looked and wanted to explain that what I wanted most was to please her, to pleasure her... but she looked with fixed eyes and I heard a mantra coming from deep in her throat. As it increased in volume and tempo, it finally registered... and it drove the beat of our hips.... "do it, do it, do it... " And I did... we did... and somewhere in the madness of that moment we both convulsed... her stomach heaving and curling her into a fetal position with me still in her... and me exploding in that convulsing cavern... leaving me deep in her depths.