The First of Many Ch. 12

Ree will be the first to admit that when it came to driving the train named swinging, she was the engineer of our particular line.

There were times when she'd express a desire to give our participation in the lifestyle a break, and we would. I had no problem with that, that's the thing about the lifestyle, that it's something done, or not done, together. To me, it's a simple concept. When Ree would begin to feel her estrogen begin to stir, she'd suggest that maybe we ought to go to The Club since we hadn't been there in a while. That was Ree-speak for, "I'm ready, let's go fuck somebody."

Again, the driving force, for me, in swinging is doing the forbidden together, enjoying societal taboos together, that's key for me. After we had both crossed the bridge, telling the other of sexual trysts with others by either of us, was sharing, enjoying it together, albeit, separately.

This latest break from swinging was into its eight month and, I was really fine with it. Did I like the lifestyle? Yes, I did, but not enough to break my word to Ree, not enough to break the bond of trust. I still had the situation with Harri that I dealt with on a frequent basis, the guilt, several times, 'almost' making me confess to Ree about the events of Harri's last visit with us. But, in the end, reasoned thinking convinced me that the only purpose such a confession would serve, would be to serve me, to assuage my conscience. That wasn't enough reason to bring trouble into Harri's life or her and Ree's family, should it get out. And it always gets out, somehow, someway.

The eight months stretched into a year, our relationship not suffering from the lack of partners in bed with us. On the outside, as far as I knew, Ree was as content as I was with our latest break, never expressing a desire to return to it. Again, I was okay with that because if both partners are not willing, there's no point.

Or so, I thought.

The beginning of the end happened by a chance encounter, at a hardware store for God's sake, with a husband we knew from The Club. We hadn't seen each other in over a year, since we hadn't been to the club, and while we were friendly, we weren't 'buds'.

"Good to see again, where the fuck have you been?" John said to me as he saw me in the screws section. Apropos, don't you think? We made our way to the check out counter, make banal chit-chat in the queue. We walked outside together, and before parting, his last comment turned the sun dark, the sky black, and the ground beneath my feet, to quiver.

"Good to see you again," reaching to shake my hand in goodbye, "but don't be such a stranger to The Club. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's good that your wife still stops in to party from time to time, but I know my gal would love another romp with you."

He was saying something else, but I couldn't process whatever it was. My head was trying to process what I had just heard, making me question if I heard correctly. I vaguely remember that I waved him off and turned to go to my car, my head still swimming.

I don't know how long I sat there, running the conversation again and again through my head. Starting my car, I remember pulling out of my parking slot, and then, I was in my driveway, sitting in my car, my hands over the keys, but the motor still running. I cannot remember, no matter how hard I tried to, the drive between the store and my home. Not a good thing. Never a good thing.

Ree was off shopping, I was told, but obviously, now, I questioned that. I questioned a lot of things over the past year, that hit me as quirky in their content, but I never made that leap, thinking she was off fucking someone. After all, we had agreed, hadn't we?

Now, I'm not one to go off half-cocked, no pun intended, at situations. I'm a reasonable individual, and reasoned. Nothing would be served by me launching into a diatribe of accusations at Ree; if they were true, she would deny, and if they weren't true, she'd be hurt and angry at me for even thinking that she violated our 'trust'. Thinking it through, I decided to be watchful, more questioning of her errands, and to 'pay attention' a bit more, not just accepting.

The next few weeks were a jumble for me, my mind reeling because I started replaying events of the last year that now, in hindsight, appeared questionable and suspicious. The flat tire, as a late excuse, running into an old friend as another one, etc. etc. Not believing that I was coming to this decision, I decided to find out for myself, to give her an opportunity to 'cheat', if that's what she was doing. Once decided, I formulated a plan, still not believing this, that I was actually doing this. I take no pride in the fact that I was going to spy on Ree, but that was what I was going to do.

Informing Ree, that night, that a last-minute business 'thing' had arisen, I told her that I'd be out of town Monday and Tuesday nights, not at home the entire week, as I had planned.

I left Monday morning, bags in hand as I always did on my business trips. She kissed me goodbye at the door, lovingly, nicely, causing me to question just what the hell I was doing, but kissing her back, I left for the airport. I parked in the short term lot, walked across to the terminal and caught a shuttle to the rental car agency and picked up the reservation. I drove to a hotel, near to my home, but not one that we ever frequented for the lounge or club, on-site.

And then, I watched, I watched from a shopping center parking lot that faced our entryway into our subdivision. I drove by home after a few hours, quickly so's not to be recognized, a hat on my head, something I never wore usually. No strange cars in front of, or near my home, the garage door up, Ree's car still inside. I returned to my spy spot in the shopping center.

Near dusk, just about the time I was berating myself for my foolishness, I saw Ree's car driving out our entryway, turning right. I quickly started my rental, broke a couple of good-driving rules and managed to get behind her, but two cars back, but where I could see and react to her driving.

I followed her to a bar across town from our 'burb. I watched her adjust herself, checking her reflection in the glass of her car door, and watched her walk in, alone. She had chosen one of her most favorable outfits, one that accentuated her breasts and ass. I waited, for a couple of hours before I saw the bar door opening and Ree walking out with two guys. Two guys that I sure as hell didn't know, but judging by the familiarity of Ree with them, she did.

They walked her to her car, she kissing each one, one at a time, passionately from what I could see. One of the two guys walked away, saying something to Ree and the other guy, what, I could not hear, of course. I watched as Ree and her 'friend' got into Ree's car, Ree driving. I watched as they fell into each other's arms in a passionate embrace, kissing each other passionately. I watched as Ree started her car, buckled in, and drove away.

It's surprisingly easy to tail someone, at night especially, easier than I thought it would have been. When I saw her turn into our entryway to the subdivision, I backed off, sure in my own head, where they were heading. She turned, I drove past, continuing for a mile or so, before I u-turned and headed back.

I parked on the street, next to a neighborhood park, the sight of parked cars against the curb here, not an unusual sight. There were walking trails that were often used in the evening as it was a safe spot to be out.

Walking the three blocks back to my neighborhood, it was dark now, the lights on in my neighbors' homes, life in the 'burbs, going on as usual. Approaching my home, I saw an unknown car parked in front of the house, no one inside of it. Walking to my side gate, I quietly let myself in, making little or no noise, certainly nothing loud enough from inside of the house. I felt like a peeping tom, in my own yard, as I quietly made sure that there was no one on the deck.

Listening, I could hear the sounds of music coming from inside of the house. Positioning myself at a vantage point near one of our big trees, I could clearly see into the living room, through the sliders that led out onto the deck. We never, ever closed our blinds on that slider, both of us enjoying the view it gave us of the woods and fields, directly behind our house. Since the house was on higher ground, no one could see into the house from the woods, but we could see down into them, from the edge of the deck.

Ree was sitting on the couch, the two strangers, strangers to me anyway, on either side of her. She had her arms around the necks of both guys, her head turning between the two, kissing each passionately on their 'turn'. One of the guys had his hand under Ree's sweater, the movement clearly indicating that he was feeling her up, playing with her breasts. The other guy had his hand up her hiked-up skirt, and though I couldn't see clearly, there was no doubt in my mind as to what that hand was doing, between her partly opened legs.

I was dumb-struck with shock, hurt, and every negative emotion that I could think of. The funny thing is that my first thought was that this was a 'karmic payback' from my fling with Harri. I realize, now, that I was trying to rationalize her behavior. She didn't know about Harri, I quickly reasoned, so this had nothing to do with that.

I watched as she lifted her hands above her head so that they could remove her sweater. I watched as they each took one of her breasts into their mouths, her hands going to each crotch, rubbing each guy through their pants. I watched as they got her out of her skirt and out of their own clothes. I watched as one kneeled on the couch for Ree to suck his cock, as the other guy went to his knees, on the floor, between her legs, his head diving into her pussy. I watched her get off, and get the guy off that she was sucking. I watched as they each took a turn at fucking my wife, in my house, on my living room floor.

I quit watching, and walked deliberately to the side of the house again, deciding on what I would do next. Yes, I thought of violence, but as I've said before, I'm a reasonable person, not a stupid one.

Using the slider key from the hidey-hole on the deck, I let myself into our master bedroom, quietly. I retrieved my small semi-automatic, and slipped it into my coat pocket, handy if I needed it, praying that I wouldn't. But, there was two of them, and only one of me. Better safe than sorry.

And just like that, I walked out of the bedroom door, down my hallway, and stood at the end, watching as the second guy, not the guy that rode with Ree, popped his load, Ree reaching hers at the same time. And then, I walked out into the foyer, facing into the sunken living room.

"You have two minutes to get your asses out of my house," I announced as menacingly as I could, "on your own, or in a body bag, the choice is yours."

The shocked silence from the living room was heavy in the air. But, those two broke a record for getting pants on and themselves out of my house. Inside of my head, I breathed a sigh of relief, and hearing them speed off, I turned my attention to Ree, who was staring at me from the floor of the living room, her mouth open, her brain trying to say something.

"Get dressed Ree," I said, turning to return to the bedroom, to put the gun away, locking it up.

I returned to the living room, fixed myself a drink at the wet bar in the adjoining den, and sitting in an armchair, I sat down as Ree had gotten herself dressed again, and head down, sat on the couch.

"How long, Ree?" I asked, taking a sip of my scotch over rocks, "And don't tell me this is the only time, don't fucking insult me anymore than you already have."

"Baby," she began to say, but her voice falling silent, searching for words.

"No, not 'Baby'," I said again, "how long?" I persisted.

And she began bawling, gathering herself into a corner of the couch, her arms hugging a couch-pillow to her chest, her very being, seemingly shrinking into itself.

And then, she began to tell me.

And, I listened, listened to it all, not believing what I was hearing, but then, I wouldn't have thought we would have ever had this conversation.

After she grew silent, her eyes on mine, I stood and simply said, "It's over, Ree, it's done and fucking over. Find a lawyer for yourself, and find a place to live, you have a month."

And I walked out, retrieved my rental, found a liquor store, and returned to the hotel, to drink myself into a stupor, finally drinking myself into a, not so restful sleep.

It turned out that the thrill in swinging, for Ree, wasn't the shared encounters, but the 'secret' ones that turned her on. It turned out that, for every encounter she told me about, there were probably two that I didn't know about. It turned out that she was equally free with sharing her body, sharing with men and women, people that I didn't know, so that I wouldn't find out. It turned out that her first marriage had ended because of her cheating on her husband, and not because of the bullshit reason she told me about he being abusive. It turned out that she continued to have her flings after we had agreed to take a break, that she had never thought about her secret sex life being part of our shared agreement. It turned out all to be a lie.

Should I have seen it coming? Probably so, but I was actually naïve enough to believe that we were truthful with each other. Hey, I'm not holding myself on any high moral ground here, but I can say, truthfully, that when we agreed to stop the swinging, I stopped. I stayed true to our promise to each other to 'give it a break'. I regretted, even more, my fling with her younger cousin, Harri, the only sexual fling I ever had, that I didn't tell Ree about.

She can't say that, she can't say there was only one.

That doesn't make me the 'better' person, not even close.

There's more than enough blame to go around for both of us, on many different levels. At the end of the day, however, it was the breaking point for me; not the sex with others, it was never about the sex with others. It was about the breaking of a bond, of a trust, and it was the one thing I couldn't get over.

The thing about swinging is that it's definitely not for everyone, and truth be told, probably not for most. The thing about swinging is that it's a 'sharing' of sex with others, that sharing, with the someone you care about. The sex is recreational; the bond of sharing is what's precious. To do otherwise, is, cheating, plain and simple.

Epilogue

I stayed single for two years before I met my bride of today, Jesse. We've been married for twenty-two wonderful years now, with no secrets between us, never any secrets between us. She's known everything about Ree and I, of our involvement in swinging, from the time we both realized that we were seriously serious about each other, much to our own chagrin. When we met, the last thing either of us was looking for was a 'serious' relationship. Surprise! When you least expect it....

Yes, we participated in the lifestyle, but as a couple, always as a couple, and never because she was forced to, never. She has a story to tell, a story that she wants to tell, from her perspective, from the perspective of a willing participant. And share it she shall, with her words and thoughts, my only input being the writing of her dictation about her view of that part of our lives.

Stay tuned.