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"Look I have to go to work tomorrow so lets get us ready for bed, just unpack what you need for tonight and you can do the rest tomorrow while I'm gone. And when I come home I will bring a letter your mother sent me. It was sealed inside another envelope for me to give to you when you needed it. It arrived two weeks after she died." Jane concluded sadly.
"O.k." Sam smiled at her aunt "I guess I had better brush my teeth before you kiss me again anyway."
- COMMENTS
Lucifer2121over 2 years agoFar from believable; though granted it's a fantasy, in this day and age storyline requires fact-checks as it enhances the eroticism rather than sounding ridiculous hence readers losing interest and start picking on even the minutest of mistakes.
Your story also needs proof reading, could of's instead of could have along with your instead of you're are 5th grade grammar and spelling these days in UK. These interrupt the reader and spoil the reading experience. It could havwe been much better since you cayght an interesting subject.
Sunshine59over 4 years agoWow enriched with knowledge of those rare people who have to learn to cope with a unusual genetic gift ! I love the story so far !😍
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoDecent fiction but no one can self reproduce no matter what the anatomy. Hermaphrodites don't possess sperm and eggs its one or the other. Great writing tho but researching your subject would be best for a believable/relatable story. If you're gonna write fake shit why not write about aliens or monsters or something like that. So your readers know its fake or not possible. You def. have talent so keep writing.
Anonymousabout 10 years agoHow many hermaphrodites have 10 inch penises? How many men have 10 inch penises? Good thing this is a fantasy site, cause that's ridiculous.
Iriscalover 17 years agoIt's not bad, not bad at all. Besides what others have already stated, you do need to work on your grammar, just a little bit. You have quite a few run-on sentences that interrupt the flow of the story.
Other than that, great job. I like what I read.
