The Gift of Usbyflatliner©
The snow fell thick and deep in New York City on Christmas Day 2009 so we were just as glad that we didn't have anywhere to go. It was our first Christmas as a couple and the first Holiday that neither of us would be spending with our families.
We just didn't have enough money to travel across the country because we'd both graduated that awful year and I hadn't found a job in the 8 months since. Randall got work, but not in his field, exactly. He was a Renta-Santa. We were both pretty discouraged that winter. The Arts were hit hard by the recession. Arts majors are at the bottom of the food chain in the best of times. But we felt we couldn't live without doing what we loved; telling the stories that our wounded society needed to hear.
Yes, we were still idealistic. Even though we were unemployed as artists we held onto the dream. Randall and I both did some theater, some performance art pieces. I wrote. Following the dictum that in order to write a good novel you must first write a bad one, I wrote much bad prose. We hung out with our friends, all similarly struggling. We consoled ourselves by believing we were earning our Bohemian Outsider chops. The opportunity to earn those chops hadn't been so good for decades.
Still, we took what pleasure we could. Such as sitting by the fire, sipping eggnog and watching the heavy snow cover New York on Christmas Day. For once the city that never slept was quiet. Looking down the street toward the park we could see islands of light illuminating sparkling white un-trampled snow. Snow fell so thick that streetlights were on in the daytime. No horns blared, no busses roared to disturb the silence. Up to 20" was predicted and it shut the city down. The snowplows wouldn't get to our SoHo neighborhood for days. It truly felt like a holy, silent place.
But this story is about the best Christmas gift I ever got, though I've had many, and many much more expensive, since then. As you can imagine, we were broke that winter. We had sworn a pact to get nothing we couldn't afford for each other. Which meant we could give each other little in the way of material things. So I made Randall a little something. Something he could use throughout the year. The gift of me. The gift of me in the form of a coupon book to be redeemed for specific services. I Included back rubs, foot massages, breakfast in bed; the expected things, I guess. But I also added 52 items of an especially personal nature.
These were things like:
One Blowjob to be administered at the redeemer's chosen time and place.
One striptease and masturbation performance.
One whole-body sensual massage followed by one sex act of the redeemer's choice.
I couldn't wait to see him open his gift in the morning. We both had enough kid in us to be up before dawn and tearing the wrapping from our gifts and I sort of hoped he'd redeem one of his coupons right away.
Randy was a big boy. I mean a Big Boy in all his dimensions; a roly-poly bear/clown of a man. He was always upbeat, always quick with a quip. He kept me laughing through the lean times and I loved him for that most of all. He could mime like nobody else. I know, you're thinking that everyone hates mimes. The beauty of his act was that once they got past the label any audience was charmed by him. Also, if you got up in his face about his miming he could crush you. Nobody messed with this mime. He was the one-man linebacker sized mime revolution and he was going to take over the world.
I like a man with some girth, someone solid with some padding over his muscle. And he was an athlete; it made his act that much better. He could hold a pose exquisitely and move through a range of motions like a ballet dancer. I'll tell you it made him good in bed, too. And his girth extended to his man parts. I loved nothing more than lying pinned under him, my breasts crushed under his hairy chest and my pussy stretched full of him. He could dance into me for hours without flagging; we spent many an impoverished night entertaining ourselves in the bedroom. The name Randy suited him just right.
I admired him so much. I tried to be the best I could for him. Randy liked me to keep my hair long and my nails short, for instance. If he didn't want me to strangle my 24Bs in a bra I wore no bra. When he said he liked to think of me bare-assed naked under my skirt I left the panties off. Always at home, sometimes when we went out. Not working, I could spend days in the chilly apartment busy trying to make a novel out of our hand-to-mouth existence, wearing just one of his big soft sweaters and a floor length, heavy skirt. It suited his sense of humor that I wore striped socks and bunny slippers under it all.
And he'd come in from ho, ho ho-ing and flog me for an hour. That Christmas Eve the party he'd been rented to finished before the blizzard started, so just before dark Randall came bouncing in the door with a big box covered in shiny, red wrapping paper and gold ribbon. He struggled to get it through the doorway. I was aghast. It made my little shoebox-sized gift with the coupon book inside under the plastic tree look puny. It made the tree look puny.
He lay the box on the floor. It filled half of our little living room.
"Oh no, you promised not to get me anything expensive, Randal!" I whined. But he just smiled in his impish way.
"This cost practically nothing, Sammy. It's priceless, really. Don't touch!" he held me back from grabbing it. I wanted to rattle it, guess what was inside. What kid wouldn't?
Randy diverted me, though. He took me in his big bear arms and hugged me into his red Santa suit, lifting me off the floor. I squealed. When he put me down I tore at the coat's buttons and slipped inside with him for a moment, holding to his warmth. He was one of those big guys who give off so much heat he often went out in cold weather in shorts and sandals. I liked to untie him when he came home sometimes, to unwrap him.
And that night he was Santa so I had to work at pulling off the tall black boots, at unbuckling his broad black belt and pulling off the heavy cotton Santa pants. It was a chore even though he helped. We were in a hurry. Underneath the costume he wore a red union suit. So many buttons.
"You need to get out of that godawful moth-eaten suit, sweetheart," I whispered and began to unbutton the longjohns.
He looked at me with such love, I recall. I never really understood his attraction to me. He dwarfed me. I was a frump; plain, my face nondescript, my long hair mousy, my butt too soft and wide, I thought. I was pigeon-toed and a little cross-eyed. He swore he loved every unremarkable part of me. We could agree on my boobs; they stood firm and high and I was proud of them, which I considered my only redeeming physical feature. I didn't understand his worship of my body, but I didn't argue. If I was good enough for him, I was good enough.
I'd been working myself up to a fervent horniness waiting for him. Imagining him using the coupons I made. Just dreaming about being shut in our den by the storm and being wrapped in the furry blanket of him had my pussy twanging with longing, throbbing with tiny pulses of heat, clenching like a lemon squeezer. I dripped.
His eyes danced with playfulness as I pulled the undershirt apart and buried my face in his chest fur. I luxuriated in the oakey smell and the scratchiness of his chest. Reaching into the fly of the union suit I gave his cock a squeeze. It hung heavy from its forest of hair. Did I mention he was hairy? He had an all-over pelt. I was particularly fond of his back hair.
I confess; I loved a fat, hairy mime. You should be so lucky.
We quickly got him undressed down to his own fur coat. Randy's full auburn beard made a nimbus around his face, framing his smile and twinkling green eyes. His hands, like paws, took me by the shoulders. He bent to give me a sweet kiss that mounted into a passionate one. I reached up to hold his face to mine, sucking his lips, sparring with his tongue. His right hand walked its way down my ribs, rubbing the side of my breast, the nipple already pinched with desire. When he slid the hand up under my sweater and cupped my boob I whimpered. His power, his so solid 'presence' made me weak.
I loved it when he took me like an animal.
I pushed away from him and turned my back, looking over my shoulder, grinning. I went straight to the end of the couch and bent over the thick bolster. I spread my legs and waggled my butt at him. This was one of Randy's favorite games, too. He knew what to do. I loved his knowing. I loved his primal virility, his mastery of me.
He dropped to all fours and lifted my dress, crawled under. He snuffled, snorted, bit my inner thigh. I spread my legs more and lay my head into the seat of the couch, knocking my glasses askew. My ass in the air, Randy licked up my leg, tracing the track of my juices. He nosed at my cleft, pushed into my bush, butted me. Our furs mingled. He licked; I quivered. Up in the dark heat under my skirt his mouth kissed my other lips. French kissed me there while his hands held my cheeks apart.
I was a female in rut presenting to my mate. Inarticulate with passion I could only pant, impatient to be mounted. I reached back, clutched at my dress and pulled it up over my ass. He stood and saw the wild-eyed pleading in my face jammed into the couch.
In the mirror on the back of the apartment door I saw us in full. I, an upended pile of clothing, my pale white ass sticking up helplessly, my extended legs spread wide, feet in bunny slippers pointed inward. He, a towering male animal, chest thick, barrel-legged, head held high in a Santa hat, smelling for game. Smelling me. My juice sparkled in his beard. His prong was dark, proud and long and swung like a boom as he reached for me.
When he grasped my hips and pulled me back I went limp. I willed myself open to him. I wanted to turn myself inside out, reach out with my cunt and grab him, pull him in. Not necessary. He speared me on the first try. I felt just his fat, round knob socketed in me for a moment, then the long, slow pressure of his descent. I was pressed down into the couch, crushed onto the armrest under my pelvis. Willingly, eagerly, I was taken.
There never was a sense of time passing when he loved me like that. He ran his cock in and out of me a dozen or a hundred times, I couldn't tell or care. Lovemaking is measured on a sliding scale. I rose up the bell curve, first gently, then straight up, exploding into the white of an orgasm as blinding and crystal sharp as the snow outside. Then slowly down the other side as the tide of ecstasy receded, stair stepping down into exhaustion.
I don't remember going to bed that night. I suppose he carried me like a cave man to his lair, lay me on his pile of animal hides and then maybe went around pissing to mark his territory. The dreams were always ones of contentment then, of security. In America the bear loves you. He loved me anyway.
I woke once in the night, hot and sticky between the legs. I snuck out from the covers, sliding from under his heavy arm and used the toilet. I washed his semen from my thighs, sniffing the man smell of it. Visions of the sugarplum purple of his cock's knob swam in my head. Santa would be coming soon, again, pun intended, and I slipped back into Randy's drowsy embrace anticipating Christmas morning.
When I next awoke I was alone. I missed the furnace that usually lay beside me.
"Randy?" I called. No answer.
I stretched and pulled myself up, still in sweater and dress. Outside the Christmas dawn was just limning the snow that had fallen all night. I stepped from the tiny bedroom into the living room. A fire snapped in the grate. No Randy.
Two steps and I could see that he wasn't in the kitchen or the bathroom. He wasn't in the apartment at all. Where and why would he go on a morning like this, this morning especially? I thought a moment, then shrugged and went to the kitchen to make some tea. Ginseng vitality with a big slug of agave nectar. I made one for us both. Surely he would be back soon.
I took them to the living room and sat on the couch. Fond memories of the night before teased me as I rubbed the arm of the couch where he'd overcome me. Or come over me. Either way I was happy.
Then I noticed the large card attached to his present. My curiosity about the big box got the better of me and I went over to inspect it. I pushed a corner to rattle it. I wouldn't budge; it was very heavy. Odd. I opened the card. It read:
A Christmas at home with Samantha
Is better than winning an Oscar
She likes to make love to a panther
A tame one who drinks from a saucer.
This gift will expand her horizons
Its not to be found at the mall
Where Barbies are ranked by the dozens
But this is her own private doll.
Typical ridiculous doggerel from my Randall. So sweet, so silly. I admit I cried a bit reading it, hugging it to my chest. Where was that dear man?
The box made a noise. Suddenly it was obvious where he was. I pulled up the fancy wrapped lid and saw him curled inside in the fetal position. Stark naked.
"Randy?" No response. I could see he was breathing. I shook his shoulder. "Sweetheart?"
Then I saw the booklet in the box with him. Picked it up. The cover said;
Randy Love Doll
I stood there puzzled, a sneaky suspicion building.
"Randy, sweetheart?" I shook him again. Still no response. OK, so I was willing to play along. I opened the manual and began to read.
Congratulations! You've chosen the most advanced Love Doll on the market today. The Randy Love Doll has been developed and refined by dedicated engineers to bring you the most long-lasting and memorable pleasure.
Although the Randy Love Doll has been built to exacting specifications care must be taken in its use. Please follow all instructions carefully to get the maximum enjoyment from your Randy Love Doll.
Your Randy Love Doll is equipped with three settings: Quickie, Standard (the default setting) and Tantric. In addition, your Randy Love Doll has three modes, which can be used in each setting or in combination (for Advanced Users): Manual, Oral and Phallic.
The Standard setting and the basic use of the Manual, Oral and Phallic modes are covered in this manual. Visit randylovedoll.com for tips and tricks for Advanced Users. Also visit the forum to share information with other Randy Love Doll customers.
A further exclusive feature of your Randy Love Doll is the Variable Intuitive Drive. This feature allows the user to adjust the responsiveness of the Randy Love Doll to his or her exact preference. Simply by speaking a number from one to one hundred causes the Randy Love Doll to perform on a scale beginning from complete control to total independence. For instance, in phallic mode on the standard setting, speaking the number fifty will result in your Randy Love Doll moving in direct mirrored response to the users motions. At zero (the default setting) the Randy Love Doll is immobile, at 100 your Randy Love Doll will execute a random program of actions that cannot be predicted.
A further exclusive design of your Randy Love Doll (for Advanced Users) allows you to customize the vocal instructions associated with each number. For instance, "75" may be programmed as "Oh, yes, fuck me hard, baby!" Be sure to visit randylovedoll.com for tips and tricks for Advanced Users and more information about the use of this feature.
Your Randy Love Doll includes an overdrive feature, which can be engaged for brief periods during use. This effectively advances the Variable Intuitive Drive setting manually by a factor of two. Overdrive is engaged by insertion of an object, preferable a lubricated finger, into Anus (H). Overdrive should be used sparingly.
Your Randy Love Doll is self-lubricating. During use a clear fluid will be expressed from Wand (A) and mouth (G). This is normal. In addition a complimentary bottle of avocado oil lubricant is included in the box for your convenience.
Your Randy Love Doll may be immersed in warm water for cleaning. Mild soaps should be used and may be applied vigorously without fear of damage to the doll.
Sharp objects, open flame, caustic substances, small children and dogs should be kept away from your Randy Love Doll.
Regular use of your Randy Love Doll will result in prolonged life of the product.
Set up for first use:
Open the container in which your Randy Love Doll was shipped.
Break down the sides of the box to create a flat unobstructed surface.
Using the diagram on the next page locate the Multi-purpose Wand attachment (A) located between Right Leg (B) and Left Leg (C). The Multi-purpose Wand is used to inflate the Randy Love Doll as well as control other functions as described in the Advanced Users section of randylovedoll.com.
Place your mouth over the end of the Multi-purpose Wand and blow gently.
At once the Multi-purpose Wand will extend to its full length.
Next, you should see Right Leg (B) begin to extend.
Continue blowing on the Multi-purpose Wand until all extremities including parts Right Leg (B), Left Leg (C), Right Arm (D) and Left Arm (E) are fully extended.
Take your time with this process.
A word of caution: Careful modulation of the use of the Multi-purpose wand is required to fully enjoy your Randy Love Doll. Your Randy Love Doll has been designed to deliver hours of extended use, however under some circumstances it may become overheated. Signs of overheating include a curling of the Toes (J) on both Right Leg (B) and Left Leg (C). Irregular, uncontrolled movement of the central torso section (K) in which the Multi-purpose Wand moves in a forward/backward motion may also occur. If overheating occurs the Multi-purpose Wand will express a white fluid measuring approximately 10 milliliters, then retract. For your safety and convenience this fluid is designed to be edible and easy to clean. It may stain some fabrics. If overheating occurs during use you may switch to Manual or Oral mode, or allow the Randy Love Doll to cool down for approximately 20 minutes, then resume from step one. Visit Randylovedoll.com for more information on this topic.
Once inflation is complete your Randy Love Doll will be on its back in a spread-eagled position with an expression of pleasure on its life-like face (F).
Locate your Randy Love Doll's mouth (G) and anus (H). These will be important later.
Rest for a few minutes. Familiarize yourself with and memorize the positions of parts A, B, C, D, E, F, G and H. Repeated use of your Randy Love Doll will result in less need to refer to these instructions later.
Using your Randy Love Doll for the first time (for Female users)
It is recommended that the user have experience with the Quickie and Standard settings of the Randy Love Doll before moving on to advanced settings. Incorrect use of your Randy Love Doll will void the warranty and could result in personal injury or damage to your Randy Love Doll. Please do not attempt any of the Advanced User settings or combination modes until the instructions in this manual have been followed and mastered. Visit randylovedoll.com for tips and tricks for Advanced Users.
Using Standard setting in the Phallic mode and Variable Intuitive Drive set to zero
Example A: With the Randy Love Doll in the fully extended position straddle the doll above central torso section (K) facing toward face (F). Insert Multi-purpose Wand (A) into vagina. If necessary apply supplied lubricant to both vagina and Wand (A). Press vagina firmly onto Wand (A). Slide vagina upward along Wand (A) until nearly disengaged. Press vagina firmly onto Wand (A) again. Repeat as necessary.