The Glimpse! Ch. 03

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Macpappy
Macpappy
137 Followers

She came from the kitchen with 2 long necks and handed me one, then we sat down.

"This place is beautiful, Lisa. Nice job!" I commented.

"Thank you. I hoped you liked it. Did you buy a house in St. Louis?"

"Nah, I'm renting an apartment. Didn't want to get into a debt just yet, until I met 'hell bitch', that is."

"Hell Bitch? Where did that come from?" She asked, sort of laughing.

"Well, the guys I ride with say that normally people who love their bikes give them a name and it's normally female. At the time, female and bitch were synonymous to me and they could all go to hell. So? Hell Bitch was born!" She looked at me with a hurt expression. Oh well, she asked, didn't she?

"Did you put these pictures on the wall because I was in town and you knew you could manipulate me into coming here?" I asked, trying to push her buttons.

"No, they have been there for over two years, ever since I moved in. And I didn't manipulate you, Joe. I asked you to come in, that's all. You chose not to leave. And I'm glad you didn't. It's so good to have you here." She said with a serious look. She didn't appear to be trying to play me.

"So, how has Trisha been? She couldn't join you on this trip?" She asked curiously.

I snapped my head towards her, wild eyed looking at her. I opened my mouth ready to snap, but I bit my tongue and stood up to leave and she grabbed my arm. She looked shocked and scared. "What? What's the matter, Joe? Don't walk away from me, please? Please sit down." She begged.

I looked down at her. "Trisha and I are no longer an item, ok? Haven't been for a while. Look, I need to get out of here..." I felt restless. I felt like I was going to explode.

"No, please, Joe. I'm sorry. I didn't know. Truly, Joe! I am so sorry. Please sit down." She had a look of sorrow now.

I took a deep breath and let it go. She pulled me down next to her and I just looked at the floor. Why does she do this to me? It's like I seem powerless to her, sometimes.

"Joe. What's going on with you? What happened to you?" She honestly had no clue!

I gave up. I was tired. I was pissed. I was still in pain. I was afraid. It was wearing me down. "That's a conversation for another time." I said flatly. This was not going like I hoped. But I don't even know what I hoped for. I guess you need hope before you can hope for anything. Fuck it! "Lisa, I need to go. Really, thanks for the beer, but I need to lay down and crash. If you want, we can talk tomorrow." "No. Uh-Uh, you're not leaving. My husband doesn't sleep in a motel while he's in town. He stays here!"

"Uhh...Lisa? Didn't you get the memo? We're divorced! I'm your ex-husband. Have been for a little while now." I put it as plainly as I could.

"Ok, my ex-husband doesn't sleep in a motel when he is in town. It's ridiculous. I have 2 spare beds, a spare bathroom, and a pull out. I have waited almost 3 years to be able to talk to you and you will have to kill me before I let you leave tonight." She said boldly and adamantly.

I looked at her like she was insane. What possible good would it do for me to stay here? But, then...How much more pain could she cause me? All I could muster in reply was "Whatever."

"Good. I will leave the light on in the spare room for you. Make yourself at home. I am going to get a shower. I will see you in a bit, ok?" She seemed happy, now.

She went down the hall and I got up and went to the spare room and turned the light off. I fell back on the bed and my body went limp in relaxation but my mind was going 100 mile an hour. I never thought we would be under the same roof again. What's next, a preacher? I must be out of my mind.

Well, I must have dozed off soon, because I was woken by Lisa pulling covers over me and kissing my cheek and she whispered "It's good to have you home, baby."

I woke up and it was still dark outside. I turned the lamp light on and I saw something that startled me. I white lace-covered book with a white ribbon! It was sitting on the nightstand. I recognized it immediately as the one from my dream. I was starting to get 'freaked out'! I sat up and stared at it for a few moments and something inside me told me to take it and open it. I took it and placed it on my lap and, reluctantly, opened it. I half expected ghosts to start flying out of it, but that didn't happen. It was a photo album.

The first picture was the same one Trisha saw. The one of all four of us at Fat Tuesday. I looked hard at that picture. How I looked. It's hard to believe I looked like that! So young. Back when I was a Lieutenant. I was so happy for Lisa that day and I remember thinking that day there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be. In Fat Tuesdays? No. In Lisa's arms. So close that our bodies touched! I can see now what Trisha was talking about. I turned the page.

Wow. I had forgotten about that! The welcome home at the airport. I think it was Pam who took the picture of Lisa and me hugging. Damn! I remember that hug like it was 10 minutes ago. I really hoped she would be there. I missed her so much. And there is a picture of Lisa, Mom, Dad and I at the airport. Look at me! It is like I was king of the world. I can't say that I have had that feeling lately. But I felt a lump in my throat looking at the next one.

I wore my dress whites and Lisa had the most fabulous dress I had ever seen. We were facing each other in a close-up (waist and up) photo, holding hands, and staring/smiling at each other. I was lost in that woman's eyes. In her smile. I vowed that day to live my life happily to see that smile everyday, forever. God, I loved her! And she loved me! I wanted to cry looking at that picture. I knew the guy in the picture was inside me somewhere. I could feel him. What else would make me feel this way?

I turned the page and saw the two of us laughing as I held out the camera and took a snap of us on our honeymoon in Miami. I remember us playfully arguing over whose turn it was to take a picture and I started tickling her stomach to get my way. She then started tickling me with her nails on my exposed ribs. The picture was taken seconds before the camera was dropped on the beach and we ended up in a passionate kiss and heavy breathing. We headed up to our suite and made love for the rest of the afternoon. I can still smell her that day. Feel her around me. Man! How did my life get so fucked up? Why?

Yep, theres our first house in Jacksonville. Looking at it now, it wasn't near the house Lisa has now, but it was a mansion to us. I remember carrying my wife across the threshold and christening the floor in the master bedroom right after we closed on the house. Sure, the floor was hard, but her love and warmth more than made up for that. She made me feel invincible. I could accomplish anything as long as I had her. I knew in my heart that I was nothing without her.

My tears ran as I looked through the rest of the album. In the back cover, I saw a flattened rose. It dawned on me that it was the one she gave me at the airport. I held on to it the whole time in Japan. The life I once had. Why did she do this to me? Why did I not throw that bitch Barbara out the bathroom door? I closed the photo album and noticed that the sun was starting to come out. I didn't get more than 2 and half-hours of sleep. But I wasn't tired right now. I got up and walked into the front yard and leaned against my bike and watched the magic of a sunrise. Then it dawned on me I hadn't seen one since the day after Trisha and I went on our first date.

The colors were magnificent. Blue blending to purple, blending to orange, blending to yellow, then light blue to the whiteness of the sun. After the sun rose I walked into the backyard and walked around, checking things out and thinking. Trying to figure out where things are with me. I checked out the shed and it was arranged as if I had been there. Tools all neatly organized. Clean mower, just like I had left it. I shrugged and closed the shed door to find Lisa behind me. I was a little startled. I told her I was going to put a bell around her neck. She laughed and handed me a cup of coffee. I sure missed her laugh and smile.

"What are you up to out here? I figured you would be in bed asleep."

"I watched the sunrise and then just checked things out." I told her.

"Oh, I haven't seen one in a long time. You should have came and got me. It was pretty, I bet."

"I wasn't sure you would appreciate waking you up." I replied.

"Probably not, but I would have loved to see it with you." She smiled. I wish she would quit doing that.

She continued. "Are you hungry?"

"I could eat. What did you have in mind?"

"I wanted to make some eggs and biscuits with gravy."

"You're trying to seduce me, aren't you?" I asked with a smile. She knows that is my favorite for breakfast, when I get to eat breakfast.

She just smiled warmly. "Come on, let's get breakfast going. By the way, what did you have planned for the day?"

"Lisa, I don't make plans anymore. So I didn't have anything planned, why?"

"You promised me a ride on the 'bitch'. I woke up hoping for you to take me today. It looks like it is going to be a beautiful day."

"Well, it's the least I could do for you making breakfast. I don't get breakfast very often. I usually miss it."

"Well, you wont today. A growing boy has got to eat."

We went in and had breakfast. She looked perfect in that long nightshirt that came to her middle thighs. She still takes my breath away. I need to get back to St. Louis. Fast! She knows too many of my buttons to push in me to make me comfortable. How could she do that to me? I started to get moody, meaning quiet and enclosed.

"What's wrong, Joe?"

"Nothing! Let's just get this ride over with. I have to get back to St. Louis." I said, trying to show no emotion.

"Why? Whatcha got going on that cant wait?"

"I need to look for a job."

"Why? What happened at your old one?"

"That's something I'm not ready to talk about." I snapped.

"Okay! Fair enough, uuhh, I'll go get changed."

She came out and I felt kicked in the head. Denim cut-off shorts, old T-shirt tied in a knot at her button, her hair in a ponytail. Did she ever 'not' look incredible? I started getting mad again thinking that she started the chain reaction that ruined my life. I put my shades on and headed out to the bike and got her warming up. Lisa came out and I helped her on and we were off. We cruised down Hwy. 87 and when we approached I-10 she suggested heading to Blackwater River State Park near Harold, FL. So after another 30 minutes we were there and she said she wanted to take a walk through the woods. She was telling me about her dad taking her canoeing there when she was a kid. We got out about a quarter-mile into the woods when she turned and stood in front of me placing her hand on my chest.

"Alright, Joe. What's going on with you?"

"Come in, Lisa. Not now!" I said, complaining. I wasn't ready for this.

"Joe what has happened to you? You never had a problem telling me how you feel, so why stop now?"

"Well, I have you to thank for that, don't I?" I looked sternly at her.

"Yes! Joe! Yes you do, and I am as sorry as I can be for what I did to you. I wish so badly that I could take it back! The hardest thing I ever had to do was realize that I couldn't, no matter how much I wished for it. I am sorry Joe."

"That may be true, Lisa, but 'sorry' ain't gonna make things right. So let's just drop this!" My hands started shaking.

"No! We are not going to drop this. Now talk to me. Tell me you hate me! Tell me to go to hell! Beat the hell out of me if it would make you feel better. I love you, Joe, and I don't want to see you like this." She said getting louder.

"Lisa, you need to back the fuck up!" I warned, wide eyed.

"Why? You want to hit me? If that's what you want, DO IT!"

I turned my face to look away from her and then she slapped my chest! "DO IT!"

I felt like I was boiling and was afraid I would hurt her so I turned around to walk away. "Don't you walk away from me, Joe!" She said, grabbing my arm and turning me. When I turned, her hand was headed towards my face when I caught it and pushed it away. I was enraged further than I ever had been before and all of a sudden I had her neck in my hand and up against a tree ready to squeeze the life out of her. I screamed "FUCK YOU!"

I saw tears coming out of her blood shot eyes and her face was reddish purple. I lightened my grip on her and she showed no fear. Just anguish. "Talk to me Joe!"

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DESTROY ME LIKE THAT, YOU FUCKING BITCH?"

"BECAUSE I WAS STUPID, JOE!" I took my hand off her neck. She caught her breath and looked me dead in the eyes. "I was stupid."

I stepped away from her and sat down on a nearby stump. I hung my head down.

"Joe! You have to understand. When you came home and told me you fucked Barbara, I was devastated! A part of me knew that it wasn't entirely your fault and understood the mistake. And I loved you even more that you loved me enough to be honest. But another huge part of me felt like you were trying to replace me. You had already told me that you were tired of us not being together much any more. We had tried for years to have a child and were unsuccessful. I know the doctor said that we were both ok, but I wanted so bad to give you a son. I started thinking that I was the problem. I felt like less of a woman and became unsure of myself in relating to you. And when you told me that, a big part of me felt that I drove you to that. You hurt me at a time when I was insecure and didn't know what to do. While you were gone those few days after that, I needed someone to talk to. So I talked to Rachel at work. She had just went through a nasty divorce and figured she would know how I feel. The problem was she convinced me that if a man cheats once, it is certain that he will do it again, and that you were seeking something in Barbara that I didn't give you."

"Lisa, that is complete bullshit! You know me! You know I don't lie and you know how I felt about all of it. I felt bad enough to let you get your revenge so we could move on. I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want to lose what we had. I figured maybe a week and then we would move on. But, no! You let it go on for a fucking month and destroyed me! How could you be so stupid? How could you listen to her about me?" I yelled back.

"I let her convince me that if we wanted to stay together then I need to punish you to an inch of your sanity. So, that's what I did. Honey, I was confused, angry, hurt, betrayed, devastated and ultimately too stupid to hang on to you. She just went through a cheating spouse and I thought she was giving me good advice. I thought she was my friend. Joe, I didn't know what to do! I knew I didn't want a divorce but I knew that my heart was aching and I didn't want to trust it. Baby, when you left, I realized what I already suspected, and should have listened to my heart. I knew that Rachel wasn't really my friend. She just wanted to lash out her pain on any man she could. If it makes any difference, she was missing some teeth the day after you left. I knew then what a horrible mistake I made. I'm not blaming Rachel for this. It was my decision what to do. At that point the only thing that mattered to me was making you feel like I did. I didn't talk to my friend about it; I alienated him and made him feel worse than I ever did. I drove my friend away. And I promised myself that I would never disregard what my heart tells me from that day forward. That is why I have been waiting for you. My heart! My head told me I don't deserve to be happy and my heart tells me that you are the only one that can complete me. That is why I didn't move on.

"That is still a stupid, lame fucking excuse, Lisa."

"I know, and I was a stupid, lame fucking woman. I am working hard on changing that."

"You have no idea what that has done to my life." I shook my head.

"That's what I am trying to find out, you jerk. Talk to me! I am your friend Joe! This isn't about my love interests or reconciliation, this is about you! What is going on with you?" She insisted.

"YOU RUINED MY LIFE! THAT'S WHATS GOING ON WITH ME!" I screamed. I looked up and took a deep breath and lowered my head, I had to calm down.

"Lisa. You are everything to me! You have no idea what my own fuck up done to me. I hurt so deep because I know it hurts you! I never wanted to hurt you. I agreed to your revenge because I thought it would be a one or two day thing and we could work this out. I didn't want to lose you, Lisa. But when you put me through a month of fucking Rob everyday, not talking to me, apparently not loving me I was losing my mind."

"I did and DO love you Joe! Don't ever tell me I didn't love you..." She interrupted.

"Shut the hell up and let me finish. It's my turn now! Then when I saw him sleeping in my spot next to you, where I should have been, that was it! That destroyed me. I didn't care anymore because if you would do that to me then you must not care either. I never wanted to see you again. That's why I left you everything...even my 401k. So it would be no contest and I wouldn't have to come back and see you, even if it was for 5 minutes. I wanted to get over you.

But when we had that talk on the phone I knew that that would never happen. That I loved you so much, but I also hated you. I hated that you made me feel this way. I hated that I trusted you with my heart and it meant nothing to you."

"Joe, you're heart is everything..."

"Lisa, one more word and I'm gonna bust you right in the mouth! I said shut the fuck up!" I think she believed me.

"But, still, the fact remains, I DO love you, terribly. So, after the papers were signed I was depressed and needed to do something. So I joined the gym 3 days a week and the other 2 days I took dance lessons. That's where I met Trisha. She was the dance instructor. After a while we went out and started seeing each other as friends with benefits. Months later we noticed that we were exclusive but was never a confessed formal thing. Things were going great until Dad had the heart attack. I told her she didn't have to but she insisted on going to help mom and me."

"She sounds like a wonderful woman." She said on a flat note.

"She really is, Lisa. Anyway, I was feeling like a low-life for not spending more time with Dad in his latter years and I took him for granted." I started crying and she crawled over to me and hugged me. "I got to talk to him and watch him die." I pulled her chin off my shoulder and looked at her. "His dying words were telling me not to let pride destroy me. That you were back in town and basically I should get back with you. He died minutes later and I miss him so much. I want to talk to him so bad, right now."

"Anyway, Trisha dumped me as soon as we got home."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because of you!" I said matter of fact. "She saw our picture at Fat Tuesday; she saw the way we looked at each other at the funeral. She knew you still wanted me and she could tell there were still feelings for you. She said she wanted a man that would look at her like I did you and she felt I would never see her the way I see you and that I should go back to you! It seemed like the whole world had gone insane except for me. So, obviously I stopped the dance lessons and put those 2 days in the gym. I had so much frustration and pain that I tried to work it out in the gym for a few hours a day, as you can tell. But I over did it one day and pulled a hamstring muscle on the squats and I was benched for a few months. I got restless and bought the 'bitch'. I had it customized and started riding with Matt and his buddies. Soon they were my buddies too and we rode all over the country. I went wild and fucked every girl that would spread their legs for me. That went on for a year and I thought that I was happy because I didn't think about you when I was with those sluts. All was well until Trisha knocked on the door last week and got upset seeing me just finishing fucking two women. I chased after her and told her to go to hell and she had no right to be upset about anything. She left me! The problem was that when I seen her all of the pain, frustration, anger, rage, love and every other emotion came back at one time and I was pissed about it! I kicked the women out and went to see Matt at the bar. That's when a Christian biker started in on me about being saved and knowing God. So I was arrested for assault. I broke his jaw and cheek and warned him not to ever mention God to me again. I blame God for what I am going through. All I wanted was to go back to before I fucked up with Barbara and still be with you.

Macpappy
Macpappy
137 Followers