The Gold StandardbyAlgonquin Twit©
It was the day after Thanksgiving when I stood at a urinal next to him. Of all the crowded stores in all the crowded malls with all the crowded parking lots off crowded streets and highways I found myself watching this fuck's stream splashing into a pool of water. Okay, okay, that's too much of a coincidence. Ever since my girlfriend, excuse me... my ex-girlfriend explained to me what a wonderful lover this man was, well, I just had to find out what the big deal was.
So here I find myself stalking him, following him into the restroom so I could take a quick peek at his equipment. Were there it was, nothing spectacular, six... six and a half inches or so, chromium hydraulics and the standard circumcised purplish head. Anyway, after two quick shakes, he slipped it back into his pants, zipped up the zipper and turned away.
He walked directly to the restroom door, pulled it open and disappeared back into the crowd. The asshole didn't even bother to wash his hands and then he undoubtedly grabbed the hand of the woman I loved and simply strolled away.
I tried to act like it didn't bother me, what else could I do standing there with my limp dick dripping onto my shoes. "Damn," I moaned, shaking my cock off and tucking it away. I walked over to the sinks, pushed the soap dispenser and washed my hands. "And to think she thinks he's a good lover," I moaned.
"Excuse me," a man seemed to suddenly materialize from what I thought was a bank of empty toilet stalls. "You seem to have a predicament."
"If you pardon the pun... pre-dick-a-ment," he smiled crassly. "Anyway, I think your woman's new lover may not be exactly what you think."
"What? Why are you talking to me?"
"Here's my card. I'm in enhancements, penile enhancements and well, I recognized your adversary as a previous client."
"But aren't you sworn to some code of secrecy, confidentiality or something like that?"
"Well, technically I am , but if there is the possibility of another sale involved all that goes out the window."
"Okay, I understand. So this guy has some enhancement?"
"Well, you took a good look didn't you? Anything stand out as extraordinary?"
"Let's see, six inches, maybe six and a half, circumcised, chromium hydraulics... no I can't think of... wait a minute, CHROMIUM hydraulics?"
"Yes my friend, instead of the standard flesh tone plastic hydraulics, your adversary was sporting the high chrome package, featuring lubricating gel and a warming, vibratory plate. Yes, your standard hydraulics will let you maintain your tumescence for however long your lover needs, the high chrome package will lubricate, warm and vibrate her to the next level and beyond."
"The next level and beyond?"
"Sexually speaking of course. And it's all shiny and everything, the women really love that."
"What can I do?"
"Well sir, I think you should consider an upgrade."
"An upgrade," I asked.
"Yes. Have you considered the Gold Standard? For three easy payment of $2995.00 we can upgrade those old hydraulics to the new gold standard, with improved motion control, full lubrication, warming, vibration and a new effect we call the "warble effect."
"Yeah, a kind of side to side thing... the women just adore it. It's bright and shiny and accepted at banks, restaurants and businesses across the nation."
"And all I do..."
"Is simply slide it in, whether it's a credit slot or a fine woman, the gold standard just does the rest."
"I'll take it," I replied and in just two short weeks I found myself standing at my ex, but soon to be current girlfriend's apartment.
"Charlie, what are you doing here? Mike said something about you stalking him."
"Stalking, I wasn't..." wait a minute, I don't need to explain myself. I looked her in the eye, reached down, unzipped my pants and...
"Gold, you have the gold standard?" she exclaimed. She grabbed me, pulled me into her apartment and immediately began pulling her clothes off.
Shutting the door behind me, I quickly undressed and caught her as she leapt up into my arms, spreading her legs wide and clamping herself to me. Fortunately my gold standard hydraulics pre-lubricated the head of my cock and it slid into her wet opening with alarming ease. I just stood there as my cock began to vibrate, lubricate and warm her. Just as she was beginning to moan I moved my mouth a certain way and the warble effect kicked in.
"What's that?" she asked, "that, that, that, that that, oh god yes, yes. Don't stop keeeeeeep... oh I'm coming, yes, yes." Her body stiffened and then she became completely relaxed for a few moments when she suddenly began moving, humping me, pumping her hips back and forth.
"Yes, yes, again, oh god, again."
It went on for almost an hour. I lost count after nine or so orgasms. It was the warble effect, it simply helped me to fuck her brains out. Anyway, when it seemed her strength was leaving her, I moved my mouth again and I just fucked her normally until I came. Nothing spectacular except when I finished she whispered, "I just love it when you come inside me."
Later that night we went out to dinner and when it came time to slip the gold standard through the credit slot my girlfriend slapped the waitress' hand away and carefully guided my cock into the slot. We walked home arm in arm and then spent most of the night exercising the gold standard.
My life, I should say our life was wonderful for the next month or so. We were inseparable making love maybe two, maybe three times a night. We went out a lot, to all the fashionable restaurants and bars. Yes, we were the perfect couple. The perfect couple until one night we spotted her old boyfriend in a bar. He actually came over to us, shook my hand and began talking.
After carefully wiping my hand off with the napkin I snuggled closer to my wife and proudly talked about how happy we were now and how I hoped things were going good with him.
"As a matter of fact things have been wonderful," he replied, "In fact, let me pay for your drinks."
I nodded thanks and stepped back while he unzipped and pulled out... he pulled out...
"Platinum?" my girlfriend exclaimed.
The no hand washing son of a motherfucking bitch whipped out a seven and a half inch, ultra enhanced platinum hydraulic cock with a 3D hologram of her hovering above the head. No sooner had he slid it into the credit slot than my girlfriend... my ex-girlfriend was on her knees carefully retrieving his cock from the slot and easing it back into his pants. The two of them walked away without another thought of me.
I noticed the waitress looking at me with an expression of pity. Hoping to save face I quickly unzipped my pants and showed her my gold standard but she merely shook her head, frowned and walked away. I headed for the men's room where I walked up to a urinal, pulled out my limp dick and began to pee. When I finished I stood there looked down at the tarnished gold. Before I could shake it several droplets fell down onto my shoe.