The Grievous Widow

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The police investigators would bitch at Me as too why didn't I call them first? I bluntly told them "The young woman needed her mother and medical attention before all else. The asshole was dead and all you have left to do is the fucking paperwork while taking Me into custody!" I did admit that I was willing to go to prison for protecting that nymphet. {That's My story & I'm sticking to it!}

Then My friend's recommended attorney arrived and I don't know if she was madder at Me for talking or at the police for listening. Maybe it was all the hiccuping? Sorry. Writing down these sad/happy memories is making Me feel kind of giddy. I find myself alternating between tears of laughter and tears of anger. Perhaps tears of grief for what-could-have-been if I had married a real man? Good luck on That global search!

Eventually, I cheerfully pleaded guilty to shooting and killing My parasite. The Grand Jury complimented Me for My steady aim and found Me Not Chargeable on all counts. For a reasonable act of defending another person, the neighbor's daughter and for self-defense while in reasonable fear for My own safety. {That's My story & I'm sticking to it!}

It was My good luck, that the District Attorney's office had recently been cleaned out after all the corruption and incompetency left behind by ex-Governor Bush's administration. The Bush leaguers regularly persecuted and sometimes prosecuted women for defending themselves and their posterity, after refusing to protect them against their abusers. The new DA had a backlog of more important cases to investigate and just accepted the Grand Jury's findings instead of overriding them as had occurred regularly during the previous administration.

"Bush leaguers" that truism always makes me laugh.

What untraceable cash money I had found in My ephemeral-husband's hidden safe, he thought I hadn't known about. Combined with a collection taken up by My family and My friends, covered maybe half the fees and costs for My attorney. She waived the rest of her fee, telling me that all the publicity was bringing in a steady stream of new clients.

I relish the black humor of using My deceased husband's own ill-gotten gains to pay my legal defense for committing justifiable homicide against him! Yet his glorious pomposity wasn't competent to steal enough to cover more then a quarter of My legal costs.

I'm sorry little boys, did that lack of respect for My encumbranced-husband trigger off another of your monotonously predictable temper tantrums? Tsk, tsk........Now wipe your tears and snotty nose and here let me give you a lollypop. There, all better!

The victim's family issued a public statement thanking Me for rescuing their daughter and My consideration of having the mother be with their stricken scion. They still went ahead and sued the dead asshole's estate. Which, seemingly contrary to My own best interests, I did not mind at all.

I told the lawyer representing the neighbor family "If you need a sworn statement from Me or want Me to testify as a witness in court or any other way I can help you win compensation from that bastards estate, I will be there for you." I had already provided the family's attorney a copy of My film noir, for whatever use they could make of it.

'film noir'.........I crack Myself up!

I could not, I did not. Accept one penny from that asshole's estate. I would rather become a baglady living in a box in an alley, then ever again accept anything that bastard had inherited. Yes, I had taken what had already been stolen, so sue Me for contradicting Myself!

The award would wipe out despicable's estate, including the Class A shares of the family firm he had just inherited from his pre-deceased father. Which really pissed off his relations. They were probably already spending the money they thought to now inherit from him.........Surprise!

And the loss of that block of voting shares would trigger a shareholder landslide that would eventually wrest control of the firm from the family, for the first time in nearly a century. Since Great-Grandpa-in-outlaw swindled ownership away from the orphaned children of the original founders.

MBA classes always discreetly pass over how those children were orphaned in the first place. Mustn't upset potential donors to the University coffers, must we?

Go ahead, pretend you're shocked by such pedantically pretentious hypocrisy. After all, the official motto for Western Christian Civilization, is and always has been:

"What is Mine, is Mine and what is yours will be Mine, as soon as I have murdered you for it."

I refused to accept any share of the estate he left behind. I had My attorney file the necessary disclaimers and post legal notices of non-liability in the newspapers for My deceased husband's debts and obligations.

Another bit of luck for Me that, between my rendered-Husband's masculine egotism and His Father's rabidly paternalist domination; the property deeds and mortgages, credit cards and bank loans, every substantial financial transaction, all were in my Husband's name only. Even my paycheck was automatically deposited into my Husband's bank account. He would then give me an allowance as He saw fit.

Yeah, yeah, you tell me that isn't possible in a Community Property state.

Well, since it is you manly men who are insisting, that must be true.

That must be the Absolute Truth.

Why? Cause you manly men say so.

How do you know a manly man is lying? {Yep, I'm going to go for it!} his mouth is open.

If only men were as capable of listening to women as they are talking AT us. They would discover that the majority of women, especially with children, wind up impoverished and socially isolated as a direct result of divorces and abandonment. While the majority of ex-husbands go on to enjoy the financial benefits of their cozy little-male dominated corporate-state social order.

Let me use for an example; a family of one husband, one wife, and three children, have one loaf of bread. When the husband leaves he takes half of that loaf of bread with him. The wife retains the other half of the loaf, out of which she has to feed herself and three hungry, growing children.

Some asshole judge says, 'That ain't fair!" and insists on dividing the loaf into five portions, one for each member of the family. Now the husband claims he is being cheated cause he worked to buy that loaf. And the judge replies "So you are willing to throw your family onto public welfare, a burden to taxpayers so you can stuff your gut? Depriving the familyYOU created and are YOUR responsibility to support?"

I even refused to pay for My dead spouse's funeral, much less arrange such a fakery.

Pressed, I made it perfectly clear that if I had to pay for the miserable so 'n so's fare-thee-well, then I damn well would be the only one allowed to speak. I mockingly tossed out a few examples of what I thought would be appropriate comments about the late unlamented.

"This jerk is now in a better place. This urn. he earned his urn?"

"I could lie about how much We will miss the dearly departed.

But honestly, We are here to celebrate that I had Not missed!"

"Someone asked me, in a pretentiously shocked voice, 'How could I shoot My own husband?'

My deadpan answer was, With all due respect."

..........come on now, that was dead-on hilarious, so what do you want? A cream pie to the schnozzle?

"Grief and giggles. People keep insisting, that as the asshole's widow, I should grieve for My loss. Every time people blather that nonsense at Me, I giggle. Trying not to break out in hysterical laughter of relief at finally being free of the bastard."

I dunno, for some reason, after hearing my suggestions for the jerk's eulogy, people stopped pestering Me to hold a service. Spoilsports......You can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun'!

For all the pompous grumbling among his own family, I noticed none of those hypocrites came forward to assume the burden. As for the sanctimonious gang of saints at Our church, they about broke their legs in their mad scramble to disassociate themselves and their lucrative swindle from this sordid event. Especially once it was clear that the fat titty of contributions they had been suckling at for years, was all dried up.

Go figure.

Eventually, the few golfing friends and drinking buddies 'hubby dearest' had, chipped in a few bucks each for his cremation and a cheap-ass wake at his favorite cocktail lounge cum titty bar.

A nudie bar, the perfect expression of My mortified-husband's life and death. Where funeral rhymes with urinal. Clerical? Hmm, alliterative but not quite enough rhythm.

I assume that the fake brass urn of his ashes remains on display behind the bar to this day, 'cause nobody would bother to take him home. Not even the strippers and hookers he had swaggert Our money on. So much for the crocodile tears of tarts. They spurn his urn?

This little ditty is shout out to that fraternity of good ol'boy golfing clones of My ex-tracrispy-husband:

How shall I love thee?

Let Me count the ways.

One bullet,

Two bullets,

Three bullets,

Fore!

As I had killed him I could not collect his life insurance. His greedy relatives would be shelling out exorbitant lawyer fees for the next decade trying to force the insurance companies to pay them off. Last I heard, they had just had another appeal rejected..........Surprise!

What ever made you think that the insurance companies were in the business of benefiting their customers? Having previously worked as a PA for senior Insurance executives, I knew from My own personal experience that the entire industry is run by egotistical slime-balls like My necrotic-husband and his father.

Ex-husband? Deceased husband?.......Damn, that brings a smile to My face when I say those two wonderful words.

And of course, my job at my In-laws Firm was gone. I am overjoyed to report that all My extra efforts at covering-up My knowledge of the corrupt practices among my in-laws, did pay off. Saving Me from the public scandals that would embroil the Family Firm.

{pay off....snark!}

The investigators {male of course} treated Me as just another lowly female clerical chattel of no importance to the Firm or of any significance to the criminal prosecutions of the family members involved in their communal financial shenanigans.

......Happy to oblige!

An amusing offshoot of this incident is the number of retrogressively self-proclaimed, self-serving, pseudo-conservative organizations and Faux News, who publicly fulminated against My heartless, crazy, femi-nazi assassination of an outstanding businessman, GOOP stalwart and noted financial supporter of right-wing dixiecrat sedition and teapotty nut-jobs.

'Heartless'.....a funny punny honey, no?

They're so stupid, they were confusing My deceased husband with his deceased father.

As I have nothing better to compliment the discorporealated boy-wonder for. I'll backhand him with this. If he had survived Our mésalliance, to take control of a large percentage of his father's estate. I seriously doubt if he'd have been sharing it with anyone but his bookies, his bartenders and his pimps.

Sonny-boy always was a disappointment to his father's treasonous ambitions and that of his father's wanna-be-junta of onepercenter cronies and their Saudi silent partner puppet-masters.

'Slap to forehead'. Now I think of it! Damn, it would have been hilaristurbing to have placed the asshole's ashes in a tea pot. A cracked tea pot. That would have achieved the very essence of ideologically idolatrous irony.

'assholes ashes'.......I should consider a gig at a comedy club.

Remember back during the Chilean earthquake and the alarms of possible long-distance tsunamis? The Faux News chatterboxes were parroting about the possible danger to the Hawaiian Islands......while they kept pointing at the Galapagos Islands on the map of the Pacific Rim, projected behind them.

Yeah, that fester of anti-journalistic embarrassments. Whining about My claim, that I a female, could have any Second Amendment Rights. What presumption on My part!

According to this gaggle of cliched oxymorons, it turns out that Second Amendment Rights are specifically limited to authorizing white males for heroically gunning down Congresswomen and little children and Doctor's in a Church Sanctuary.

"Tell me about her family, what does her son/daughter/whatever-it-is do for a living?"

"Well, it has been difficult for the family. The poor things were always slow, if you know what I mean. Took them three years to get through sixth grade. She was afraid they would Never leave home. It took a large donation to the University to get them graduated."

"I was wondering about that, I had been visiting with my grand-niece at her Sorority initiation ceremony and I saw the spanking new Business Administration building had that family's name on it."

"With some discreet string-pulling, their Uncle-in-law, who is one of the Rapacious Party Senators, had convinced Faux News to hire them as on-air commentators."

"They look very handsome/pretty/impuissant while reporting the news."

"Yes, it is a shame about the teleprompter system breaking down. Sitting there. Looking good. With nothing intelligent to say."

"According to Rash Limpox and Glenda Peckerwood, it must have been sabotage caused by the U.N. Illuminati Black Ops, ordered by that awful creature in the White House."

Finally, for the absolute measure of pious hypocrisy, were the churches {Not just the one I had been required to attend!} that publicly sermonized against my sinful failings in my wifely duty of obedience and submission to my Godly anointed Husband and Master.

Now if I had retained enough of the family fortune to purchase the indulgences they privately offered to sell me for my sins, I'm sure I might have been forgiven a homicide or two....million.

The tears of lucrative piety, to wash the blood from my hands.

There is an ancient joke that goes back to Classical Rome. "If you have the gold, everything within the walls of the Capitol is for sale including the robes of a Senator. If you have enough gold, the Senator is included in those robes."

Just swap out 'robes of a Senator' for the 'robes of a television minister' and for two-bits more, you get yourself the evangelist whore inside of them.

.........You're actually going to try and pretend surprise?

..........snicker.......You are!

..........Hypocrisy, thy name IS anonymous.

I started over with nothing but the charity of my own family and the few remaining loyal friends, who had stood by me throughout this ordeal. They assisted me with a place to stay and what few things I needed to get by on. I was surprised at how few 'things' I actually need to own, to live a comfortable life.

I found a new career as a housekeeper and child-care provider for my family and friends. Turns out that loving parents like the idea that their children's caretaker is willing and able to protect their offspring.

Proactively.......

It almost makes up for my belated-husband infecting me four years ago with the STI's that left my ovaries and uterus so damaged that I will never be able to bear children of my own.

Almost...........until I am alone at night and in the dark I weep for the babies I should have borne.

Damn men! Damn their slovenly behavior and their bloated egos and their greedy selfishness.

As I now look back upon my life. My marriage. My belated-husband. I remember the ocean of tears I have shed over that man. No, that male. he never was a man. As so many of his contemporaries, he was a narcissist trapped in perpetual adolescence. they will never have the courage to outgrow.

I now realize that My venal-husband was a product of an abusive, bullying, paranoid, control-freak of a father. Aggravated by the cultural milieu of frat-house induced hyper-sexualized alcoholism and drugs. Adding in the addictive craving for the testosterone driven, hormonal stimulation of mindless, uber-masculine spectator sports that corrupts so much of modern society.

Combined with a Corporate State that despises kindness and mercy, community service and social progress. A corporate culture that pays lip service to the concepts of morality and ethics. Then punishes any executive foolish enough to apply those concepts to their business or society. There is a Stalinist era saying appropriate to the Wall Street Mobsters; "When you run with wolves, you need to learn to howl!"

Just think about those last few paragraphs. We are like ants trapped in treacle in a society that considers "community service" to be a legal punishment!

"Indeed I tremble for my Country when I reflect that God is Just...." Words of wisdom that should be tattooed in reverse on the forehead of every CEO. For them to have to look at Every morning when they are at their 'toilette'.

Oh, and before I forget again, that reminds me of another pet peeve. You know how men are always go on about women failing to keep their marriage vows? And how rambunctiously men congratulate each other when they get away with pulling the same pudding? Well I was thinking, why are children required every morning at the beginning of the school day to recite the Pledge of Allegiance?

Of course the 'required' answer is to engrain loyalty into them as an autonomic response by insistent repetition. That works reasonably well I guess. It brings up the question of how much Free Will do we really have or are permitted? But that diverts from my idea.

That married couples be required to reaffirm their marriage vows every year as part of their anniversary celebration. From memory, no cue cards! Hopefully to have the same effect as reciting the Pledge. And a reminder that if it is just before a small group of family and/or friends or even just the two of you in a private ceremony. As with the Pledge, your Vows are a Sacred Oath!

That a married couple who lack the initiative to aspire and to achieve this level of commitment are in need of licensed, professional counseling. And if that fails, then it would be time for both parties to honestly evaluate whether or not they should remain married. Without all the lying and bullshit and sneaking around and emotional blackmail and violent tirades. A quick, clean dissolution and get on with your separate lives before there are children to damage.

While the Police Department Desk Sergeant was returning my S&W Model 40 revolver to me.

After my attorney and I had filled out and filed all the official paperwork needed to allow this particular 'crazy femi-nazi assassin' to be legally permitted to carry a concealed firearm.

He complimented that it was a fine quality, classic weapon.

I nodded my head and smiled back at him as I loaded it with fresh cartridges and double-checked the safety was latched, before putting it in the inner side-pocket of My purse. With a couple of quick-loads.

Then, looking him straight in the eye, I replied.

"My Daddy gave Me this pistol and it has served Me well!"

With an admiring look on his grizzled face, the veteran police officer nodded and said.

"Very well, indeed!"

Thus, another Loving Wife 'fixes' Her marriage.

In the same sense that castration 'fixes' a tomcat.

{This has been My story & I'm sticking to it!}

................Surprise!

Let the chirping commence..................

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72 Comments
DeesjayDeesjayabout 1 year ago

I don't often give 5*, bet they hate you in Trumpland?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

5/5, hysterical and make me believe all 'typical' church and political rumours coming from that strange state of US.

Personally been visiting two states; Texas (Dallas) and Florida (Miami Beach); i did like Dallas a lot, not so much Miami Beach.

jopstorm(1945)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 5 years ago
Epic stupidity

Just get a divorce. Otherwise I think he grabs the gun and kills her. Laughably bad.

1 star

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Wrong section

You should have put this in non erotic.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Of course whe was tired for involuntary manslaughter

She got off. But they never found her body after her husband's family got thru with her. You seemed to have totally forgotten any real consequences for playing with this type of people. Horrible story.

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