The Hymen Theory Ch. 01

Thanks coloryourworld for the edit...

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"Spaghetti with meatballs. Something is not right."

Not bothering to look up and completely ignoring the comment, Samantha Morris continued grating cheese on her pasta. "Want some?"

"Maybe later," her roommate replied, sitting on one of the four kitchen stools attached to the breakfast bar and explained, "Imogen demanded a five-course meal which she enjoyed with gusto and no amount of dancing and sex can digest it off completely."

"Sheer talent," Sam concluded with a pensive sigh then started eating, "Of course, no calorie will dare touch her. Some people are lucky that way. They can eat whatever they want and not gain any weight at all. Unlike me who will forever carry the extra ten pounds however long I slave away at the gym. "

Chris Abbot merely gave her a look. The kind that asks 'what the hell is going on with you?' and she chose to ignore it. The last thing she wanted to do right then was to remember Stuart. And what he was doing inside his apartment when she arrived. It doesn't take a genius to know what groaning and moaning means. Especially when punctuated with a woman's screams of 'Oh Yesssss! More! Deeper! Yesssss Stuart!' But stupid her decided to open the door using the key he gave her a month before, hoping against hope to see something completely different. Like Stuart watching porn where the actor has the same name. But when she walked in, all those hopes vanished. Stuart, in all his naked glory, was mounted over someone like a dog in heat, undoubtedly getting it on with a familiar-looking redhead on the carpeted floor of his living room. His eyes were closed and he was grunting so loudly he did not even hear her come in. And Sam just stood there clutching her heart in disbelief. It felt like everything suddenly appeared in slow motion. Even Stuart's thrusting which could have been funny if her heart hadn't been breaking. She lost whatever voice she had and couldn't even manage a yelp of protest.

God, she is such a loser.

"No you're not."

Sam glanced at Chris and realized that she actually said that fact aloud. To her housemate who never -- not even once -- experienced this sort of thing before. Women gravitate towards him like moths to a flame. Tall, muscular and movie-star gorgeous, Chris is the quintessential hunk. One look at the man's wavy blonde hair, piercing blue eyes fringed with unbelievably long and thick eyelashes and the female species of this planet go nuts. He can literally have anyone he wants and right now the chosen one is a French-American, Charlize Theron look-a-like supermodel named Imogen Bradley. Her bikini-clad body is on billboards and magazine covers for everyone to see and her hand-me-downs sell thousands of dollars on E-bay. Imogen is truly red-hot.

Besides their complementing perfect looks, the couple apparently has a fantastic sex life too. The model bragged about it in FHM, calling Chris her very own Energizer Bunny. Mona, her researcher, endlessly teases Sam about having an 'Energizer Bunny' for a roommate. Of course, beneath the teasing, Mona is just plain envious. As expected, her researcher is into Chris too. So much so that Mona insists on dropping by her place almost daily and stays until the wee hours of the morning hoping Sam would ask her to sleep over which will never happen because unbeknownst to Mona, Sam and Chris have a couple of Housemate Agreement... and Rule Number One is: No Sleep Over's Of Any Kind. Translation: No lover, family or friends are allowed to spend the night. Simply put, kindly have sex in your lover's house not here. If either of them have a relative coming, book him/her/them to a hotel. Or if a friend is in crisis, suffer somewhere else. The agreement may sound cold but it works. The house is their sacred place. And it should always remain that way. It's not like their arrangement isn't unusual enough as it is. A man and a woman not romantically involved but living in one house, up to this day, remained to be a constant curiosity among their respective peers; the male dominated group of Chris and Sam's writer and publisher friends. An ex-NFL Quarterback turned bar-owner and a children's book writer sharing a house will often be questioned. Add the gender and personality differences and it is quite mind-boggling. But they do get along. Better than everybody expected.

Who could have thought that a random ad she published three years ago would bring someone like Chris? Sam had lived alone after her parents moved to Florida and sold their house. From the sale of their other house and chain of convenience store businesses, her parents bought her a two-bedroom studio-type apartment as a gift. Hating the loneliness of living alone, she looked for a housemate. For some unexplainable reason nobody paid any attention to her ad. Then after almost a month of waiting, Chris came to see the house and meet her 'boyfriend' Sam. He obviously did not expect Sam to be female. And when he did learn that she was indeed Sam, Chris quickly wanted to leave. But there was something about the ex-NFL player that made her feel at ease. Maybe it's Chris' way of looking directly in her eyes when they talk. It could also be because her Dad, who's an excellent judge of character, was a huge fan of the injured NFL player. Whatever the exact reason was, she immediately liked Chris. The no-malice, totally platonic kind of like. So she convinced him to be her housemate. It didn't hurt that his about-to-open bar was just a block away from her apartment and that the second floor of the building he bought which he originally planned on renovating to be his flat, became the much-needed stock/supplies room instead. So he moved in a week later. And they've been living together ever since.

Sam sighed. "I am."

"You are not a loser Sam," Chris insisted, reaching over her plate to pick up a meatball and took a small bite on it. He made an appreciative sound as he chewed. Sam's spaghetti with meatballs is out of this world.

Pushing her plate towards Chris, the brunette pleadingly groaned. "Please ignore me. "

"Meaning you don't want to talk about it huh."

Sam watched him eat for a full minute before answering. "I'd most likely blab about it non-stop for days anyway, being the over-analytic psycho that I am but not now. It still hurts so much."

Chris wisely shut his mouth. Three years of living together let him know the woman beside him really well. And the way to handle an upset Sam is to give her some "quiet time". He gave Sam's plate his undivided attention for a while, ignoring his still-full stomach's protests. When everything was all gobbled up, he straightened and unceremoniously reached out to give the all-too silent woman beside him a hug. Quiet time was over.

Sam, as if on cue, burst into tears. He patiently listened as Sam cried her eyes out and haltingly talked about Stuart Jones. Her two-timing boyfriend whom she caught doing it with his next door neighbor. In respect for her, he kept his opinion of Stuart to himself. But he did think Sam can do better than that curly-haired accountant who sniffs weirdly and "resembled that funny guy in Ally McBeal," to quote Sam's quirky researcher Mona. Contrary to how she sees herself, Sam is very pretty. The long, naturally wavy dark-brown hair and gray eyes, plus her alabaster skin..... What a deadly combination. One can get lost in those tresses and eyes. And Sam's perfect complexion, she could model for Neutrogena,Imogen had told him weeks ago, after meeting Sam for the first time. And she's definitely not fat. Sam has curves that won't quit. Some of his male friends actually wanted to date her but aside from the obvious fact that she was committed; Chris won't have any of it. He knows those men well, so well that he's keeping Sam as far away from them as possible.

"You know, I have a theory about why Stuart cheated on me."

Looking down at Sam's tear-stained face, Chris mentally braces himself for what's to come. His housemate has indeed a tendency to dwell too much on subjects that needn't be taken seriously. In his opinion, Stuart actually did Sam a favor. Then again, that's his opinion and his thinking like a man. To a woman in love, a cheating boyfriend is like a million slaps in the face. "And what is that?" A question he regretted the minute the first word emerged from his mouth. Do not encourage her to expound on that you idiot!

"It has everything to do with my unbroken hymen," Sam replied with a loud sniff moving out of his hug.

God No. Not this stuff. He is the last person that Sam should be talking to when it comes to this! Chris tried to remember every single female friend of hers that he could call but failed. The quirky Mona fleetingly crossed his mind but he immediately nixed it. Most likely she'd tell Sam to sleep around and to hell with Stuart. The latter part is good enough suggestion but to have random sex just to prove a point to a cheating boyfriend is not. Chris cleared his throat uneasily. Both of them have no siblings to contact for help.

"Stuart, obviously, is in need of a more intimate relationship with a woman. And that Lily Johnson is conveniently close and willing to give it to him. So he cheated," Sam continued looking at nothing in particular, too engrossed with her thoughts to notice how uneasy the man beside her was, "Why would he stay loyal to a girlfriend whose idea of passion is a tongue-less kiss when he can bang his next door neighbor whenever?"

Chris cringed a little. Too much information that he preferred not to know at all. He could not even imagine Sam and Stuart kissing. "Um, Sam....I don-."

"He did try to touch me you know. Under my blouse one time while we were watching a movie but I got so nervous I actually slapped his wandering hand away," the woman interrupted, "Of course if I didn't have an unbroken hymen I would have gladly let him. Perhaps even inside my bra."

Chris wanted to cover his ears and hum loudly like a child who refuses to listen.

"Are you by any chance drunk?"

Sam finally turns to give him a look. "No! I don't drink remember?"

Damn. "What exactly is your point? That your hymen is the reason why Stuart cheated?"

"Yes!" the brunette vehemently agreed, "Because it's the vagina's conscience!"

Chris wished he was drunk. "Sam I'm not the right-."

"On the contrary, you are the perfect person to talk about this," Sam interrupted once again, holding both of his hands to most likely trap him into listening to her talk about her freaking hymen. That or Sam somehow sensed his plan to cover his ears and hum loudly. "You see Chris between you and I, you're the one with the most experience. And you will never lie to me. So answer me this: Let's say you meet two different women in your bar, both gorgeous, both sexy, both willing to have sex with you. But the catch is one of them is a virgin. Who will you choose to bed?"

"If a great fuck is just what I'm looking for, I'd choose the non-virgin. But if I'm looking for a possible hook-up that can turn into a relationship, I'd still choose the non-virgin."

Sam rolled her eyes heavenward. "Sometimes Chris you can be such a guy. What I'm trying to explain here is that Stuart obviously had the relationship thing going with me but a great f...er, sexual partner I'm not. So he strayed. And I can't give him the physical side that he's craving because I still have my hymen intact. And the hymen urges me to do the right thing however outdated it may sound and that is to have it broken on my wedding night. Not only does my hymen guard my virginity, it also is the conscience that nags me to do the right thing."

Over thinking is never good.

"Hate to ruin your hymen theory Sam but I think the reason why you can't do it with Stuart is because you don't really love him."

"Of course I love him!"

"Right, that's why you can't even French kiss the man." Not that he can blame Sam for it. No woman in her right mind would French kiss Stuart. He sighed.

"Basically you're not ready yet for physical intimacy. Just accept it."

Sam let go of his hands. "It's my hymen Chris. I tell you, once it's broken everything will fall into place. Even French kissing will feel right."

"Then if it asks you to marry someone go do it," he told her exasperated with the topic.

"No."

"No what?"

"No I won't marry ASAP. What a ridiculous thought Chris!" Sam protested then straightened, "I will just break my hymen."

Chris gave her a look as if she's grown two heads or something. "What?"

"I will lose my virginity. I will live unafraid from now on. With a broken hymen, I am free to enjoy my sexuality to the fullest. No more holding back, no more slapping of wandering hands... and yes, a date filled with lots of French kissing too."

Now why would that bother him? It shouldn't really. Sam is an adult. A twenty-nine year old adult. She can do whatever she wants. And if French kissing every minute or fucking senseless whoever she fancies from now on is the lesson she learned from a failed relationship, then so be it. And when his friends get hold of this piece of news, Sam needn't look too hard for willing partners. Chris frowned a little with that thought. Sam is too wholesome to sleep around. She can't even say the word fuck for God sakes!

"And you will help me Chris."

Over his dead body. There was no way in hell he would help Sam look for Mister Hymen Breaker. Much less for future fuck buddies. "Leave me out of this Sam."

Sam took a deep breath. "I can't. I need you Chris."

"No you don't."

The brunette nodded. "Yes, I do."

Chris scowled at her. "You want that hymen broken then YOU do the searching. I won't look for you Sam!"

"There's no need to look. I know the perfect man to break it for me."

If possible, Chris' scowl turned fiercer. "Then tell him yourself. Don't pull me into this."

"I'm about to. But he's still too busy being negative about it to listen."

A full second passed before the entire meaning of what Sam said registered in his mind. And when it did, he gaped at her in shock.

"I want you to break my hymen Chris,' Sam confirmed reaching for his hands again, "I want you to be my first."

I AM THE HONORED HYMEN BREAKER. "Hell no!"