The Journey of Grace Ch. 10

A month later, Grace was at Corky's apartment where she had been staying. Their friendship had grown to a point that when Grace called to tell Corky about her decision, she had immediately offered to let Grace stay with her until things were worked out. It had been such a comfort for Grace at a point when she needed it.

As soon as her husband had gotten home from his most recent business trip, Grace had told him that they needed to talk. There was something about that phrase that never boded well and so he had been immediately on edge. It didn't go very well.

Grace tried starting by trying to explain that she had never felt right in the marriage. Something had been missing that wasn't about him. But he kept pushing and asking if there was someone else. Grace had never been comfortable with outright lying. She had often thought if he ever outright asked if she was having an affair, she would have immediately confessed. Now, she looked at his confused and somewhat angry face and pondered exactly what to say.

Finally she said, "No, but wait, let me finish." She paused, wetting her lips as she tried to form the words. She could feel the tears start and her voice was wobbly as she continued. "I've been unfaithful, probably more times than you could imagine over the last 9 months. But there is no one else. And it isn't with a he. It has always been with a she." Grace rubbed at her eyes to wipe away the tears that were now falling down her cheeks.

"I'll just say it. I'm a lesbian. I've always been a lesbian. I just couldn't admit it. I love you and always will but I married you because I was too afraid to admit who I was. But I'm not anymore." Grace sat down heavily as the final words came out of her mouth.

He had known there were issues and even thought he could deal with an affair. But this, this ... Grace was his wife. They slept together for years. They made love hundreds of times. All these thoughts flowed out of his mouth. His mind couldn't grasp everything he was feeling; feelings of anger, of betrayal, of loss, of humiliation, of denial. But as in so many cases when someone is confused, the feeling of anger grew the fastest and the strongest. He had called her names that he never thought of in connection with Grace. He screamed at her to get out of the house. And when she had walked to the door and told him how sorry she was, his only reply was "Fuck you, bitch."

For the first week, he had refused to take Grace's calls. She left messages but he never returned them. Friends told her that he was calling in sick to work. The few that actually saw him said that he was clearly drinking heavily. But by the sixth or seventh day, Grace heard that he seemed to be calmer and drinking less.

Finally part way through the next week, he picked up the phone on one of Grace's frequent calls to check on him. All he said was he was fine and that they could talk later, but it was enough for Grace. She truly cared for and loved him. She hoped that he would be able to remember that. But she just asked him to call her when he was ready. Since then, they had been able to talk several times and while his anger was still there, they were at least beginning to deal with the details of getting a divorce.

It had been just as difficult to talk to her parents. The idea of telling them, as much as anything had pushed Grace into hiding who she was. Surprisingly her father had been more understanding then her mother. He had always sensed something in her that was unhappy but had never been able to figure out what it was. He was not sure that this was really going to make her happy but at least she was trying to deal with it. Her mother, on the other hand, got hysterical. She cried about what she was supposed to tell her friends. She yelled at Grace for being a slut and cheating on her husband. In the end, her father suggested that she leave and let him try and calm her mother down. Since then, Grace had only spoken to her father briefly and not at all to her mother.

For Grace, it was the unflagging support and friendship of Corky that kept her going. Throughout the months that Grace had been coming to the bar, their friendship had continued to grow. They had never come close to being lovers. Corky was too butch for a Domme like Grace and Grace was too dominant for a woman as butch as Corky. While being able to see the attractiveness of the other, they were not at all each others types.

Now when the consequences of her choice became overwhelming, Grace found that she could turn to Corky. Though her own outing had been much less traumatic, Corky had known too many other newly outed lesbians to see it as easy. Especially as a bartender, she had listened and comforted many women who were feeling much as was Grace. That was actually the best thing that she had learned for this situation: just to listen and say simple words of comfort. More than once, Grace fell asleep in Corky's guest room after having cried herself into exhaustion while Corky held her.

Of the friends from her past life, there were only a few with whom she could talk. Most of them had been friends of both her and her husband. In a typical divorce, like every other asset, friends tended to be divided up. Few could remain neutral parties close to both people. Instead sides were inevitably taken, more often than not with the wife getting the support of more than half. That wasn't the case for Grace. Their friends were much too conventional to easily deal with Grace's acceptance that she was a lesbian. Some were threatened by the idea that they had shared intimate things with a "dyke." There were a few unexpected religious bigots. A few, perhaps more understandably, were a bit angry at having shared intimate details of problems in their marriages, when Grace had refused to do the same. Over time, these were the ones who forgave Grace her sin of omission and accepted who she was. Lyn was one who never wavered in support and friendship with Grace. She cared deeply for Grace and knew what a difficult time she was having. But Lyn was working on her own issues with her marriage and had less time than she would have liked for Grace.

Work at least had been easier. Her co-workers were mostly younger people who cared very little about other people's sexuality. Grace quietly let a few people know in the company that she was getting a divorce after accepting her homosexuality. She didn't mind that it would quickly get around in the rumor mill. She didn't really want to have a conversation with everyone or broadcast it, but at the same time, she wanted it to be out. After not accepting it for so long, then living in the closet, she didn't want to hide who she was. It wasn't her style to club people over the head, but she wasn't shy either. People could accept her or not, however they choose. It wasn't something about which she would worry.

Like her being quietly open as a lesbian, Grace also didn't shy away from accepting the other aspect of her sexuality. She was a Domme. She was just a tad more commanding in dealing with people. It was subtle and most people didn't consciously realize what she was doing. Being naturally dominant, it wasn't that big a change from before. But Grace occasionally worried about it before. Now she just expected that people were supposed to obey. She kept it in perspective. In the day to day world, she didn't let it bother her if they didn't.

Shortly after coming to stay with Corky, Grace felt like she should do something to mark the change in herself. Maybe she even wanted to make it harder to weaken and go back to hiding. She was never quite sure. In any case, she had Corky take her to a tattoo artist that Corky knew. Grace didn't need to look through any books. She knew exactly what she wanted. She had printed a picture of a triskelion often used as a symbol of a BDSM lifestyle. She thought about where to put it. For a while she was tempted to have it tattooed on her breast, just barely visible peeking out from her bra. But while not shy about this aspect of herself, she still didn't really want to take the baseball bat approach. Finally she decided that she wanted it on the back of her neck. It was a round circle with three swirls almost like a Yin Yang about two inches in diameter. At work, she would wear her hair down. She almost always wore her hair up when she went out to places like the bar. There might be sometimes when she wished it was elsewhere but she refused to worry about that.

She hadn't been going to the bar much. Corky didn't push her either. From her experience, a depressed person going to a bar was a bad idea. It rarely resulted in anything good happening. And Corky was usually too busy there to keep an eye on Grace. A couple of week nights, Grace had come along and helped Corky with the bar. It gave her something to keep her mind off her situation, and let her have a bit of social life. Knowing how some of the women were, Corky made sure that none of the trollers were able to get any time with Grace. She was too vulnerable at that moment. Corky knew that it would only end up hurting her more. As it was, Grace had been so busy helping that few other women ended up finding out what was going on with her life.

But now, after a month, Grace was feeling better about things. There were still lots of issues but it wasn't as bad. She hadn't cried herself to sleep in almost a week. She was starting to think about finding a permanent place to live. It was the first Friday night that she felt like really doing something after work. Grace chose her clothing just as carefully as she had the night months before when she first went to the bar. She hadn't shown off her tattoo before since it was still weeping and had to be covered. Not really wanting to show that off, Grace had just worn her hair down and no one noticed. Now she played with her hair until it was just perfect. She slithered into her tightest pair of jeans and wore only a vest over her bra. One button was left undone so that the black lace was very visible. To finish it, she put on the sliver necklace and earrings she had worn that night. Grace checked herself one last time in the mirror and, liking what she saw, went out the door.

When she got there, Grace quickly checked in with Corky who gave a big hug and a kiss. Knowing that Grace was back to being close to her old self, Corky told her to wait a moment. She went into the back room and then came out holding a dark green bottle. She showed it to Grace who was impressed. It was a Cab-Syrah blend from a small vintner that had been getting extremely high marks from the wine experts. Corky knew that Grace would be dying to try it. She took two big rounded goblets and opened the bottle. Pouring a little bit into Grace's glass, she waited for Grace to try it.

Swirling it around to watch the wine, Grace felt at peace. It was like she had been on a journey and again come home. The swirling wine left very interesting looking legs on the inside of the goblet. Bringing it to her nose, Grace could smell an earthiness to it along a faint scent of something blooming, she wasn't quite sure what. But it was nice. As she brought it to her mouth, she smiled at Corky and nodded. Sipping a bit in, she swished it around her mouth, savoring it and exploring the taste. It was wonderful. It had the bold taste that she so loved but with subtle flavors to made it special. Was it currant or blueberry that she was detecting? She finished the little bit that Corky had given her and held her glass out. "More, please," she said laughing.

Corky laughed along with her and filled both their glasses. Raising them up, they echoed their traditional, "Salute." As was often the case at the bar, their eyes said more than their words. The love and affection they shared shone through their look.

But still, having lived together for a month, they now also tended to chat up a storm sharing what had happened during the day. Today had been fairly boring for Grace. She hadn't been at all productive and mostly spent her time thinking about the evening. Unlike Grace, however, it had been a very interesting afternoon and early evening at the bar and Corky was filled with stories. Pretty soon Grace was in the swing of things, laughing along with Corky.

Marie had been away from the bar for about half a year. At first, it had been in part because of the difficulty of seeing Grace there. It was like an ache in her to see Grace, especially with other women. It got worse once Grace was with Michelle. Clearly Michelle was giving Grace what she wanted without demanding more than Grace could give. Marie couldn't make that type of compromise but it didn't stop her from wanting to be in Michelle's place.

A series of Dommes passed through Marie's life. Alice had only been the first. That had only lasted a couple of weeks. It took that long for Marie to realize that Alice didn't respect herself and tried to make up for it by acting tough. But without self-respect, how could Marie give her any. Each new Domme that she hooked up with somehow failed to live up to Marie's expectations. Grace was an ever present ghost in those relationships. It wasn't that Marie had turned her into some sort of unreachable ideal. Grace had just been as close to what Marie had been seeking her whole adult life as she had ever found. But the presence of Grace at the bar made it that much more difficult to forget about her.

Rather than struggle, Marie just chose to hang out other places. But shortly after that, her father had a relatively severe heart attack. The silver lining in an otherwise terrible time was that she was the first person her mother called. More than that, her mother made it clear that she really wanted Marie to be there with her.

It was several days before he was out of danger and awake. At first, her mother just needed Marie's presence. She wasn't able to talk or think about anything. But after a day, they had started talking a little more. Over time, Marie's mother started asking more details about her life, trying to understand it better. Marie had mentioned before a little bit about being submissive, but it wasn't an easy concept to get across, especially to one's parents. Now, they had time. Slowly her mother came to understand a little better. It was a very foreign idea and she didn't comprehend why Marie was like this, but then again, neither did Marie really. Her mother, however, was satisfied with just being able to accept it.

The openness and vulnerability of the situation gave Marie the courage to do two things she had never done before. She talked to someone else about Grace and since it was her mother, it was the first time she had ever told her mother details about one of her lesbian relationships. Not really expecting understanding, Marie was surprised when not only did she get it, but her mother also gave her good advice about getting over a failed love affair. Like most children, it hadn't occurred to her that her mother might have had failed relationships of her own.

As the topic slowly drew to a close, her mother told her one last thing, "And you never know, Marie. Your father and I broke up twice before we finally came back together for good. Maybe her path will bring your Grace back to you too."

As Marie gave her mother a long hard hug, she thought about how she never would have guessed her own journey would bring her back to such a moment with her mother. "I guess anything is possible," she said to herself. Though it was hard to understand why, her mother's words actually made it easier to start moving on.

When her father had gotten out of the hospital, Marie had gone home with him. She just wanted to be there for both of her parents. It made it easier for her mother to have someone else to help with things, run errands and the like. And while her father remained uncomfortable about talking with Marie about her life, he clearly was happy that she was there. He recovered relatively quickly and was soon able to start getting back to work. By the time Marie decided she should head back home, the whole experience had her feeling better about herself than she had in some time.

So it was that when she got back, Marie decided that she needed to stop running away from things. She always enjoyed Corky's bar better than any other place in which she had hung out. Enough time had passed that she felt like she had gotten over Grace. After unpacking, she changed clothes and headed over to the bar to relax a little. Hopefully there would still be some people that she knew.

Marie pulled open the door and walked into the bar. She paused a moment to take a deep breath and enjoy the smell. Maybe not everyone would have used the word enjoy but to Marie the combination of different types of alcohol, perfume, sweat and just a hint of pussy was like coming home. Right away one of her old friends caught sight of her and ran over to give her a big hug. She pulled her over to her table, introducing Marie to the ones she didn't know and watching Marie hug the ones she did.

She was sitting at the table nursing her first beer when Marie heard Grace's laugh. She had deliberately not looked around to try and find Grace before. Now she couldn't help herself. She turned in her seat and looked towards the bar. At first Marie couldn't see her. Then suddenly Grace had her full attention. For a moment, Marie had a hard time tearing her eyes away from Grace's ass. She always loved how sexy Grace was but the tight jeans made her look even better. Then Marie noticed that it looked like Grace had lost a bit of weight, when she really didn't need to. She could see Grace's profile as she chatted with Corky. Her face was a little gaunter than she remembered and there was darkness under her eyes that her makeup didn't hide, at least not from Marie.

Despite herself, Marie couldn't help a little worry flare up inside her. Something was wrong with Grace; Marie just knew it.

Then Grace turned away and Marie saw the tattoo. At first she wasn't sure what it was. Even after she figured out that it was a tattoo, she couldn't quite grasp what symbol it was. Then it hit her. Marie stood up.

She never saw the smiles and knowing glances of her friends. They had only heard the rumors about Grace's new status shortly before Marie had arrived. And not knowing exactly where Marie was in her thinking about Grace, none of them had dared say a word.

Marie walked over to where Grace was leaning against the bar. For a few moments, she stood there staring at the tattoo. Talking to Corky, Grace hadn't noticed Marie's approach. But Corky did and started ever so slightly. It had been so long since Marie had been in the bar, she was just about the last person Corky expected to see. Grace saw Corky's reaction and then saw the look that Corky gave her.

Grace knew. Without any doubt, she knew what Corky was saying to her. She too hadn't expected Marie to be there. She was ready for just about anything but this. Yet here it was. Resisting taking a sip of her wine for courage, Grace turned to look at Marie with a happy smile on her face.

"Hello, little one," she said.

Marie's attention went from Grace's neck to her face as Grace turned towards her. She tried to talk but wasn't sure what to say, finally she just blurted it out. "Ma'am, what does it mean?" Then realizing how she had sounded, Marie turned a bright red with embarrassment. "i'm sorry, Ma'am. Please forgive me. Hello."

"It's okay, Marie," Grace responded. "It's nice to see you. Would you like to sit and talk and I can tell you about it?"

Marie felt somehow that she was trying to blink back tears but she wasn't sure why. She didn't trust her voice so she just nodded.

Grace reached out and gently took her hand. She held it for a moment and then squeezed just a little. She led Marie to one of the booths towards the back. A moment later, Corky followed so that she could slap "Reserved" signs on the two tables around it. After all Grace had been through, Corky was not going to let anyone get in the way of this talk.