The Literotica Olympics Day 10byBlack Tulip©
THE LITEROTICA OLYMPICS: DAY 10
Rest Day: Doping Scandal Report
Olympic Sports Journal:
Literotica athletes give doping new slant
Scientists from the University of Amsterdam will publish an astonishing find in The Lancet next week. Their research was aimed at the effect of vitamins and minerals on athletic performance, but they have found evidence that taking these supplements could enhance your sex life. "The results of our extensive research into the effects of various dietary supplements are beyond our wildest dreams", says Professor Dr. Less Satyr, D.M.Sc., who conducted the study together with Dr. Daniël E. Likker, D.Sc. "We all know the tales about eating oysters or eggs. There are however, substances in them that actually do work."
Both scientists have been involved in studies relating to enhancing the body's performance before. This time their intention was to examine the effects of the various multivitamin preparations that increasing numbers of athletes are using. Due to the fact that the doping control is getting stricter with every event the use of "natural" supplements is becoming more widespread than ever.
Who does not remember the sad tale of the one time Olympic hero Ben Johnson? His world record evoked, his gold medal taken away and finally banned for life. A competitor for this year's Literotica Olympics will think twice before using something to be found on the extensive list of prohibited substances. That list contains stimulants like various amphetamines, anabolic agents like steroids, cannabis and narcotics. And even the acceptable amount of alcohol in one's blood is now monitored for the different disciplines.
A fact that the exuberant Honey123 seems to have overlooked. On multiple occasions she has been seen to sample the local spirits in abundance. On the other hand, her close relationship with LOC (Literotica Olympic Committee) official A7inchPhildo could explain the fact she has not yet tested positive. Sources from inside the Athens organization even testified to Mr. Phildo going down on Honey for quite some time right after the opening ceremony. It is even rumored that Ms. Honey shouted: " Lick my bowl clean, please don't stop."
A lot of athletes have voiced their approval of the new taste test.
Due to the strict rules and regular controls on the use of substances that will enhance the body performance or affect the endurance, more and more athletes turn to products that can give them an edge that is acceptable, or at least will not be found in urine or blood samples. Thus the tremendous increase in the use of vitamins, minerals and spores.
"It was the firm belief in vitamins voiced by some top speed skaters, that gave us the idea for this study. We wanted to find out if we could substantiate the claims." Less Satyr is still smiling broadly at the findings he and his colleague Daniël E. Likker have come up with.
"During our study we followed a group of athletes who took multivitamin tablets in addition to a nutritious diet and we compared their performance with a control group of athletes who simply followed the same diet. After six months we started to get side effects that gave our project a whole new outlook."
The side effect was an increase in sexual activity in the group of athletes who took the additional vitamins. After extensive testing both scientists were able to isolate a number of substances that were responsible for an increase in libido, the desire to have sex. Others were found to have an effect on the erection of the male athletes; making their erections come quicker, stay harder and allowed them to sustain an erection longer.
It seems Daniël Likker's partner, a Ms. Claireblossom, was behind the inspiration to check the age-old aphrodisiacs for the presence of those elements. The result of that study is what has both middle aged scientists grin like a couple of juveniles. Asked if they have tested the finds of their study themselves, both men refused to comment but it is rumored that Dr. Satyr has left his wife of twenty years and is currently seeing one of the Olympic contestants, Angela146, who is said to have started an affair with Sweetnpetite. Some even have it that the successful biochemist is conducting new experiments on both ladies at the same time. Whether that is true or not, the fifty-odd scholar looks remarkably fit and energetic.
In view of the happenings during the first half of this edition of the "Literympics" this paper deems it appropriate to share some of the results with its readers. It is, after all, right in front of your eyes, all you need is someone to tell you where to look.
Oysters, yes the number one on the list of sexy food, contain a high level of zinc, a mineral necessary for the production of testosterone. If you eat enough oysters you can give your testosterone production a boost, resulting in an increase in libido. In lay terms, whether you are a man or a woman, you will want to have sex more often. The evening before the opening ceremony there was a huge banquet with lots of oysters. Well, you have probably not yet forgotten what happened the day after at the cross-country. Tatelou and Lewdandlicentious were not even able to stop in between the judged events but screwed their way to the finish, if you'll pardon the expression.
It is a well-known fact that chocolate makes women feel happy. Now we understand why. It contains chemicals that are similar to those found in marihuana, so instead of smoking a joint, you can set the mood by sharing some chocolate. You don't believe us? The popular Abstruse has been heard to say, "I want to die from a chocolate orgasm." After which exclamation both CharleyH and Lucky-E-leven nearly jumped her on the spot, thinking she wanted to be coated in it. Well, maybe she did too.
A lot of aphrodisiacs have an appearance that resembles genitals. Probably the best example is the asparagus. This vegetable however, has more than a suggestive form. It is rich in vitamin E and the research in Amsterdam confirmed the belief that this vitamin stimulates the production of our sex hormones. Another characteristic of asparagus consumption, which is generally not mentioned, is the smelly urine it causes the next day. It is now believed that this is due to methanethiol which is composed mostly of sulfur with a splash of hydrogen, plus some carbon, a brew famous for its effect in rotten eggs, cabbages and paper mills. But the real surprise is that methanethiol is a narcotic. Have you watched the antics of ChilledVodka during the Greco-Roman wrestling? He is known for his fondness of asparagus, a preference he shares with the elusive Cloudy. Although the preferences of Ms. Cloudy are entailing more interesting habits. She frequently hints at her Native American roots, but it is strongly believed she does that in order to be allowed a regular "peace" pipe, with Honey123 among others. This newspaper knows what kind of tobacco is in there. Why isn't the LOC acting on this?
Have you ever looked at fresh figs? Really looked at them when they are cut in half? Exactly, they have a remarkable resemblance to the female genitals. Figs contain a high percentage of calcium and magnesium and are very rich in carbohydrates. That makes them a valued source of energy for athletes. Yes, of course because magnesium converts blood sugar into energy and the high level of calcium helps maintain proper nerve and muscle function. The tremendous energy boost you can get from eating figs has been quite noticeable during the various Olympic events. Maybe you have not paid too much attention to one of the older participants? Next time you watch, keep your eye on Boxlicker101. He has a remarkable stamina for his age, which he showed clearly in the 4 x 100 relay and in the Nordic event. Some females even mentioned the fact that his behavior is sometimes close to lecherous. This paper learned from his greengrocer of more than 10 years, that Mr. Boxlicker has been starting his days with a portion of figs for the last decades.
Another interesting item on our list is pine nuts. These are high in protein, and have been eaten in Europe and Asia since the Paleolithic period. Like most nuts they contain a lot of magnesium, potassium and arginine. We already explained what magnesium does. Arginine is an amino acid that provides nitrogen, which in turn helps ensure quicker, larger, harder, and longer-lasting erections. Have you ever wondered what Rumple Foreskin is chewing all day long? Exactly, not chewing gum. Please remember his conduct during the cross-country and don't forget he was a Nordic champion in his time. If you want some more proof, just remember the way Pop-54 kept going in the Triple.
The next compound on the list of aphrodisiacs has already been extensively researched and the evidence is overwhelming. "Numerous studies have singled out carbohydrates as a critical nutrient in endurance exercise. Most of the studies to date have shown supplementation with glucose to provide the extra staying power. We were pleased to find that honey, a 'cocktail' of various natural sugars, performed just as well", stated Professor Richard Kreider, Ph.D., director of the University of Memphis Exercise and Sport Nutrition Laboratory.
No doubt Colleen Thomas will say she simply likes honey, apart from Ms. Hynde's honey, who is rumored to be her new lover. However, we have all seen how she bested Belegon, in more ways than one, we might add.
Chili Peppers are hot to the taste because of the "capsaicin", a chemical that stimulates the nerve endings, raises the pulse and makes you sweat. It was always thought these physiological similarities to sexual arousal put the chiles on the list of aphrodisiacs. The real surprise is that eating hot foods also triggers the release of endorphins, those body chemicals that gives us a natural high that is conducive to love-making. Maybe you do not really need to be convinced by now, but we will state a name all the same: Destinie21. Due to her Jamaican roots she has probably been exposed to hot food from a very early age, thus ensuring her high tolerance for it and explaining her enormous sexual appetite. You'll have no trouble finding some evidence for yourself.
Avocados may remind you of body parts, the nutrients inside them certainly have something to do with sex. Apart from the vitamin C and the iron, which are healthy anyway, the study also revealed high levels of magnesium and calcium again. We explained earlier that magnesium converts blood sugar into energy and that calcium helps maintain proper nerve and muscle function. Have you ever wondered about the way Cantdog functions? He was able to hold out quit some time at the Nordic.
Eggs are of course the symbol for fertility and therefore closely tied in with sexuality. But again, the substances found in this incredibly interesting study are definitely doing their part in maintaining the belief. Once again a high level of calcium is found. Apart from the various vitamins, eggs also contain very high levels of phosphor and potassium. Phosphor is necessary for the building of our bones and teeth, but it is also vital for the conversion of sugar into energy, just like magnesium. It also enhances endurance. Potassium is even more critical. This mineral conducts nerve impulses and is well known for increasing athletic performance. It does something else as well. It assists in muscle contraction. Did you know Jeanne d'Artois lives in the UK these days? Ever heard of the famous English breakfast with lots of eggs every day? You should no longer be surprised by the extremely uninhibited conduct this lady displayed during the opening ceremony. We were not able to find out anything about the diet of Vella_ms, but it would not surprise us if she turned out to be a vegetarian, given her performances up till now. We merely ask you to think back to her behavior at the Greco-Roman wrestling.
Damiana, or wild yam, was used as an aphrodisiac in the ancient Mayan civilization, as well as for "giddiness and loss of balance." A Spanish missionary first reported that the Mexican Indians made a drink from the damiana leaves, added sugar, and drank it for its purported power to enhance lovemaking.
The chemical composition of Damiana leaves is complex and all components are not yet identified but analysis shows that it contains chemicals that can increase sensitivity in the genitals. Damiana also has a reputation for inducing erotic dreams, when drunk at bedtime, although that property has not been proven in clinical trials.
Whatever the case, both Sub Joe and Minsue were observed on a regular basis with their hands between their legs. And it is a well-known fact that they both have a fondness for herbal teas which no doubt include some Damiana leaves. Please think back to the 4 x 100 relay for a minute and the gold medal winners.
Ever since the Dutch discovered the East Indies in the 17th century, their food has been enhanced with nutmeg. Soon after that the native rumors about the aphrodisiacal properties spread to Europe as well. You can probably guess what Satyr and Likker found. Nutmeg contains a substance called "myristicine". High levels of this component have been known to cause hallucinations and excessive intake can be very dangerous. Apart from the effect of myristicine on the awareness however, there is another interesting fact. Nutmeg oil carries ethereal oils that are established as precursors for psychedelic substances like mescaline.
Oh yes, you better believe it, adding nutmeg to your diet on a regular basis makes you horny as hell. Proof is easily found by looking at contestants like Oggbashan and Edward Teach. Both men did very well during the 4 x 100 relay for instance.
After presenting you with all these facts, it is obvious what question needs to be asked based on these findings:
WHAT IS THE LITEROTICA OLYMPIC COMMITTEE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS FLAGRANT DISREGARD OF THE RULES?
It is our firm belief the public has a right to fair games and we think it is no more than common decency to increase the number of taste tests. If necessary before and after every event.
The aforementioned inside sources confirm that Mr. A7inchPhildo agrees with our stance and it's likely that his colleagues will not raise objections either. Let's hope the LOC knows its responsibility and acts in a timely manner.
Note from the editor: the fact that the writer of this article happens to be of Dutch descent is entirely accidental and the chief editor likes to express his firm belief that Black Tulip is completely nutmeg free.
I would like to end this article with a very strong warning. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! The various substances and chemicals are for real. But nothing was said about the necessary amounts or the sometimes very nasty side-effects due to huge quantities.