The Marketing Department

"Hey JB do you have a minute? There's something I need to run by you."

"Sure Jack, come on in and have a seat."

"Thanks. I'm wondering if I'm in over my head on this project. You know that this is the first time I've been a brand manager since I joined the company. It's been a tough climb to this position. I've been stumped because Klensall is a mature product; it's been around so long that my mother used it when she was a teenager. Hell, for all I know, my grandmother used it too. I know the company picked up the product when they acquired Cosel. But the acquisition was for the cosmetic line, which was where the real money was. All those teenagers buying makeup supposedly worn by long-legged lanky supermodels. Give me a break, have you ever seen anyone's daughter that looks like those women?"

"Yeah, I know. I've got two girls at home both trying to dress and look like they're ten years older than they really are. Marie keeps saying that maybe we ought to look into picking up a couple of chastity belts, if someone still makes them."

"I'm a little envious that you've even got such problems. Jill and I are facing some kind of fertility problem. We've been trying our damnedest for the past two years and we can't get the sperm and egg to properly hook up. The docs don't see anything wrong. My swimmers are plentiful and active, at least in a petri dish; and Jill seems to be ovulating normally. I think it was her gynecologist that said it could all be stress related. Well, I can attest to the fact that both of us are under lots of stress. But hell, what are we supposed to do, take a sabbatical? I mean let's get real now!"

"Well maybe the least you can do is take off for a couple of weeks together and go somewhere relaxing. When you get there, fuck like bunnies!"

"We're trying to do just that, but I've got to get some kind of marketing campaign off the ground first. I've been trying to figure how to increase the visibility of this product. As you know from the stint that you spent in the feminine hygiene group, it's pretty difficult for a man to come up with new ways to market these things."

"I know what you mean, but the reality is that you're being tested. If you can come through and even increase sales by 5%, you're looked upon as a rising star. It's management's throw 'em to the wolves theory. They think that if you can boost product sales in an area that you have no familiarity with and furthermore couldn't care less about, then you're a candidate for senior management. Hell, Sarah Young started off eight years ago in camping equipment. I don't think she's ever spent a single night in her entire life outdoors sleeping in a tent, only the finest percale sheets for her fair skin! She logged a 10 percent increase in sales within fifteen months and now she's a division VP."

"Hell JB, I know their thinking behind this and I've been wracking my brain to figure out a way to expand the use of this product. I even went back into the archives of the division to see how the product was developed and originally marketed. Do you know that the formula was originally purchased from a Cleveland pharmacist back in 1934? It seems as though the cosmetics company that we bought a couple of years ago was trying to get into the patent medicine game. Well it wasn't too many years later that the Food and Drug Administration was given the authority to put all the quack medicine peddlers out of business. So the company was left with barrels of this gooey stuff that they didn't know what to do with. Apparently an enterprising chemist at the company figured out that this combination of saponified fats and oils, a touch of alkali, and a couple of essential fragrances might make a good make-up remover. Well, not only did it work great but it was a natural fit with their existing product lines and got them off the hook with the FDA. It was a pretty profitable item as well. Seventy percent of that little eight-ounce jar is just water. The rest of the ingredients costs about eight cents or so based on bulk purchasing. You've got some packaging costs, distribution, and of course advertising. Even when you figure all that stuff in, we're making a real good profit on every jar. The real issue is expanding sales. Just because you can make a dollar per unit, you need to sell a lot of units to make any impact on the company's bottom line!"

"Jack, I know that feeling all to well. Two years ago, I was in the detergent division and talk about competitive. Not only was I competing against Lever and P&G, but I was competing against three other brands that we're marketing. I figured the way to move this one was to focus on men who do laundry. There are a significant number of men out there that are single and do wash their own clothes. I came up with a campaign to target this demographic group. The TV ad program ran only on sports events. Heck, we even got a former Heisman trophy winner to do a spot for us during the Super Bowl! I hit the men's magazines pretty hard too. Within the year we had captured over half of the male under 30 market! It was a big enough capture to increase sales 6 percent. When you consider the size of the market and the competition, it was a real coup. I got moved up and out with a nice bonus for the effort. What you need to do Jack is find a hook."

"That's why I'm here JB, I think I've found the hook. I'm just not sure how to use it. Here, take a look at this letter. It came to my attention yesterday. When I first read it I couldn't believe what I was reading."

"Holy shit Jack! This is really quite a hook if you use it properly. I think you're going to need a little more assistance on this project. In particular, we'll need a woman on this one... Janice, call Lucille Moore and see if she's free to join us for a meeting. Yes, I need her right now if she is available. Thanks... Jack, there are some subtleties here that we need to be careful about. You know the company is pretty conservative and it may be that this all falls apart in the end, but hell, let's give it a shot. Hi Luce, thanks for joining us."

"Hi guys, what's up?"

"Well Jack here has a hook on how to increase the market share for Klensall. However, as Jack will describe in a moment, this will require some tact. Before we get any further into this I want to make it clear that this conversation and any follow up stays between the three of us. Is that O.K. with each of you?"

"It's fine with me JB, go ahead Jack."

"O.K. Luce. I've already gone over some of this with JB. I received a letter yesterday from a woman in Milwaukee who has discovered an intriguing use for Klensall. It also solves a very interesting sexual problem that has concerned women for quite some time. Now I'm not presupposing that this is one of your problems, but I sure as hell know that it has given me pause on occasion. Anyway, this woman writes about the reluctance of her boyfriend, who apparently doesn't like to go down on her; she uses a more graphic term in the letter. It seems that it isn't the usual issue that's common when this comes up, that she tastes bad or he can't stand the smell. No, that's not it at all. What he complains about is that her vaginal effluent, my term, not her's, leaves a not unpleasant but noticeable musky odor on his skin for at least twelve hours. He's concerned about his coworkers noticing the next morning when he shows up for work. It seems that normal soap and water doesn't leave his face clean and fresh smelling. She's in limbo, in terms of sexual pleasure via that route, as he never gets to the oral job except on Saturday night. Well as you might expect, this has led to a number of fights between the two of them. He expects her to be ready, willing, and able to catch his tube lube in her mouth any day of the week but won't reciprocate. She writes that she finally had to tell him that it's only fair that his expectations should be in line with the reality of the situation."

"I can't wait to hear how Klensall brings about domestic tranquillity to this couple. The boyfriend sounds just like some guys that I've dated. Ugh, trolls; they should all be disposed of."

"I'm getting to that Luce. Anyway, she goes on to write that they were at a Halloween party last month, costumed to the nines. Apparently the party had a sexual theme and all of the partygoers had to come dressed appropriately. She dressed up as Salome and he as Jack the Ripper."

"Jack the Ripper?"

"Don't know why Luce, maybe the boyfriend was into serial assaults; she doesn't say anything beyond that. Anyway, there was the usual amount of drinking and flirting going on all evening long. She does say that he was turned on by all the cleavage on display that night and by the time they got back to her place he was ready for anything. No foreplay or anything, they headed straight for the bedroom and got right to it. Well, she was surprised as heck when, instead of trying to slip the dick in, he went down on her."

"I guess he was feeling a little guilty about ignoring her needs for so long."

"You're probably right on that count Luce. Well, as you might guess, she's so excited by this turn of events that she's, shall we say, extremely wet. He really goes to the task at hand and in no time flat she's getting to nirvana. She goes on to say that she has one of the best orgasms that she's ever had with him, I guess because of the spontaneity of it all. She doesn't say what other sexual activities took place that night; one can only guess. However, and here's the hook, the letter says that she noted something peculiar when she went to remove the make up from both their faces. He apparently had a bunch of stuff on his face to make him look demented. As was her practice, she got the Klensall and did a good job of getting both their pores clean and crystal clear. She was so elated by the evening's frolic that she leaned over to give him a big wet one on the cheek when she noticed that her sexual fragrance was gone, no lingering muskiness on his skin. Well, you can imagine that she's about to yell Eureka at the top of her lungs; no more excuses for not having oral sex on any night of the week. She tells him that he smells as fresh as a new born babe as the result of the Klensall and that he needn't worry about any after effects of their love making when he goes to work the next day."

"Get out of here Jack, you've got to be kidding me!!"

"No I'm not Luce, here's the letter; you can read it for yourself. She was pretty conscientious and repeated the experiment a couple of days later with the same result."

"Luce, I'm convinced that Jack has an opportunity to expand the use of Klensall in a rather unusual way. I called you in here because we need a woman to help out on the planning. We also need to see if this woman's claim is really true and then figure out how to market it. We can't come out with the crude and obvious, you know, eat your honey – Klensall will clean up after. The company won't stand for that. Now Jack is willing to give Klensall a try with Jill. I don't know whether you've got a beau at present, but we need to have a woman evaluate this as well."

"JB, I'm in between right now. However, my girlfriend Joan has a steady guy. I can see if she's interested in helping out on this."

"Approach her carefully Luce. As I said at the outset, we have really got to keep a lid on this one."

"Understood JB. I'll simply tell her that I heard through the grapevine that Klensall cleans up more than makeup and that I'm curious whether this is true or not. She's a really good friend and I think that I can trust her to keep things to herself."

"Sounds good. Why don't we plan on meeting back here next first thing next week to see where things stand. In the mean time I will ask Bob in legal for an opinion about whether any claims made about this use will run afoul of the FDA. Those damn Washington bureaucrats are taking a hard line on almost any kind of cosmetic advertising. I'm pretty sure that this wouldn't be any kind of health claim, but I'll feel much better once legal has a look see. Bob'll keep this all under his hat. Jack, thanks for bringing this one to me; Luce, I'll look forward to hearing what you can find out."

"Thanks guys, this one should be plenty interesting if it pans out."

"You bet Luce, see you next week JB."

***********

"Hello."

"Hi Joanie, I hope I didn't catch you in the middle of something."

"Oh hi Luce, no sweat, I'm just out of the shower and finishing drying my hair. What's up?"

"What's up!! Come clean Joanie, how'd it go last night?"

"You want all the down and dirty, or just the results?"

"Both! But give me a quick one on the results."

"Well Luce, I think you guys have a hit product on your hands! Klensall does the trick. It eliminated any hint of any after-love scent from his skin. I don't know how this stuff works but I can tell you that you're going to have a lot of happy girls when the word gets out. I was just about to call Julie when you called."

"Hold on there Joanie, I don't want you telling anyone about this just yet. We're set to meet early next week to discuss the rollout campaign. You're going to have to keep this one under wraps for at least another week. You can use it on Jim as much as you need to but mum's the word to anyone else. O.K?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Now go ahead and tell me what happened!"

"Well, we had opera tickets last night, Lucia di Lammermoor; you know the one that's set in Scotland and the bride goes berserk at the end of the opera, killing the bridegroom. She's got this wonderful mad scene walking down the stairs in a bloodstained wedding gown clutching the blood-drenched dagger in her hand. Well, when she concludes her aria the house erupts with applause. I whispered to Jim that her craziness at that moment is how I feel when PMS hits. I think he'll be a little more sympathetic next go around, fearing I'll go after him with a knife. Anyway, it was an unbelievable performance, great singing all around. After the opera was over we went backstage; it turns out that Jim and the tenor who played Edgardo went to college together. So we were able to meet all the singers and have our pictures taken. By the time we left the theater it was already a little after eleven. It was my weekend to host the sleep over which was a good thing because Jim lives clear across town and I sure wasn't in the mood for a long drive back."

"Doesn't he live close to me?"

"Yeah Luce, he lives in that town house complex, a half mile down Eastway. Anyway, we got back to my place and turned on the gas burner in the fireplace. I'm really glad that I had that installed since it adds such a romantic touch on these cold winter nights. We like to cuddle on the couch in the living room to kind of get our fuses lit for the fireworks that will come later. I had already changed into that black satin night set; you know the one, the long negligee with matching sashed robe. I really like the way it sets off my red hair. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch with a cognac and Jim joined me; he'd changed into a dressing robe as well. I didn't get but a sip or two of the brandy when he leaned over and kissed me. It was one of those 'thanks for a wonderful evening' kisses, you know the lips meet and softly press against one another. Sometimes I think they're nicer than the 'grind 'em together and stuff the tongue in your mouth' kiss. I told him that I really enjoyed the opera and especially meeting his friend and the other singers afterwards. He had his right arm around me at that moment and I was snuggled tightly against his chest just under his chin looking at the dance of the flames in the fireplace. I told him that I had a special treat in store for him."

"Joanie, can you hold on a moment? Someone's trying to get through on call waiting."

"Sure thing."

"Thanks, it was just Jack wanting to tell me his experience with Klensall. I told him I'd call him back."

"Anyway, we're both sitting there looking at the fire and I'm thinking that this is really a pretty nice guy that I'm with. I must confess that the Klensall test was the furthest thing from my mind, but I had put it out on the night table so I wouldn't forget. I had already slipped my right hand underneath his robe and was idly stroking his thigh. You know you always think that guys skin is rough; well, maybe their hands are, but I've always found that their inner thighs are almost as smooth as ours. I was nice and comfy, just sitting there exploring the upper reaches of his thighs. His legs were slightly spread allowing me access to his balls and cock. I reached up a little more to cup his balls and roll them gently in my hand. I've always had this thing for balls; our sex organ is smooth and rounded. They've got this little package containing one half of the life essence and a lovely rod to deliver it with. It's enough to make believe in some kind of divine creator! Anyway, his prick began to stiffen noticeably as I kept rolling the two nuggets together. Then I took the tip of his cock between my thumb and forefinger and rubbed the emerging droplet of love oil gently around it. Of course this only made him start to ooze even more so I continued to massage the emission all up and down his cock, bringing it to full erection. He started to give me little love kisses on the side of my neck and started to gently tweak my nipples with his left hand. Of course there's nothing like satin on your skin to heighten the sensation of a man's touch. By this time my hand was thoroughly coated. I gently squeezed a drop of joy juice onto my index finger and, after I held it out for him to see, I sucked on the finger savoring the flavor. I leaned over and whispered in his ear that since we had eaten before the opera, I was getting a little hungry and wanted desert. However, being the nice hostess that I am, I wanted him to have his just dessert too. Well, of course how could any man turn down an offer like that? We quickly made our way into the bedroom, ending up in a tangle of arms and legs on the bed. Our lips met and tongues intertwined as each of us tried to suck out the other's tongue. This went on for several minutes as hands groped for breasts, cock, balls, and pussy. I finally pushed him back on the bed and pulled his hand away from my ever-wetting love box. His robe was already half opened from all the wrestling that had taken place so it wasn't too hard to undo the sash, opening his whole body to my kisses. I gave him one last deep tongue kiss and moved down his body kiss by kiss until I was staring right at the head of his swollen cock. I saw a sheen of light reflecting off of the smooth fluids that coated his organ. Of course this only made me more hungry for his come, so I moved quickly to capture....."

"Sorry Joanie, someone is trying to ring through. Hold on a sec... Sorry, it was Jan, confirming our tennis date for this afternoon."

"Damn it Luce, you're suffering from a major case of phonus interuptus. Why don't you get answer call? At least that way you won't have to be rude to all your callers."

"You're right Joanie, I'll get this taken care of next week. Anyway, continue."

"Well, before your tennis buddy Jan called, I was resting on my elbow staring at this cock that was shimmering in the light, waiting to be sucked dry. I gave it some quick licks exchanging some of my saliva for the sweet taste of his emissions. That first taste triggered an overwhelming desire to get the whole load as fast as possible. I went down on his prick with a vengeance; I knew that the quicker I finished him off the faster he would get to me. With a quick suck I engulfed the head of his cock. It must have been the combination of the light vacuum, tongue swirls and how I massaged his balls, but in no time flat I had my syrupy dessert. It never fails with him, after an oralie he gets energized; most of my former boyfriends would just nod off. We swapped places. He likes to be kneeling at the foot of the bed with my honey pot slightly elevated so that it's even with his mouth. He didn't hesitate for a moment, diving right in and licking the nectar that was coating the quivering nether lips. It didn't take long for him to finish lapping up the juice that had oozed out before he hit my clit with the end of his tongue. Oh my God, did this ever start me up the road to the big O. He has this thing that he does with his tongue that's unbelievable; something that I've never had another man do to me. He gave the love nub a couple of flicks and then he stuck his tongue deep inside my love nest and started swirling it around back and forth, in and out, the same kind of motion you see in a washing machine."