The Medical Record Ch. 05

Chapter 05: Final Chapter

I found a motel just off the Interstate and only three blocks from the hospital where I did ER Doc for them. After getting unpacked, my first call was to the ER to ask them to call me on my cell phone only. This was for scheduling purposes. In as much as possible, I wanted stability in my life. Since my home life was going to be chaotic, I wanted my professional life to be stable. I also wanted to be busy so I called the ER Chief and volunteered for additional shifts. He was more than happy to oblige so I was set with additional income possibly for lawyers and counselors plus less time on my hands to brood over my marital problems. This also put me in town more as I figured I would have to see a lawyer and counselors and god knows who all else.

I wanted a time out; to disengage, not to disappear or runaway from the problem. I knew Janet was going to be a problem that would take up considerable time so I needed to be available locally. There was nothing in me that said "run away, throw her away".

Strangely enough, I slept well that night. Taking action had actually relieved me of some depression and anxiety. The next morning I determined to call Janet to let her know where I was but that I was not interested in talking to her yet.

Our home phone rang as I called home for the first time since I walked out.

"Hello" It was Janet's voice.

"Janet, John here. Listen, I'm really sorry for allowing everything to happen and degenerate to where we are now. I'm staying at the Red Oak Motor Lodge off the interstate near Memorial Hospital. I don't want to talk about what has happened yet. Give me some room and time then we can talk."

"John, please come home. This is all a terrible misunderstanding. You have made a mountain out of a mole hill." She wailed into the phone.

"Janet, I'm not going to talk about it now. You and I disagree on the gravity and seriousness of the situation. Don't call me. I will call you soon. Try to think about this from my perspective. I need time to think about this. Talk later. Bye." I hung up.

Immediately the phone rang again but I wouldn't pick up. I figured it would be Janet wanting to tell me how wrong I was.

After breakfast at the motel's restaurant, I returned to my room to dress out for a jog and work out. I needed my endorphins working. As I jogged, my mind went to work. First I thought of how I should have acted on my intuition that told me the swap could only bring bad to my marriage. I determined not to be weak and give in again like that. Another show of weakness would set me up again for even worse things.

I began to review what I considered to be the biggest problems. I wanted to get my thoughts organized with the major problem first then the others in order.

My jogging path was quite different from my usual one so I had to concentrate on my jogging. After a couple of miles, I was sufficiently tired and hot and sweaty to return to my room feeling considerably better. I disrobed, showered. Slipped on my bathing suit, took my sun screen and towel then headed for the Motel's outdoor pool. I took paper and pen with me.

At poolside, I was alone. Motel pools are used mainly in the late afternoons and evenings. The sun felt good on my bare legs as I rubbed in sun screen. I tried to ;remember the order in which I had written down the restrictions on our agreement Janet and I had made with Bob and Jennifer before the swap. My mind was still not working clearly.

The thing that aggravated me most was hearing Janet making plans for a clandestine meeting with Bob. That was the straw that broke the camels back for me. That is why I was in a motel room instead of at home. By making the call and making the plan she had broken several of our agreements. We had agreed not to agree to another meeting right off the bat. It also broke with our agreement not to meet independently or secretly. I felt anger welling up again. Even worse was how she did it right after promising not to. Surely she knew I would be listening in again. Was she sending me some kind of perverse message of defiance?

That was the last problem but was it the primary problem. I needed to think about that. Listing the issues would help me prioritize them later. I thought of this like approaching a patient. Her talking to Bob was like a chief complaint. Now I needed to go through the "Present Illness". These are the factors relating to the Chief Complaint. When did it start? Who was involved? Where did it occur? What made it better or worse? What was it associated with? I had to put my intuition on hold until the scientific process had been completed. Then I could make some rational guesses if the issues were not crystal clear.

The next thought to invade my mind was how she could ease up to me, promise me I was her only love, then immediately set out to undermine my fragile trust in her. We had lived together for twenty years without a hint of such unacceptable behavior. It appeared as if the polluting of her mind by the idea of sex outside of marriage had changed her. I wondered how that idea had gotten hold of her. Had Jennifer been involved in this? Had Jennifer convinced my wife to experiment? Maybe it had been Sis? Maybe it had been from magazines or from the internet? Who or what had planted the seed and watered it. Wherever it had originated, it had taken hold of her in such a manner as to ruin our marriage trust.

Was this a phase or a more permanent change? Could it be turned around? Could I ever trust her again? Did I have to trust her to be happy? Maybe I could live knowing that she wanted and was receiving sexual attention from others? What if she wanted a female with female experience? What if? There were to many questions to be answered. My mind was cluttered and my emotions blurred my thinking. I went inside to get an antacid to calm my churning stomach. It didn't help much.

I thought I knew where to start but I didn't. I took the advice of an author I once knew. I had asked him how to start writing stories. He told me. Just start. Start writing and let your thoughts flow then edit and organize. So I just began, not knowing where to begin or what direction my thoughts would go.

I began to write down the problems and my questions. I was feeling a little better by getting a little bit better organized thoughts. I brooded for a while on each question. I tried to get a 'feel' for all this. I didn't want my intuition to help me yet. I really didn't know if my marriage would survive or even if I wanted it to. What I did know was that I wanted all this to not have happened and for it to be over with soon. I vowed to not let this become a chronic unsolved problem.

I put my papers aside and dove into the swimming pool to cool off. After several short laps (the pool was not that big) I got out and headed for my room. The light on he telephone was blinking, telling me I had a message. After drying off and dressing, I called the front desk for the call message. It was from, who else, Janet. I decided to call her back. My cell phone had been off and showed several messages from her. These I deleted without listening to the messages from Janet.

I called her.

"Hello." Janet spoke calmly.

"Janet, John here. You called. I've been poolside here at the motel alone, thinking and writing some things down. What do you want?"

"Look, John. Nothing gets solved by running away. You have to come home." She sounded more than a little pissed at me.

"Janet, I don't have to do anything except breath and pay taxes. So don't go ordering me around." I was firm.

"I'm sorry, John. I didn't mean it to be that way. It's just that we cant solve this with you gone. Quit crying in your beer and let's talk this out." I detected a note of sarcasm which angered me. Who is she to be sarcastic with me?

"Janet, I'm in no mood for sarcasm. I called you back as a courtesy to you, so get off your high hat."

"Well, you are the one that ran away, not me." I noted again the tone of accusation.

"Janet, I'm not going to argue over the phone. In fact, I'm not going to argue at all. I didn't run away, as you put it. I just called a unilateral "time out". We have done this a hundred times over when the kids got into a fight. I'm just backing off so my emotions don't force me to say hurtful things that will make a solution more difficult. So why did you call me. I told you I would call you when I'm ready to talk."

"John, I'm ready to talk this out. You have to come home for that to happen, so come on home and no sneaking in to listen to my private phone calls either. Just come on home, please."

She had touched a sore spot. I could pick up my phone anytime I wanted to. I had an obligation to know if she was fucking around on me. It was an obligation to myself. I figured she had made that reference to the phone calls for a purpose. She wasn't ready to talk, she was ready to fight to get her way and I was not going to participate. What had gotten into her. This wasn't like her at all. I was beginning to recognize how deeply things had changed and it disturbed me just as deeply.

"Janet, you just convinced me not to come home. I was going to suggest we meet and talk but I know now you really aren't ready to listen. It appears to me all you want to do is lay all the problems at my feet and get me to give in. Don't bother to call me back. I'll call you when I'm good and ready. That may be lots longer than I had thought before you told me I couldn't use my own phone in my own house. You don't sound conciliatory and my emotions are still in control. Let's just say, I'm angry and hurt and not able to talk rationally yet. Oh, by the way, Janet. If you fuck Bob or anyone else, just consider our marriage as over, as in permanent." I hung up without waiting for a reply.

I recognized that my leaving had been a good thing. Her emotions and mine were still in command of our tongues. If we were to meet now, we would just argue. That would definitely make reconciliation harder.

I thought "How could she not regret talking to Bob and making plans to fuck him again?"

I called Bob's home number. He had to know what was going on and I needed to warn him off her.

"Hi, This is Jennifer" was the answer on the third ring.

"Hi, Jennifer. John here. Is Bob available to talk?"

"John, oh my god, What's going on with you and Janet? She called me and told me you walked out on her. I'm so sorry. This is terrible. You all are such good friends. I had no idea you were having serious problems." She kept going on and on.

I interrupted her. "Jennifer, hang on a minute. You and me can talk about this later. Is Bob there?"

"Yes, hang on. I'll get him."

"John, thanks for calling. I heard the bad news that you and Jennifer are breaking up." He sounded like he always did.

"Bob, we are not breaking up. I have called a time out. Janet and I have a problem that arguing won't solve so I backed off for a while. I also have a major problem with you. In fact, I'm really disappointed and not a little angry with you. Hear me out!" I was emphatic.

"The reason I walked out on Janet is because we all had promised that she would not to talk to you independently and privately. She and you violated that. To make things even worse, I was listening in. I heard you making plans to meet privately. I suppose you all were planning a private fuck session. That really did it for me with her and maybe with you to."

"John, it's not what you are thinking. We.." I interrupted him.

"Bob, I know what I heard and it is exactly what I am thinking. Here's the deal. Janet is to have NO communication with you either directly or indirectly through Jennifer until Janet and I get this problem under control. I have to nip this infidelity thing in the bud between you two. I want my monogamous marriage to survive. I am not separating from her. I just need a 'time out' to allow me to settle down. We may need marriage counseling. You know how that can help. Since you are part of the problem, now I have to find someone neither of us knows. "

"Okay, John. Have it your way. Just don't condemn to early."

"Bob, do me a big favor and if Janet wants to talk to you, please, please, just beg off. This is a real sore point with me whether it's rational or not is not the issue, it's real to me. Thanks." I hung up before he could answer or agree. I didn't want to hear from him. He now knew how serious I was and how disturbed I was. All I wanted to do was deliver that message to him clearly.

In solving problems, the first thing is to stop letting it get worse. In this case, stopping Janet and Bob from any further planning was paramount. If she persisted then there was no hope for reconciliation and I should plan a future without her. I felt better but not good yet.

My next call was to Sis. Fortunately she answered at work right away.

As the phone was answered I started. "Hi Sis, John here. Do you have a minute in private for me?" I waited for an answer.

"John, What in the world is going on. Janet called me and told me you just up and walked out on her. She was mad at you but hurt to." Sis waited for me to speak.

"Sis, what happened is that we got into an argument and I wanted a time out. We are not separating, at least not as of now. What happened is up to Janet to tell you if she wants to. I just called to give you a heads up and ask you and Dick to not make any premature judgments. Janet knows where I am but she is not ready to talk to me. She thinks she is but I don't think so."

"Janet didn't tell me everything but she said she thought you were way over reacting."

"That's one of the problems, Sis. She sees this as nothing serious and I see it as a marriage breaker. I'm ready to talk about it when I get my emotions and thoughts together, but not now. You have been through successful marriage counseling so when this all comes out in the open with you and Dick, I think you will understand me. Incidentally, we are going to need a counselor. Could you give me the name and number of the one you used. You and Dick worked through some difficult issues so you must have had a good counselor."

"John, his name is Anthony Pista. He is Italian by family name only. He's older with lots of experience. You will like him. He doesn't pull punches so to speak." She gave me his number. His office was only about 15 miles away all by freeway so getting their was no problem.

My next call was back to Janet. I had not worked any more on my list but knew I would have time to do that.

"Hello." Janet's voice sounded a little down this time.

"Janet, John here. I have the name of a marriage counselor.

"John, I don't need a shrink. Maybe you do but I don't. You need to come home so we can talk this out." She now sounded peeved.

"Janet, I believe we need some independent thinking help." I was firm.

"John, your insecurities have taken over your mind. You are not making sense. You are creating this problem. I don't understand why you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. You have this all wrong." She was getting increasingly agitated.

I interrupted her tirade again.

"Janet," now I was mad, "We are miles apart on this. We need neutral ground and a referee to solve this problem you made. The next time we talk it will be to tell you when the appointment is with the counselor. He is the one Sis and Dick used. Sis suggested we use him. I will not talk to you about our problem except in a counseling session. If you truly want to solve this problem, this will be your best opportunity." I could hear my voice raising in anger. She put everything on me. I wasn't going to accept total responsibility.

It was time for me to find someplace to live other than this expensive motel. Hopefully, the want adds would give me the answer, and they did. I moved that day into a small fully furnished efficiency apartment just two blocks from the hospital where I worked. Another move. My life was going down hill, I could feel it.

The next day I called the marriage counselor and got a morning appointment for the following day at 10 am. Then I drove back to my house where Janet lived. I rang the doorbell. Her car was in the garage so I thought she would be home. She wasn't home. She left no note as to where she had gone. Of course she wasn't expecting me so of course there was no note. But why was her car home and she was not?

I took some of my tools I needed plus a few other things I needed for housekeeping purposes. Then I left her a note as to my new address. I had no land line telephone but had my cell phone. The note read; Janet, I came home at 10 am and you were out. We have an appointment with Mr. Pista at ten am tomorrow. {I left his phone number and address}. Be there! John. I departed, locking he door and my life behind me. I wondered if she would show.

I called her cell phone. It was turned off so I left a voice mail message as to where to be, when and why. I called Sis and told her to ell Janet if she called. Sis didn't know where Janet was. I called Bob and Jennifer and they both said they didn't know where Janet was. I gave them the message for Janet. Be in counseling at ten the next morning or it's all over between us. They promised to tell her if they heard from her. (Somehow I didn't believe them)

The ball was clearly in her hands now. She had to decide and take action if the marriage was to survive. I felt better but not good.

I worked the noon to midnight shift that day.

The following day, I arrived at the counselors office at 9:45. His receptionist gave me a stack of papers to fill out. No threatening questions were included. By 10 am the papers were finished. The receptionist asked me to come with her and I met the counselor for the first time. I judged him to be about 55 years old. His handshake was firm and warm. His voice pleasant and his eyes bright and cheerful. He was really no taller than I was but maybe a few pounds heavier with clean shaven face.

"Mr. Williamson, Pleased to meet you. Please be seated."

He gestured toward an upholstered arm chair near a matching couch and adjacent to another matching chair.

"May I call you John?"

"Yes, thanks. How shall I address you?"

"Tony would be just fine if you wish." His voice was warm and reassuring.

"John why are you consulting me and what do you hope to accomplish with my help." His question was direct and to the point.

"Tony, I need to know whether or not my marriage can survive. I need to know if my wife truly wants our marriage to survive and then flourish once again. I need to know if I am the problem and if so, how can that be fixed. Is that okay? To be honest, I need someone I trust, to unload on. My wife and my best friends cannot be trusted." My voice faltered and wavered with emotion.

I continued, "Tony, I gave my wife an ultimatum also. Either she shows up for marriage counseling here, now or our marriage is over. I left her a note at home and left her a message in her cell phone mailbox. She isn't here. What am I to do, Tony?"

Are you sure she got the message, John. You didn't talk to her directly, I assume."

"I tried. I couldn't get hold of her. I left home last week and am now living in a small apartment. She has our house to live in. I went home yesterday hoping to see her. She had demanded I come home to talk to her but she was gone. Her cell phone was turned off. I called her sister. She didn't know where Janet was. I called my former friends house, the man she had made plans to commit adultery with. No one answered their phone. Ai even left the message for her to contact me. She never called. I have no idea where she is or what she is up to."

"John, do you have a cell phone?"

"Yes." I showed him my phone.

"Do you have any messages waiting or in your mailbox?"